He or she is a sociopath—now what?
Before you figure out that you’re involved with a sociopath, your dominant state of mind in the relationship is confusion.
There are times when he (or she) is the most charming person on Earth. But he has been lying to you for so long that you don’t know what is true and what is false. One day he says the two of you are soul mates, the next day he beats you. You’re walking around on eggshells, never sure when a minor issue will send him into a rage.
Nothing makes any sense—until you realize that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Then suddenly, like a bright light coming on in a dark room, it all makes sense.
But now, if you’re still involved with the predator, you have to decide what to do. People who have been targeted—including me—give this basic advice: Get him out of your life.
Unfortunately, this can be tricky. He may have left you financially destitute. When you leave, he could come after you—with a smear campaign or violence. If there are children, the sociopath can act like responsible a parent in family court—so he wins the right to continue torturing you through the kids.
I’ve just added a section to Lovefraud.com called “Leaving the sociopath.” It’s a summary of tips and advice on how to get out and move on. It’s based on my experience and the experience of others who have been through it.
I am especially grateful to the members of MSN Psychopath, an online support group. Several have contributed their insights, and I’ve linked to some of their many resource documents.
Once you realize you’re involved with a sociopath, you must do something about it. They will not change. I hope “Leaving the sociopath” is helpful.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Maggie says:
Yes, I know exactly what you mean Donna.
I had wondered for weeks, no months, why a fifty year old professional man would behave so bizarrely, then one day last month I realized the truth and EVERYTHING made sense.
The books “The Sociopath Next Door” has been a big help in explaining why these “people” do the things they do….
Thanks for this website. It has been an ENORMOUS help to me the last few weeks!
Maggie
Wednesday, 15 February 2006 @ 10:32pm
chettibo says:
It cuts both ways. I had a two year relationship with a women, that was finally I realized, a sociopathic personality.
Eggshells, I think they have stock in them. And let’s not forget the many affairs. Reckless and without remorse.
Projection is their game. Your the problem, a great foisting of responsibility. Master of manipulation, she often would have one of her many lovers, leave the house, through the back door and I entered the front door.
Tuesday, 21 March 2006 @ 9:46pm
Deanna Frazier says:
I had an unbelievable experience with a guy in Dallas and I do workshops for people over 45 getting back into the dating scene and if I hadn’t had my personal situation with a sociopath, I would not be able to understand. So the good news I can speak from my own experience. I am putting my story on my blog.
Boy are you right, he still comes back every few months and the calls begin. I have his email blocked but he sure is persistent. The telephone company doesn’t allow you to block a cell number, which is all he uses. I just don’t answer the phone. He called the other night 3 in the morning and shocked me.
My site is www.theuniversityofdationg.com and recommending that everyone read this website. Thanks Donna.
Sunday, 16 April 2006 @ 4:35pm