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Sociopaths and Christmas

guy with gifts 250x293In your dreams and desires, Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. You spend time with family and friends. You give and receive thoughtful gifts. If you are religious, you renew your faith.

Christmas is supposed to be special. Of course, it doesn’t always work out that way, but at least that’s your goal.

So how do sociopaths view Christmas?

In my opinion, sociopaths view Christmas simply as another tool in their manipulation toolbox. They know that Christmas is important to their targets — that would be you — so they figure out how to use Christmas to advance their agendas.

So, if sociopaths are in the love bombing stage, they may shower you with gifts and create unbelievably magical moments.

If they’re in the exploitation stage, they may convince you to pay for gifts for them, the kids, or other people that they’re trying to take advantage of.

If they’re in the devalue and discard stage, they may ignore you at Christmas, or even let you know that they’re spending the holidays with someone else.

If they’re in the vindictive stage, they may intentionally think of ways to ruin Christmas for you, the kids, or other friends and family.

What to do

So how do you cope with the sociopath at Christmas, or your memories of the sociopath at Christmas?

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to recognize the truth of what the sociopath is — a hollow, empty shell of a human being. This person is not capable of experiencing any kind of Christmas spirit. If you remember seeing behavior that seemed to express love and good cheer, know that it was an act.

If the sociopath is still in your life in any way, lower your expectations. Do not wish that maybe this Christmas he or she will be different. It will not happen, and you will be disappointed.

The gift of healing

The sociopath will never give you closure. The sociopath will never sincerely apologize. If you receive an apology, that, too, is manipulation.

Healing, therefore, will be a gift you give yourself.

You are a good, caring person who was deceived. The sociopath targeted you, and there is nothing you could have done to make him or her treat you any better.

So how do you recover? Here is the process, in three steps:

  1. Accept that what happened really did happen.
  2. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
  3. Let it go.

Of course, the description of these steps is oversimplified, and all steps require a lot of time, work and patience.

But if you can take the three steps, you’ll give yourself the best Christmas gift imaginable.

 


Posted in: Donna Andersen

33 Comments on "Sociopaths and Christmas"

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  1. mcpsp says:

    Hi,

    First time posting here and I don’t really know if it’s the right place to post or what I’m looking for exactly but here it goes anyway. I am a sociopath! For me Christmas is a very odd experience every year, my family is large and complicated and none of them can even comprehend what it means to lean slightly towards sociopathic and if I told them it would not be beneficial. They would never be able to understand.

    I’d like to start by pointing out that not everything for me at chistmas is purely to benefit myself, as a sociopath I can say that we do everything to benefit ourselves but not always only for ourselves and not always to make ourselves the person benefiting the most. I visit my parents and my siblings and I make them laugh, I help out and get on with everyone and this is by far more beneficial to them as it makes them happy. Were things stray for me is drama at Christmas, I deal with it too well and all it makes me think is “do I really love my family” it’s horrible to think that I could leave this place and not care, that I don’t really want to be here in the first place but it’s my family.

    What I want to know is how do other people deal with their family at Christmas?



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