“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”
PDF “Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder.
What is Impulse Control?
I’m sure many of you noticed that sociopaths have a lot of energy. Their minds come up with many plans and ideas. This energy would be a good thing if the sociopath could direct it toward positive goals. Sadly, however, the abundant energy sociopaths have leads them to pursue goals that damage others. The reason is poor impulse control. Sociopaths are unable to control the many impulses that come from their basic drives and emotions.
This poor impulse control causes sociopaths to be vulnerable to addictions of all kinds. Once these addictions are established, they are particularly resistant to treatment. Many have noted that the impulses sociopaths have are especially destructive. For example, sociopaths are often sexually driven. They may also be greedily driven to obtain possessions. However, the impulse to have power over others is the central defining impulse of sociopathy. Sociopaths expend most of their energy trying to gratify impulses related to having power and influence over others.
The desire for power
The desire for power has been very difficult for researchers to study. The reason is that unlike our other desires, there is no feeling associated with it. Think about it—when you want food, you are hungry. When you want affection, you are lonely. When you want entertainment, you are bored. When you want sex you’re…. The point is, how do you know when you want power? Researchers have established that this motive is completely beyond our conscious awareness!
Victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths
One of the main reasons why victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths is that the desire for power is non-conscious. People high in empathy make use of their knowledge of their own emotions to interpret the emotions of others. Can you see then why people who rely on empathy in interactions with others completely miss sociopaths? An empathetic person correctly observes that sociopaths enjoy the company of others. He/she then self-references his/her own feelings of affection with regard to enjoying other people. The victim is fooled into interpreting power motivations as affection-related motivations.
Power motivated people are high in testosterone
The power motive is directly related to testosterone levels in both men and women. This is likely also responsible for the hypersexual behavior seen in sociopaths. The relationship between testosterone and the desire for power is so strong that testosterone predicts dominance behavior better than psychological tests.
Many studies have shown that sociopaths do have higher testosterone levels both during adolescence and adulthood. This higher testosterone of male sociopaths may also make them more attractive to women. Women unconsciously sense male characteristics that indicate high testosterone and are attracted to these qualities.
Medications that “help” sociopaths
Medications that reduce overall energy and block driven behavior reduce problematic behavior in sociopaths. The medications that do this are called antipsychotic medications. They are also used to treat schizophrenia. The most commonly used anti-psychotic for adolescent and adult sociopaths is Risperdal. In the past, we used Thorazine for this purpose.
You may also wonder if castration works. Eliminating testosterone through either surgical or chemical castration does help some. However, removing testosterone does not restore Ability to Love and so does not really treat the underlying disorder.
Why me?
It is my hope that providing you with knowledge about this disorder will help you answer for yourself the “Why me?” question and will help you stop the self blame. We all can benefit from considering our own Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. The best thing for victims is to come out of this experience wiser and better.
written by Liane Leedom, M.D. • Permalink •
darwinsmom says:
Here’s a youtube link to experience the illusion… I’m having a VERY hard time to see the mask as hollow. It’s impossible for me.
The illusion is evidence that the mind makes sense of what the eyes are seeing from a top down model: if you see a nose, it must be sticking out, because it cannot be sticking in. So, our brain normally interpretes images by using set rules, dogmas, unless of course your brain has no innate dogmas of what the world should look like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbKw0_v2clo
And, I think that we’re not only hard wired to assume a nose is sticking out. Is it possible that we are hard wired to assume certain actions and words imply that someone loves us, when they don’t? Is it possible that we are hard wired top down to process a spath giving us even but a tenth of the lovebombing while 90% crap as loving?
I think comparisons can be made between the hollow mask illusion and a spath’s mask. The first is an optical illusion, the latter an emotional one.
Even with normal people: once you feel attracted to someone and notice them, how hard is it not to think that person must have noticed you and feel some attraction? From a rational point of view we can remind ourselves this is unlikely, and yet from an emotional point of view, it’s hard to maintain.
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FreeToBeMe58 says:
Darwinsmom, thank you for the link, that was very interesting. I agree with what you say which also explains why I spent 30 years seeing something that wasn’t there!
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Ana says:
Darwinsmom,
Thanks for that! I could actually see the person talking off to the right side of the mask. That is so crazy! I wonder if there is a way to see the nose concave if you look at it in a different way?
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Free2Bme,
Good for you! The “holidays” don’t have to be (for me at least) on THE “date” the calendar says they are….so we can celebrate “Christmas” on December 20th if that’s the date we can get together with those we love, or New Years on January 3 if that’s the time we can all get together! The point of any holiday I think is to enjoy the time with people that you care about and that care about you!
Thank you for your best wishes and we will enjoy each other and the spirit of the season and some great food. I’m looking forward to a great Thanksgiving with friends in my living history group! This is the 15th year we’ve celebrated at the state park and I think I’ve only missed 3 out of the 15….no matter how bad the weather or how bad off I was…one year I went with an IV line and IV antibiotics which I hung from the ridge pole of my tent! LOL
I’m coming home at night to sleep this year though, as it isn’t far from my home, and we have baby piggies, ducks and dogs to take care of so I can have a good time and still sleep in my OWN BED! Warm and toasty and DRY!
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skylar says:
Athena,
that is a fascinating optical illusion along with a fascinating article on schizophrenics.
My thoughts on the continuum are based on some of the things Cleckley wrote. He specifically said that the schizoid disorder is considered to be on the borderline of schizophrenia. He also used the words emotional immaturity in reference to various PD’s.
It is definitely interesting that schizophrenics can SEE through the illusion better because they are not blinded by human tendencies to assume how the face “should” look.
They are considered to be in a disintegrated state, such that the different parts of their brains are not being used in concert like ours are. But normal people go into states of disintegration at various stages of their lives. I know that I did when I found out what the spath was. And that’s when I lost my ability to spell!! It seems to me that before, I could spell flawlessly because I was using a visual and auditory process. Now it seems I’m just using the auditory process and sometimes stop using the visual process. Then I’ll mix up words like to, too, two – JUST LIKE SPATH DOES!
The mofo even slimed my spelling
So anyway, it would be interesting to see if a person who is going through a traumatic event would see through the illusion.
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callmeathena says:
Rothflao! Slimed your spelling!!!! Hahahahaha
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Alina says:
Hello everyone, happy Tuesday! Its been a wonderful day and it just got better. I just got home, opened my mail and there it was… an envelope from the DA’s office. My heart was pounding, my first thought was “darn I will need to testify” (which I probably will) but that was not it… it was a copy of a CLETS restraining order that is good for 3 YRS!!!!! pardon my french tonight but I just want to say “IN YOUR FACE MOTHER FUCKER!” — there I said it… hahaha. I am glad this judge didnt buy in to his “I am a good citizen, I coach for the HS baseball team coach soccer bull crap…” Thank you Lord! and thank you all that provided moral support when I was having my anxiety attack last week.
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Recovering says:
Is it common for these jerks to use aliases? Found out my ex crazy didn’t even tell all his victims his real name. What the hell? Why would they do this and how long do they think it would last?
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KatyDid says:
darwinsmom
Thanks for the link. that’s fun, just like the statues in Disneyworld’s Haunted Mansion!
Alina
WAY TO GO! LOVE celebrating other’s victories!!! Wrap yer arms around yer shoulders and give yerself a HUG. Will send mine telepathically… really, am so glad SOMEONE gets the court system in their favor once in a while, SOMEONE saw him as a threat to you. Bravo.
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Louise says:
Yay Alina!
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Ox Drover says:
Alina,
WAY TO GO!!!! TOWANDA!!!!
Well, now, a HS coach with a restraining order….does his school know about this? Hummmmmm? Shouldn’t a school know if a coach that works with kids is so off the wall that he has a restraining order against him? Hummmmm???
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Ox Drover says:
Sky,
The slimed your spelling is not as far out as you think. After the plane crash when the PTSD was at its worst, son D and I could NOT READ. Really, we couldn’t keep a thought from the first part of a sentence til the last.
My spelling has also gone to heck in a hand basket as well….and have word finding problems. So yes, the trauma does change the way we retrieve language as well as other things. I read slower now and can’t catch the detail like I used to do. I am learning to compensate but it has been difficult and I felt like a “retarded child” sometimes. Still do sometimes.
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Alina says:
Can anyone get in trouble for sending this type of announcement to the local newspaper? Would this be considered public information? I would love for the school and AYSO to find out who he really is… he is nasty to the baseball players too.
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Ox Drover says:
I don’t think the newspaper would publish it, but I would ask the DA if it is okay for you to send it to his school. You can also check with your COUNTY CLERK’s office because it may be “filed” there like a conviction would be or an arrest, and if so it is “public” information and you just make a copy and send it to whom ever you want to.
I would check with an attorney though to make sure you are not “smearing” his reputation, because there is a possibility he might be fired from his job. Essentially he has been “convicted” of being a threat to you. You have shown proof that there is a reasonable expectation that you should be afraid of him and that he should stay away from you. I’m NOT AN ATTORNEY though, so I would check with the DA’s office or an attorney of your choice before I did anything. If it is okay, I would do it.
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ErinBrock says:
Alina…..Kudos to you on the orders! You went, you followed through and you achieved! Good going girl!!!
NOW…..let me jsut remind you……take a breath…..and enjoy THIS moment. but this moment only.
Let this smoke settle……’letting’ these things out should be left for a bit…..let the dust settle. They are public information……they are searchable…..they are findable.
When the dish is cold…..and I mean COLD……you can start your seed planting campaigne.
I would HIGHLY recommend doing it all anonymously, or using an alias or even another trusted person to do it for you. It’s easy to do……but it takes time. It can be leaked easily……but if you rush it, it will look bad on you and NOT him! Reverse affect.
Don’t let your mind wander at this moment…..enjoy the moment only! Then, later……a plan can be devised.
I leaked the spaths arrest to the local paper…..but NEVER told anyone……when asked by my BEST friend, I said……NO…..I have NO IDEA how they found out. Those who knew me,,,,,knew. Those who didn’t, figured it was on the AP reports….and it was. I didn’t need credit….I just needed the info ‘out there’. One of my better moves.
I also ‘accidently’ dropped some documents in the grocery store. I live in a small commmunity and knew it would get out if ANYONE found it…..it started the buzz……
Just sayin…..there are plenty of ways…..but ya gotta take your footprints off of it. Wait it out for the doubt!
Kudos to you darlen…..empowerment! Enjoy it!
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Alina says:
Thank you! — Yes I am enjoying the moment. I am thankful and glad that he is out of my life. I know he HATES ME for doing this ( he did it to himself ) and I am pretty certain that he will move on to his new victim while playing the victim himself.
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Ox Drover says:
Good advice, EB!
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Alina says:
Since the incident I was determined to get close to the who is who in the community and I now have detectives, police officers, councilmen and even the chief of police on my social circle. I am also spending free time at a local shelter for DV victims. My goal is to assist the victims advocacy program in my community and without naming names, he will be unmasked.
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Alina,
Good for you! TOWANDA!!! That is a good use of your time and efforts and will in the long run be more benefit to you than to others! Helping others helps us help ourselves!
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skylar says:
Alina,
good advice from EB. Don’t let this come from you.
The judge gave you the benefit of the doubt because it is safer to believe you than not to. But if you start behaving like a vindictive person, the next time might not go so well.
Be the innocent party. Find out what kind of background checks get done on teachers and coaches. Make friends with people on the PTA, then take it SLOWLY from there.
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