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10 reasons why sociopaths’ lies seem so believable

lies-magnifier-represents-no-lying-and-correctWhen we finally figure out that just about everything a sociopath told us is a lie, we are shocked. How can anyone lie so fluently? And why did we fall for it?

Here are 10 reasons why the lies sociopaths tell seem so believable:

  1. Sociopaths tell you how honest they are

Early on, sociopaths may tell you how much they value honesty, that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationships. Their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness, so that when you encounter their lies, you don’t see them.

  1. Sociopaths lie while they look directly into your eyes

Some experts say that if people look up and to their right while speaking, it’s a sign that they are lying. Other experts dispute this. Regardless, we all tend to believe that if someone can look us in the eye while talking, then they are telling the truth. Sociopaths know this, so they look us in the eye as they lie.

  1. Sociopaths mix truth with lies

This is a key sociopathic strategy — mixing truth with lies. You know for a fact that some of what the sociopath says is true (and the sociopath knows that you know), so you infer that the rest is true. Unfortunately, you’re wrong.

  1. Everything is a lie

One way that we spot lies is by noticing change. At first, the story was this, now it’s that. With a sociopath, however, there is no change to notice, because the lying starts from the very beginning and just keeps going.

  1. Sociopaths lie with no physical reaction

Lying makes most of us feel anxious, which causes physical symptoms. These symptoms are what polygraph machines measure — changes in heart rates/blood pressure, respiration and skin conductivity. Because sociopaths are comfortable lying, they feel no anxiety, so there are no physical changes to observe.

  1. Sociopaths cover their lies with more lies

When we confront sociopaths about their lies, they tell more lies to cover up the original lies. Most of us would never be able to keep all the lies straight, but sociopaths are frequently gifted in this — they can remember exactly what they told to whom, and they keep the story going.

  1. “I would never lie!”

When questioned about something they said, sociopaths often proclaim, with righteous indignation, that they would never lie. They are so emphatic about this, and so obviously crestfallen that you could possibly think that they lied, that you end up apologizing — even though they are, in fact, lying.

  1. Sociopaths lie with complete confidence

It’s hard to imagine that someone who is so charismatic, charming and confident, is also a complete liar. They exhibit no doubt whatsoever. They seem to command you to believe them — so you do.

  1. The claims are so outrageous that they must be true

Sociopaths claim to be special forces soldiers, foreign royalty, Ph.D. scientists, born-again Christians, spiritual leaders and more. They may forge or buy certificates, medals and other documentation to prove their stories. You can’t imagine anyone would have the nerve to make such claims without them being true — so you believe them.

  1. Practice makes perfect, and sociopaths practice a lot

The more sociopaths lie, the better they get at it — and typically, sociopaths have been lying all their lives. So they are very, very good at it. Unfortunately, most humans are lousy lie detectors, so the rest of us simply haven’t got a chance. Sociopaths lie, and we don’t spot the lies — until it’s too late.

 



65 Comments on "10 reasons why sociopaths’ lies seem so believable"

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  1. mzpris15 says:

    Jan7
    You are so right about this man. I should have listened to my gut on our second date, I was no match for someone like him. He is a pro at this. I remember telling my best friend that he is the devil wrapped up in this beautiful package. That is probably what got me. How could someone some gorgeous be so evil. He wolud compliant me and tell how beautiful ans sexy and amazing i was. It’s not that i have low self esteem on how i look. He wasn’t more attractive than me but I am 10 years older than him and it had been so long since someone loved me that much. I knew he was a bad person and i tried to walk away so many times but he wouldnt let me…we had been talking about getting married (or more so he had) because i wouldn’t live with him if i wasn’t married. He asked me several times and i always said no. We went to dinner one night and he asked me if i saw the jewelry bag on the floor by my stuff when i came in. I said no. We’ll look at it when we get home. We go home he gave me the bag and went into the kitchen. There was a ring box inside. When i took it out all i could think was please dont be an engagement ring…..it took me forever to open that box. He kept saying did you open it….I was thinking how do I say no….I should have left then but he just drawing me back in…..I feel so stupid for not leaving…I knew it he was evil and bad…I always follow my gut. A grown, college educated woman…At least I don’t have to worry about the no contact rule. He blocked my number so i doubt I will ever hear from him again…..thank you for letting me talk this out



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    • Jan7 says:

      mzpris15, my ex h did the same. Right from the get go he pushed my boundaries…it was uncomfortable but I had never experienced that with anyone & I was the type to avoid arguments.

      I had zero interested in him…he called my house phone 8 times a day leaving messages even thought I was at work. When I got home I ignored all his calls & thought it was weird…thinking why would someone leave so many messages. But this is how they get their foot in the door (love bombing). Endless calls & showing up at my door with out letting me know.

      He mad me uncomfortable. He was a friend of a friend. So I didnt want to be rude. UHHH if I could go back in time 🙂 wishful thinking. Anyway. We all see the RED FLAGS with them. But we are taught from little kids to be “nice” “play nice”. NEVER AGAIN.

      I read a study that within 3 seconds humans can determine if someone is trustworthy or not. 3 seconds!! This is our gut reaction immediately knowing the truth.

      My ex h’s friends were all getting married. I had no interested in marrying him or even dating him. But again he was masterful at manipulating me & everyone. He pushed me to dating him, to moving in with him…like you it was against my principles but he aways got his way with pity me manipulation. When his friends were getting engaged I ignored his talks about “marriage” literally ignored them. Then he got his friends to talk to me about it…how crazy is that. Then he asked me at a party with all his friends around. I was literally in shock & did not know what to say. I did not tell him anything. I was embarrassed. GUT alarm going off!!

      He had no ring nothing was planned…like everything he did it was all just a con game to him. Suck in his friends & me.

      When I told him that I did not want to get married for at least two years he said he wanted to get married that summer (6 months away) I said no…guess what he manipulated me once again. Even when planning things out he got his way with everything except my dress. At the wedding I was just numb. The first red flag that he was cheating on me was just before our wedding and he invited the girl to our wedding.

      The only thing I can tell you is I WASTED over 12 years….and it was an absolute nightmare hellish 12 years…gas lighting, mind games, all kinds of abuse, dealing with cheating, his lying, his manipulation etc etc. And the divorce the bottom of hell…thats when you see every evil thing that the are truly capable of. I literally saw him trance or hypnosis people in the court….but only after asking my counselor if he was hypnotizing me and reading the book my counselor gave me called “Women who love psychopath” by Sandra Brown did I conned the dots in detail of what he was doing.

      That’s when you truly have a awaking to the fact they are PURE EVIL and like you stated :

      “he is the devil wrapped up in this beautiful package”

      (although was never attacked to my ex)

      I too followed my gut…and this time I let it down…like I stated before Steven Hassan domestic abuse & cult expert states in his book Freedom of mind…that ANYONE & EVERYONE can be sucked into a abusive relationship if they had some type of life change…ie divorce, relationship breakup, move, new job, change in schools, empty nest etc etc.

      Did you have a life change during the time you met him?

      for me I had just moved 1000 miles away from my home for a new job. I was lonely just wanted friends, wasn’t looking to date. Like you college educated.

      YES YOU NEED TO WORRY THAT HE WILL CONTACT YOU AGAIN!! Sociopaths always always boomerang back into a past target’s life when their current supply sees their mask drop and they see the truth that they too are dealing with the devil.

      SO TAKE THIS TIME TO REALLY EDUCATE YOURSELF & IMPOSE THE NO CONTACT RULE (google) ON HIM RIGHT NOW!!!

      Slam the door on him now.!!!

      Your welcome. I too have been exactly where you are now…confused, mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, emotional over load etc. And so many people lifted me up & let me vent & ask question.

      One thing I aways say is” All of these sociopath never counted on all of the victims getting together & lifting each other up!!

      Take care 💜



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  2. mzpris15 says:

    Jan7
    You are right about the red flags. They were popping up everywhere. Most people probably don’t know where the term “Red Flag” comes from and what it really means. I come from a beach community and they fly flags letting you know if it’s safe to get in the water. A red flag means,stay out of the water. It is very dangerous because of the undertow. Now for those who don’t know what an undertow is, it’s where the sand drags you out into the water extremely quickly. You don’t have time to swim to shore. It will take you so far and so fast there is little catch that you will not drown. I have been watching the videos that Jan7 recommend about your gut feeling that something is wrong….I don’t know why i ignored mine….

    My mind knows what an Evil person he his. I know he will do this again. He will never contact me again he blocked my number do the no contact is easy to apply. I still cant wrap my head around this person being this way…..I asked one of my male friends why would he do something like this and he said “I dont know, I not wired that way” I went shopping today and for some reason when i walked by the mens



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  3. mzpris15 says:

    Part 2
    Section of the store I burst into tears. I had to leave….I stopped to get gas and i was still crying and a lady stopped and asked me if i was ok…..What is wrong with me??Why would i want someone that said they never ever loved me the entire time we were together?????Am I CRAZY??? How can I get away from these awful feelings????? Anybody



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    • Bev says:

      My poor dear…it is the human in you. He does not have that trait.

      There is a term for why we keep om wondering why…or how could he…

      It is called cognitive dissonance. Please google it and read it. It will help you to understand why you feel the way that you do.

      It is entirely normal and something that we all go through. It sucks big time, but perhaps it is a necessary step in our getting ourselves back?



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      • Jan7 says:

        mzpris15…good analogy of the ocean Red Flags! You are a smart woman for connecting these dots!!

        Bev is correct do a search on love fraud up at the top right on CD and also google. Donna Anderson site creator of love fraud just posted an article on this subject this week but there are more on this extremely important topic. I posted a post to you on this article for you to read so it will be at the top of the “forum”.

        Hang in there!!



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    • catnoch says:

      You are in mourning. I was mourning my husband’s death when I began with my sp and he had me right where he wanted me. Weak and vulnerable. I fell for it all, hook, line and sinker.

      Give yourself time to heal. The wounds are wide open and each day they close up. I could not talk to people without crying when my husband died and when I had many break up with my sp I would burst into tears. The feeling of remorse and loss is natural. We gave our all to that person all the while they were taking and taking. For many of us it was our sanity and with each day that passes we must remind ourselves we are getting stronger, wiser and ready to be the person we once were. Little by little it begins to fade. Even their faces begin to fade. Hang in there little one it will get better. I am about to go shopping and I am thrilled I am not going to buy that creep one more thing.

      Smile! It makes you feel better. Each time you begin to get low, smile and say “I am free” and keep smiling and be proud of yourself.



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    • AnnettePK says:

      Your feelings are 100% normal. You are grieving a real loss to you. You were betrayed into believing that he was a good person and you probably hoped that he would eventually care about you. You are capable of love and you bonded with him. For most women, engaging in a physical relationship creates a very strong physiological bond.



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  4. mzpris15 says:

    I keep coming back here because i can’t talk to anyone that i know about this. If I hear why aren’t you over this jerk again then i don’t know what I’m going to do… I’ve been thinking and thinking about what made him laser un in me in the beginning. As i look back it was 10 years since my daughter had been killed in a car accident. That’s what made me a good mark….I should of known he was a person without empathy or a soul when he never said one thing about it. Nothing. No questions just acted like it didn’t happen even though u mentioned it and it upset me…The prior boyfriend he was so compassionate. He sent flowers to her grave. He bought me a bracelet with her name on it, it was Hope and he even found a couple of things when he went out of town that i had mentioned in passing that I wanted to make sure i was happy….how can I be jealous if this new person he’s with??? I know they are going to spend Christmas together and what an I gping to do??? I am going to work!!!! Why be off with no one to spend it with??? Why do I feel this way??? I got a promotion yesterday out of the blue with a big raise and i don’t even care. I don’t have anyone to share this with….he didn’t love me but i didntbknow this…we shared everything. Everything. Now no one to call…je was so good at making me believe him. My world is just spinning. Now I just dont know who to turn to and I just can’t find my way and i cant stop crying…😞😞



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    • Jan7 says:

      mzpis15, so heart wrenching to read your post. I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Sending you hugs…I have no words to express to you just my deepest condolences for your heart break.

      I’m glad you keep coming back. Keep posting as many times as you want…we have all done the same. It really does help to vent out your emotions & feelings here. It’s part of the healing process.

      Yes, your heartache over the loss of your daughter was most likely what he focused on. Once they have you hooked then then drop their “nice guy” mask and show you who they really are & then start the devalue & discard process (google with the word sociopaths in front).

      I’m so glad that your ex prior was a nice guy. This is your baseline to men. He had compassion & empathy = normal persons feelings.

      Please reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline in the USA 800-799-SAFE to talk with a free counselor and also to get your local abuse center phone numbers where you can go & get free counseling & join a women group meeting. They really do help & you will know that you are not alone while in a safe place to express yourself.

      Most family & friends will never understand the evilness of what a sociopath does because the sociopath most likely did not show them his evil side. They are masterful and really emotional & mentally abusing their main target while manipulating others to see that the target vicim is the problem (when we all know this is not true).

      Please just know that the best thing that every happened was this evil guy going off to another victims. I know it does not feel good right now but in time you will see this was the best way to get away from him. I know that the fact he did not love you, is so hurtful. I spent 12 years plus trying to make a marriage work when it was never going to work because I was married to an manipulative cunning evil man. Time wasted but know I just reflect on the fact I am FREE…this is a blessing.

      Please Please reach out for help today with the National domestic abuse center. And if you have a friend or trusted family member ask them to come to Lovefraud & show them what you learned about your ex. Ask them to be apart of your healing process. They may not want to see the truth because it’s quite fearful & it’s also so out of the norm it’s hard to believe that so many devils walk among us.

      The woman that he is with now is being abused just like you were. These evil guys use EXACTLY the same con game on every woman they meet. She has no idea that she is being sucked deeper into his hellish world. But one day she will either break free or she to will be discard for his next target victim.

      I have been exactly where you are with the crying…when I didnt think I had anymore tears after sobbing for hours in me…the tears would start flowing. (I never cried so hard in my life) Then came the angry stage and I have never been so angry in my life. What you are going thru is exactly the same stages as a death in the family.

      Google: Grieving stages so you understand what you are going thru.

      Please Celebrate your Promotion…even if it’s only to run a bubble bath or to relax at home!! This is a good thing in your life!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Job well done!!!!

      Hugs to you tonight. Keep posting here. Take care.



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    • Jan7 says:

      mzpris15, I just want to add that your mind is awakening to the true reality of who you were with. All of your suppressed feelings are coming up…this is why you are crying so much.



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    • Jan7 says:

      mzpris15…this is how a sociopath sucks victims in. It may make you cry so if it’s too much to read tonight just read it another day. This article was on another site.If you want to talk with others set up a fake email account then a fake Facebook page and then look at Facebook pages like After narcissistic abuse (there is light) and Psychopath free. But for your privacy dont use a Facebook page with your real name or if you have a Facebook page now dont use that one this way you can talk freely without friends/family seeing. Set the privacy on the new fake Facebook account to “me only”. This article was on the web.

      “CONTROL – HOW THE SOCIOPATH CONTROLS YOU!, SOCIOPATH, UNDERSTANDING THE SOCIOPATHIC MIND

      HOW THE SOCIOPATH FOLLOWS THE PATTERN OF IDEALISE, DEVALUE AND DISCARD

      It is always shocking to the victim who has been in a relationship with a sociopath, when you are ultimately ‘discarded’ leaving you feeling worthless.

      You can be left questioning the following:

      What did I do wrong?
      Why did he stop loving me?
      Why did I deserve this?
      I want answers
      Why has this happened?
      Idealise

      The first stage can feel heady, and like you are floating on air. The sociopath idealises you. Bombards you with affection. Tells you that you are perfect. Makes out that you are the person that he has waited all of his life for.Tells you that you are the love of his life. He mirrors back to you:

      What you need
      What you want
      What you think is missing in your life
      Who you would like to be
      The best side of you
      It is the idealisation stage (the seduction) which lures you in. Idealising you, makes you feel good. In your own mind you are being given the message:

      He likes me for who I really am (who you perceive yourself to be)
      He sees my good qualities
      He will encourage personal growth
      He is just like me
      I like this person
      This creates a false bonding to the sociopath, because it is based upon manipulation and deception.

      Devalue

      Once the sociopath has you hooked to the feel good factor, and you are emotionally involved with him, once he has used you for what he wants, you will notice a shift in the behaviour towards you. This is negative attention and words, which will knock you off balance, and take away your own personal power.

      He will say now often the opposite of what he said in the initial stages, which will leave you feeling confused.

      He now puts down your personal beliefs
      Will make you question things that are important to you
      Will make comments about how you look
      Will make comments about your personal connections and who you are close to
      Will often say the opposite of what was said in the idealisation stage, leaving you confused
      Will minimise and invalidate whatever is important to you
      When the sociopath is in the discarding stage, he is already making plans for exit. He likely has a new source of supply lined up. Everything is behind the scenes, for he is the master strategist and manipulator.

      The message you are left with is

      This is my fault
      I am not good enough
      I have done something wrong
      I am confused
      Discard

      After the full blown love affair that has swept you off your feet, to the discarding stage, where you are belittled, put down, made to feel small, made to feel that everything was your fault, were blamed, were accused to deflect from their behaviour, suddenly without warning the sociopath will discard you.

      This can be incredibly painful to experience. You are treated as if you are worthless, that you mean nothing. The cut you dead attitude, from the full on seducing stage, can feel dramatic and cruel. Perhaps you had felt that when the devaluing was happening that things would return to how they were in the earlier idealisation stage of the relationship?

      It is now that the truth starts to emerge. When you really see the true person come through. Now in the final stage of discard, when the sociopath has a new source of supply you are discarded like last weeks newspaper.

      The way that the sociopath cuts you dead at the end is heartbreaking as you search for answers. You call but they blank your calls, or put down the phone. If they do pick up they rant on the phone, and then cut you off mid conversation. You are now nothing to them, and if they do speak to you, it will often be just to tell you how great their life is now. How their new person is nothing like you. How much happier they are without you.

      You are left stunned, and often believe the lies that are being told to you. Yes, that is right lies. As that is all that it is. Just as the sociopath lied in the beginning – and the middle he now lies at the end. Both to you (about you) and likely to others about you.

      The messages that you receive at the end are

      This is my fault
      I am worthless
      I was used
      Everything was a lie
      Nothing was real
      Confusion
      And this is the point where, without answers from the sociopath, you search for answers online. Or wherever you can find answers. You are heartbroken, as you think that you will never hear from this person again.

      Will you hear from the sociopath again?

      Most likely, yes. The sociopath is also a Narcissist and looks for narcissistic supply. He often leaves a relationship with sudden discard, no explanation, and leaving things ‘open’ with one foot in the door, so that he can return, should and when he needs to. Sometimes it might be a year before you hear from them again. Sometimes much less time. It really depends on when he needs additional supply. As rarely can he be on his own. He always needs someone else to give him whatever it is that he needs.

      Likely he will return, full of further empty promises. Which will be no more than the empty promises that he sold you in the beginning. And he will return (if you allow him to) back to the cycle of:

      Assessment
      Seducing/gaming
      Ruining
      But you should not take him back. Things will not get better and he will not change.

      You can never change anybody else, and you certainly cannot change the sociopath. But you can change you. It is now time for you to take care of you. To love yourself. To focus your energy on yourself.”



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    • AnnettePK says:

      All the feelings you describe are normal and natural. You have been betrayed and you have experienced a big loss. Jealousy is a normal emotion in your circumstances, even though you know in your mind that he’s worthless and he is not good to you. Normal people bond to one another and that works well in a committed relationship with an honest man who cares about your well being.

      Sometimes crying is the right thing to do – I hope you feel better soon.



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    • catnoch says:

      Keep coming back. I felt the same way you did. My addiction and my competitive nature was the cause of me not wanting to lose. I finally asked myself, “lose what?” A person as you mention that show no empathy or compassion. I have seen over and over this none feeling bastard show no emotion whatsoever when I told him things. I saw him cry only once when he talked of leaving his mother in Bosnia and she died and he could not go back for her funeral nor ever to see her again. Many people suffer that loss. Both my grandparents did too but both very religious and both prayed very hard.

      The loss of a child is something that is so unexplainable unless one goes through it. My sister died at 39 and my mother was never the same again. She even show distain for me, almost like she wished it was me rather than my sister. I understand, they had a much closer bond. I reminded my mother of my sociopath father who she never got over and I paid dearly for it my entire life.

      Christmas together? Christmas is a day of giving and sharing. Find and event where you can go and give a gift for children in need. These people who we devoted our time and love for were undeserving. I can make 24 hours pass like it is just like any other day in my mind. It gets me through the day. I have done it on many occasions.

      These people had control over us and minds, we can control our own minds.

      Many blessings and prayers you stop crying, your tears are far too valuable to waste on the likes of him.

      Know we are all in this together. We all are feeling a loss, but this too will pass.



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  5. mzpris15 says:

    Thank y’all for you kind words and support. It has helped so much.I am in the adopt a senior program and go 1 time a week to see my beautiful Ms Carol…She has MS so she can’t hardly talk, she cant feed herself or get dressed or any of the things we take for granted each day. But she has the biggest smile on the planet. She is my girl.. I love her so much. There are also other seniors there and all they want is asmile and a hug….my Ms Carol hadn’t been our of her bed for 2 yrs. Not because she couldn’t but because she said she didn’t have a reason to. Today was a big blessing. She got out of bed and we went to happ hour and listened to some music and she was happy and now she doesn’t want to miss anything….i try feel sorry for spath that do not have empathy or love or anything else in their life…When i go there my problems are nothing compared to what i see. That man will never take my joy again. He will never joy in his life..and I will always have angels in mine



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  6. catnoch says:

    Many of you have read my posts. In one of them I told you that I left a series of messages and even took photos of quote with respect to sociopathic behavior to my sp.’s ex who was with him for seven years and was going to take him back. I learned today that she is not taking his calls. The last message I sent her simply stated that I did not seek him out and when I found out about her I dropped him but he was relentless and charmed me back on numerous occasions. I also told her to show the information I shared with her to someone who loves her in her family or a good friend and get their opinion and take from there. I was not the enemy, he was.

    i pray she stays strong. I am. He is almost a distant memory.



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