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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath

 

Young naked Man and woman in love are kissingMany people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired.

Well, there are reasons for this.

First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice.

So sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious downsides:

  1. Sociopaths cheat

Sociopaths are promiscuous — it’s one of the traits of the disorder. They start young and engage frequently. What they really want in their sex lives is variety, including a variety of partners. No matter how they may proclaim that they’ve changed, that you’re the person they’ve been waiting for forever and they’ll never need to look at another partner — well, sociopaths also lie a lot, and that’s one of their biggest lies. If you want a monogamous relationship, you will never get it with a sociopath.

  1. Sociopaths will push your boundaries

Sociopaths want excitement, stimulation and variety. They also get bored easily. So once your novelty as a new partner has worn off, they’ll want to shake up their love life, perhaps by engaging in practices that you find uncomfortable. They’ll make suggestions, and if you resist, they’ll lay on the guilt trip — “if you really loved me, you would do it.” They’ll chip away at your protests, until one day you may find yourself doing things that you once thought were degrading.

  1. Sociopaths use sex to manipulate you

Sociopaths target you because you have something that they want, and it may not be sex. Perhaps you have money, a nice home, social or business connections. Sociopaths know that if they can hook you sexually, you are easier to manipulate. So they take you to bed, and then press for what they really want. This is especially dangerous if you are married to someone else, work for the same organization or hold a prominent position — all of which would make you susceptible to blackmail.

  1. You’ll get addicted to the relationship

Sociopaths hijack the human bonding system. Love bonds are established in the beginning of the involvement, when sociopaths shower you with attention and sex. Sexual intimacy floods your body with oxytocin, a hormone and neurotransmitter that is the glue that holds people together. The more sex you have, the more you want the relationship. You can become addicted to the relationship, which makes it difficult to escape, even when you know something is wrong with the person.

  1. You’ll catch a sexually transmitted disease

Sociopaths are promiscuous. They are also reckless. And they want their stimulation. Taken together, this means they often don’t want to use protection. In a survey of Lovefraud readers, 20 percent said acquired an STD from the sociopath. In some cases, the sociopaths knew they were HIV positive, but continued to have unprotected sex, intentionally infecting multiple partners.

  1. Sociopaths may lie about sexual orientation

Some sociopaths are straight, some are gay, and some are neither straight nor gay — they’ll have sex with anyone. In the Lovefraud survey, 18.5 percent of respondents said their sociopathic partners lied about their sexual orientation. Why? It’s not necessarily because they are gay and still in the closet. More likely, they’re looking for variety, or you have something that they want, and they are using sex as a tool to manipulate you.

  1. You could end up with a pregnancy

Many sociopaths — both male and female — use pregnancy to trap their partners. Having a child with a sociopath is a nightmare. First of all, it gives the sociopath an opportunity to manipulate you for the rest of your life. Secondly, and more importantly, sociopathy is highly genetic. Your child may inherit a predisposition to the disorder, and grow up to be a sociopath also. I know of many parents who had to accept that their children are disordered, and it’s heartbreaking.

Sex with a sociopath may be thrilling in the moment, but it could result in serious, life-changing consequences. If you at all suspect that your charming, exciting new love interest is disordered, don’t go to bed with this person, and exit the involvement as soon as you can.

 



44 Comments on "7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath"

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  1. Caitlyn says:

    Wanted to chime back in on this in hopes of a response. The sociopath i was involved with often didn’t “finish” after sex. The entire 6 months span with him there was a lot of sex and i only recall him finishing 3 times. He always wanted me too but he wouldn’t. Would this be a manipulation strategy? Is this him showing his lack of emotional involvement? This hurt me a great deal and when i’d ask he’d say ” I don’t want you to get pregnant” but then days or weeks later he’d ask me do i want a child so he had me confused. If that was so concerning to him why no condoms? There was still small chances of getting pregnant even if he didn’t finish so why? Can someone help me clear the confusion?



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    • Caitlyn,

      Yes, it could have been all about control. Sociopaths often use sex to control their partners, and sometimes the way they do it is by denying sex. And then asking about having a baby – the more you are confused, the more he feels like he is controlling you.



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    • AnnettePK says:

      My ex psychopath behaved similarly. I eventually found out that he is a pedophile and did a lot of porn including child porn. I suspect that his lack of interest in sex and lack of ability to ‘finish’ was due to his lack of attraction to adult women, and that he did so much porn he was usually physically spent. There was also an element of control and sadistic game playing.



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      • Bev says:

        OMG…omg…

        You know, spaths are born spaths. Their brains are actually malformed.

        The same is also true with pedophiles. ( I know that some believe that if child is molested, that they will go on to also molest. Not true. There is much research on pedos and they are also born ‘wrong’ in the brain…go figure).

        In a way, I hate that. I hate that people can be led to believe that they (spaths and pedos) seemingly cannot ‘help themselves’. There may be a small grain of truth in that, however, every adult person still also has freedom of choice between doing what is right and what is wrong. When someone knows that something is a societal ‘WRONG’, then they must stop themselves from doing that thing that is wrong. Spaths included, as in their willful lying deceit and manipulation. Knowingly.

        It does not surprise me that pedos may also be spaths. How can they not be? Are all spaths also pedos…or have the propensity to be?

        Yikes…



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        • AnnettePK says:

          My ex psychopath was perverted in every way, including sex. I agree that pedophiles are by definition psychopaths – to do that kind of harm to children. ormal men are naturally to some degree protective of children. From what I’ve read, all spaths have the propensity to be pedophiles as well as murderers, whenever it suits their purpose for power, control, sadism, etc.



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        • AnnettePK says:

          People are born with the genetic propensity for many traits, such as addiction, alcoholism, anxiety, a hot temper, etc. The brain is also a fluid organ and behaviors do shape the brain to some degree in the same way that exercise shapes the body to some degree. A long distance runner doesn’t run because he has well developed leg muscles; rather he has well developed leg muscles because he runs.

          Compassion is partly learned, and taught by parents, etc. People have choices, and making right ethical and spiritual choices does develop one’s mindset. For example, for an ethical person the first lie told is difficult and causes consternation. But if the person continues to lie it becomes easier and bothers him/her less.

          There is an element of choice. In my experience good men are often motivated by a sense of doing with is ‘right’ even more than warm feelings of compassion. To some extent this is learned and reinforced by positive example.

          Nevertheless, there are likely some people whose brains are so physically disordered that they are very compelled to harm others for their perceived benefit. As you say, there is still that element of choice on some level, absent delusions, knowing right from wrong. Spaths have made a lot of consistent choices not to care how their behavior impacts others.



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      • Caitlyn says:

        Annette: i now see how its an element of control. For a long time I thought something was wrong and/or undesirable about me for someone to behave that way sexually. My ex before the sociopath never did this to me but the sociopath really had me confused. He used to mention porn a lot too and ask me to “try” things that like this article says that were degrading and something I wouldn’t do. I don’t think i’ve ever hated someone this much in my life!!!



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        • AnnettePK says:

          It’s normal and natural to hate someone who deliberately tried to make you feel bad about yourself so he could manipulate and abuse you. He deserves to be hated, but you might consider not letting your negative feelings for him to cause you stress and harm. He’s not worth it.



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  2. Sunnygal says:

    According to psychologist Pat Allen, men- not just sociopaths- don’t bond with sex. They can be emotionally uninvolved. That is why I have become increasingly conservative and see sex as only part of a committed relationship.



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    • Bev says:

      Hmmm. Men…

      But, wouldn’t the spath (SP/P) brain, in particular, be even more so prone to pedophelia? In that they are not wired properly at all and are, by most accounts, seemingly without emotion or conscience?

      In that they are not emotionally involved on any level, in any aspect of humanness, and what that all entails?

      It is certainly something to look at further.



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    • AnnettePK says:

      Refraining from sex until in a committed relationship is a good idea for most women. It’s old fashioned wisdom that’s been part of Western Culture and the major western religions for thousands of years, and abandoned only in the last couple of generations.



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      • jm_short says:

        Annette-

        Sorry to disappoint you, but refraining from sex ’til you have a committed relationship won’t help. I can’t even begin to count the number of victims who’ve come to me thinking they waited ’til they had a committed relationship, and were totally scammed.

        Sexual predators have patience. They probably are getting it on the side anyway, so why not. They frequently juggle more than one person on their line. Even people who wait ’til they marry can get scammed.

        Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning jumping into bed with someone ’cause waiting doesn’t matter. I’m just waiting does not provide protection from being scammed.



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        • Caitlyn says:

          Yes they are patient. He was patient in the beginning didn’t pressure me for sex. I thought this was his way of being respectful but little did i know he didn’t need to pressure me because he had the fiancé and God knows who else on the side to get it from.



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        • AnnettePK says:

          I agree that it won’t always prevent harm, particularly with spaths. However, anything that delays the bonding and the intimacy of sexual activity provides time for the potential victim to discern the true character of the predator.

          There is empirical evidence that long term happiness and short term protection from harm does result from refraining from sexual activity outside a committed relationship.

          I hope that each participant’s contribution here will be respected even when our views differ. I agree that refraining from sex absent a commitment is not a guarantee; however, I believe that Sunnygal’s decision will help protect her.



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