LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My story about a family of sociopaths, or, how I got bankrupted the gentleman way
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a Greek woman, whom we’ll call “Alessia.” Names have been changed.
In Greece I had a quiet life. I kept living with my Greek husband on a small island, we had a small rented house and a cute doggie called Fiffi. In Greece I got baptized as an orthodox Christian and got a new first name “Alessia”.
Everything was just great until the economic crisis hit the island seriously. We had to leave, so we decided to move to Germany. After a move in summer 2011, I desperately tried to find a job in Germany. My Greek husband did not speak any German by that time. Our marriage did not survive the move so we considered to have a divorce. Things between me and my husband went worse.
In the meantime I found a job as a Program Director on a cruising ship. My friends warned me, they said that people working on a cruising ship are most of the time having some social “failures”. By that time I have been all naive and off I went for the job. At the ship it turned out that my friends were right. Everybody of my colleagues tried to set mouse traps everywhere into which I got trapped nearly all the time…
The worst day of my life was the day when I met a man called Hesperos, waiter on the same cruising ship. I have not been aware of people like sociopaths by that time. He showered me with affection. Because of my failed marriage, I highly appreciated that. He also showered me with gifts, small and big. For example he financed new glasses in the very beginning of our relationship, sending the money through Western Union to me in Germany. Still suffering from my divorce I have been impressed.
He was very interested in philosophy and read a lot of books. As an allover impression to me he seemed to be very eloquent and charming gentleman. I only wondered why a man like this is working as a waiter on a cruising ship….
Let me introduce you to his personality: There have been warning signs, I only did not see them!
As a child he found a neighbour’s cat and threw it, together with his brother, from the balcony at the 10th floor of a building. That is the only story that I know, but I think he did much more as a child together with his brother, who is a sociopath as well.
- Violence against animals in the childhood is a sign of a sociopath!
- I have never been the only woman – there have been these calls from other ladies on my phone, you know that, too!
- He was a clever and amusing conversationalist, coming back with smart replies.
- He told interesting stories and he did not forget to make himself look pretty good in the story.
- He claimed to be an expert in philosophy and literature.
- He has been a former SATANIST.
- He went to church at each and any occasion, praying was more important than eating to him.
- He was an alcohol-addict claiming that one bottle of beer at least a day is healthy.
- He showed always a lack of empathy or responsibility or understanding.
- He always knew everything better.
- He always made me feel bad.
- He made me pay for everything for his own convenience claiming that he never did that.
- He always tried to make me or my success in life “small”.
- He always told me that I am dangerous!
- He convinced his family, that I am the aggressor!
- He could enjoy sex only through abusive violence.
Making fun of me
He said that he is different from other men and mentioned that it is not worth to live together with an old woman like me (he was five years younger than me). Plus he kept making fun of me. In the past I ruled my own company as an artist manager for 15 years. I have been very engaged in politics for a generation called “50plua” being in the newspapers plus being asked for advice from other entrepreneurs. He always said: “Yes, I can see that, you are so RICH.” or “Yes, true, hahahaha”.
Working abroad in Greece I found my belief and I got baptized as an adult. Ever since I have a new name “Alessia,” and all my friends even my family who are all not religious at all, accepted it and got used with it. He never accepted my name. He said that adult baptize does not exist and that religion is only for the ones who are born with it.
Started manipulating me
Then he started to manipulate and using me. It started with small favours, like “can you send my brother an sms, right now I do not have any money and I need some”. Or: “I do not have money to upload my German prepaid-card, can you please do that for me? TRUST ME, you will get your money back.” TRUST ME is a phrase that I would hear more than once. Promises anyway of any kind have been a blow in the wind.
The first amount of money that he owed me was including a train-fare EUR 128,00. He complained about it, but finally he gave that money back to me. I have been so short-sighted that I did not understand that this man was only about using others for his own convenience.
After 6 months relationship he asked me if we can move-in together. I kept living with my mother (83 years) in a very small flat and I was glad to see a light at the end of a tunnel and I agreed. I found a small house in a small village in Germany and he agreed to move there together with me.
Unnecessary to mention that I paid for everything. He paid the first half of the rent in December 2012. Ever since then he started to pay and be responsible for NOTHING.
We kept living together in Germany. He did not force himself to find a job. Any job was not good enough for him (for example I found a job for him at McDonalds and he said: “I did not come to Germany in order to work for THEM”). So I had to take care of everything, having no job either!
The first time he acted weird was exactly on Christmas. The only satisfaction that he could get was through violence, abusive sex was the rule. He said that he is different from other men and mentioned that it is not worth to live together with an old woman like me (he was five years younger than me). Plus he kept making fun of me as a former CEO of a company, as a politician, as a human being in general.
I gave up on ruling my company when I have been betrayed by some so-called “business friends” and became a travel agent, working abroad in Greece. He never accepted my name “Alessia”. Anyway he felt superior and better than others – no matter what.
He once mentioned also that he always thought that love is only “for the weak”. After a verbal fight he strangled me and hit me seriously, but did not injure me.
Three months later in March 2013 he broke my ribs. He let me lay down on a sofa for about 12 hours, because he did not want me to go to hospital. He was very concerned about “what the neighbours might think”. The very next morning I went to hospital. He forced me to lie and to say that someone tried to rob me on the open street. Unbelievable to me now that I did that!
He also forced me to set a police report about it. So I set up a lie officially!
Two months later in May 2013 it turned out that I was pregnant. It was already too late for everything — as he claimed — so he did not force me to do something “against the baby”. At least he did not beat me up anymore until…. the very night before I had to go to hospital to give birth. I had to go to hospital by ambulance that night.
The very next day he came to hospital in order to be a part of the birth. He kept holding our daughter in his arms for hours and I thought maybe he will change by now. He insisted that she will carry the name of his mother, so I called her “Angella” even if I did not agree with that.
Of course he did not change. Right after birth he forced me to finance his car that he bought with a loan from his brother. I had to pay for the taxes (in Germany that has to be paid for one year in advance), the insurance and any other expenses for the car. I still did not have any job, plus I had a small baby to take care of.
He kept beating me for any reason and then pushed me to the bed of the baby, saying: “Now you are a mother and be RESPONSIBLE!”. The landlorods came to know about this home violence by a police report and threw us out of their house by the end of February 2014 (my daughter has been only 3 months old).
Moving to Romania
By that time he came up with the idea to move to Bucharest, Romania. He came up with another lie. He said that he is the owner of a huge flat there and that he can take care for both of us very well. He promised to marry me there in order to “become a real family”. Well, I still believed him
and unnecessary to mention that I financed everything (do not ask me how) and we moved to Bucharest, Romania.
In Bucharest my daughter got baptized in “his church”. It turned out that the “real owner” of the flat was his mother, an ice-cold old lady, a sociopath as much as him.
Plus his brother was a sociopath. His wife always tried to get divorced, but was somehow not strong enough to escape. She kept sending me her divorce papers by email, manipulating me also in some way, because she never made one step further. She only complained about her situation to me regularly.
In April 2014 my boyfriend found a new job as a waiter on a cruising ship working for the same company like in 2012. He left me at the flat in Bucharest together with his mother.
Trying to get the baby
Soon the mother plus his brother tried to convince me that “something with the baby is not ok”, trying to their hands on the baby, trying to convince me to leave her alone. I never accepted that. I always believed in my daughters’ health also because according to the doctors she grew amazingly well. I did not pay attention to the words of his mother and his brother, manipulating me all day.
So one day the situation escalated. The brother repeatedly told me that “I make his mother cry” and that I should not do that again, otherwise….. I got thrown out of that flat: I took all the important things for my daughter and left most of my property there in that flat in Bucharest, Romania. I had to wait for our flight two weeks in a hotel, that was difficult with a small baby!
That was end of September 2014. My boyfriend sent me three e-mails regarding “being a family together at Christmas”, one including a love-letter, and then he suddenly moved to his girlfriend in Paris, France, only four weeks later. In order to prove that he has sent me three pics of her plus a pic of a bottle of champagne that she bought for him lying on a used bed.
Anybody can be a victim
I can not believe how stupid I have been, how short-sighted and how emotionally manipulated in so many ways.
I just consulted a lawyer but I think the chances to get my property or my money back which is now about a sum of EUR 2.500,00 are against zero so I am about to drop the trial. It will take three years to get my financial reputation back, I am financially ruined, my body injuries (broken ribs, fingers and injuries by strangulations) speak for themselves.
So be aware everybody!
I instantly hope that my experience can help you to recognize if someone is only using you for their own purpose and convenience and I want to point out that EVERYBODY (women AND men) can be a victim of sociopaths.