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She pursued me, produced divorce papers, but was married the entire time

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Gretta.”

Many of people join groups on Facebook with similar interests to meet up with friends and potentially if we find ourselves lucky or unlucky enough in my case something more. In my particular case, it was an older lesbian group on FB.

I am going to share a very private, yet painful experience that I have encountered with you all in hopes this may prevent another person from going thru the emotional, heart breaking, financial and shameful experience that I have recently encountered.

First a little history about me. July of this upcoming year, will be two years since my Wife passed away suddenly. I joined this group in hopes of simply engaging with like minded people, have some laughs and truthfully a distraction.

Here in this group, over a year ago, I met a very charming, beautiful woman. She supplied me with hundreds of photographs to verify she was who she was. We talked for hours and hours via chat, text and messaging. Phone wasn’t her preference she assured me and although I wasn’t the texting type, I bent my normal self to learn the art of texting.

She shared with me her life story. Seemed extremely genuine and even introduced me to her children with hundreds of photos and videos. As you may guess, I eventually travelled to meet her in person.

Instantaneously there was an immediate sexual attraction and so our intense whirlwind of a relationship began.

In the first four months I travelled back and forth to TN at least six times and stayed at her home

I fell in love with her children immediately.

You see, she has two small children. One of the girls is less than two years old.

At first, her FB page was open to me and she accepted me as a friend.

Then the red flags began to surface.

Where I questioned her relationship with a woman whose pictures where on her page. She stressed to me over and over that this woman was her past but she remained friendly with her.

She convinced me I was jealous, stubborn and even a bit paranoid.

I assure you, and anyone who knows me. I was married to gorgeous woman for 10 years and jealousy is not something I possess.

Self doubt creped in…and my intuition told me to be on guard.

On my last visit to TN I discovered something that truly told me this woman was lying to me. Ultimately and confirmed via social media less than two weeks after my visit to TN, this same woman got legally married to another woman!

I was crushed.

You see, for the first time in a very long time, I began to breathe and have feelings of love for this woman and her children. She begged me to forgive her…..She begged me. She told me that she had made the biggest mistake of her life and didn’t love the other woman. I backed out gracefully.

For the next six months she pursued me hard and heavy….I told her I wouldn’t have any relations with her or SEE her if she was in a relationship or married to someone else. I am a lot of things, but I DO HAVE INTEGRITY and HONOR!.

Ultimately she produced divorce papers proving she had dissolved this relationship and wanted to prove to me that she was wanting to start a new life with me and her children. You see I refused to see her during this period. I wouldn’t although invited hundreds of times to come to TN unless I knew for certain she wasn’t married.

Fast forward. During this six month time she would often call me in a panic, crying, fearful even about the ex-wife, and then bills….bills piling up because of non receipt of child support, the baby not having diapers, doctor bills, etc. Yes, in addition, she was let go of her old job because there were ties to the ex-wife there.

I helped her. Yes, I surely did. I own that.

What I didnt know was that this woman secured my credit card info and was for the entire year charging everything from Sephora, Macys, Ebay, electric bills etc without my consent.

Today: Why am I sharing this with all of you. I am not seeking your pity. This happens much too much within our community and its time we expose ourselves, our stories so in hopes this doesn’t happen to another vulnerable, lonely, sister! We need to make each other aware, share our stories and know this could happen to you.

I am not seeking revenge. I am not a vindictive person. Quite frankly she knows me and chose me because she thinks I would be ashamed, isolated from revealing this experience with others.

Speak up!

Listen to your intuition!

Ask your friends for advice!

Don’t be afraid that you may lose her if you push for answers from her! The right woman will be willing to be honest and respect your concerns.

End of my story: She is married.

She played not only me, but her wife this entire time. She used her children and will continue to for her own selfish needs. I have pursued criminal and civil action against her.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself!



2 Comments on "She pursued me, produced divorce papers, but was married the entire time"

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  1. becomingstrong says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Your experience underscores the difficulty of being involved with these types-you get to deal with their deceit and lies for a long time to come. It’s not enough to find out that she was married and involved with someone else-you now get to clean up your credit and the financial duping. Long after the person physically leaves your life their footprint of disaster is smeared all over your life and moving forward is near impossible when every time you open your credit card statement you have anxiety and fear. But remember we do have a major advantage to these types and that is they are parasitical and we are not. They need us we don’t need them. So you will move on and find something better they will just find another host to feed off of.



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  2. slimone says:

    Gretta,

    My heart goes out to you. I had a very similar experience, and found out about 9 months in that there were in fact multiple other women, lying, and total deception. The financial thing also, as I had co signed a very large loan that he had no intention of paying. I had no legal recourse and ended up paying the debt to save my credit.

    My dearest friend, who is lesbian, was involved in a terrible situation with a disordered woman, for over 5 years. She told me part of what kept her in that situation was that she felt she had so few women to choose from, and that being gay made her feel she needed to MAKE her relationship work at all costs. Like she ‘represented’ the community. She was grappling with living outside the cultural norm AND trying to understand this form of Crazy. I am happy to say she finally triumphed!

    I applaud you for sharing your experience, it takes bravery and humility; but certainly will have a positive impact on other people who read it. We needn’t be ashamed that we were deceived; the blame and ‘light’ needing to be squarely placed where it belongs- on the DECEIVER.

    I hope you hold up well in your legal dealings. Please continue to share with us if you feel it would help you, and if you feel you learn things that would help all of us.



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