How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Online summit: How to recover from a narcissistic mother 

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Most people whom I coach reach out to me because they’re dealing with a disordered partner. But what originally made them vulnerable to the exploiter? Often, they realize they’ve become romantically involved with someone who is just like their mother. Growing up with a narcissistic mother profoundly affects you. To comply with her demands and criticism, you may become a perfectionist. Or a people pleaser. And research shows that abuse as a child makes you vulnerable to hooking up with a sociopath as an adult. I am pleased to be part of a FREE upcoming online event called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. For three days, Sept. 23-25, Laura K. Connell is bringing you int …

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Healthy shame, toxic shame and sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2025. As human beings, we’re not perfect, and sometimes we learn this the hard way. Shame is the unpleasant, unsettling emotion that we feel when we discover a defect in ourselves. Although we feel badly, shame can actually be constructive — it can motivate us to learn, improve, or make amends. This is healthy shame. Toxic shame, however, is destructive; we feel weak, pathetic and worthless. Sociopaths never feel healthy shame, and they push us to feel toxic shame. At the most basic level, shame is a defense mechanism, according to the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM). It enables us to learn how to keep ourselves safe from harm. Thi …

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Explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency

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UPDATED FOR 2025. When we face difficulties and hardship in life, we try to find meaning in the experience. This is certainly the case with all of us who have tangled with sociopaths. We ask, how did this happen? More importantly, why did this happen? Many people have answered the questions by explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency. In fact, for some people, explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency is comforting. This is the point of a study entitled, The lived experience of codependency: an interpretative phenomenological analysis, by Ingrid Bacon and colleagues. The research was based on in-depth interviews with eight people who identified themselves as …

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Psychopath brains are smaller, research shows

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Psychopaths have more than an attitude problem. They are cold, uncaring, manipulative and aggressive due in part to their biology. The overall volume of gray matter in psychopath brains is less than normal. And new research shows that specific areas of their brains associated with skills such as behavior control are smaller.  What does this mean? Psychopathic traits and behaviors are baked into their heads. Changing their behavior means changing their brains, which may not be impossible, but it is certainly incredibly difficult. Magnificent brain The human brain is magnificent. It’s what sets us apart from other living creatures. The outermost layer is called the cerebral c …

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Games sociopaths play

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Perhaps you’ve been making yourself crazy, trying to understand your relationship. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to make your partner happy. You feel confused, dismayed and, thanks to your partner’s complaints and accusations, guilt-ridden. Well, there’s an easy way to clear up your confusion. You just need to understand the games sociopaths play. Here’s the bottom line: To the sociopath, the relationship with you is nothing but a game.  What’s a game? A game, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a “physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other.” When you’re in a relationship with a sociopa …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost myself in the relationship with a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was submitted by a reader who writes as "Buffalo Girl." She explains how she lost herself in the relationship with a sociopath. The boy across the street I remember him back in the late 70's. My family had moved into the new neighborhood. I was 12. He was the popular 13-year-old who always hung out with the cool boys who were years older than him. And they seemed to idolize him. I remember the second day in my new Catholic grammar school — me, the new girl, and him already there for years. But the teachers were fed up with him. Second day of school. The head nun and a few teachers surrounded him in the hall. They were already frustrated and g …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A hard fought battle, but no regrets

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as "RobertInSeattle." I've been running into sociopaths all my life often when I least expected it. And believe me when I tell you the more I learn, the less I know! As I've been delving into all of this more deeply than I ever have in the past (all because of my breakup earlier this year with my most recent sociopath encounter), it's finally gotten me to looking much farther back into my own long history with them. There was so little discussion and certainly few if any online support groups in years past that actually addressed sociopathy when I went through my first divorce which started back in 1989. Many …

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7 signs of psychopathy in James Craig, on trial for allegedly poisoning his wife’s protein shakes

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James Craig, 47, a dentist from Aurora, Colorado, is accused of killing his wife, Angela, 43, by giving her poisoned protein shakes. Prosecutors allege that Craig Googled “Top 5 Undetectable Poisons” and gave his wife arsenic, potassium cyanide and tetrahydrozoline. After three visits to the hospital, Angela died on March 15, 2023. The couple had been married for 23 years and had six children.  James Craig was immediately arrested, based on a tip from his business partner. Craig’s behavior, as described by the police and in news accounts, appears to show 7 signs of psychopathy. Police affidavit The most complete account of what happened is probably in the arrest warra …

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Manipulative woman explains, ‘How I would take advantage of men’

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“If I used my powers for evil instead of good, I would take advantage of every single man. It would be easy, and this is exactly what I would do.” That’s how Elise Michaels begins her “dark psychology” Instagram reel entitled, How I would take advantage of men. She proceeds to explain how she can manipulate men to get what she wants.  Here’s the process, according to Elise: Elise Michaels is explaining a step-by-step outline of sociopathic seduction. Her words are frightening — and absolutely accurate. Let’s take a closer look at some of the steps. Identifying vulnerabilities The key is identifying the target’s vulnerabilities. All sociopaths do this. They figu …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopath

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader called "Makemenew2012." She describes how she was lured and caught by a sociopath. The Lure I met my second husband, an African immigrant, on a social media site. Mr. C (as I'll refer to him) connected with me through a mutual acquaintance and began sending me e-mails every day. At first, his messages seemed rather innocent— Mr. C asked how my day was going, what the weather was like, etc. But after a few days, he began fishing for information, inquiring about my husband and children. The first time, I ignored his question and responded on my own behalf. The next time, I replied that I didn't have a husband or childre …

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