Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from the reader who posts as “SoConfused.”
This is my story of living with someone that I believe could possibly be a sociopath. I am just not sure and just learning about this, so that is why I am searching for answers.
First met years ago
I met this guy through a friend that only knew of him as being a local police officer, but we met him out many years ago.
The first time I met him we hit it off right away, after leaving the place we were at, he called me and we talked on the phone for hours. Felt good at the time, I had been single for a few years and raising kids alone so it felt good for someone to pay attention to me.
We went out a few times but he wanted to do way too much, my kids were young and I couldn’t leave them alone and he never seemed to understand that I couldn’t go off to the casino for the night.
Moved too fast
I was very independent and he was already talking about moving in together within the first month; that seemed so weird to me, but we always had so much fun and he made me feel so good. He was a dreamer and always had plans that sounded so great.
Later we stopped talking because I couldn’t do the things he wanted and he was moving way too fast and he just seemed like a brat. If he didn’t get his way, he wouldn’t call for a while and he always had his mom doing things for him and buying him stuff. (That grossed me out because I was a single mom with no child support and he was supposed to be a man.)
Anyway, we stopped talking and we both got married and didn’t speak for a few years then out of the blue he called while he was separated and going through a divorce. I was also separated and going through a divorce so I thought, wow, how perfect.
We started dating again. I got a divorce (My divorce had nothing to do with him, I was already in the process and living in another home.).
But he kept going back and forth. We actually lived together for a short time and he talked me into leaving my home empty and moving to the other side of town so he could be close to work and come home during his shift to hang out with me. (I was now so much further from work and I see now he wanted to be able to keep tabs on me because he worked evening shift.)
As I look back on it all now, I see how stupid I was … IN LOVE.
I left my home empty and continued to pay for it and he wasn’t divorced yet. I was now getting social security because my kids dad had passed away so I was paying my home and helping him and when he lived with me before we moved, he came with only his clothes and didn’t help me pay my house note or utilities. Boy was I dumb.
Met the ex
One day he met his soon-to-be-ex at an outing they took their child to because she wasn’t letting him see the child, but I couldn’t go because she didn’t like me and he stayed gone for about 8 hours.
I was a bit bothered but not being hateful when he returned, and he said I didn’t understand and left.
The next day I came home and he had moved out and left me and my kids there to move everything back to my home. He did eventually help me get the big things but he went back to her.
That happened probobably 2 other times before we were married but yep, we got married and have been for almost 7 years now.
During this time, I would always hear him lie to his mom or friends about stupid things and even make me part of the lie and then some of the time the person may ask me about it and I would have to lie too or make him look bad.
Before we were married I had one of his friends say to me ha ha, I hope you’re ready to do some moving. Well at that time I had no idea what they meant really but now I see, in the 7 years, we have moved back and forth about 11 times to different apartments and rent homes and back to my home so that he could be closer to his job and come home when he wants or because he goes off and gets a free or almost free apartment every time we have a bad fight.
Strange things happen
I have numerous strange things that have occurred in our time together, such as my 2 small dogs which he hated came up missing all the time. One time they were so far from my house that I know someone dropped them off, no way they could walk that far and they were both in two different kennels when I left the house and he was the last one home. I did get them back that time after posting them on a social media site and someone called me.
Another time was when I changed my daughters high school when we moved in hopes to keep her away from a certain boy … I was told by my husband that the officer at the school (his friend) told him after every class she was on the pay phone. I spoke to my daughter and she denied it so I checked with the school and they didn’t even have pay phones anymore.
I found out he was having an affair after having a really strange feeling because of his wedding ring being in the sock drawer that he had no idea how it got there (lol). So I check his phone record and called the # that was suspicious and the girl said I need to leave her alone and speak to him.
Well he denied it. They both lied and said it was just a few conversations between old friends and I was crazy.
Until one day months later, she was mad and done with him because he never left me so she told me everything, sent me all of their text messages and emails where they were planning a life together. This apparently went on and off for a year and I literally had no clue.
But of course, he said she made most of it up and he was sorry and he never met her or did anything, that she was lying.
After reading the emails, he was telling her the same things he was telling me when he was leaving his ex-wife. It was horrible but he still denied most of it.
More strange things
He also has a gambling problem, which has caused many problems.
One time my new laptop was missing and I was going crazy looking for it and he was helping. He blamed it on my daughter and her boyfriend but I never believed it.
He says he put it in the system at work so that if one day it’s turned into a pawn shop it would be recovered. One year later that exact thing happened but the camera was broken on it and it was cleaned out.
My daughter always forgot to lock the door when she left and it infuriated my husband. He always said what are you gonna do when one day you come home and your 55″ TV in your room is missing?
Well, one day we were fighting, I went to my other daughter’s home nearby and he left as well. A few hours later I came home and my front door was wide open, her TV was gone and drawers looked like they had been gone through, really looked staged.
When we were first together, I received an email from a random guy that was saying how have you been, we should get together some time, don’t you remember me, blah blah blah.
At the time I knew I didn’t know this person so immediately thought he was testing me so I went with it and did the right thing and told my husband about it. At the time I thought awww, how sweet (lol), but the email went on and he responded to the other guy and they spoke back and forth a few times, my husband told him to leave me alone.
Well, after I found the tracking device on my vehicle a few months ago and told him to go that it was the last straw, he laughed at me and told me it never worked (which I knew better, how did he always know where I was?).
Telling the truth
He did eventually leave but it took a while and ever since he has been begging me and telling me no one will ever love me like he does and why am I doing this to him, he asked me to meet him one day so he could tell me the truth about everything.
He says he went to counseling a few time and needed to tell the truth and to ask whatever I wanted …
The girl, he says he did say 99% of the stuff, but never intended on having a relationship and that’s why she was angry and said they slept together but they didn’t.
The house break-in, well, he says he did that but didn’t take the TV, although I found the xbox cord in his hat box.
The pay phone, he says he made that up.
The dogs, he says he never took.
The email, he says he did that, so basically he was talking to himself.
The computer, he says he had it the whole time and didn’t know how to return it so he made up that story.
No one likes me
Ever since I have met him, it seems that no one likes me. Everyone he comes in contact with has something negative to say about me, but I have never had that problem before, that over the years would always hurt my feeling and I never understood it.
He is such a nice guy, always happy , everyone seems to like him and gets along with him.
Not violent, but crazy
He has never been violent or verbally abusive to me, but it’s just always crazy things. If I don’t go to the casino with him, he will leave me.
Always a threat … if I don’t do this or that he will make me miserable and always trying to buy me back and promise me the world.
Always waiting for his inheritance that I have never seen a penny of, but he has told me and my kids so many things that he will do once he gets it. But now he doesn’t think he will be getting anything, not sure why (lol).
There are so many more things that I didn’t list but like I am sure all of you know, this could go on and on.
Response from Donna Andersen
SoConfused — don’t be confused. You are describing sociopathic behavior. Your husband is disordered. Get away from him.