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The narcissists in my life — the screamer and the deceiver

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Hilda.”

I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc.

The screamer — my female boss

I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy.

It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to sign a proof of employment in the purchase of our first house. The crazy hours working on a small salary, often arriving at work at 5 am and not arriving home until 7 or 8 at night, became even more demanding and manipulating, knowing that I had a mortgage to pay.

There was no end to what she expected done, and then one day she came into my office and threw papers everywhere. I was ankle deep in papers. It would take me days to sort through what would’ve been entered what hadn’t been entered. Thankfully I figured out how to work my finances and quit the next day. I always said she was a nut case, but never related it to a narcissist experience until recently.

The deceiver — my husband

I met my spouse when I was 20 years old he was the same age. I had never heard the words, “red flags,” and I excused everything that I didn’t like about him, or didn’t agree with him doing, or his behaviours, as immaturity.

I thought that I knew him inside and out. I thought I knew his anger point. We dated for six years, not living together, and then married.

He pressured financial decisions he forged ahead with what he wanted and I was convinced that was ok. I was just being indecisive, I had trouble making decisions, risk was ok …

We moved 5 times in 10 years, while having three kids in a 5-year span.

He threatened divorce every time I disagreed with him. I had come from an intact family home; he had not. The word divorce had never been in my vocabulary. He knew it scared me and I had nothing but negative connotations about it.

Over time, although I was a stay at home mother, he moved all finances to his office, where I had no access.

We have a business, in my name, with a partner. He works there when it suits him, steals, and forges my signature.

He had many affairs, then left myself and a “girlfriend” of three years for yet another woman who was from his past, was less complicated and had a better financial situation than the affair of three years.

He would never give any explanation and has never spoken to me in the 3 1/2 years that he’s been gone. He never told me about the other woman; I had to find out through her now ex-husband.

My divorce has been a nightmare, and my lawyer puts me in the top 2% of all ugly divorces he has seen in the last 20 years of family law practice.

I feel I should be in a different courtroom. Not a family court room, as I am still fighting for disclosure. Until you live this you have no idea how useless law, court and police are.

There are so many levels of deceit. I refer to my life as a movie and find it difficult to watch movies as a result. Most have elements of my life.

Society calls this entertainment. Take it from me; it is far from entertainment.

There was a movie called “The Gift” out last fall. It shows the insidious behaviour of a psychopath. Not one review or comment understood the movie. Much like the lack of knowledge in society. There is way too much to discuss. Tracking devices, recording devices, spyware etc…

Exhausting!

But I did a small victory in court. My husband completely disregarded my rights regarding our property. In fact, I recall him looking me in the eye and telling me he could do whatever the f*** he wants.

The courts showed him he couldn’t. He signed a false document and sold our house. I sued him for this fraud. I won! He is required to pay a penalty for doing whatever he wants.

Of course, he is appealing. We are waiting for an appeal date as per my not soon enough ex.



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