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Coping with Stalking: How to overcome fear and fight back

Lovefraud Continuing Education webinar
Coping with Stalking: How to overcome fear and fight back — strategies from a woman who’s done it
Presented by Vicki Kuper
Monday, August 29, 2016 • 8-9 p.m. Eastern
More info

Someone won’t leave you alone. This person follows you, calls or texts constantly, shows up at your home or workplace, sends you unwanted gifts, or threatens you. As a result, you feel vulnerable, unsafe, anxious, stressed and afraid. You are being stalked.

Vicki Kuper knows exactly what you’re going through. She lived it. The man who stalked her called her 1,200 times — in one month. That’s an average of 400 times per day. Authorities issued a No Contact order — but the man was charged with violating it 24 times. Vicki, however, refused to live her life in fear. She took steps to protect herself and her family. Even though some cops and prosecutors didn’t want to get involved, she pushed the legal system to intervene.

Vicki’s story was featured on the Investigation Discovery TV show, Stalked. You can read her unbelievable story here:

1,200 phone calls, 45 criminal charges, 21-year sentence: Michael J. Bonert’s obsessive stalking of his former girlfriend, Vicki Kuper, on Lovefraud.com.

In this course, Vicki tells you what she endured, and how she overcame it. If you are being stalked, she explains steps you can take to enhance your security. Through her advice and inspiring story, you’ll learn how to move on with your life and thrive, despite the tactics of the stalker.

Coping with Stalking: How to overcome fear and fight back – strategies from a woman who’s done it, on Lovefraud Continuing Education



7 Comments on "Coping with Stalking: How to overcome fear and fight back"

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  1. justlikeyou says:

    I can barely read this I am crying so hard. This is my life. I left 7 months ago. After discovering our bank account had been closed with 60,000.00 put in a sole account in his name. Money according to him I was not “entitled” to. This in spite of the fact that when we married he was still paying off a bankruptcy from his previous marriage. I have been recorded on secret audio and video equipment. I have been followed. I have had every electronic device I own hacked and bugged, including my work computer. I have had my vehicle tampered with. I almost lost a 30 year nursing career when an “anonymous complaint” was filed against me for being a crazy drug addict! I have been unable to reach my daughter in the middle of the night because my messages were blocked. Only to have my wifi name “wine” come up on the screen in blood red with the words “may be dangerous ” underneath it. I have been terrorized in so many ways it would take me days to explain. By a man I spent my childhood with so as adults he had an edge in fooling me when we met again as adults. I married him. It took him less than three years to destroy me. It is still happening. My biggest problem, he is a retired police officer and is used to being above the law. I hope to get to a point when I can come back and finish reading it.



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    • Jan7 says:

      Justlikeyou, We Hear you!! We know you are speaking the truth!!

      I’m so sorry that you met the devil himself and he is trying to destroy every aspect of your life. It’s hell being with a sociopath and you literally crawl away. You are so broken down by their brain washing & Mind control you dont know which way is up and which way is down. I’m so glad that you found your way to Lovefraud & that you had the courage to write a post here.

      I would highly recommend that you type out everything he has done to you and then make an appointment with your local FBI agency. If you are not in the US then what every agency is simular to the FBI in your country.

      Why the FBI? because they deal with cyber crimes. The fact this guy has hacked your computer it falls under cyber crimes.

      I would also recommend that you find a lawyer asap and have his new bank account frozen until your divorce proceedings and do the same to all of his retirement accounts.

      If you are in the USA look at the site Onemoms battle. com they have a list of attorneys that get sociopath/narcissistic abuse.

      I would recommend that you purchase a new computer asap or use a friends computer. Open a new email account & only give it to your most trusted friends & family. But remember that if he hacked your account he might just hack their accounts too. There are some computers that are only $300 if money is tight. It might not be the best but it will connect you once again to the outside world.

      One moms battle has a Facebook page that is a great support network for divorce & child custody issues. **Open a fake email account & then a fake Facebook page to chat on that site freely.

      Also see Psychopath free & After narcissist abuse (two more good support sites)

      When you first leave a sociopath you dont trust anyone…I too was the same. Right now your hormones have moved your body to hyper vigilant stage but once you have time away from your ex they will settle and you will be able to trust some good people again.

      My best advise to you is find a good counselor who understands sociopathic abuse…NOT all counselors do, so interview them by phone first. Your local absue center may have a list of outside counselors that will help you to sort out all of your emotions right now. We have all been where you are right now…it’s scary, it’s confusing, it’s exhausting to feel all the feelings that are percolating up…each time you are sad, sobbing, crying, angry come here to love fraud and read everything up at the top of this site and all the blogs. They will help you to sort out your feelings. Also call your countries National domestic abuse hotline USA 800-799-SAFE to talk with a free counselor and they can give you your local abuse center numbers where you can go for free counseling and free women group meetings…both are wonderful and a huge part of your healing. Know that you are not alone anymore…keep reaching out for more help and keep coming here and venting and asking question.

      You should be so proud of your self for leaving this abuser…and you should be so proud of yourself for teaching the net for answers & posting her. YOU ARE STRONG…you will see the light again..it just takes time to sort out your emotions…but I promise you, you will move back to your old self again.

      HUGS to you tonight!

      take care,



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      • justlikeyou says:

        Thank you will never be adequate to make you understand how much this message means to me. I cried reading every word. The first two sentences resonated in my head for the last 24 hrs. I barely got past them reading. We Hear you!! We know you are speaking the truth!!
        For 7 months that is all I have longed to hear. My family, my best friends, they tell me, but it’s different. It’s just different. Your suggestions are excellent. Many of them I have done. Some have discouraged and frustrated me. At times I have continued to feel victimized by the very system that has been established to protect and help me. But I won’t give up. I can’t. There are good people in this world, I meet them everyday. Eventually I will find the right “good people ” to help me stop this abuse. I believe that. For now just having someone say those two sentences………it’s enough. For today it’s enough. Please know what a difference you made for me💕



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        • Jan7 says:

          Justlikeyou, you’re so welcome. You are going to get through this emotional roller coaster that you are on right now. It’s scary to come out and find out who you were living with…it’s scary to feel the feelings that are coming up. It was a nightmare that you were living while with him but you are free now…it does not feel this way yet…but you are free!!

          Prior to meeting my ex h I was aware that there were bad people in this world but I had no idea the level they go to, to push someone over their emotional edge or the mind games they play daily with you & everyone around to keep everyone from really finding out what is going on = he is crazy!

          Remember sociopaths ultimate goal is to have power & control over others.

          Dont give him your power! Keep reading everything here & other support sites on the net to truly open your mind up from his brain washing. This is taking your power back!

          Most people do not understand the hell that we endured. Even when we explain it to them they just will not open their mind to this reality. Not sure why.

          Have you read about Gas lighting abuse (here on LF & the net)? if not do a search on this.

          Also:

          narcissist triangulation

          sociopath brain washing

          narcissist No Contact rule (& also with the word sociopath)

          If you are scared in your home. Think about installing a security system. In the USA Home Depot & Lowes hardware stores have security systems starting at approximately $15 per door or a whole home security system for about $100. They are easy to install because they take batteries vs hard wire into the home. The only thing is if they go off you are the one that must call 911. If you are not in the US then just do a search on the net or find a big box hardware store and look at their site/store.

          The other option is to pay a company a monthly fee & they monitor your system & will call 911 if needed. These options may give you so more safety comfort while you are at home.

          When we have a break up with anyone our bodies naturally release high levels of cortisol & adrenaline. With a sociopath we are on edge throughout the relationship and are body continually releases high levels of cortisol & adrenaline and when we leave our abuser these levels continual to go thru the roof.

          With high levels of cortisol & adrenaline (and other hormones) being release our minds can not process things because we are on high alert & hyper vigilant. This comes out as anxiety, racing mind, not being able to sleep etc.

          What can you do?

          Do a seach on adrenal fatigue. Look at symptoms on these site & read.

          Adrenalfatigue. org

          DrLam. com

          When I left a friend thankfully told me about a Endocrinologist doctor and he tested my cortisol levels, vitamin & mineral deficiency & hormone levels. ALL were off the charts.

          He gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal vitamins & progesterone pills (hormone pills natural) and with in hours my anxiety was literally half. And with in month I felt come again and could think clearly again. I still had to work thru all of the emotions I was feeling but my mind was clear to be able to do this.

          There are “good people” in this world. And you have found a wonderful site with wonderful people starting with the site creator Donna Anderson. Just to let you know she does phone consultation for a small fee look up at the top under “contact” tab for more info. Also she has a program of videos for a small fee also that might help you also.

          Just know that you are not alone any more!! This is important because one of the first things a sociopath does is isolate their victims physically & mentally from the outside world. So keep reaching out for help with a counselor & also your local domestic abuse center counseling & woman groups meetings. These things will help you to speed up your dealign process.

          Wishing you all the best!!!

          Hugs to you!! 💚



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    • IAfraud says:

      Justlikeyou,

      Years ago I would have been surprised to hear that a member of law enforcement behaves like your husband. Now that I know what I know this is no surprise to me at all. Of course, not all members behave so badly, but many are controlling in their personal life as they are in law enforcement. Unfortunately, he has tactics that many stalkers don’t have (surveillance), since he was in law enforcement (The episode of Stalked: Someone’s Watching that featured my family’s story is titled ‘Above the Law’). I’m so sorry he is abusing you in this manner and I hope now that you are aware of it it’s no longer happening.

      As far as the bank account goes, claim it in your divorce. If you have a copy of the bank statement that shows the money being withdrawn give it to your divorce attorney. If you don’t have a copy, contact the bank and get one. That money should be considered in the divorce and you should demand it.

      The stalker in my life has also made false accusations against me in his failed attempts to have me arrested. He repeatedly attempted to have me arrested for perjury. His latest attempt was a claim that I tried to run him off the road with my car. None of these attempts have worked for him. I continue to live my life as I always have. Since I am a law abiding citizen he has nothing on me which I’m sure infuriates him, so he makes stuff up. The best thing you can do is continue to live your life, not letting him break you. If things are too overwhelming, see a counselor. You need to get this off your back. As Jan7 said, find one that understands what you’re going through.

      Friends who have never gone through something like this can’t understand. When I tried to tell them the situation it’s like they can’t absorb the enormity of it and their eyes get this far away look. That’s when I didn’t bother to continue talking about it. I found this website when I was desperately searching the internet for help with my situation. Lovefraud was the first website I found where I could read about people going through similar situations. Just knowing I wasn’t alone helped a lot. Please continue to visit here for advice and comfort.

      You may feel victimized repeatedly by the judicial system. It is broken. Justice is very slow and you may have to do a lot of advocating for your right to live in peace. Try to be patient. This sounds goofy, but try to learn some relaxation techniques. The stress of this can and does affect your health. I developed high blood pressure and now have an eye condition that is caused by stress. Don’t isolate yourself. Go out and socialize and enjoy life as much as you can. Success will be your best revenge!

      If you can watch my webinar on August 29th, I will be talking about things I did to advocate for myself. Not only was I stalked in person, he sued me twice. He also lost twice. The second lawsuit went on for 3 years, but I was awarded almost $15,000 in restitution.

      Take it one day at a time. Some days will be good, others will be bad. Just don’t give up! You can survive this.

      Take care,

      Vicki



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      • justlikeyou says:

        Thank you for your reply Vicki and jan7. It gives so much comfort to know that there are people who will take the time to write such thoughtful and extensive replies. To know that there are people who understand compassion. Unfortunately my stalker continues. My wifi is routinely swamped with denial of service attacks. Luckily my firewall stops a lot but the ability to connect is still affected. I continually have to check and reset the network settings on my phone when I can’t get messages out.

        As for my divorce it will be final September 26. I let it go. My family convinced me that if he was willing to go to these links imagine what he might be capable of if I attempted to fight him in court. I know what he would be capable of and it is terrifying. My hope has only been that one day if the “authorities” ever bring him to justice then I can seek to recover what should have been rightfully mine through a breach of contract lawsuit or possibly even civil rights but it will be when he is safely unable to physically harm me any longer.

        I understand the importance of trying to remember my health as well. I have a very rare form of lymphoma that affects my skin which can be exacerbated by stress so that is always a foremost thought in my life. So far I have only had one bad episode with a scattering of smaller ones. I’m not going to lie, some days are way more of a challenge than others. Not isolating and socializing are my biggest challenges. I’m an introvert to start with then coupled with my severe trust issues now it is hard. But I am trying. I will not give up. Looking forward to the 29th. Thanks again💕



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  2. justlikeyou says:

    I sleep with a loaded 12 gage and just bought a 9mm. I trust no one. I can barely breathe writing this.



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