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30 signs that you should dump your partner before Christmas

James Montgomery and Donna Andersen at Christmas 1996.

James Montgomery and Donna Andersen at Christmas 1996.

The holidays are quickly approaching. It’s the season when we decorate our homes, spend time with family and friends, and buy thoughtful gifts for the ones we love.

Everyone wants someone to hug over the holidays. So even if things have been strained or rocky with our romantic partners, we may still want the holidays will be pleasant, even romantic. We may go out of our way to make them special, hoping our partner will reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts.

Sometimes we hope — but fear that our partners will disappoint us. If you’re apprehensive about how enjoyable the holidays with your partner will be, read on.

Christmas with my ex

I spent three holiday seasons with my ex-husband, James Montgomery. Here’s how they went:

Christmas 1996 — We were engaged to be married in three weeks, in January 1997. In the six months that I’d know him, Montgomery had squeezed me for more than $50,000, although at the time I didn’t realize he was scamming me. I had no idea how we were going to pay for our wedding.

Montgomery was away for New Years. He told me he was visiting the parents of his previous wife, who had died. I later found out he spent the holiday with another woman. This was two and a half weeks before our wedding.

Christmas 1997 — In addition to wiping out my savings and draining my current income, Montgomery had put $40,000 in debt on my credit cards.

I worked to make the holidays nice, but I was concerned about our finances. Montgomery agreed to a “board meeting” on the day after Christmas to discuss them. I quickly realized that he was just placating me. As far as he was concerned, his grandiose plans were sure to succeed and I should stop worrying about money.

Christmas 1998 — We moved from New Jersey to Orlando, Florida because Montgomery told me he had a deal for one of his grand schemes, the Titanic exhibition.

He drove down before me. I arrived on Dec. 23 with a U-Haul truck, my car on a trailer, five pets and a small Christmas tree. We planned to go out to dinner on Christmas, not realizing that all the restaurants were closed. We had to settle for leftover chicken.

A month later, I learned that Montgomery had lied to me about the Titanic deal. There was no deal. I’d drained the last of my money and moved 1,000 miles to Florida — for nothing.

Sociopaths ruin Christmas

It is impossible to have a truly loving, giving Christmas with a sociopath.

Sociopaths may go over the top to make the holidays special, or spend lavishly on Christmas gifts. But it’s never out of love, it’s because they have an agenda. Either they’re reeling in a new target, or maintaining a charade of togetherness, because the current target is still useful to them.

If sociopaths are no longer bothering with the charade, they can be downright cruel on Christmas, intentionally ruining the holiday for the people who are supposed to be their loved ones.

Why? Just to see them get upset. Sociopaths love provoking a reaction.

In short, sociopaths ruin Christmas — although you may not realize right away what they are doing.

Get out sooner rather than later

If you suspect that your partner is a sociopath, and you’re thinking of dumping him or her, don’t bother waiting until after the holidays. Christmas will likely be miserable anyway.

If the romance is suddenly back in your relationship, it’s probably not a Christmas miracle. Your partner may sense that you’re withdrawing, and is turning on the charm to hold on to you. If you agree to stay, the Christmas magic will likely soon be gone, and the cold, unloving Grinch will return.

So how do you know if your partner is a sociopath? I’ve put together a list of 30 warning signs. If your partner matches them, your Christmas will likely be merrier without him or her.

Get the Lovefraud checklist: Is your partner a sociopath?

 



20 Comments on "30 signs that you should dump your partner before Christmas"

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  1. kaya48 says:

    Hanalei
    So glad to hear you are doing ok . You sound terrific. My last Christmas with him was actually in 2012, not 2013. I was dscarded in 2013. I always did the same. Went and tried to save the day. Trying to make peace, beg and cry for him to be nice to me. He just looked at me with his ice cold eyes. “You are such a crazy b****”. That was his favorite statement. And I cried and cried .
    The last 2 Christmases were wonderful. Even going through the divorce I had peace and sanity.
    And yes I feel the same. I can finally relax, be myself again and not having to worry 24/7 if I give him enough sex, if I am please him enough , if I look attractive enough, etc.
    As you I am not where I want to be living wise. But I am working on it. Maybe one day I will be a home owner again. Until then I am fine being a “renter”. Because now I have everything I ever wished for and that is peace and happiness. What more can I hope for?. It’s way more than I ever had with him. Because even so I lived in a ” paradise ” place it was pure hell.
    So glad you are well. I am still no contact. So proud of myself for staying strong and resilient. Love fraud here has taught me so much.



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    • kay1964 says:

      Hi just read your post this will be my first Xmas without him just me my son and daughter it’s going to be hard but reading everyone’s posts gives hope that it’s not just me and the kids that have been subjected to this selfish treated,they appear in all walks of life and in all four corners of the globe they should all come with a safety warning on them. Kay



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  2. kaya48 says:

    Not
    So glad you are doing well. You always had such kind words for me. Like you I say “I just had a ad marriage” to new friends and neighbors I meet. Going in detail is difficult sometimes. People don’t understand. Especially when they find out my son cut off contact with his father also. And you are right any Chrisymas without him is a good one and definitely a peaceful one. I don’t get sad much anymore. I think he is fading more and more into the past. Like I said I don’t have the same living standard but I am ok with it. The marriage was so painful for me and the things he put me through, I am happy with little things now. I still could be cheated on, lied to, yelled at, belittled and I still would probably play detective and find porn sites, affairs and who knows what. I realized that’s not love, that’s not normal and it’s done thing we should never have to deal with. My life is busy with work, I still have my faith and I have my health. Of course I have my living son who is nothing like his father. It’s more than I ever had with the ex.
    Wishing you a merry Chrisymas season . I know we got change pushed on us that we never asked for but in the end it was the biggest blessing.



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  3. becomingstrong says:

    I agree that Christmas without them is far better. None of the million things you did to make Christmas happen mattered anyway. Mine would sit like head honcho at the table, ex me out of the conversation as though I was a servant for him, the Duke of Narckingdom. I was so honored that he would stuff his face with the dinner that took me two days to prepare. I was so honored when I got to spend hours afterwards cleaning up, I was so honored when he spared me a scene that day as a token of his appreciation. But it’s the first Christmas without three if my children who live with him. IM not going to do the big blow out dinner. Me and my two kids will spend it with a friend.



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  4. becomingstrong says:

    p.s. please excuse my typos I’m typing on a phone device and hard to proof read.



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