Comments on: “How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?” http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-152036 Ox Drover Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:21:25 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-152036 Maria, I suggest that instead of trying to bore this stalker to death that you change your e mail, block him or whatever you have to do so that he CANNOT CONTACT YOU. I think there is nothing you are going to do to make him quit except block him. We call this NO CONTACT and it lets YOU TAKE BACK THE POWER to interact with (or not) anyone you want to. As long as he has access to your voice mails, e mails or messages then he WILL continue to stalk you and that is what this is is stalking. Every time you give him a response it is a REWARD for him. Even if there are 20 no contacts between each contact, that only shows him that he just has to keep it up 20 times until you respond. In the meantime learn here, there are wonderful and helpful insightful articles here on lovefraud. Glad you are here, it is a healing place. Maria,

I suggest that instead of trying to bore this stalker to death that you change your e mail, block him or whatever you have to do so that he CANNOT CONTACT YOU. I think there is nothing you are going to do to make him quit except block him.

We call this NO CONTACT and it lets YOU TAKE BACK THE POWER to interact with (or not) anyone you want to. As long as he has access to your voice mails, e mails or messages then he WILL continue to stalk you and that is what this is is stalking. Every time you give him a response it is a REWARD for him. Even if there are 20 no contacts between each contact, that only shows him that he just has to keep it up 20 times until you respond.

In the meantime learn here, there are wonderful and helpful insightful articles here on lovefraud. Glad you are here, it is a healing place.

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]]> By: skylar http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-152016 skylar Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:32:09 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-152016 Maria, so sorry you are dealing with this stalker. As long as you are talking to him and telling him that he has hurt you, he will keep stalking you. He likes to hear it. He likes the pain in your voice. It gives him a feeling of power to know that he is able to cause you pain. You might try using Gray Rock. That means don't give him any emotions. Don't let him see you happy or sad, be non-committal about EVERYTHING. He is looking to feed on your emotions, so don't give him any. Maria,
so sorry you are dealing with this stalker.
As long as you are talking to him and telling him that he has hurt you, he will keep stalking you. He likes to hear it. He likes the pain in your voice. It gives him a feeling of power to know that he is able to cause you pain.

You might try using Gray Rock. That means don’t give him any emotions. Don’t let him see you happy or sad, be non-committal about EVERYTHING. He is looking to feed on your emotions, so don’t give him any.

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]]> By: Maria44 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-152005 Maria44 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:48:29 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-152005 I'm just at the early stages of recovery from a bad experience with a spath, a guy I met through an online dating agency one year ago. He is still obsessed with me and even though I tell him that he does not love me, that he cannot love, only manipulate and control, he says everything is my fault that it is me who does not love him. I don't know what to tell him so that he stops writing me emails and phoning me. He just can't take no for an answer FGS. Can you give me feedback? Courage to all of you to carry on, we are worth it, we have a conscience. Thanks I’m just at the early stages of recovery from a bad experience with a spath, a guy I met through an online dating agency one year ago. He is still obsessed with me and even though I tell him that he does not love me, that he cannot love, only manipulate and control, he says everything is my fault that it is me who does not love him. I don’t know what to tell him so that he stops writing me emails and phoning me. He just can’t take no for an answer FGS.

Can you give me feedback?

Courage to all of you to carry on, we are worth it, we have a conscience.

Thanks

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]]> By: SuvivorAgain http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-146923 SuvivorAgain Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:52:19 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-146923 DenialMomma: Keep reading the blog Candy gave you. Be kind to yourself. Get sleep, eat well, and exercise. It really helps. Believe in your higher being. Mine is God. I left my spath the first time 10 years ago. I finally left him for good the second time and divorced him 3 years ago. It is very hard, but I know you can do it. Even if you loose everything. It is just STUFF. If you are hurt and your children are because you stay, what good is the STUFF. Everything can be replaced, but not our previous children and people that we love. DO NOT GO BACK. THEY DO NOT CHANGE. I made that mistake. Please learn from my mistake. Spath used the "love bombs" with me, telling me that my children need an intact home. NO. They need a loving home. Talk it out with us. We have been there. We will support you and help you as much as we can. Pray -- prayer is very powerful. Do not waste another minute with this evil monster. They are evil, master planners and manipulative. Save yourself and your previous children. Good Nite. DenialMomma: Keep reading the blog Candy gave you. Be kind to yourself. Get sleep, eat well, and exercise. It really helps.

Believe in your higher being. Mine is God.

I left my spath the first time 10 years ago. I finally left him for good the second time and divorced him 3 years ago. It is very hard, but I know you can do it. Even if you loose everything. It is just STUFF. If you are hurt and your children are because you stay, what good is the STUFF.

Everything can be replaced, but not our previous children and people that we love. DO NOT GO BACK. THEY DO NOT CHANGE.

I made that mistake. Please learn from my mistake. Spath used the “love bombs” with me, telling me that my children need an intact home. NO. They need a loving home.

Talk it out with us. We have been there. We will support you and help you as much as we can. Pray — prayer is very powerful.

Do not waste another minute with this evil monster. They are evil, master planners and manipulative. Save yourself and your previous children.

Good Nite.

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]]> By: callmeathena http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-142378 callmeathena Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:23:23 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-142378 Panther Wow. He sounds so warped. Keep your distance. Distance will give you clarity. Panther

Wow. He sounds so warped. Keep your distance. Distance will give you clarity.

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]]> By: Bels http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-142375 Bels Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:16:45 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-142375 After nine years without him and having rebuilt my life, some kind person gave him my address and he turned up on my doorstep! I told him where to go and he didn't bother me for a while. Unfortunately, however, the woman he was with after me and subsequently married committed suicide in the summer (I wonder why!). He then turned up on my doorstep again and every time his mouth moved I knew he was lying. He made me feel emotionally blackmailed because he was crying and carrying on and all I wanted was for him to go away. He then went on to say that he wanted to get back with me and I told him he was wasting his time as that would never happen so he then retorted that he had a girlfriend anyway! I told him I knew his girlfriend and had her number in my phone and that's when I saw a genuine emotion from him - worry that I may call her and tell her! Has anyone else had this sort of experience? I'm hoping that my actions may have seen him off but he is so thick skinned and pushy I'm afraid I'm not too optimistic. After nine years without him and having rebuilt my life, some kind person gave him my address and he turned up on my doorstep! I told him where to go and he didn’t bother me for a while. Unfortunately, however, the woman he was with after me and subsequently married committed suicide in the summer (I wonder why!). He then turned up on my doorstep again and every time his mouth moved I knew he was lying. He made me feel emotionally blackmailed because he was crying and carrying on and all I wanted was for him to go away. He then went on to say that he wanted to get back with me and I told him he was wasting his time as that would never happen so he then retorted that he had a girlfriend anyway! I told him I knew his girlfriend and had her number in my phone and that’s when I saw a genuine emotion from him – worry that I may call her and tell her!

Has anyone else had this sort of experience? I’m hoping that my actions may have seen him off but he is so thick skinned and pushy I’m afraid I’m not too optimistic.

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]]> By: panther http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-134885 panther Sun, 28 Aug 2011 07:55:16 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-134885 Another good one, though it gives me chills. This part: "sociopaths exploit those close to them to the point of death, then, cry at the funeral." To the very T! He strangled me nearly to death, then took me to the hospital with my torn esophagus. To this day, if you ask him about that night, he will go into a long monologue about how much HE suffers from this experience. I can barely wrap my head around this way of functioning....so basically you strangle your "love" nearly to death and then gee POOR YOU that as such a hard experience. Not EVER did he seem to grasp in the slightest that maybe, just maybe, it was a hard experience for ME too!!!!! I tried explaining this to him, and he would just respond that yes, this is why he suffers so greatly. Reminds me of parents saying: This will hurt me more than it hurts you. He feels what he tells himself he feels. I think he assigned "obsession" the label "true, selfless love" because he was ready and willing to cut off his own arm (selfless) in order to guarantee his dominion over me, and then he'd go on and on about his arm, the one he himself had cut off, as a way to demonstrate his devotion, but actually to further emotionally warp my senses. How he could rationalize -- Poor me! I strangled the woman I love! -- just BAFFLED me. Another good one, though it gives me chills.

This part: “sociopaths exploit those close to them to the point of death, then, cry at the funeral.”

To the very T!

He strangled me nearly to death, then took me to the hospital with my torn esophagus. To this day, if you ask him about that night, he will go into a long monologue about how much HE suffers from this experience. I can barely wrap my head around this way of functioning….so basically you strangle your “love” nearly to death and then gee POOR YOU that as such a hard experience. Not EVER did he seem to grasp in the slightest that maybe, just maybe, it was a hard experience for ME too!!!!! I tried explaining this to him, and he would just respond that yes, this is why he suffers so greatly. Reminds me of parents saying: This will hurt me more than it hurts you.

He feels what he tells himself he feels. I think he assigned “obsession” the label “true, selfless love” because he was ready and willing to cut off his own arm (selfless) in order to guarantee his dominion over me, and then he’d go on and on about his arm, the one he himself had cut off, as a way to demonstrate his devotion, but actually to further emotionally warp my senses. How he could rationalize — Poor me! I strangled the woman I love! — just BAFFLED me.

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]]> By: Hope to heal http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-133407 Hope to heal Sun, 14 Aug 2011 17:04:39 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-133407 Hens ~ you gave me a giggle with this one! Wouldn't that be a good way to pickle your feet?? walking in the moonshine... roflmao Hens ~ you gave me a giggle with this one! Wouldn’t that be a good way to pickle your feet?? walking in the moonshine… roflmao

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]]> By: Hens http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-133405 Hens Sun, 14 Aug 2011 16:56:12 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-133405 Dupey - Go for a walk in the moonshine, be adventurous ~! Dupey – Go for a walk in the moonshine, be adventurous ~!

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]]> By: DUPED NO MORE! http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/comment-page-14/#comment-133388 DUPED NO MORE! Sun, 14 Aug 2011 06:53:52 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/01/26/how-did-he-really-feel-and-what-did-he-want-from-me/#comment-133388 Oh my gosh: I just looked outside at the full moon! ::spath alert:: :P Oh my gosh: I just looked outside at the full moon!
::spath alert:: :P

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