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This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a Host

Weak Parasite, Strong Host

One of my old friends said she saw SP still showing up to our old church.  She said that he didn’t look attractive anymore and looks like he’s lost himself.  I thought to myself, well he lost his HOST, that’s why; well all the while, I feel great!  My health is improving, I’m eating well, sleeping well, it’s amazing.

I made my way out,  and I will continue to take whatever steps necessary to maintain that no contact.  I am now almost 2 years post divorce, and a year and a half of no contact.  Usually at the end of the year, there is a reflective time of that previous year, but for me, I am reflecting on when I first decided to move out of my house with my daughter, and finally began to get the strength to leave the SP.

I’m reflecting on how I used to feel.  The anxiety, the shudders, the weakness, the nausea, the physical illness from stress and a low immune system.  The uncertainty, the chaos, the confusion, the instablity, the ROLLER COASTER LIFE.

My eyes are bright now, I feel like I have a future, I can make decisions for myself and my mind finally has clarity.  The cloud has moved on and now the tables are starting to turn.

It’s His Turn

My divorce was horrible to say the least.  Just horrible.  By the grace of God, I finally came to terms that he was a SP about 3 months into the year and a half divorce proceedings.  I had to give things up that I should not have had to give up, but I sacrificed so I could get away from him.

I think my subconscious years before, had me making decisions of someday dissapearing, because that is the only way I felt that I could ever rid myself of him.  I knew deep inside he would always come back for me, and now I live with the reality that as soon as the Order of Protection runs out, he will return.

I got the best part of the pie, which was my daughter, but it was in exchange for EVERYTHING else.  No doubt best decision, but I’m not about to let him just walk.  I’m not in for revenge, but I am in to holding him accountable.  If anything, he has given me the fuel I need to stand up for what’s right even more so than before.  This host is getting strong.

You’re Stronger, But I’m Stronger

I remember one time he told me in the beginning of the divorce that when I challenge him, it makes him even stronger. It was a threat.  It was part of the mind game.  I swore to myself that I would be the stronger one.  That I would never allow again for him to get one over on me.  That I would always fight and never give up.

Do I have moments of weakness?  Yes.  Do I have to detox my mind and emotions when I have to deal with him?  Yes.  Can I still feel the evil when he’s in the parking lot while dropping my daughter off at visitation?  Yes.  Is it intimidating?  Yes.  Am I still vulnerable to his exploitation?  Yes.  Will I allow all of these to be a backdrop of my life?  No.

That Time Is Over

The door has closed for me feeling sorry for him.  Any kindess or lineancy for him does not exist.  He is not the person I thought he was.  That person doesn’t exist, that person is dead.

Anytime my mind remembers a time when he was what I thought he was, I have to remind myself that he was never those things.  I have to keep my heart safe from his exploitations.

I am never going back, not in my mind, not physically, not emotionally, NOT EVER.

Coming Out the Other Side, It’s Ok

When you are in an intimate relationship with a SP, you become deadened to their abnormal behavior and you accept them as normal.  But the longer you drift away from them, the more you realize how toxic, bizzare and dysfunctional they were.

I cannot emphasize the importance of having outsiders reaffirm that the sociopath behaviors are not acceptable when trying to get out.  When I first dated outside of the sociopath, I was in shock of how much of what I had was not normal.  I started believing things about myself that weren’t true.  It takes time to back out of all the brainwashing.

There is such a muddled understanding of who the SP is, and it’s amazing how much detailed information you can know about them that is “off”, and not even be aware of it.

The mind continually fights itself about what it sees and what it knows, coupled with the deception of the SP, who they make themselves out to be, or the person they cover up when they are with you.  But they can only do it for so long, and then they get lazy and start slipping up.

A Last Senario

One night I went to take out the trash, and I opened the door that lead to the garage.  The garage door was open and I heard his voice.  He was on the phone.  I had listened to him enough on the phone to know what kind of recepient was on the other end of that line.  I could hear the flirtatiousness in his voice.  I knew it because he used it on me.  That he was so sweet and innocent and soft.

My heart began to race.  I left the door slightly opened with my foot so he wouldn’t hear it close; I appeared to be undetected entering the garage.  I thought to myself, maybe I could listen long enough to be able to hear him cheating on me.  That I would get what I needed to finally make the decision to leave.  Was this that moment?  When would that moment come?  When was the evidence going to be enough?

It was extra hard for me because he spoke two languages.  I was the perfect host.  So much easier to hide what he was doing because he could openly have his affairs in front of me…until I learned the language.

I listened intently to try and hear the whispering.  I finally had heard enough.  I made myself known and proceeded to take out the trash.  I walked right up to him and asked him who was on the phone.  He said it was his sister.  He took the phone away from his ear and put it behind his back.

I said, “well if it’s your sister, then let me talk to her.”  He hung up the phone.  Lie, lie, lie, liar.  Liar.  Feeling trapped, cornered and manipulated, I bottled it.  But this is the last senario.  I will never allow this to happen again.

As the days turn into years, we can recover; we can regain normalcy.  Is it a rough road?  Yes it is.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely.  Make this the year to continue to maintain no contact, and if contact is necessary, make this the year to take the upperhand on the game.  We are strong, we have endurance, we can self soothe, we are the HOST.

 



21 Comments on "This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a Host"

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  1. BeckyR says:

    This is such a great reminder and one familiar to so many of us. What others outside our sphere fail to comprehend is the anguish that we tumble into with the bizarre connections to a sociopath/psychopath. I personally feel it is do to the shifting sands of reality we experience. We were never taught these beings existed….and that this evil exists….there is not always redemption for these creatures.

    Thank you for this sight spurring awareness.



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  2. Rosie Jackson says:

    Twenty two years of “feeling” without absolutely “knowing” the truth was an absolute hellish existence. It took two more years to uncover all the lies, deception and manipulations. My spath is still trying to destroy me and the lies, deception and manipulations continue, but at least I finally know the truth and the truth has truly set me free.
    I pray for his next “prey”…..and the next one….and the next one…..and the next one……..



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  3. becomingstrong says:

    I have spent so many years focusing on “him” that I hope my future doesn’t contain one thought about him or his life. I have exposed him so those who care to know what they are getting won’t have any trouble discovering the truth, If they care to know. I am not even worried for his future victims they have the benefit of a paper trail a mile long.



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    • Dealwithit2015 says:

      Good for you, Becomingstrong! I, like you, exposed the Narcopath for what he is and any person Googleing his name and city will be warned in a BIG way! If only I had seen such a warning! Oh well, it’s out there and as you stated, anyone who wants to know can find out the truth. More survivors should out these monsters; it would be a start toward reducing their devastating effects!



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      • stronginthecity says:

        Dealwithit2015,
        Just curious if one was to do this, outing them how would that work?
        Not that I would ever do that…but just for future reference
        SITC



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        • Dealwithit2015 says:

          Outing my Narcopath involved putting the information about what he did to me and others on a public website complete with his current photo and proof of his vile behavior. Anyone wanting to know can just Google his name and city and it comes right up. When I first met this poor excuse of a human being I did look for any sign of trouble and information on his position with a Catholic diocese and his major bankruptcy (which he told me about and of course, blamed his former business partner for) came up. Today, it’s quite different. I do realize that this method is not for everyone but the circumstances allowed me to do so. I’ve arranged for protection in the form of letting as many of my inner circle know that I’ve done this and any repercussions will be automatically attributed to him. He’s a coward and is guilty as hell so he is rendered powerless to do anything about it. Every single word is true so he can’t sue me. If he tries to harm me it will be obvious where it came from. I am unafraid, he had to be exposed!



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          • becomingstrong says:

            Good for you deawithit2015, I think we spend our lives afraid of our own shadows and they bank on that. Yes, truth is a defense they can’t get around. Then they are adjudicated a liar, fraud, cheater…. Mine, the truth was posted on social media, his own words, purchases and voice and …. I did have flying monkeys, not many, deny that was him blah blah. Also, those very things were incorporated into my divorce proceedings. But I say “what’s the problem, weren’t those the very behaviors {you} said weren’t any big deal”. So are they or aren’t they a big deal? Those who want to know can/will and those who want to live in denial well I hate to be them at the end of the road. Mine, unbeknownst to me, had been already had a finding of fraud by a gov’t entity (discovered this 8 years into the marriage). Well now that is public too. No adjectives, opinions or descriptions were added just the facts. I was careful not to call him a “loser, drunk, wifebeater…” I let the audience come to those conclusions on their own.

          • stronginthecity says:

            Dealwithit2015,
            Haha, sucks to be him.
            Thats what happens.
            I am all for a “database” if you will to warn others.
            Believe me I had thought many times before to do the same exact thing.
            No, the method is not for everyone and it sounds like you did some research before doing so.
            SITC

          • stronginthecity says:

            Dealwithit2015,
            Hi there!
            I was thinking about your post and came across this youtube video today
            https://youtu.be/mMK-L7Wgo-Y
            The author talks about his upcoming book and he states in this video that he is naming names and is on board with the “database” idea.
            Every week I am coming across more and more!
            Have a wonderful day!
            SITC

          • baltimore says:

            Hello…I have been waiting for a post such as this for years! I know that there is no such thing as revenge for a SP and I’ve been discouraged by everything I’ve read…the best revenge is to move on with your life. However, the fact that this guy has destroyed so many lives and continues to get away with it just consumes me and I feel that exposing him would give me some kind of closure. Is there a particular website that I can go to or a database that I could add his name to? How did you do it?

      • becomingstrong says:

        Thank you Dealwithit and Strong in the City
        I think exposing these types is necessary, but that’s my personal opinion. Outing these types can take different forms. To me, “outing” them means that the information is in the public domain. So for example, if a prospective new victim meets a person who says they are divorced and that their ex spouse is “crazy”. The prospective new victim should do due diligence, and find out the truth of it. The prospective new victim should look up the divorce records. They may find baseless allegations or they may find, a record complete with cd rams of drunken messages, evidence of alcoholism, evidence of physical abuse. They may even want to pay for transcripts of the hearings in which a judge made findings against their new beloved. In addition, the prospective new victim may want to contact the “crazy” ex spouse and that person may hand them a pile of emails containing unrefutted specific information on the abuse. Now after all that a prospective new victim may still “choose” to ignore the evidence, as will many, but now its buyer beware. For example, if you are an unsuspecting member of the public who has been harmed by a certain sociopath who is cloaked with some title/professional and you sue. The consumer may want to ask their employer what they knew about this person and when, i.e.: alcohol abuse. The employer may have been given information about substance abuse. It’s always what did you know and when did you know it. Some times it isn’t just googling a person’s name, it means delving a little further but all the information is there with just a “little” digging.



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        • Dealwithit2015 says:

          Stronginthecity-
          Thanks for thinking of me; I watched the video and only hope the poster/blogger follows through with such a database. I assure you it will have copious traffic! Myself included!
          Baltimore-
          I posted my Naropaths photo, personal details and the horrible things he did to me and others on CheaterReport.com and CheaterResigtry.com. There are a lot of sleazy people on these sites as well as posting on them but this twisted excuse of a man deserves nothing more! He has not contacted me in over a year and as I’ve stated previously, every single word of what I posted is true so I’m in no danger of being sued. Since he is a spineless coward as well as the fact that I’ve informed everyone close to me, including my therapist of what I’ve done, he has no recourse. I don’t see this as revenge at all. What I did was to serve as the warning I didn’t get when I went looking nearly three years ago. My hope is that I’ll save some other unsuspecting soul from being targeted and traumatized by this predator. He is still out there and so addicted to the behavior I would bet all I own he is doing the same to numerous others right now. And by the way, it HAS helped with closure! I feel empowered and free and finally, PEACE! I wish you all the same!



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          • stronginthecity says:

            Dealwithit,
            Thanks for the website info!
            I had never seen this one before.
            I totally understand why you would warn others.
            I wanted to do it myself but since I have been no contact I did not want to stir the pot.
            I also have an order of protection against him for 2 years and I know its a piece of paper but it’s been a saving grace for me and he has stayed away.
            I did receive a flying monkey email saying he was in the hospital..oh well sucks to be him.
            He usually goes in the hospital to get attention so there you go, his new supply is probably on to his antics.
            Blah who cares.
            Could you give us a hint of who the spath is?
            I am just a curious girl!
            Thanks again
            Stronginthecity

  4. slimone says:

    PIC,

    The very best to you this New Year. Your progress is clear in this article, and it makes me really happy to ‘see’ you healing, thriving, and feeling joy and contentment.

    It is SO true that they look for a host. I remember the guy I knew saying that he sometimes felt ‘depressed’ and just sat in front of the TV for days at a time. At the time I felt pity for him, and told him I understood depression, and that I felt low myself at times.

    I think now that these periods (of just a few days to weeks) were actually times when he didn’t have a new host lined up, and he wasn’t depressed he was BORED. This person burned the candle at both ends ALL the time, and was THE life of the party. With no targets in sight, no one to watch his performance, and be the host for his appetites, he would be like a robot that someone simply turned off.

    He became like that when we were together, after he had ‘decided’ I wasn’t worth keeping around any longer, but he liked the money and food. He was like the walking dead. Like a un-animated shell. He no longer performed to keep me interested, and I saw that he was bored and restless.

    However, what I find so interesting is that these types, once they reach this place with us have this over whelming drive to do damage rather than just owning their boredom and moving on. They absolutely end up hating us, and being completely bored out of their minds, but they also have no capacity for simply owning up to this and exiting the relationship. They just HAVE to let you know HOW MUCH you have let THEM DOWN. How much they HATE you for not fulfilling their delusional fantasies.

    Despite appearances, life seems to be nothing but a huge disappointment for them. Nothing satisfies. Everything turns to shit. No one can really be what they want them to be.

    The only person they think is amazing and brilliant is themselves.



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  5. whathappened says:

    PIC..so true!! I saw some pics of mine and he looked the same! I have to say it did make me feel a litte better. Sometimes i wonder if there is a hand book out there as they all seem to do the same thing. Mine too would do the depressed just sit and watch tv. Now it makes sense!!! And like you i felt like when i was with him my gut knew the truth i was just wanting to hear a lie so i didnt have to accept the truth. Glad to see you are doing so well. It is such a day by day process. Its comfortating to know i wasnt the only one taken advantage ofby one of these sick pathetic excuses of a human being.



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  6. emtuoba says:

    Just checking in. Just checking my connection to the world.
    By all accounts I think I’ve been doing good. Been waking the NC WALK except for getting the truck transferred. Then only brief texts.
    The night panics haven’t been so bad. But maybe because I drink a big glass of wine every night and take a bottle of lavender to bed to use liberally when the thots come and the heart races.
    We are getting down to the deadline next week. I want to believe him. I am counting on him doing the right thing.
    I’m getting a bad feeling though. He has lied so
    Many times. Oh god I think he is lying now and plans to bankrupt me.
    Not giving up hope not yet. Not till next week. But I’m frozen in place. Cannot do a thing except go to work. My home is a hopeless disaster. I am paralyzed.
    Geez everyone. Geez. You guys are doing so good. Your stories much more brutal than mine. Here I am whomping out again. I felt so reassured end of last month until today. He said he would get it all done and pay me back the money he owes. I was so happy. Today I’m thinking. I fell for his bull again. Oh god.



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    • still waiting to get my lifeback says:

      Emtuoba,
      Glad to hear you are doing much better. Lavender and wine, I have to try the lavender the wine does help. Because we never no what to expect from the spath it make sense not to trust him on the truck issue. If he doesn’t come through then you want be surprised. Be ready for a yes but prepare for a no. If you can get him to put in writing or text what he admits to owing and he doesn’t fulfill his promise consider taking him to small claims court when you are stronger. I see spaths in small claims court shows daily. They lie, say the items were gifts. Also, I know money is tight right now but when possible treat yourself to a few hours of maid service you will feel so much better. I am guessing you probably not keeping much company. I would suggest having a few friends by for wine and cleaning. I took 10 steps forward and 20 back with a new spath. Totally my fault in my attempt to socialize and reach out to offer my services for free I met up with another spath. I have know him for about a year he does great things in the community seems selfless. As , I got to know the person not on TV or radio he’s a straight fake. He also decide to obtain his commercial license and drives long haul now. All the TV appearances about saving the youth speaking at churches and he’s an atheist. It’s all been about him. Wow, I will warn certain community leaders. But, not now I think his level of charm and deception is extremely dangerous as he sent me a email telling me I don’t want to feel the wrath of God. Referencing himself as God. I am not emotionally attached but am afraid for the young girls and boys that participates in his organization. Whew..

      I will continue to keep us all in prayer.



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      • emtuoba says:

        Damn Sweet waiting.
        The world does not seem safe. Church is not safe. Charities are not safe. Doctors are not safe. And beware anyone who presents themselves as your soul mate. They are not safe. I am critical now of romantic movies, of children’s movies. All mind control/ brain washing. Is there no where safe but my cluttered, probubly odorous room. Just me and my puppy. The older dogs have taken to peeing every where. For now they are bedded in the garage on clean soft wood chips. Food water and a heater. I hold them and touch them off and on throughout the day on days off but I just cannot step in oceans of pee. They are almost 15 and it’s cruel to crate them and diaper them when I work 12 hour shifts and gone daily 14-15 hours. At my wits in. The play pen is this weeks solution. I’ll see how it goes. My conscious will get the best of me if they seem to be unhappy or uncomfortable and I’ll be back to step one.
        Oh honey. I do hope he emerges a good guy. I hope he trades the truck. I’m too old to start over. All though start over I will. I will not be able to retire for sure. Never. He will bankrupt me. All I have freely in the same of live and having found my souls mate. I’m 66. Modt people guess 50 ish. I am young at heart. Definately don’t act my age. But I am very frightened now.
        All of us here. All of us struggling because we trusted and loved the unloveable and trust worthy. All of us good people suffering in the throwes of heart ache and soul ruination. Geez how could this happen to so many good people.
        Trying to bra the through next week. Keep your fingers crossed.
        And always Waiting thank you.



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    • whathappened says:

      Emtuoba, wanted to check on you to see how you are doing?



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