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Archive for 2015

Married To A Sociopath—The Experience In 250 Words Or Less

Poisen My corrosive marriage to and my toxic divorce from a sociopath are chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). My after-the-fact understanding of how I got trapped for so long in this hellish relationship is woven throughout.

Yet, to share the essence of the experience in far fewer words, I crafted the following poem (also in the book.)

If any of it resonates with you, I hope it helps you unveil an abusive relationship for what it is and motivates you to craft a safe exit strategy for you or for someone close to you whose life may be precariously entwined with a sociopath.

The Poem–Husband, Liar, Sociopath

I’m free of him. At last. At last.
The future’s mine. The past is past.

A vulture masked that preys on doves,
He baited me with care and love,

Nobody understands the level of deceit he is capable of

 

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Irma.”

I am currently detaching from a Malignant Narcissist, we were together almost 15 years and have 3 children. He became increasingly violent in the last 3 years; I had a non violent honeymoon period of almost 7 years … I now know he was just managing me down in ways I didn’t even notice for years …

Since I ended our relationship (he punched me 9 times to the head), he and the in-laws have banded together to literally drive me insane … CPS was called and they were told I was the abusive one, the one with addictions, that I was mentally unstable and a danger to myself and the children.

He cut off my electricity; he tried to have me committed. Twice via the courts, twice with my parents, this did not work. He had me arrested on harassment and intimidation charges while he was actively stalking me.

Man sues ex-wife because she writes ‘loser’ on alimony checks she sends him

Alimony check

(Image from Facebook)

Diane Wagner, 57, of Hopatcong, New Jersey, pays her ex-husband $186 per week in alimony. She’s been writing “loser” and “bum” in the memo line.

Her ex, Francis J. Wagner, has sued her, claiming that his wife’s memos have caused him to have heart attacks.

Here’s what Diane Wagner said, according to The Daily Record:

“As far as I’m concerned I can write anything I want on the memo line because it’s a note to myself. I was the victim in that marriage. What more blood does he want from me? I pay him religiously.”

Hopatcong ex-wife writes ‘loser’ on alimony checks; ex-husband sues her, on DailyRecord.com.

Posted in: Laws and courts

7 Surprising Reasons Why Loving a Cheater Is Actually a Gift

This article, by Donna Andersen, was originally published on YourTango.com.

Your partner is a heartless, unrepentant cheater. Here’s why it could be good for you.

My ex-husband cheated as a way of life.

He carried on affairs with at least six women (that I know of) during our relationship—which was amazing, considering we were only together for two and a half years.

He had a child with one of those women. And then, 10 days after I left him—not after we divorced, after I left him—he married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy.

Sorting through the file boxes full of papers he left behind—the guy was a packrat—I discovered evidence that during the seven or so years before I met him, he’d been involved with 25 or 30 women. He was married almost the entire time.

I am legally not allowed to protect my child from his sociopathic father

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud recevied the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Clarissa.”

I met the sociopath when I was a 16-year-old Crown Ward on “Independent Living.” He was older than me and in the Army. I was in high school. I became pregnant at 17. Children’s Aid attempted to abandon me and have me instead rely on social services. The sociopath (father) wanted me to abort the child or keep it   not put it up for adoption. He would not have a child of his in the world where he could not control it. I had been considering adoption or having the child on my own and didn’t want him involved. His mother, possibly also sociopathic, met me in secret urging me to make a family with her son, and to keep the baby, as they were Catholic.

Cancer at Christmas — Living in a Sociopath’s World

When Things Were

I used to be so good at taking care of things like decorating my house for Christmas with shades of red, green and gold, carefully outlining dark corners with beautiful, gleaming lights to create that wonderful, cozy ambiance of a home filled with love and joy—the way it should feel at Christmas time.

There were carefully thought out, warm meals prepared, music filling the crisp air, homemade Christmas sweets to grab on the way out the door, and soft, warm blankets on every couch for that last minute snuggle.  I would intentionally direct my energies towards evoking wonder with my family and daughter every day of December.

Denial of Darkness

I lived in my own reality of denial as the darkness passed me in the halls of that beautiful home.  I filled myself with good things and the light in my life would overshadow the darkness.  Yet as strong as the light was in my life, little by little the darkness chipped away at my spirit.

A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

Anxiety Depression

There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics.

Chronic, Subtle Feelings That “Something’s Off”

A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband.

A Psychology Experiment

The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of Iowa. It demonstrates how you can sense that something is wrong and feel anxious without understanding what is making you feel that way.

‘Red Flags of Love Fraud’ now in Spanish: ‘Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa’

Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa_Border_300x300Editor’s note: If you have Spanish-speaking friends, family or acquaintances, and you want to help protect them from sociopaths, here is the answer. “Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath,” is now available in Spanish! Forward this article to them.

Alertas rojas de estafa amorosa
10 señales de que estás saliendo con un sociópata

De Donna Andersen, autora de Lovefraud.com

Tienes una relación amorosa que comenzó como un torbellino de atención y afecto, pero ahora te atormenta el temor de que algo no va bien.

O has tenido una relación que era verbal, emocional, financiera o incluso físicamente abusiva. Esa persona ya se ha ido, pero sigues sin comprender cómo te engañó, y tienes miedo de que vuelva a suceder.

O alguien a quien quieres tiene una relación sentimental con una pareja que te tiene preocupado. No puedes entender cómo se involucró tu amigo o familiar, y por qué él o ella no lo deja.

Siblings accuse their cousin of seducing and killing their father

Last year on Christmas day, say Jennifer Ralston and her brother, Caleb McNamara, their father was shot in the back of the head, murdered by their cousin, Tracy Shannon Nessl.

Jennifer and Caleb accuse Nessl of seducing their recently divorced father, Timothy McNamara, moving to Belize, and then killing him. They say Nessl had multiple life insurance policies on their father, and put his properties into her name, including their family farm.

The siblings have filed a civil murder lawsuit against Nessl in Grant County, Washington.

Siblings claim their cousin murdered their father after she began an incestuous affair with him — and then cashed in on his life insurance and stole the family home, on DailyMail.co.uk

10 Signs You’re Addicted to Loving a Cheater

10 signs your addicted to a cheater

Weheartit

Editor’s note: This article by Donna Andersen was originally published on YourTango.com. All of the following still applies if your partner is a woman.

You know he’s seeing another woman. Or perhaps you ARE the other woman. Why can’t you let him go?

You discover your man is cheating. You know he’s bad for you. Your friends tell you to dump him, but the truth is, you still want him.

If the pull is unbearably strong, maybe it’s not love that you feel—but addiction. Do you do any of the following? (Be honest!)

1. You confront him about the calls in his phone from other women. He comes up excuses, you know they’re lame—but you accept them anyway.

2. He says that it’s your fault that he cheated on you, and you agree with him.