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She was almost like a drug that I was addicted to

Spath TalesEditors Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Sawyer”

1. Started talking in October, she met me through my sister’s Facebook. She saw a pic of me that my sister posted with my niece. She winked in the comments and added me on Facebook on October 2nd.

2. Month of October, started talking a little on Facebook, we did not talk a lot. Setup a date for her and I to go eat at Zukies asked if she liked Japanese food she said yes. She did not show up, said that she got into a fight with her mom and could not come. I talked to her told her I could come pick her up, she said she was embarrassed about where she lived and did not want me to see it. So I just said okay and let it set for a week.

3. She contacted me and wanted to try again this time I invited her to my house and that I would make her dinner. Told her she could bring Ryan if she could not find a baby sister. Said she was coming but then never showed had a big meal all to myself. she contacted me around 10pm and said that she got into another fight with her mom and that she was over at friends house and that her phone had died. Which looking back is probably all bull sh*t.

4. Did not talk to her for awhile. November rolls around she starts liking everything I put on Facebook. It was so bad I could have went on to Facebook and put Hitler was a stand up dude and she would have liked it. Almost like she had automated program liking all my post. Started talking again in mid November. She told me her mom would pull her out of bed and want to fight her. She also told me her and her sister would get into it and how she could not take it anymore. I would try to cheer her up and offer for her to come over to my place. Told her she could bring Ryan and sleep in my spare bedroom. She would tell me thinks but she was too embarrassed for me to come get her.

5. One night she told me that she was joining the Marines on Facebook and I told her I thought that was great that she was making an effort for her and her son’s future. I told her I would like to buy a Marine a beer before she left for basic training she told me sure.

6. A week later she asked me when I wanted to go for that beer. This was in early November I told her to pick a bar and we could meet their. She never got back with me.

7. Then she talked to me on her birthday when I was in trade show in Chicago. She asked what I was doing I told her I was in Chicago at a trade show and she said never mind.

8. The next day I sent her a message in the morning asking what that was all about last night. She told me nothing and not to worry about anything.

9. She contacts me in early December asking when we were going to get a beer I told her pick a bar and meet me there. She never did. We talked almost every day online for hours. She keeps liking everything I post.

10. Mid December we talk more about how bad her family is to her and how she can’t go out with me because she was afraid what they might do to me or that they would hate me. I told her I a was interested in her and did not care what other people think. That I was interested in investing my time and energy in a relationship with her. She said that she was terrible at picking places so I picked bar Louie on December 30th when I got back from a work trip. I go to bar Louie she never shows. She said she was in the hospital and that she was so sorry. I told her I needed a sanity check if she was really in the hospital. She sent me picture of a hospital bracelet and called me an asshole. I told her I was so sorry but for her to look at it in my shoes and then she said she could understand my perspective and promised she was not playing games. Looking back at the pic I was able to blow it up the bracelet had April 2015 on it. That coincides with Ryan’s birth month so it was an old pic she was not in the hospital.

11. Dec 31st she asks me to go out with her New year’s eve I told her I don’t know what I am doing yet. I think this made her mad that I did not want go with her right away. I kept playing it that way. I let her contact me about it versus me setting the time and place. She invited me out to Boogie nights with her Black friend don’t remember her name. This was the only way for me and her to go out with each other because her friend’s mom was watching Ryan so Lonnie would be with her.

12. Boogie Nights was crazy, I wanted to try to talk to Lonnie face to face see who she really is in person. Well that lasted a whole ten minutes as she got really physical. Started kissing me was all over me, dirty dancing etc. Not typical first date behavior. Hell I Just wanted to get to know her she just wanted to be physical. Almost broke it off that night but thought she was just young and youthful and that we did talk a lot online. She kept on wanting to go back to my car but I told her it would not be nice to leave her friend alone in the club by herself. Another strange event happened that night at boogie nights someone got stabbed in the club around 1:45ish see we went over to blush across the street. The black girl’s mom freaked out and came and picked them up. Lonnie told me they were going to go to a lounge but that never happened, I showed up and she messages me didn’t you get my message to hold up. She sent that when I just parked. She then told me that the mom was too drunk to drive there and that they were going to get Taco Bell and go home. Turns out she went to Denny’s. Why lie about where you’re eating kind of stupid. She wanted to go out again Saturday.

13. Saturday rolls around she never contacts me until later that night. She calls and said that she was really tired and the she was sick and she was sorry she did not contact me. So there is another ditched date.

14. January 5th she tells me she has something important to tell me and that she needed to talk to me. So she said she was coming over to my place and said she was arguing with her mother blah blah blah. I told her this is bull sh*t and that I will come and get her and that her family is not going to decide when we see each other. So she said that she was too embarrassed. I told her that my dad comes from a poor farm family in Mount Carmel and that I would not look down on her at all. I told her that I was interested in having a serious relationship with her and that I would help be the shield against whatever was bothering her. I felt really bad for her, I hate to see people get mistreated and put down. I always try to do the right thing and help people out as much as I can. So she tells me to come get her and Ryan around 8:30. I setup the pack in play that use for my Niece and had the spare bedroom setup. We played with Ryan for a bit and he fell asleep. I had made no sexual move toward her at all, she then ask why haven’t you kissed me yet. I told her I did not want to do anything like that out of respect for Ryan. She gave me the strangest looks. I told her that I had the spare bed ready for her. She look at me even more strange. She then told me to kiss her and that he is asleep and I did. She wanted me to do her on the couch I told her no that we should not do that with Ryan sleeping right there and that we should go to the bedroom. So we go to the bedroom and she tells me that she loves me. I was shocked and was thinking to myself maybe she is the one. I told her I loved her back. I will leave out the rest of the details. I was a little shocked that she was up for sex already. But I am 29 years old I am not going to turn down sex from a beautiful 21 year old woman. She pushed the issue pretty hard too. We were talking afterwards and I asked her what did you need to tell me. She said that the doctor told her she might have a brain tumor. Which I think now is pure bull sh*t because she wanted to see how I would react to see if I was truly in love with her. It really upset me because I had a bout with Melanoma cancer in August/ September. The next day I dropped her off at her parents’ house on her way to work. She took my Volbeat Hoodie and said I would get it back eventually. She also told me that I was hers and that she was not going to share me with anyone. Which is kind of strange now that I think about it.

15. During the rest of the week she was constantly texting me that she loved me and missed me. I asked her if she was coming over for the weekend she said yes and that I was not getting rid of her that easy.

16. I was supposed to pick her up Friday around noon but she never responded to my calls said she needed some sleep etc. was probably all bull sh*t and she was with someone else at the time. I then I picked up around 8:00 on Friday. The moment Ryan fell asleep she was all over me again. She then did her first strange thing, we were in the shower and she said did you not see that I wrote I love you in the shower Tuesday night , and she acted like she wiped off on the shower glass. She said I knew you did not clean this thing. But the thing is I cleaned it Friday when I was cleaning the house so that was really strange. I just didn’t say anything and thought it was her being cute. Saturday I remember that she said she like Sushi and Japanese food. So I went to Kanpi and picked up some sushi and chicken fried rice. She did not eat any of the sushi , she told me I am not eating that. So in hindsight she lied about liking Japanese food. We went to Wal-Mart and I bought Ryan baby food and diapers and bought him really cool walker toy. She told me that I did not have to pay for all that, and I told her not to worry about it. I took her home Sunday night. Behavior note: She still constantly during the week sending me text saying how she loves me etc.

17. On the 11th she tells me that her babysitter bailed and she needed someone to watch Ryan. I told her the best I could do was picking him up in Evansville by 4:15ish. She tells me the address and that I am pick her up from her brother in laws. This is first time I meet Kelly. Found out that Lonnie told her that I was the BF of the babysitter that watching Ryan. Why lie about that makes no sense. She picked Ryan up and went home. She had some heavy set guy driving her in a caddy which was kind of strange.

18. Then on Tuesday she asked me to watch Ryan again I said sure and that’s when I met you. She told me that you were a family friend of her dad’s. I end up watching Ryan the rest of the week.

19. She stays the night Friday after work. She pushes sex again. Then she tells me that I am old man and a horn dog, which I thought was strange considering she pushed the issue. Saturday we go to Kohl’s and I buy her and Ryan $360 worth of clothes. She did not say thank you or anything about the clothes. Even makes the comment that she could pay for them if she wanted to. When we were in the car. I thought that was a sh*tty thing to say to someone that just bought some nice gifts. We go eat at Outback for dinner after Kohl’s. Does not say thank you or anything. No clue why I did not see this as bad behavior. She just had me to where I loved her so freaking much it was almost sick. I did not care if she was treating me badly. She was almost like a drug that I was addicted to at this point. I would do anything for her, which was scary.

20. Watch Ryan again the whole week. She continues to text that she loves me all the time and misses me etc.

21. I was so madly in love with her I decided to say to hell with it and asked her to marry me. She told me the first weekend we were together that I would end up proposing to her in six months. So I said f*ck it what difference does it make. Stupid me. So on the 22nd I catch her off guard and ask her to marry me. She says yes, but she was not over ecstatic about it. We went into Kay Jewelers picked out a ring Saturday. Then she bothered me every day about that ring until she got it. She would tell me I want my ring. You would think she would just be happy to be engaged that should have been a big red flag but I had the blinders on big time and missed it. She meets my parents Sunday and we tell them the news. This was the first time the met Lonnie, they wanted to tell me there was something off but when we sprung the news they did not want to say anything. Lonnie did not want me to meet her parents because she said that they were bad people and that I would not like them. And that they would not accept me. Which I think now is totally bull sh*t. She wanted me to wait until valentine’s day to announce it and meet them. She then tells me she wants to get out of town next weekend so I booked the Nashville trip. She also got onto my phone plan that week and I get her a phone.

22. Same type of week as before she text me all time that she loves me etc.

23. She tells me Wednesday that she is getting moved to third shift, she was all upset. I told her if she did not want to work thirds to quit her job and I would take care of her and Ryan until she can find first-shift job. She ignored it, which I thought was strange considering we were in engaged I just offered a way out. Then I talked and that she should move in with me that way I can take her to work at night and her uncle can drop her off in mornings. So she set moving date of February 5th. She also wanted me to get a family car that would be easier to put Ryan in. So I went and traded my Challenger RT shaker in for Chrysler 200 C. I bring the car home and she says I think it was easier to put him in the other car. I was pissed but did not say anything.

24. Nashville we drove down to Nashville Saturday. We went to the mall and I bought her more clothes and Victoria’s secret sh*t. I also bought Ryan some cool rock and metal ones but I did not mind that. I am glad I bought all the stuff I did for him, he deserves it all and more for what he has to deal with. She acted like the hotel was no big deal, she did not care about the cool waterfalls the indoor town or the cool water light shows. I was like wow I just spent all this money and she could care less. At least Ryan had fun. I did not have sex with her because Ryan was in the room. I think that made her mad. We did not have sex anymore after this point.

25. She started third shift and starts to be really bitchy. I just chalked it up to working thirds put she treated me like sh*t. I was making her dinners before she went to work and driving her. She did not really care at all. She even told me one day that I have strange small chest for a guy. I just brushed it off and told her that It was my Irish Scottish heritage from my mom’s side. she just rolled her eyes. I think she was trying to get me to feel bad about my body, but I just brushed it off. She made a lot of small attacks like that during this week, just ignored it. I would get off work and come home and it would seem like Ryan had been in his pack and play all day. She would deny it but he would have diaper rash etc. Really pissed me off but I still did not say anything. It seemed like no matter what I did that week it was never enough. She would always try to start fights but I ignored it. She even got bold and said I think Ryan loves you more than me. I just ignored it, has her being immature. I worked one day on a service call at Gibbs told her I was coming home early. She got kind of freaky like someone might have been there with her. Why did you not tell me you might be home early today etc etc We could have planned something etc etc. She had the sex hair going on too when I got home, which I ignored. I swear there was a white stain on my couch which magically disappeared after I went to take a piss.

26. I took that day off to help her move in on the 5th, she then tells me that it’s big adjustment for her and Ryan and that she wants to move in slowly overtime. Which was bull sh*t because Ryan had been at my house every day since January 8th. On that day I was going to enroll Ryan into daycare at Highpoint on the west side so I could drop him off there in the mornings and pick him up on the way home. So Lonnie could get some sleep. We also find out that day she is back on 2nd shift but she had to finish out her 3rds on the weekend. After I had paid the 150 dollar deposit to enroll him at Highpoint.

27. She is back on 2nds starting Tuesday the 9th. I picked her up at her parents place Saturday to take her to work. We were going to hang out all day Saturday but she said something about her sister was depressed and needed her. Which was probably bullsh*t. I ended up picking her up at 5pm to take her to work and bring Ryan to my place. She was all pissy like I had done something wrong. She did not text me as much even with me sending pics of Ryan playing. When I picked her up she was all happy which I thought was strange bought her some fast food for breakfast she did not want to go to Cracker Barrel acted like someone might be there. So she tell me to wake her up at 4pm so she can get ready for Sunday 3rds. I take care of Ryan all day while she sleeps or acts like she sleeping texting under the covers. I wake her up at 4pm and she is pretty hostile towards me about it. It was like walking on eggshells I even served her fried chicken and mac and cheese I made. It made no difference. She was all pissy and unloving all the way to when I dropped her off. She did not even kiss me or say she loved me when she got out of the car.

28. I picked her up Monday February 8th morning told her I was using one of my work from home days to surprise her. Though she turned red like I had just ruined her day. Told her I would watch Ryan and work so she could sleep. Thought I was doing her a service, She told me to wake her up by 6pm that night. I watch Ryan all day and do programming and answer emails on my computer. I wake her up at 6pm and she asked me why I never came and laid in bed with her. I told her I did not want to mess with her sleep. She acted made that I woke her up, we went to Wal-Mart to buy Ryan baby food she barely said a word to me the whole time. Then she came in laid on the couch and acted like she was asleep. I told her let’s go to bed and she said she would be in there in a minute. I was in the bedroom for 30 min then went back in there and told her I did not want her to sleep on the couch and that I would feel bad. She told me she would be in there in a minute. I go back to the bedroom and then come in 20 min later to get a drink. I Glance over and she was giving me this evil grin. I don’t think she saw that I saw her, she then followed me to bed. She was all loving wanted me to cuddle her etc etc. Ryan started crying a few hours later I was getting up to get him and she said no baby I got it go back to bed all loving. This was the first time in about a month that she got out of bed to take care of him.

29. Tuesday February 9th she had no one to watch him for the time she got off work. So I was able to get my sister to take Ryan to my mom’s for her to watch him while I got off work. My mom was also watching my sisters’ baby at the time so she was not happy but did it as a favor for me. When I told Lonnie that my sister would pick him up and my mom would watch she replied back that why I love you, even though she had been extremely pissy Monday. She said You can always solve my problems. Which I thought was strange. She stayed the night which was the last night she stayed at my place. She changed her hair color that night to blonde , she kept going in out of the bathroom and kept waking me up.

30. Wednesday watch Ryan she was getting really short with her text. I think she might have met someone at work. Odds are she was doing the same thing she did at the gym with a guy she found at berry. I can’t prove anything but the thought was always there. This part below is the part which I denied and just now started to admit this is what actually happened. I was in a deep dark place for a month after this and had walled it all off in my head.

31. Thursday watch Ryan again she does not even text me to tell me who has him. I had to send her a text to find out. She told me where. I knew something had to be going on. Who tells you to pick up their child and then does not tell you where they are going to be. I think she had to have some type of unloving crazy personality going on this week or something. I think she may have been trying for me to get upset and end it. So she can say it was all my fault. I just thought she was having a bad week and that I would cheer her up over the weekend. She picks Ryan up said she is staying at her parents place — something about her mom wanted to see her etc etc. She told me that she would have me come and get her Friday and I called her around 11 and I can take her to work after we go to Wal-Mart to buy Ryan’s stuff.

32. Friday she calls me says she just woke up and she is getting ready. two hours later she said she fell back asleep and that her normal friend would take her to work. This is bull sh*t now looking back. I think her New F*ck buddy was available so she just lied and blew me off and then here strange heavy set male friend brought her to my place to drop off Ryan. Then she said Ryan had been awful all day and was being really mean, and then she said I think he loves you more than me. I told her I am not responding to that because that’s not something you talk about with a child’s mother. Looking back she was just baiting me for a fight. We were supposed to announce our engagement on that Saturday. I reminded her and she had this oh sh*t look on her face. Not that I should have to remind anyone of the day of engagement announcement. She was extremely short that night with text. Until something amazing happened Ryan took his first steps. I sent her a text he is walking !!!!!!!!!!!!!. She calls me and the first thing she asked me is so what I am dealing with ! I was like Ryan is walking this is so cool, she acted like it was going to be burden on her. I was thinking in my head what the f*ck is wrong with you. Then I told her I was going to go get my car washed and she told me that I did not need to do that because it was going to rain. She always wanted me to tell her when I was going somewhere with Ryan. I was like okay well I am going to go Chipotle and get burritos and she said that’s fine. Which I thought was strange. It was almost like she was not working and she did not want to risk running into me. I was just telling a white lie to go to Zedlers and get her a nice valentine’s day gift. I went to Zadlers and bought a nice red vice with roses and golden heart hanging down spent $200 dollars on chocolates and rose petals etc. Ryan fell asleep and I had the house decorated for Valentine’s day. She called me and told me something about someone getting sick and that she could not stay the night and that she would be back over Saturday. I was kind of pissed because she did this at the last moment and I had spent all that money. She said I sounded hateful on the phone, but she had been short and sh*tty with me all day. She knew I was pissed so when she came to get Ryan she was all loving and then she took her expensive Jeans and bag with all of her stuff with her. She said don’t worry baby I am taking this stuff so when you pick me up tomorrow I look really good for you. I bought it because she was also being extremely sexual so I would let my guard down. She said she had a big surprise for me.

33. I send her a text when I woke up that I loved her and good morning. She said I love you too. It was the last time she said it. Then she said she has been up since 7am and is going back to bed. I was thinking WTF were you doing to be up till 7am. I did not say anything I was worrying all day thinking the worst. So I send her a text before I go see the movie dead pool with my buddy Chris. Told her I was going to see Dead Pool and if she need anything or wanted me to pick her up afterwards to give me a call or text and I hope everything was okay with her sick family member. She sends me a text saying don’t worry everything is fine, you are probably over thinking things. My buddy Chris was like dude she is pushing over thinking with you not over thinking something is wrong. I started to get worried I sent her a text hey do you want me to come pick you up. She said I don’t know yet I will let you know later. Was not used to this behavior, my buddy Chris was with me he was concerned because he could tell I was getting upset. She had me addicted to her and he said I hate seeing you like this man. This is not healthy, he called my parents and they came over to make sure I did not do anything rash or stupid because he had plans with his girl that night, I reach out to her a few hours later to make sure she was okay and told her I loved her very much. I tried to call her and I told her I wanted to talk to her. She said Why? I told her because it’s Valentine’s day and we are engaged. She said I am not into this romance stuff and I told you this up front! Truth was I was just trying to talk to her to see WTF was going on. Odds are in my mind she was with someone else.

34. I did not talk to her Sunday. I knew it was over, my family stayed with me to make sure I did not do anything stupid because I was a wreck. I sent her a text saying that we need to talk face to face and that I knew something was not right. She responded saying she would be over tomorrow. I was like tomorrow is Monday what is wrong with her. She did not even know what day of the week it was. Looking back she had got paid that week and really hope she was not doing drugs. I doubt it, but the thought did cross my mind. So I decided to work from home Monday just in case she was going to slip in and grab the rest of her sh*t.

35. Monday morning I sent her a text, and It said the following. I really hope you are okay, please tell me what’s going on. If you are wanting to break up with my just tell me. I will box up are your stuff bring it to your mom and dad’s and you can give me back the ring and we can go our separate ways. All she said, was just woke up and nothing after that. I changed the locks.

36. Wednesday I sent her a text telling her I am shutting off her phone Friday of next week to give her some time. No response.

37. Thursday. She sends me a late text asking me if her leather jacket was there. After all the heart ache and emotional bull sh*t she put me in . This was her first text to me. I responded I don’t know I boxed up all of your stuff and I don’t want to get upset going through it all to see if I have your leather Jacket. She replies well all my stuff at my parents is gone, my sister took all my stuff. So then I figured okay she was with someone else the whole time! I respond well if you would have stuck with me and moved in you would not have this problem. She just texted back shut up. Then I asked can you meet me at Best Buy Saturday around 5pm to get your stuff. She said yes.

38. Had a awful weekend . I un-friended her on Facebook on Friday to stop seeing her feeds. When I went to un-friend she put that she wanted to move away get away from all this bull sh*t. I was thinking WTF is she talking about now, she is nuts. So I commented call me. She deleted the comment and I un-friended her. Most likely trying to make some other sucker of a guy feel bad for her so she can pull the same sh*t she pulled on me. She did not show up Saturday said she was with her grandma from Kentucky. Which was total bull sh*t! She knew i was standing out in the Best Buy parking lot waiting for her. She probably drove by and had a good laugh.

39. Monday I get a text asking what time I can pick up Ryan. I was like WTF is she nuts? I sent her a text I thought we were done. I can pick him up but we are having a serious freaking talk about why you are acting like this and what the hell is going on ! She said oh sorry wrong number. I knew that was bullsh*t!. So I sent her a text to tell her how dare you use Ryan to get at me. You know that I would do anything for him and now you’re just trying to twist the knife. She told me stop being a prick and that why it never worked out between us. I was thinking W F is she talking about. I was never mean to her accept one time the day she left, and that was because all the sh*t I did for her that night. I told her would a Prick take you to work and watch your son for a month and half ! Would a prick take you to Nashville and buy you nice things. Would a prick trade in the car the he loved to make you feel more safe and comfortable! Then she responded you are too clingy and leave me alone!. Then I got really pissed , I was like f*ck this sh*t. I am paying for her cell phone and for her cell phone bill. I am cutting her off. I got to AT&T and shut her sh*t off. She contacts me on Facebook and goes ballistic. Tells me I ruined her plain of getting out of Evansville , and that phone was a gift and I can’t turn it off. Was thinking she had lost it, but in actuality her true crazy self was coming out. She was raging mad like when someone takes a toy away from two year old. She then said she would see me in court. I responded wow. Told her the contract is in my name, nothing you can do. Then she said she was going to the police about it. Then she changed tactics said the reason she left was someone threatened our relationship and that she broke up with me to protect me. She said she can’t be Facebook friends with me anymore but she would still talk to me on the phone from her new location if I turned her phone back on. I was like she has gone totally wacko. I told her look I am sorry that I turned your phone off but you treated me like sh*t so that’s why. Then I said if that’s true let me come and get you and I will protect you. Then she changed tactics again. She said she was pawning the ring and keeping the phone because they were gifts. I told her that’s fine I don’t care about that stuff. She said don’t even think about bringing that stuff to my parents house restraining order ! I was thinking what the hell happened to the women I had been with these past months. I said okay I am just going to ship them to you UPS I wish you and Ryan the best in life, and I hope you can find someone that can take care of you. She responded back I hate you! I responded back I don’t hate you. She told me I was a stupid old man that plays paintball and I will never be young again. I was like okay thanks, leaving to ship your stuff. Then she said, Ha do you think I ever cared ! I blocked her after that and I have no contact with her.

40. I get contacted by her sister Amber. She sends me a message request asking who I was and why I sent this stuff to Lonnie. I told her most of the story and sent her my conversation with Lonnie. She said she was so sorry and that Lonnie is the one that uses people and not her. She got some of my stuff back for me.

41. I have been trying to recover from my experiences with her by doing online research about mental illness, talking with friends family and going to therapy. It really has helped me to some extent. I will always carry around the scar that Lonnie gave me and I pray for little Ryan. This has been one of the biggest mind f*cks I have ever had in my life. I am trying to move on and hopefully one day I can look back and laugh about what happened. I am starting to write a fictional story based off of these events. I hope to have it done sometime by the end of this year. I am trying to take all the negatives and turned them into positives. Hopefully I will not make the same mistakes in the future and fall into a black widows web of lies.

 



3 Comments on "She was almost like a drug that I was addicted to"

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  1. Bev says:

    My goodness…I am so sorry that you have gone through this!

    How convoluted SP/Ps are. They drag us right into their clusterf**k.

    It is funny, I too use the saying ‘mind f**king when I talk about my SP son. That is exactly what dealing with them feels like.

    Thank you for sharing your plight with this girl, who is most certainly disordered. Cutting her off and establishing no contact with her was the exact right thing to do. It is the ONLY thing to do.

    Life can only get better for you now, for you are stronger, and you are wiser.

    Cheers to you ‘Sawyer’.



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  2. Resa says:

    Sorry you had to go through all of that chaos. Your story sounds like you were dating my borderline sister. The come here and then go away. The attention seeking and then not following through with dates. The strange initiation of sex early on. They way she used you and then discarded you. The lies and confusion. You did great by her son and I hate she used you.



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  3. Sunshinemo says:

    Hi. That took a lot of courage and patience for you to track and post the endless games played by your ex! And I’m willing to bet after you wrote it you realized there are probably even More clues that you forgot to mention. It seems obvious in retrospect but you, like those of us with a conscience, thought you were being a good person, being patient, making compromises, etc., just like we’re inclined to do in the name of making a relationship work. When you’re knee-deep in the sludge it’s very hard to maintain perspective because you’re a tenacious optimist like many of us and think “if only this gets resolved, THEN everything will be fine.” Except it never will be. I started journaling and keeping detailed notes on my ex narcissist/psychopath in less than two weeks and three dates in!! That should’ve been a sign for me to run the other way but it wasn’t. I kept trying to reconcile what was going on, my part in it, etc., whether I was overreacting or if this was how relationships just work. I would get so exasperated by the lack of progress that I’d vow to either break up and move on or to dig my heels in and make it work come hell or high-water. It definitely became an obsession if not a full time job. Like your situation, I think he did things with the intention of inciting me to break up with him. I broke up with him countless times, including leaving him in Las Vegas and flitting home by myself. He also gave me the silent treatment countless times which felt like him breaking up with me. A book I highly recommend you to read is, “He’s Scared, She’s Scared” and you will hopefully find solace in seeing almost your exact story experienced by others. Obviously forums like this one also help us to know we’re not alone, we’re not stupid, we’re not gullible, we’re not hopelessly flawed or anything of the sort. We just didn’t know what we were dealing with, either before or during the “relationship” and in the aftermath we’re looking for answers and peace. I still struggle with thinking about my ex but it’s been over 6 months since I’ve seen him. I’m now in the position to see all of the BS for what it was, shake my head and laugh at how pathetic he is and more importantly to accept my naiveté. And with knowledge, I was able to spot another narcissist plain as day and end all contact within three dates without emotional involvement. I’m glad you shared your experience and that you’re free of that unnecessary trauma and drama in your life!!



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