Lovefraud Blog

By October 13, 2016 3 Comments

A Sociopath’s Pity Play and Your Empathy Cement a Toxic Relationship

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appeared last week and the second half appears below.

Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part B)

We moved into the house in late November. I had almost no help from Paul emptying boxes and setting up the house. I had no close friends yet who could lend a hand. My ability to service my previous clients waned. Most of my work was concentrated on three major clients. I lost one of them due to my unavailability.

By October 12, 2016 1 Comments

Video: Dr. Karin Huffer on dealing with a coercive controller in court

You’ve been traumatized, and now you must face the person who traumatized you in court. Whether the case is divorce, child custody or some other litigation, you know that your opponent’s objective isn’t just to win the case. Your opponent will attempt to use legal procedures and the courts to crush you. How can you protect yourself?

Surviving Court When You’re Traumatized

Part 1: How to protect yourself when you’re facing a coercive controller
Monday, October 17, 2016 • 8-9 pm EDT • $25

Part 2: How the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) can support you
Tuesday, October 25, 2016 • 8-9 pm EDT • $25

Invisible Intimate Partner Abuse and How to Manage Coercive Control in Court

By Dr. Karin Huffer – editor Wilene Gremain

Woman-in-depression-300x200In recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here’s a composite story drawn from my cases:

I was a successful college educated thirty-something when I finally met my soul mate on a cruise ship to Alaska. Independent thinker, educated, ecology minded, career oriented, honest, he was almost the mirror image of myself as far as these qualities, two of a kind. We had it all. I was incredibly happy. Anything … we would do anything to show the love and respect we felt for each other. “Marry Me?” “You Bet!”

After almost one year of marriage and closing in on our first Christmas together, I was at full throttle to make the best ever Christmas for us. I remember. It was nothing … nothing … I couldn’t find my car keys as I was leaving the house. While plowing through my purse, I realized my wallet was almost empty. Robbed, that’s what I thought. I’d been robbed.

By October 10, 2016 46 Comments

Sociopaths cannot love, they just want to win

In this “Letter to Lovefraud” video, I explain the sad truth about sociopaths in romantic relationships. A Lovefraud reader writes that her ex-boyfriend said that he missed her, he loved her, he changed. But when the reader went to see him, the guy humiliated her.

The fact is, the guy is a sociopath, and sociopaths cannot love. He concocted the story to deceive the reader, just so he could hurt her. For him, the entire episode was a big win.

The reader, however, can win in the end, by recognizing what her sociopathic ex really is, and eliminating him from her life.


Posted in: Donna Andersen
By October 8, 2016 3 Comments

Consumer studies professor learns her identity was stolen by her own mother

Dr. Axton Betz-Hamilton

Dr. Axton Betz-Hamilton

Axton Betz-Hamilton, an assistant professor of consumer studies at Eastern Illinoiz University, had battled her own identity theft for 16 years. In 2012, she won an award for her work, and her mother stood smiling next to her as she accepted the honor.

Then, when her mother died, Axton learned that her mother was the one who stole her identity when she was 11 years old.

Axton says her mother was a low-grade psychopath.

My mom stole my identity when I was just 11 years old, on NYPost.com.


By October 7, 2016 0 Comments

Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, offers FREE online chat support group Sunday Oct. 30th

Mary Ann GlynnExperience the support of people who know! Join our free online live chat support group next Sunday night, Oct. 30th, 8 pm EDT at www.destructiverelationshipshelp.com.  Share your struggles and get feedback, support, and hope from others who get it.  The group is professionally run.  

Here’s how to join:

At 8 pm come to the site and scroll down the home page to the Services section. Click on the highlighted “live chat support group,” and you will be brought to the chat room as a Guest#.  Hope to see you there!

Beliefs that make lesbians vulnerable to exploitative partners

women arguingBy Amber Ault, Ph.D.

Like women in heterosexual relationships, women who date other women face the risk of entanglements with toxic partners. This is sometimes surprising both to straight and LGBTQ people who may assume that relationships between two women partners are somehow “naturally” peaceful and nurturing.

Indeed, sometimes women in disappointing relationships with men contemplate dating women instead because they assume same-sex relationships would be devoid of the exploitation that can happen in cross-sex relationships.

What are the assumptions that make women who date women vulnerable to toxic relationships? Here are a few:

Erroneous Belief #1. All narcissists and psychopaths are male.

While most narcissists and psychopaths in the public eye are male, both men and women across sexual identity categories display antisocial and narcissistic traits. Over-romanticizing women by trusting that women don’t have the behaviors and attitudes that define psychopaths or narcissistic personality disorder leaves women who date women vulnerable to becoming entangled with partners who take advantage of them.

By October 6, 2016 7 Comments

Once You’re Hooked, Sociopaths Ignore and Criticize


Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 25/26:  Last week, I skipped a chapter. When someone pointed out the oversight, I backtracked and added it to last week’s post.

Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appears below and the second half will appear next week.

Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part A)

By October 5, 2016 0 Comments

Workshop: Leaving and recovering from cultic groups and relationships

Cult turn right

(Photo by Kevin Dooley)

Both sociopaths and cult leaders engage in mind control. In fact, in many of the worst cases we hear about at Lovefraud, the relationships in which the targets have truly lost themselves, are actually cults. But these cults have only two members — the leader and the target.

If you’ve been involved in a mind control relationship, you have a brainwashed family member who cannot escape another’s grip (in fact, doesn’t even want to escape), you may be interested in an upcoming workshop.

Leaving and recovering from cultic groups and relationships: A workshop for families and former members

Presented by the International Cultic Studies Association
October 15 and 16, 2016
Hollywood, California

The workshop will cover:

  • Overview of joining, leaving, and recovery
  • Why people leave groups and why they stay
  • Recovery needs of former members
  • Trance and triggers

7 Social Science Insights that Will Help You Understand Why It’s Not So Easy to “Just Get the Hell Out”

Amber AultBy Amber Ault, Ph.D.

One of the many difficult questions survivors of toxic relationships ask themselves is “why is it so hard to leave someone who treats me so badly?” As rational people, we recognize that a relationship is extremely problematic and believe that the rational course of action would be just to stop the drama.

And yet.

And yet, this is usually harder than it sounds.

While there are practical and logistical barriers to people exiting, the emotional resistance to leaving is usually present even when there aren’t kids or property or business deals or divorce laws slowing us down.

What accounts for this? Why is it so common?