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I was supposed to give and give, but was not allowed to ask for anything

Spath TalesI have spent the last 7.5 years in a relationship with a sociopath. I gave more than I had to give mentally, emotionally and financially.

He barely worked in that time. He lied, cheated and did his best to convince me I was crazy. He would steal and swear on his children he would never do that to me.

The last two years of the relationship I would often tell him he was a sociopath, but it wasn’t until the last six months that I truly started researching the disorder and everything I read on the topic was him to a T! It was as if someone sat back documenting his behaviors, then put them all together to create this disorder.

The charm, false sense of entitlement, pathological lying, parasitic lifestyle, impulsivity, no regard for others, lack of empathy, playing the victim, above the law, manipulative. I could go on, but we all know the traits.

This “man” knew I would give him anything, but would steal from me anyway. The thrill of getting away with it just to play the victim or try to convince me I was crazy when I dared to confront him.

He lived in my home, did not work, would not help clean, would not help with the kids, had me raising and supporting his kids, and if I had the nerve to ask him for any kind of attention he would blow up in a rage and call me every name in the book!

I was supposed to give and give some more, but I was not allowed to ask for anything in return.

In the end I felt so empty and worthless it was affecting my ability to be a mother, an employee, a friend and basically every aspect of my so-called life.

I would cry daily, begging him to show me he loved me because his words meant nothing to me anymore and all I would ever get in return is laughed at or called names. Never once did he just take me in his arms and apologize or tell me he loved me.

Until I woke up one day and felt absolutely nothing for him. I had a new-found love for myself, and knew it was time to save me.

I woke up and realized I had given far too much to someone who deserved absolutely nothing. I told him on that day that if he ever stepped foot back onto my property I would call the police, and if he tried me I would get a restraining order.

I have not spoken to him since the day I decided no contact was the only way to save myself!



42 Comments on "I was supposed to give and give, but was not allowed to ask for anything"

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  1. Remembertoforget says:

    Yep, we’ve all dated this same creature!

    I’m with Jenny and everyone, NC for LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pumpkin,
    Great people here!
    Definitely don’t move with him. Save yourself! Life will be calm.



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  2. male victim of female psychopath says:

    I wrote a description of my psychopath ex a few years ago on psych forums and here is one of the traits as I described it at the time:

    -constantly asking me for favors (as in “could you go downstairs and get me a glass of water”, “could you pick this up”, “could you take my daughter to volleyball practice”, “could you take this letter to the post office”…it was ridiculous the amount of “favors” she asked me to do on a daily basis) and on the rare occasion that I say no there is HELL to pay, but almost NEVER does favors for me even though I RARELY ask.

    http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/topic62917.html

    These creatures are all cut from the same evil mold it seems.



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  3. pumpkin1619 says:

    I decided yesterday to go on Craigslist to look at for sale by owner homes in my area. I ended up stalking the craigslist personals. Sure enough my daughter’s father has a personal looking for a “submissive lady”. I felt even more foolish than ever. I was told- if I have the 2nd gf- I will be completely committed and loyal to you. But just like I have read- nothing they say is truthful. So this morning- I called and changed my phone number. I deactivated my facebook. And I sent him an email letting him know he is welcome to check on his daughter via email and as long as he continued to pay her daycare bill- I would not push for a formal child support agreement.
    I feel numb. Three years 2months and 20 days too long. But this is the biggest step I have ever made in breaking free from him
    Pray for me.



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    • Jan7 says:

      pumpkin1619,

      Congratulations of imposing the Low contact rule!! BRAVO!!!

      DAY 1 🙂 of the Low contact rule Starts today 🙂 🙂 🙂

      This is not an easy thing to do but you have done it…you have taken back your power!!

      YOU have said ENOUGH, I deserve better!!!

      I’m sorry that you found out what he was really up to…the truth is very painful but at the same time it is very helpful to move forward once the blinders are finally off.

      Please keep posting here when you feel the urge to contact him come here and vert and/or call the National Domestic Violence hotline USA 800-799-SAFE to talk with a free counselor.

      PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be very careful with Craigslist…that is a very dangerous site full of sociopaths & psychopaths. I have read & watched many news stories about women getting raped & murdered just by going to an apartment etc.

      It’s best to look at the site Zillow. com or a local real-estate companies site or the monthly real estate news papers out front at your grocery story for homes for sale. Remember you are in a emotional state right now and need to keep your guard up at all times.

      Praying for you! Huge hugs to you tonight…glad you posted an update 🙂

      Take care



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      • Jan7 says:

        also check out the site Onemomsbattle. com, her books and their Facebook page under the same name. Open a fake email account then a fake Facebook page so that you can get support from other mothers going thru the same thing you are going thru now.



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