I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc.
The screamer — my female boss
I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy.
It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to sign a proof of employment in the purchase of our first house. The crazy hours working on a small salary, often arriving at work at 5 am and not arriving home until 7 or 8 at night, became even more demanding and manipulating, knowing that I had a mortgage to pay.
There was no end to what she expected done, and then one day she came into my office and threw papers everywhere. I was ankle deep in papers. It would take me days to sort through what would’ve been entered what hadn’t been entered. Thankfully I figured out how to work my finances and quit the next day. I always said she was a nut case, but never related it to a narcissist experience until recently.
The deceiver — my husband
I met my spouse when I was 20 years old he was the same age. I had never heard the words, “red flags,” and I excused everything that I didn’t like about him, or didn’t agree with him doing, or his behaviours, as immaturity.
I thought that I knew him inside and out. I thought I knew his anger point. We dated for six years, not living together, and then married.
He pressured financial decisions he forged ahead with what he wanted and I was convinced that was ok. I was just being indecisive, I had trouble making decisions, risk was ok …
We moved 5 times in 10 years, while having three kids in a 5-year span.
He threatened divorce every time I disagreed with him. I had come from an intact family home; he had not. The word divorce had never been in my vocabulary. He knew it scared me and I had nothing but negative connotations about it.
Over time, although I was a stay at home mother, he moved all finances to his office, where I had no access.
We have a business, in my name, with a partner. He works there when it suits him, steals, and forges my signature.
He had many affairs, then left myself and a “girlfriend” of three years for yet another woman who was from his past, was less complicated and had a better financial situation than the affair of three years.
He would never give any explanation and has never spoken to me in the 3 1/2 years that he’s been gone. He never told me about the other woman; I had to find out through her now ex-husband.
My divorce has been a nightmare, and my lawyer puts me in the top 2% of all ugly divorces he has seen in the last 20 years of family law practice.
I feel I should be in a different courtroom. Not a family court room, as I am still fighting for disclosure. Until you live this you have no idea how useless law, court and police are.
There are so many levels of deceit. I refer to my life as a movie and find it difficult to watch movies as a result. Most have elements of my life.
Society calls this entertainment. Take it from me; it is far from entertainment.
There was a movie called “The Gift” out last fall. It shows the insidious behaviour of a psychopath. Not one review or comment understood the movie. Much like the lack of knowledge in society. There is way too much to discuss. Tracking devices, recording devices, spyware etc…
But I did a small victory in court. My husband completely disregarded my rights regarding our property. In fact, I recall him looking me in the eye and telling me he could do whatever the f*** he wants.
The courts showed him he couldn’t. He signed a false document and sold our house. I sued him for this fraud. I won! He is required to pay a penalty for doing whatever he wants.
Of course, he is appealing. We are waiting for an appeal date as per my not soon enough ex.