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Lovefraud Blog

By November 3, 2016 4 Comments

A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”

 

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 30: Down The Rabbit Hole

Paul had agreed to therapy under the condition that I would not tell anyone we were going. With the expectation of keeping my word, I promised. Normally, I honor my commitments, and secrets are safe with me. But I broke my promise to Paul after two months. I did it, because I felt like I was going crazy. I needed a reality check from an outside source to calibrate what had really been happening in our marriage. Paul’s version of events was too bizarre and devoid of any hint of his escalating selfishness and insensitivity. I know memory is biased and imperfect. Was my recollection totally off or were the “memories” Paul was sharing with our therapist not memories at all but purposeful distortions to paint him as a prince and me as a mad woman?

The ABC’s of choosing a non-toxic mate

Amber AultBy Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

Partner choice is important to all of us. Toxic relationship survivors often avoid opening themselves to new relationships because of their fear of choosing a partner who will bring more devastation and drama into their lives. Many of us learn to watch for the warning signs that a person is a psychopath, narcissist, or other toxic type, but we aren’t certain about the positive characteristics that indicate someone is good partner material.

In addition to screening out difficult people, we need to learn how to screen in good matches.

To help with this, I’ve come up with an easy-to-remember screening tool. It summarizes insights from years of academic research and work with clients (plus some direct experience as well).

What qualities does a person need to have awesome potential as a keeper?

Here are the ABC’s:

A: Available, accessible, accountable

By November 1, 2016 1 Comments

Malaysian officials urge love scam victims to make police reports

In Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Ms. Chua was convinced that the man she befriended on Facebook was a pilot for China Airlines. He told her he was sending her a package containing U.S. dollars — but first he needed a deposit just over $900 in Malaysian currency. Needless to say, the money was gone.

The woman appeared at a press conference with Michael Chong, Public Complaints Bureau Chief. “She didn’t lose much money because we saved her,” Chong said.

“I urge the victims to make police reports,” Chong said.

Love scammers are operating internationally, so officials should be working to educate people about these financial predators all around the world. At least officials in Asia are trying.

The heavy price of false love, on FreeMalaysiaToday.com.

By October 31, 2016 12 Comments

9 reasons why sociopaths blow your mind

Pensive Woman In Sweater Sitting On FloorWhen you finally figure out that you’re dealing with sociopaths, your state of mind is complete and utter shock. On the one hand, you are relieved to know that it’s not you; something is definitely wrong with them. On the other hand, you still can’t wrap your brain around their behavior.

It’s mind-boggling, and here’s why:

  1. Everything you believed was a lie

You probably caught some of the lies as you went along, but the sociopaths explained them away. Then you learned that the entire nature of the involvement, the entire reason they are in your life, is complete fabrication. It was never about romance, or shared goals, or family. It was about exploitation.

  1. The unbelievable sense of entitlement
By October 29, 2016 1 Comments

Mixed feelings about a sociopathic father at the end of his life

The author's father. (Pinterest)

The author’s father. (Pinterest)

In this article for MarieClaire.com, Christina Wallace writes about leaving her sociopathic father behind — and then dealing with conflicting emotions and obligations at the end of his life.

My father was an abusive sociopath, and I was the only one he had left, on MarieClaire.com.

Story link provided by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Cases
By October 28, 2016 0 Comments

The narcissists in my life — the screamer and the deceiver

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Hilda.”

I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc.

The screamer — my female boss

I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy.

It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to sign a proof of employment in the purchase of our first house. The crazy hours working on a small salary, often arriving at work at 5 am and not arriving home until 7 or 8 at night, became even more demanding and manipulating, knowing that I had a mortgage to pay.

By October 27, 2016 5 Comments

Some Sociopath Tools—Word Salad, Diversion, And Evasion

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 29: It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word “Is” Is

Paul manipulated the well-intentioned therapist into becoming complicit in Paul’s self-serving altered version of reality—to view Paul as the perfect, calm, devoted, caring father and husband, while I was clearly on edge emotionally due to my declining mental health and jealousy over Paul and Anne-Marie’s business partnership. Paul positioned me as emotionally fragile and overly sensitive, that I cried often and for no reason, and that he was a saint for standing by me through these dark personal times. Paul said he only came to marriage therapy because I wanted him to come. Paul thought what was really needed was individual therapy for me, because something was clearly wrong with me—perhaps I was depressed or worse. To him, I seemed unhappy, because I had given up my career. As evidence of this, Paul brought up my alleged jealously of his hard working, devoted, very successful colleague, Anne-Marie.

By October 26, 2016 2 Comments

Groups — a key to healing from a sociopath

Mary Ann GlynnBy Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT

 Most of you who have been involved with a sociopath have been to therapists either with your partner or individually. Therapy is critical to healing from the PTSD of these relationships from control, abuse, manipulation and deceit, and hopefully you have found a therapist who knows techniques for helping PTSD.

There is also the rebuilding of self and the grief of loss that therapy can help with, not to mention the potential stressful impact of divorce on yourself and any children. It would be fortunate if your therapist understands the type of relationship you’ve been in and the person you were with. This is all necessary and important, but there’s a critical piece missing to healing.

By October 25, 2016 4 Comments

New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big lies

good lies

Weheartit

An article in the New York Times reviews new research on how the brain reacts to lies. Essentially, when someone continues to lie, “the negative emotional signals initially associated with lying decrease as the brain becomes desensitized.”

Why big liars often start out as small ones, on NYTimes.com.

The story did not say that the research had anything to do with personality disorders. But it certainly makes sense with sociopaths — the more they lie, the easier it becomes, and they tell more lies.

And then there’s this — sociopaths like the sense of power and control that they experience when people believe their lies. So not only does the negative reinforcement fade, but the positive reinforcement of winning escalates.

Maybe it’s like an addiction — in order to get the same rush, they have to tell bigger lies. Now that’s scary.

 

 

 

By October 24, 2016

Donald Trump’s abusive behavior triggers PTSD — and so does Hillary Clinton’s

 

Presidential nominee Donald Trump went to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on Saturday, the site of one of the bloodiest battles of America’s Civil War, supposedly to outline his plans for his first 100 days in office. But first, he said he’d sue the women who accused him of groping or kissing them without their consent.

Typical abusive behavior

Trump denied and threatened. That’s the typical behavior of an abuser — and it’s triggering symptoms of PTSD in women who have endured sexual assault and/or relationships with sociopaths.

A Lovefraud reader wrote:

I wanted to bring up something that has been happening and it’s alarming.  While Trump has been campaigning for president, it has caused flashbacks and triggered memories of my experiences with the sociopath.

I asked this reader about her symptoms. She explained: