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Archive for March, 2016

Sociopaths Serve Up Double Standards

DblStandard

Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn’t think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with “Paul.” Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed.

Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath

Coming this spring: Lovefraud online courses for survivors and therapists

lovefraud CE 72dpi_350x97

One of the big reasons why so many people fall for sociopaths and other exploiters is that we don’t know they exist, don’t know the warning signs, and don’t know how to escape. Lovefraud is taking a big step towards solving these problems by offering online education for mental health professionals and the public.

This initiative has been in the works for almost two years. The program will launch in May/June — we’re still finalizing the details. If you want to be notified about when the courses will be offered and when registration will open, join our mailing list for Lovefraud Continuing Education News.

Most courses will be webinars, either one hour or two hours long. You’ll log in and watch the instructor’s presentation on your computer screen, while the instructor explains his or her material. (If you’ve ever attended a meeting or webinar on the Citrix GoToMeeting platform, then you’ll know what to expect.) If you have questions, you’ll be able to send them via chat or email, and the instructor will respond.

Alleged Long Island pedophile and his official enablers

 

Cesar Gonzales-Mugaburu of Ridge, in Long Island, New York, apparently made a living by caring for foster kids. He took in six to eight kids at a time, and was paid as much as $18,000 a month.

Gonzales-Mugaburu was arrested on March 18 and charged with molesting seven of the foster kids, and the family dog.

This is bad enough, but the story gets worse. Debbie Edwards, a school social worker filed complaints against Gonzales-Mugaburu starting back in 1998, but school administrators told her to back off.

The SCO Family of Services, the agency handling the placements, told Edwards that they would stop sending children to Gonzales-Mugaburu, but they continued to do it.

Then it turns out that a lawsuit has been filed against SCO Family of Services for forcing employees to work unpaid overtime. The company sent 71 kids to Gonzales-Mugaburu.

Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery

body keeps the scoreBook Review: The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Review by Donna Andersen

Many, many Lovefraud readers say that after your experience with a sociopath, you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if you haven’t been diagnosed by a professional, you’re probably right. But what, exactly, does that mean? And what can you do about it?

All the answers are in this book. The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, is the best explanation I’ve ever seen on the causes, effects and treatment of trauma. I strongly recommend that every mental health professional who reads Lovefraud also read this book. And for those of you who are experiencing PTSD and want to understand it, the book will be extremely helpful, although it also may be triggering to your symptoms.

Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, offers an online chat support group on Sunday Apr. 3

Mary Ann GlynnIf you’re looking for others who understand what you’re going through, a live chat support group will be held this Sunday April 3, 2016 at 8 pm EST for partners of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. To join the live chat, go to www.destructiverelationshipshelp.com.  Scroll down the home page to the Services section. Click on the highlighted “live chat support group,” and you will be brought to the chat room as a Guest#. Hope to see you there!

March 30: Free online introduction to Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine

Energy Medicine pioneer Donna Eden

Energy Medicine pioneer Donna Eden

Recently I received an email about a free online program being presented by Donna Eden, the pioneer of energy medicine, on Wednesday, March 30, 2016.

Energy medicine is a combination of Eastern healing disciplines and Western science. The basic premise is that life energy flows through our bodies — called qi in Chinese medicine and prana in Sanskrit. All illness reflects a block or disturbance in the life force. Opening the block and restoring the proper energy flow can lead to healing.

Simple daily practices can keep your life force flowing the way it should, to build your vitality and prevent illness.

Although it is not well known in our society, energy medicine is one of five alternative medicines recognized by the National Institute of Health in the U.S. More and more scientific research is validating that it works.

If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experience

Hello. My name is Courtney Humeny and I am a PhD candidate in Cognitive Science at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I am carrying out an online study on survivors of romantic relationships with psychopathic partners. If you are interested in learning more please see the details below:

Who we are recruiting

The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship.

We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship.

Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., intimidation, threats, control of finances, isolation), lying and deceit (i.e., infidelities), and sexual assault. Particularly we are looking for people who identify as being abused by a romantic a partner who displays psychopathic or narcissistic characteristics. These may include:

Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior

Dr J. - Hr. H.

Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband’s, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior.

Devaluing Everyday Tasks

One of “Paul’s” favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did.

Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the house today, anyway? Help clean up the house before guests came over? It looked clean enough to Paul. Pick up cough drops for the kids? They didn’t seem all that sick, and I was just being an over-protective parent. Insist that Paul pick up cough drops? I can be sooooo controlling. It was a win-win for Paul and a lose-lose for me.

After a superficial two-year courtship, calling it quits

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Annalise.”

Experts say date 2 years before you can fully know someone, so here’s my story:

Despite pouring over these websites and reading blog after blog to educate myself and heal myself, I’ve let another unsuspected sociopath into my life, or maybe I’ve know all along.

So the first sociopath was an 8 month roller coaster with red flags everywhere, despite his coming off a 20 year marriage with a 15 year management job. He was on the higher end of the scale. And despite the stability with his first marriage and job: he truly was the Devil’s child and it haunts me to this day.

Young missionary sentenced to 40 years for sexually abusing orphans in Kenya

Matthew Lane Durham

Matthew Lane Durham

Matthew Durham, 21, of Oklahoma, was found guilty of abusing six girls and a boy at an orphanage in Kenya.

He claimed there was a demon named “Luke” inside him who made him do “horrible things,” according to KFOR.com.

Judge sentences Oklahoma man convicted of abusing orphans to 40 years in prison, on KFOR.com.