My husband on the outside – the man everyone else sees:
– The nicest person you could ever meet
– Positive, Non-Confrontational, High Energy, Bubbly Personality
– Will bend over backwards to do anything to help anyone
– He is everyone’s best friend
– He will cook for you or will clean dishes if you cook for him … and always offers a helping hand
– Very attentive
– Very loving
– Will serve you coffee in bed every morning and maybe breakfast too!
– The kindest and biggest gentleman you think you have ever met
– Will always tell you how beautiful you are everyday
– He will take very good care of you financially
– He is always concerned for everyone’s well being
– He is an entrepreneur and works 7 days a week, but always makes an effort to be home by 5:00 p.m. and by 2:00 pm on weekends to ensure he is making quality time to be with his wife
– Happy Go Lucky kinda Guy
– Will call you every 2-3 hours because he misses you and wants to hear your voice
– Very stylish and you would think he is a Class-Act kinda Guy (He is very attractive and lots of people says he looks like Paul McCartney)
My husband behind the mask:
– Porn Addict
– On a date night out, he will have moments of scanning the entire room checking out women (and maybe men too) like a predator
– Compulsive Liar (big lies/little lies) – And if you confront him with a lie, he will deny … deny … deny). And will always say I didn’t do anything. Even if I showed him proof of a lie in print or on video he would still deny and say he didn’t do anything wrong.
– He calls everyone his friend even with a one time introduction, but he really has no friends
– Has Bi-Sexual Traits
– He loves to fantasize during intimacy about seeing his wife with another man while he watches
– He changes women’s names to disguise them in his cell phone
– Always keep his cell phone at distance or upside down
– Owes many people money who invested as a partner in Business as he never uses his own money. Many of these Partners are begging for their money back. He once said … they may never see a penny of their money back.
– He can schmooze anyone into getting anything he wants for his benefit including money, sex, etc. etc.)
– Always carries Viagra with him being in his car, briefcase, traveling, etc.
– He’s always making sexual related comments to everyone in his place of business and out of his place of business
– He is very much into happy endings (massages)
– He acts as though he does not have a jealous bone in his body, no emotions …
Here are a few interesting stories
I have seen his internet history checking out single’s websites, one night fling sites, porn sites and many more on a regular basis. Can’t figure this one out as I have never denied him of sex whenever he wanted it. But, I found it interesting when I would approach him for an intimate night he always gave me a rain check.
For one of my birthday surprises … He said he hired a massage therapist who was coming to our home to give me a massage. He said he asked the massage therapist to give his wife a massage in his underwear? I was shocked … I am sure this was for his benefit and not mine. I know he wanted to watch for his pleasure. Well, I didn’t go for this so it never happened! A little too bizarre for me.
I have been to several psychologists wondering if something was wrong with me which I confirmed it was him. I sent him to see a psychologist for Sex/Porn Additions and this was a total waste, even went for Marriage Counseling that was a waste. One Ppsycologist told me to pack and leave as soon as possible as my husband was a man of low integrity. Since I now know about a Sociopath, I find it interesting that not one Psychologist even mentioned maybe he could be a Sociopath.
I have moved out twice. The first time I moved out … I moved back in 6 months later. No more than 6 weeks moving back in with him, I caught him pursuing a woman to have a bad night with (sexually) while he was in Las Vegas for business. (I showed up by surprise). The Lord was looking out for me on this one, as I had not planned to go the Vegas to see him nor did I even feel as though he was up to something.
After moving out the second time he was really trying to prove to me that he was going to change and show me he was going to be a loyal and honest husband. After 10 days of moving out the second time, I saw he was already contacting a couple of his past women. I continued to snoop to see if his word was good. There is a lot more to say what I have caught him at. I could write a book to tell many more incidents of his secrets, lies, etc. over the past 4 years.
I have never snooped into anyone’s business in my life until marrying this man. It all started after the first year with him as I starting to feel something didn’t seem right … so I started to snoop. For the past four years, if my intuition was telling me something was up, I would snoop into his phone, briefcase and emails. Every time I snooped I always found something.
I literally feel I have become addicted to being a snooper and spy. Sometimes, I felt I didn’t like myself for doing this. But now, I am not ashamed, I have no regrets and will never feel guilty. I even think I have gotten pretty good at it. I started not liking myself for doing this. The strange thing is I would always confront him of my findings, but still today he has not changed his passwords.
As my one year lease is coming to an end, he asked me to move back in with him. He also said he wants to talk about a solid plan to bring me back into his life to make this work. He said he would get a life insurance policy having me as the beneficiary, we could move to l larger place, anything I wanted to get me back he would do. I was actually considering it since I had not discovered much evidence of him doing wrong over the past 8 months. He has always said, honey I have never taken my wedding band off. I am a good husband; I would not cheat on you.
I was never really a single girl most of my life and very naive about dating, men, etc. I become single at age 47 head to read books about how to date and about men. I was the perfect victim for a sociopathic predator.
I have only been with my husband for 6 years. I am now 57 and he is 67. Both times I moved out I continued seeing him everyday/evening. He has never really showed emotions of sadness that I even moved out. He helped me move and practically furnished my place. Again, he is so loving and so kind and always makes sure I have enough money to get all my bills paid, etc. Recently when we spoke about me moving back in I found it interesting that he would say he wants me back but there was really no emotion. He would calmly say it’s up to you if you want to come back fine, but if not that’s okay too. (Doesn’t a man fight for his prize and passion????) Maybe the normal guy does?
I thank God I never gave up my business and the condo I have been living in for the past year. And I thank GOD … I did not move back in because in mid-June 2016, as I discovered he was having a fling with his “Russian/Polish” female server at his restaurant.
I have confronted him on this and of course he denies … denies … denies. He has been lying to me saying he had business meetings in the early evenings. I was actually believing him. Until I started snooping and discovered text messages that began in May 2016 (flirting, they miss each other, they love each other, giving her gifts, money, etc.)
They would meet for drinks after the restaurant closed. My husband is 30 years older than her. She has been married for 17 years and has two young girls. I have been so tempted to contact her husband to make him aware of this but I am not sure if this would be a good idea. I will figure this out later.
I started searching the interest for answers of who the other side of my husband was. I had never heard of a Sociopath. I started with searching personality disorders such as a Schmoozer, Overly Bubbly Personality, Con Artists, a Person that laughs after sentence and finally I discovered a Personality Disorder of called a Sociopath. I finally discovered Lovefraud.com and nailed it.
My husband is a Sociopath. This website has given me so much education, strength in how to exit the relationship and the NO CONTACT rule. Every day I read about a Sociopath to keep me strong so I don’t go back to him. This is helping me keep my sanity and myself grounded.
I told him I think he is a Sociopath and read to him all the signs. He sat there with a blank look not saying anything. He thinks I am crazy. Just recently I thought I could try to educate him hoping he could try to help himself. But now I realize there is no help for him. But I did say … if anything he should be AWARE of his actions behind the mask. I told him to please take some time and read about a Sociopath.
Everyone thinks we have the perfect relationship. And every single woman out there admires what they see us to be as a beautiful and perfect couple together … All women wish they could find the perfect man that I had found. Only if they knew!
A few days ago, I have started the “NO CONTACT” rule. He is texting/calling saying (I love you … I miss my wife and best friend). He’s texting saying I am worried about you and I’m going call 911 and said he is on his way over. The day before, I had given security at the gated entrance to my complex a sheet with two head shots and his two autos with the tag numbers. He showed up at the gate and they would not let him in. The guard told me later he became violent and almost ran over her.
I was shocked. Right now, he is texting and calling less. But he is getting lots of attention from his mistress right now. She is going to be his next victim. This will end up being a disaster for him. Especially if or when her husband discovers who she is seeing behind his back
This has been so hard because I am so in love with him. And, yes on the front side of our relationship I can really say we had the most beautiful … perfect relationship that anyone could ever imagine.
I have been following Donna’s advice. I am strong, I am doing very well mentally and keeping very positive and staying busy. And, continuously reading the “No Contact” rule. It’s helping me stay strong and disciplined. I would like to join Donna, hoping to educate others (male/female) about Sociopaths.
I have read many forums of other victim’s stories. They are all very similar. Today, I think everyone is googling anyone they meet as they start to date. I notice that no one is mentioning the name of their encounter with a Sociopath. I think we need to mention the “Sociopath’s” name any where we can on the internet so when people googling someone they just met they the Sociopath’s name will show up somewhere giving them a warning to be aware! We all can help others becoming a victim as we have.
I also read after a breakup a Sociopath will make me look to be the crazy one that destroyed our relationship. And, they are so good at lies that everyone will believe them. My husband is very close to his one and only daughter, age 46. She knows her father has had a lot of relationship breakups and past troubles in his life. She adores me and his ex-wife also adores me. His daughter told me early on that I was good for her father. Right now, his daughter and her family and her mother are all away on vacation. I think it is to my best interest to meet with the ex-wife as soon as she returns from vacation before he can meet with her to turn the family on me thinking I am crazy. I have evidence over the past 4 years to show proof of his betrayal, lies, dishonesty, etc., etc.
My next move it to file for divorce in which I have already scheduled a meeting with an attorney. I am not sure what to expect next from him. I am trying to stay aware of my surroundings at all times. I have been nauseous, can’t sleep, loss of appetite, nervous, anxiety and scared. I know everyone experiences the same. But there is hope, I am determined to stay strong. I am getting massages, chiropractic treatments, exercising, going to the ocean, etc. to help keeping my emotions and anxiety calm and release stress for my mental state and wellbeing.
NO MORE SNOOPING AND COUNTING VIAGRA’S FOR ME!!
Thank you so much Donna for educating the world about Sociopaths. Any way I can help to work with you on your mission, please let me know.