Last month, Bob Bashara, 57, of Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan, was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for the murder of his wife.
Jane Bashara, 56, was beaten and strangled in January 2012. Her body was discovered in her Mercedes SUV parked in a Detroit alley, far from the family’s upper-class neighborhood.
While Jane Bashara worked, earning four times as much money as her husband, Bob Bashara acted like the civic-minded “Mayor of Middlesex,” which was the name of the street they lived on.
But he had a secret live of BDSM — bondage, discipline, sadomasochism — and had sex with multiple women in a basement dungeon.
Prosecutors alleged that Bob Bashara lured his mentally challenged former handyman, Joseph Gentz, to kill his wife. His goal was to inherit her money.
Bob Bashara claimed he was innocent.
Read more about this sensational case:
Jury finds Bob Bashara guilty of first-degree murder, on Freep.com.
Judge lambasts Bob Bashara
Bob Bashara was sentenced for the murder on Jan. 15, 2015. During the sentencing, Judge Vonda Evans, the victim’s mother, Lorraine Engelbrecht, and the victim’s sister, Julie Rowe, all told Bob Bashara exactly what they thought of him.
Watch videos of both the judge’s statement and Julie Rowe’s statement on this page:
Judge to Bashara: You destroyed Jane, only loved yourself, on Freep.com.
Judge Evans starts out by blaming Bob Bashara’s behavior on his upbringing. I don’t know all the testimony in the case, but this is probably at least partially correct, because psychopathy results from a mixture of genetics and childhood experience.
Evans said about his mother, “She loved you, but she didn’t know how to train you to be a man.” Instead, the judge said, Bob Bashara’s mother trained his sister, cousin, aunt and wife to cater to him.
Then Judge Evans really got rolling in her criticism of Bob Bashara. She made dramatic statements like the following:
“The only person you ever loved was yourself.”
“When your victims put their guards down and trusted you, you sucked them emotionally like a vampire.”
“You are a predator who sized up your prey. They longed for love. You just want to control.”
“You used their love and sacrifices as weapons against them.”
“Your love was a cancer, terminal and destructive.”
Victim’s mother and sister speak
The victim’s mother, Lorraine Engelbrecht, said, “Every day I live, I want to think about your rotting in jail and someday burning in hell.”
Julie Rowe, Jane Bashara’s sister, read a victim impact statement.
“Bob lied to all of us,” she said. “Bob manipulated all of us. Bob utterly betrayed all of us.”
“We ask those in power to never forget the depth of Bob’s betrayals and crimes, to never believe a word that comes out of his mouth, and to never, ever, let him out of prison.”
“What do you say to someone who doesn’t have a heart? How do you convey the emotion behind such a devastating loss to a psychopath who can’t love, and who doesn’t have the capacity to experience real human emotion.,” Rowe said. “I am fully aware of the fact that anything that I say today will not really be heard by this ridiculous failure of a man.”
The psychopath’s reaction
In the video of Judge Evans’ statement, first you’ll see Bob Bashara saying he didn’t do it.
“I am innocent,” Bob Bashara said. “I had nothing to do with my wife’s death.”
As you watch the video, pay attention to this man’s reaction — or lack of reaction. There is no guilt or remorse. His only movements are subtle shakes of his head in disagreement.
Julie Rowe was right. Nothing that was said made any impact on him.
My guess is that the only thing Bob Bashara feels is anger that he’s going to be locked up for the rest of his life.
No effect on the psychopath
This is the part that is truly instructive for Lovefraud readers.
Many of you want closure. You want an opportunity to blast the psychopath, to enumerate his or her crimes and transgressions.
You want to make the psychopath understand how you feel, how devastated you are by his or her betrayal, deceit and manipulation. You want the psychopath to know how much you are suffering.
As you can see from these videos, the psychopath will not care.
Jane Bashara’s family did get their day in court. The murderer was convicted and is going to prison.
Bob Bashara was forced to sit and listen as his wife’s family had their say.
It had absolutely no effect on him.
So when you feel the need to blast the psychopath, I have a suggestion: Do it “in absentia.”
Imagine that you’re going to have the opportunity to face the predator in court and make a victim impact statement. Think of everything you want to say. Perhaps even write it all out to read, as you would in court.
Then plan a “hearing.” The only people present will be you and your mental image of the psychopath, or perhaps a photo of him or her.
Read your statement to the psychopath. If you get emotional, that’s fine. Let your anger and tears flow. The more pain you can get out of your system, the better.
You may never get the opportunity to confront the psychopath in person. This exercise will probably be better anyway, for several reasons:
1. You will speak your mind, without the psychopath attacking you, twisting your words, and pulling you back into the web.
2. You will not see his or her real reaction, which would likely be contempt.
3. You can, if you want, imagine that he or she really does hear your words and expresses remorse.
The objective of this exercise is to help in your own recovery. Like in the case of Bob Bashara, nothing you say will make a differenced to the psychopath. But perhaps your confrontation “in absentia” will give yourself closure.