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Archive for August, 2015

Pets and recovery from sociopaths

Cade and Beau

Our visiting dog, Cade, left, reminds me of Beau, right.

For the first time in 12 years, we’ve had a dog in the house. Terry and I have been watching our nephew’s dog while he and his parents are on vacation.

The dog, Cade, is a frisky 15-month-old mix. I don’t know what breeds are in the mix, but Cade looks a lot like Beau, the dog I had while married to the sociopath — and the dog who kept me company as I recovered from my ex-husband’s destruction.

I’ve been having flashbacks.

Cade follows me around the house the way Beau did. He curls up in the same spots on the carpet that Beau liked. And he gets in the same kind of trouble that Beau did when he was young.

I’m loving every minute of it (okay, I could do with a little less chewing).

How to protect yourself online

The Internet is now an integral part of our lives, so it’s important to know how to protect ourselves online.

The U.S.government has created a great website, OnGuardOnline.gov, with all kinds of information on exactly how to do that. Lovefraud strongly recommends that you take a look at it — watch the videos and read some articles with great tips for staying safe. Here are a few good ones:

Common online scams

Computer security

Using IP cameras safely

Resource provided by a Lovefraud reader

 

 

 

Maintaining No Contact with a Sociopath

Boundaries?  I Don’t Know What Those Are

It’s amazing how even after years and months go by of you making it perfectly clear what kind of contact you want with the sociopath, they don’t reciprocate your boundaries.  I think it’s just mind boggling over and over again in my mind that this concept of boundaries is so foreign to them, and they have no means, let alone intentions, of adhering to them.

I mean normal people who find out other people don’t want them to contact them anymore, just…stop.  But the sociopath does the exact opposite.  They continue to push buttons, push boundaries, push limits.  There is a constant alertness on the part of the person that set up the boundaries against the sociopath to continue to re-evaluate the boundaries the sociopath has crossed.  In addition, they have to set up the right proximity in the first place to derail the sociopath’s ability to get around the boundaries on the onset.

Neurosurgeon Christopher Duntsch charged with intentionally botching surgeries, causing paralysis and death

Christopher Duntsch

Christopher Duntsch

Four people were severely injured and two people died after being operated on by Christopher Duntsch, a neurosurgeon from Dallas, Texas.

Duntsch has been charged with five counts of aggravated assault for allegedly botching spinal surgeries, and one count of injuring an elderly person. Authorities are investigating at least 10 more injuries.

“I am ready to leave the love and kindness and goodness and patience that I mix with everything else that I am and become a cold blooded killer,” Duntsch said in an email sent to an employee on Dec. 11, 2011. The email was presented as evidence at a recent bail hearing. The doctor was denied a reduction of his $600,000 bail.

A medical colleague called Duntsch a “sociopath.”

‘Sociopath’ neurosurgeon accused of intentionally botching operations, on WashingtonPost.com.

Surgeon who wrote of becoming a killer is denied bail reduction, on DallasNews.com.

Posted in: Laws and courts

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The ride on the sociocrazytrain was painful, but I don’t regret it

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call Roseann.

I just wanted to thank you for developing the Lovefraud site, sharing your experience and writing your books. I have read both.

The books and your site have helped me tremendously, not only initially when I needed to understand what was happening, during the no contact time and even now, when he’s long gone. It helps me to remember who I was back then and to see whom I am now and I’m pleased with my progress and the choices I made.

Cutting contact

All in all, I spent the better part of 10 years dealing with my on and off relationship/friendship with my spath and THE best thing I did was cut contact.

It didn’t feel like that at first. It felt horrible because I had loved him so much and I had to let go as if he had died. So I grieved. It was hard.

Possible serial killer in Chillicothe, Ohio

4 women from Chillicothe found dead

The four women found dead are, from left, Tameka Lynch, Shasta Himelrick, Timberly Claytor and Tiffany Sayre. (Chillicothe Police Department)

Four women from the small southern Ohio town of Chillicothe have turned up dead since May, 2014. Two other women are missing.

All of the dead women worked as escorts and are believed to have known each other, prompting the community to fear a serial killer who targets prostitutes is on the loose.

At the end of July, an escort in Charleston, West Virginia, shot and killed Neal Falls, 45, who tried to choke her, using his own gun. Investigators found several axes, a shovel, bleach, handcuffs, knives and a machete in his car. They called it a “kill kit.”

Investigators are looking to see if there is a connection between Neal Falls and Chillicothe.

Serial killer’s daughter joins hunt for Chillicothe killer, on Huffingtonpost.com.

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies

Unhappy-couple-breaking-up sizedLovefraud received the following question from a reader:

My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one … a psychopath. I just had this question …

Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them … making you feel like you failed them somehow … never do enough … and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them …?

I am sure the answer is yes … but I guess I just need confirmation…

This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation tactics employed by sociopaths:

  1. Acting like they don’t want you and pushing you away
  2. Making you feel sad for them
  3. Making you feel like you failed them

Machiavellian brains light up with the opportunity to exploit others

Niccolo Machiavelli

Niccolo Machiavelli, 1469-1527, described unscrupulous politicians in his book “The Prince.”

It’s called the Dark Triad — narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. You definitely want to avoid people who have these traits and personality disorders.

Machiavellianism is a term used to describe those who manipulate and deceive to get their way. A recent study shows that these traits are hardwired into the brains of people who act this way.

The study was conducted by researchers at the University of Pecs in Hungary. They tested the research subjects for Machiavellianism, and divided them into “high Mach” and “low Mach” groups. Then they used fMRI machines to observe the subjects’ brains while they played a “trust game.”

The “high Machs” showed higher neural activity when their partner played fairly. The researchers interpreted this to mean that the Machiavellians inhibited the human instinct to reciprocate fairness, and simultaneously calculated how best to take advantage of fair play by their partners.

Suffering PTSD from a Sociopath and asking God for help

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

The Downward Spiral to the Bottom

A year and a half after the downward spiral of a 10 year relationship came to the ground, I started noticing new behaviors of mine surface.  New thoughts, new spikes in anger, outward and physical expressions of fear, anxiety, being paranoid, scared.

I’m not sure why in my case it took longer to surface.  It could be because I was dealing internally with so many other facets of breaking free like the divorce, custody battles, financial wars and deep betrayal and confusion over the last year.

Episodes

I started to have these “episodes” that were seizure-like, which one time last year sent me to the hospital where they diagnosed my with acute aphasia.  They shot me up with some Lorazepam and I was good to go.

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Breaking free of the controlling, sociopathic girlfriend

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who posts as “seekeroflight.”

I feel this overwhelming urge to reach out to your website, and I am not quite sure exactly why. I’m working my way through reading pretty much your whole website, or at least the articles which strike my eye as I go through it. It is one of very few things in my life right now that helps me to feel a little less alone.

I told my life partner (of almost 7 1/2 years) that I was done with the relationship in January of this year. I gave her pretty much no warning — just sat down one evening and told her I thought we should break up. She claims she saw it coming, but I think that’s a lie.