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Why am I not trusting the love of my life? Part 3 of 4

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Part 2 of a series submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Laura-Marie.” Read Part 1 and Part 2. Names have been changed. 

He said he his parents were coming to California with another couple who were long-time friends. His brother was going too.

He would be gone for three days.

He took the Jaguar, but said he was parking it at the family’s home, as I didn’t it want it driven up the mountain.

I asked how his trip was when he got home, but he didn’t say much.

I took the car out and found blush in the car. Cover Girl. It wasn’t mine.

I was shaking. He lied. How could he???

I got out of the car, went in the house and asked if he had another woman in my car. He told me no one was in my car.

When I said the make-up wasn’t mine and he had to have, he said he had no idea how it got there and swore on his grandmother’s grave that no one was in my car.

I was losing my mind. He couldn’t be lying if he swore on his grandmother’s grave.

This was a religious man whose Book of Mormon never left the arm of the couch.

He had an email folder for everything I sent him and messages from his wife regarding the kids. They were on good terms, even though there was no chance of reconciliation according to him.

But one day, when he had the computer open, there was an email in the same folder to CL. One that he shared with me, that his son sent him for Father’s Day.

A special, emotional letter. Why was he sending it to her? I wanted to throw up.

He was in a relationship with her. Why would he share this otherwise???

He was leaving the house more often for meetings and to watch football with friends, taking my car.

The first time he didn’t come home at night, he left early in the day to watch his friend’s baseball game. His friend injured himself during the game and was in the hospital. He had to stay with their young son, as his wife was a nurse on graveyard shift and would not be home until the morning.

How could I tell him he had to go home, when he claimed there was no one to stay with the son….

And Shane, S Lee on the phone. He claimed S Lee was a man, but the story changed and there were two S Lees, but the female S Lee only emailed him about business. The one on the phone was the man.

The name came up on his phone every day, all day, all night. Why would a man call him so much?

A lie. I know it. Texts, calls…. was he in a relationship with her too?

I saw so many women’s names popping up on his phone, but her name came up more than any of them.

I was so confused, as he claimed Shane was a broker working on the deal with him. He said the only women he talked to were his mother and daughter.

I told him I knew he was talking to other women and he tried to turn it on me.

He claimed I was talking to other men. But I wasn’t. He was the only one I wanted. And any male friends I had, he had met. I talked to them on the phone right in front of him. I had nothing to hide.

But there were other names on his phone. Ann. Why was he texting her late at night, while we laid in bed naked and I massaged him? He said she was a broker and he had to speak to her, as she had information about his deal.

Tammy. Why did he call her baby and say he missed her? Why was she texting him cute photos of kittens. Women don’t do that with men who are just friends.

Juana. Why was she calling him baby and saying she liked his photo on Facebook and WHY was he liking her photo back? Her name came up on the phone too, but he claimed it was her brother Juan.

And then there was Dottie. The younger pretty married woman. Why was she liking every single thing he posted on Facebook? Was she stalking him? Who has time for that? What does her husband think about this? But why did he need to talk to her on the phone?

I asked who all the other women were and he said, “They are just people. Just because they don’t have a d*ck, you are jealous.”

I told him that was not it. I just knew something wasn’t right, but I had no answers yet. Not from him.

He got angry at me when I asked why he couldn’t stop texting and he responded by saying that all I could think about was myself, as he was doing this for us, in order to close these deals.

There were so many unanswered questions and I couldn’t find the answers. I tried to figure out the puzzle, but there were missing pieces.

I felt like I couldn’t break up with him until I had proof that my suspicions were correct, as on a daily basis, he kept telling me I was neurotic, paranoid, crazy, jealous and selfish. Was I all those things?

I never heard it from anyone I dated. That wasn’t me. How could it be now? Was I crazy?

My head is spinning and I’m sick to my stomach. Sex was almost non-existent. He told me he couldn’t perform because of the stress he was under.

He had no money at all, no job and just had to close his deal.

He told me I was selfish and only cared about sex, not about his well being. He said that maybe he should go to the doctor, as he had prostate cancer in the past and maybe that was why he could not perform.

I said that it was okay and we could still touch each other.

He didn’t even want to touch me.

I asked him to talk to me about it, but he got angry and changed the subject.

I said that I understood if he wasn’t attracted to me and that I just wanted him to be honest with me.

He said he was attracted to me and it wasn’t me. It was his stress. Stress was always the answer to the issues.

And me. It was all me. He claimed I changed when I lost my job and wasn’t the happy go lucky girl he fell in love with. I was to blame, according to him.

But I know I didn’t change because I lost my job. I changed because I knew I was living with a liar.

I was scared. I didn’t know what to do.

We went out one night and as usual, he left to make a phone call.

I asked why he couldn’t make these phone calls before we left the house. He yelled at me that I only care about myself and that his friend’s Manny’s daughter was missing and that it was more important than my selfish need to have him next to me in the lounge.

He tried to make me feel like I was a horrible person for getting tired of his regular habit of leaving me in a restaurant or club all alone.

I was beat down. I couldn’t stand up for myself anymore and found myself apologizing when he called me selfish, neurotic and paranoid.

What was happening? I begged and pleaded almost daily for the truth.

Every time he said he loved me, I cried. I knew he didn’t mean it. I told him not to say it anymore because I didn’t want to hear it when he didn’t mean it.

He said he did mean it and did love me.

I told him that I didn’t think he was in love with me, but he continued to say he was and that he just wanted me to be patient. He said everything would change when his money came in and things were normal.

I told him to leave if he wanted to date other people and said I knew the only reason he was there was for a free place to live.

He said he had other places to go and wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to be with me. He said Terry would let him move there, but he wanted me.

Just be patient, he said.

It became almost daily that I was asking him to tell me the truth.

I started crying every time he said he loved me. He asked why that made me cry and I told him this wasn’t real. He kept saying it was. It was real love.

But I went to sleep alone in bed, crying every night. He told me he wasn’t tired and didn’t want to toss and turn, so he would wait until he was tired enough to fall asleep.

He said that if he tried to go to bed when he wasn’t tired, the bed would become associated with something negative in his head.

Even when he did come to bed in the middle of the night, he would sleep for an hour or so and say he couldn’t sleep. He would go back downstairs and turn the television on, which kept me up.

I was exhausted. Worn out. Physically ill. Emotionally destroyed. Falling apart inside. I prayed to God for answers. Why wasn’t he giving them to me?

I couldn’t take it anymore. I lost the person that I was when I met him.

I wish I could see the texts, but he would turn the phone away from me. I tried to watch the keystrokes to see if I could figure out what he was typing. He would type four letters and close the phone.

All I could think was IFLY. He was typing it to someone else.

I told him I didn’t want to be out there dating again, but knew I would be soon.

He told me that was crazy, that I would never have to date again. He wasn’t going anywhere, he claimed. I had him. He said if he didn’t want to be with me, he would be there.

Why did he keep saying it?

I don’t understand. Nothing makes sense anymore. I’m losing my mind. He’s right. I’m crazy.

Tomorrow: Part 4 – I needed the truth



2 Comments on "Why am I not trusting the love of my life? Part 3 of 4"

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  1. operadiva1942 says:

    Hi
    I had exactly the same problem, I knew he was talking to other woman, and they were all his exes
    I asked him why he needed to talk with them, and he told me that they were just friends, but i didn’t like it.
    Then he started being on the computer 24/7, till all hrs of the night, and my problem was that i could not even see emails or chat talk, as if i came in he changed windows.
    One day i got a message from a total stranger that told me she didn’t want to hurt me, but that he was on a date site POF, AND HIS NAME WAS SUGAR SUGAR.
    i confronted him, but he denied it, but i knew the woman was not lying.
    I went on that site, but could not find him, couse i’m a lot older then him, and all his woman were much older, i should have listened to my inner voice before i moved in with him, but he was relentless.
    They can not stay in a permanant relationship, couse he was folling around before i moved out at least i had the strenght to do that.
    In the meantime he had 2 woman that he slept with, and as soon as i left he went on a holiday with yet another one, and he didn’t even know any of them just picked them up. but to put salt in the wound the one he is with now was a friend of mine, and he didn’t know that, so i told her everything about that narcissist and said that she would get severely hurt, but she didn’t listen and check this out, he only goes there once a week and sneaks in at night so her sons that are the same age as him would not find out, he just went to get you know what, and was is the matter with her, has she have no respect for herself, and doesn’t she know he is only using her, and he is still msg me and telling me hes missing me.
    I tell you i almost had a breakdown, and had to move in with my son, and his wife, and i’m still hurting very much not cause of moving away, but WHY WHY WHY did he hurt me so very much, and the mind games , oh i was so devastated i’m trying to let it go, but when you’re in love its so awful the lying cheating, mind-games, and he told me it was all my fault, couse i didn’t fulfill his needs, no no i now realize he is a NARC, and i got caught.
    Well that’s my story, but there is much more.
    Please take care of yourself, and remember NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT NOTHING, you just got caught to. Someone who cares



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