Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Kirk.”
First let me say how much your videos really opened my eyes to how I was used and manipulated by someone I ended up trusting despite her poor track record in the past. Your video about “Love Bombing” was “spot-on.”
In late January, I started a separation process from my wife of 7 years where I’ve moved the majority of my personal possessions and my home office (for a part time business I run from our apartment) into the guest room of the house of my best friend of 6 years. I’ll call him “Tom” and his wife I’ll call “Mary.” If it wasn’t for this awkward position I’m in regarding my part-time living arrangement, this whole affair most likely may never have occurred.
Tom and Mary are in their late 40’s and have a family of 4 kids (two boys, two girls). Tom has always been a great provider, terrific father, husband, a most reliable person and a terrific friend, confidante and supporter of mine. He’s also a talented cook, cleans the house, does the laundry and helps the kids with their homework.
Mary has always been “strange,” aggressive, difficult to talk to, hard-headed and just plain annoying. Conversations with her (more like mini-interrogations) were often frustrating because she’d often ask me the same questions she asked me in previous visits, as if she had no recollection of those prior conversations whatsoever! If she knew you had a skill, she’d ask you for a favor to provide your services for free as a friend. For instance, I replaced some light fixtures and switches as their house as a favor to her and because I know Tom, for all his other great talents, is just not a handyman around the house.
At the beginning of February, I had surgery that required I take very strong medications for pain and inflammation. I elected so spend some of my recovery time at Tom’s house because my wife is not a good nurturer but Tom is a terrific one and would do just about anything he could to make sure I was as comfortable as possible when I was there.
It was during my convalescence that Mary started to show an unusual interest in me and her personality changed from what I described above to someone who was very warm, bubbly, engaging, very caring and even seductive. This was totally uncharacteristic of her and it was like she was now a completely new woman. Maybe it was the fact I was still taking high doses of pain medications and being in my weakened state that caused me to let my guard down and take her friendly overtures at face value.
Within a week of my surgery, I was well enough to take limited trips outside. Mary and I started spending a lot of time together on outings. The theme of her conversations often revolved around the fact that she and Tom have had a sexless relationship for many years (since her last pregnancy) and she began to tell me how Tom purposely would withhold sex from her and often times was physically and verbally abusive to her on a regular basis. I began to feel empathy for her and soon things somehow started to turn romantic. After all, Mary was not unattractive. She then told me how much she had admired me for the longest time and how excited she got whenever I’d come over. She was laying it on thick and as I was separated from my wife (well, sort of) I was emotionally vulnerable and Mary knew it.
Soon things turned physical. We began kissing and making out. I would hold her close in my arms and she would sigh, telling me that no man, not even Tom, had ever held her that way. She would call me and text me back and forth just so we could catch up on our day with one another and talk about ho much we enjoyed each other’s company. It was like we were in our own little world and that no one else and nothing else mattered.
Within a week, we made love when one day I took a long lunch away from work and I met her privately. Our sexual encounter was fiery, passionate and unlike anything I had experienced in a long, long time! Her sex drive seemed insatiable and I felt an almost electric connection to her! She made me crave her sex more than anything else I could describe! Afterwards we both were basking in the afterglow of our newfound passion and love for each other. I honestly felt I was starting to fall for her! My best friend’s wife! OMG, what was going on??
Within a few days or so, Mary told me how guilty she felt about the affair and I admitted I too wasn’t proud of what happened, but we agreed that we both needed to stop having sex, keep this secret between ourselves till our dying day and never ever tell another soul. She agreed but I could hear in her words how much she was struggling with this secret.
Within another few days, Tom sent me a late-night text saying that Mary had spilled the beans to him about our affair and he wanted to know if it was true. I found myself driving over to their home early the next morning to face my best friend and accept whatever the consequences were of my betrayal of his trust after my heart-felt confession. I clearly expected to be thrown out of his home, possessions and all and to have our friendship lost for all time, if he didn’t just kill me in a jealous rage (not that he’d do that).
To my great surprise, he said he forgave me, but that Mary and I both were going to have to earn his trust back somehow. I told Tom I was willing to do almost anything for him and that I felt so very awful about what happened. I told him the affair had nothing to do with him at all and it was all just bad judgment on my part and hers. I actually hugged him and cried afterwards as my body collapsed against his. I truly was mortified at the thought of losing someone who I loved so much and who had been such a great friend because I made such a stupid, stupid mistake! He told me later that he knew how remorseful I truly was just by my body language alone.
Mary made a similar promise to Tom, but every chance she gets to be alone with me she still tries to sway me back to her side and she even resorted once to flashing me with a sexy negligee she wore under her clothes. Of course, I told Tom about her exploits immediately after they happened and he grew more and more annoyed at her, as whenever I would come over, she would follow me around like a little puppy trying to get me to talk to her and entice me back into her arms. She even did this in front of their children. In FRONT OF HER KIDS!
Mary used everything from seductive language and gestures to intimidation, pathos and guilt. Guilt (toward me) that she was going to end up alone and on the streets after they got divorced. Her parents didn’t want her living with them and because if she couldn’t be with me, no other man would do, according to her. To this day, she still pleads with me to give her another chance and promises me that she would take care of me financially if we were together. You see Mary’s parents are very wealthy, but they are tighter than the top of a snare drum and they could and most likely would refuse to help her (at least initially) when all this goes down.
These (empty) promises are from a woman who lies ever time she opens her mouth and only works a part-time job in a grocery store. Mary’s even promised me that Tom would be okay with it if she and I were together. She says she would make sure of this. I know for a fact that Tom would have nothing to do with either of us if that scenario came to pass because he finds the idea as extremely disgusting and abhorrent, as I do!
There is one more thing. Not ONCE has Mary ever mentioned the children or the impact all this is having on them. Although she often stated to me (during our courting period) that her kids come first, they don’t. They never have. She is a neglectful mother at best. She doesn’t cook or keep house and Tom is both mother and father to them all except for the youngest daughter who Mary still likes to play with from time to time.
When my head was clearer (post medication and after several long talks with Tom) I began to see Mary for who she really was and what she was trying to accomplish. Mary is a master manipulator and she wants to destroy my close friendship with Tom, just like she has done with other close friends with him at one time. Mary got into my head, she got into my bed and got me to do things I’ll always dread. She literally f*cked me over with her husband. To this day, I’m still trying to regain the trust I once had with him and I for one don’t blame him one bit when he confesses he’s still hurt with me.
At this point I’ve now been able to tell Mary (in front of Tom) that there is no possible way I am ever going to be able to date her, even after they are divorced and I’m divorced. I’ve also had to resort to installing new locks on the guestroom and guest bathroom doors so I can keep her locked out of my room when I’m trying to work. She still knocks on the door and begs me to talk with her when Tom is away from the house but I refuse to open that door unless Tom is around to be part of the conversation and help referee when things get out of hand.
My tone with Mary has become more harsh and unsympathetic. I no longer feel obligated to make promises or keep past promises to her because she constantly breaks her word. I no longer feel anything for her because I know she never had feelings for me. In her mind (I’m guessing), I was supposed to be her lifeboat when Tom someday decided to divorce her, but I got wise to her plans.
Mary has NO respect for my time, my personal space or my boundaries, nor anyone else’s. She does what she feels like, says what she feels like and has no shame or guilt (except for an occasional fake weeping session to try to elicit sympathy from one of us). My current challenge with her is to put her at arm’s length (and keep her there) when she talks to me, as she likes to get right up in my face, violating my personal space. Tom says she does that as a tactic and I agree.
Right now, Tom is trying to work with Mary’s family to see what the next step is going to be as they move down the inevitable path of divorce, since Mary’s family financed a good portion of the house. The 3 older kids have all said they want to be with their dad and not their mom. Even Mary’s parents don’t want her to move back home because all they do is fight when Mary is there. Mary has no emotional connection with her kids other than being this person who is always screaming at them when they don’t listen to her and they don’t listen to her because she’s always screaming at them.
This is my story and it’s not over yet.