I’m with one/joy_step_at_a_time (and Ox and Sky)

“if you are only supposed to be communicating via a journal – you have to stop communicating any other way. right? ”

This applies to if you point out to him that it is court-ordered that ONLY the journal be used – USE THE JOURNAL TO SAY THIS!!!!! (as my wise friends have already said)

DON’T REPLY in the journal to EMAILS – he is NOT supposed to be sending them, and NEITHER ARE YOU.

DO print them out and keep copies – set up a separate file (sounds like you might have already done so) and keep everything in chronological order. Photocopy (or photograph) EVERY journal entry – yours AND his and file the copies with the email copies. You never know when you may need evidence.

DON’T make yourself look just as bad as he does by responding by email – you can hardly complain to the court at some later stage that “he broke the rules” if you are also breaking them.

My brother had a journal that went back and forth with his two kids to his ex-wife. I begged him to copy the pages every time (she was very manipulative and a liar in court) but he took a casual attitude, telling me that “if he needed it, the evidence was all there in the journal…he would just take it to court with him if he needed to”. Guess what? When it got to that point (as it usually does with these people), the journal came back to him with all of incriminating pages ripped out. He was never able to prove any of the wicked things she said and threatened.

Don’t take this lightly. I know it’s a pain but let’s face it, it HAS to be better than living with him, right? Copy them, file them, put the file away where it doesn’t hit you in the face every day.
Just like insurance…

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Gotta make a hospital run so catch you guys later. (((hugs))) Oxy

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However, correcting this issue is not SO simple as we have been using e-mail liberally throughout the 2 year long, legal process, only to have it finalized at the end of March.
It is habit for each of us.
Even in the beginning of April, I thought it was hypocritical for me to tell him not to contact me that way, but I DO think it best that I be consistent in setting an example and only using the Journal myself.
Then, if he asks why I don’t respond to his e-mails I can point him to the agreement.

Sound good?

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I love that part about visualizing him as a baby in a soiled diaper! That helped me instantly…getting that vision in my head about my X spath and the OW…this is going to help me tremendously! Sometimes it’s the small things…

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Your emotions should NOT be what you use to make decisions. Just because you think your emotions will bother you for 3 days, is not a reason to make your life worse in the future. If you are not abiding by the agreement to only use the journal, then you are setting a precedence, showing a capriciousness that you will abide with the agreement when it suits you and not when it doesn’t. YOU CAN’T DO THAT.

If it helps you can try to do some visualization. When Jerk contacts you, imagine him in a diaper, sucking on a binky typing up the emails. During this typing session he poops his diaper as he gets himself worked up in a rage. He just sits in his poop and doesn’t even notice.

Now, imagine yourself. You are the adult professional, filled with sage wisdom and see the baby for what it is: an infant, acting out and pooping it’s pants. That infant has a new mother (his new gf) and his diaper is not your responsibility, so you remove yourself from the odor. It’s all you are required to do. You also have the responsibilty to write in the journal, so you will do so. You will NOT respond to anything that is not in the journal. But, in the journal you will make a note that you did receive an email from Jerkface and that you can’t, unfortunately respond to it because it isn’t in the journal, per the agreement.

FAD, if you keep visualizing him as a baby in a soiled diaper, then his words will take on a new meaning. The real meaning is that he wants attention and drama. There is no other meaning.

If anyone questions why you adhere so vehmently to the rules, simply respond that you’ve found him to be extremely manipulitive in the past and prefer to take that power away from him.

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(also, you know to keep a xerox copy of the journal JUST IN CASE IT “ACCIDENTLY” GETS LOST…..)

Interesting point that Jerkface doesn’t write in it but his wife does…..that might be brought up later in court if he does jerk you back to court…but I wouldn’t respond to that “threat” let him have you served before you worry about it.

Hang on darling! I know it MUST BE FRUSTRATING enough to make you want to pull your hair out! ((((hugs))))

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Yes. More often I will reply to his e-mails in the journal.

On occasion, and in this case, I replied via e-mail.
I just wanted to get it done with. I know if I don’t it will weigh on me, and the journal isn’t going back to him till June 1. So it would be days of me thinking on my reply and wondering about his response.

CANDY,

That’s right! I AM doing a great job!
Just have to get better about ignoring and keeping it short and sweet.

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