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Archive for October, 2014

It is so painful to know that the whole relationship was not real

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Terry Ann.” Other names in this post have also been changed.

He is as romantic and alluring as his designer label name sounds. I met “PQ” on Millionaire Match.com. His profile states he was born in Milan, Italy,

I wasn’t seeking a millionaire. I wanted a man with a respectable job, status, and stability.

We had a whirlwind romance in a two-week period of time before he suddenly had to move from Bradenton, Florida to Couer D’Alene, Idaho.

I clearly remember his first phone call to me. His accent was sexy, romantic, and sweet.

Within moments, he boldly asked me personal questions, but he was so nice, I complied and answered. I normally don’t like to tell anyone right off the bat that I have been divorced three times and had two abusive husbands, but he wanted to know my marriage history immediately and why my marriages ended.

‘The Stir’ posts about warning signs of a secret life

Businessman and pregnant womanDonna Andersen was recently interviewed for an article on “The Stir,” part of Cafemom.com. They include:

  1. Your gut is telling you something’s wrong
  2. He disappears or travels a lot
  3. He has unreasonable boundaries
  4. He lies and keeps secrets

The author, Kiri Blakeley, did a great job.You’ll want to read the story:

10 scary signs your man is living a secret life, on TheStir.Cafemom.com.

A new pity play: Faking devastating illness on the Internet

One of the main things people do on the Internet is research health and medical information. According to a 2012 survey by the Pew Research Internet Project, 72% of American Internet users said they looked online for health information in the past year.

Not only do people look for information from respected sources like WebMD, but people who have illnesses and medical conditions share information with each other in online forums. Along with advice, participants offer each other moral support (much like what happens here at Lovefraud).

Sometimes, however, people talking about their illnesses online are fakes. A Lovefraud reader sent the following link:

The Lying Disease — Why would someone want to fake a serious illness on the Internet?, on  TheStranger.com.

This article tells an unbelievable tale of young women going to extremes to portray themselves as terribly ill. It’s long, but keep reading — the story just keeps getting better.

Out of the pain of a failed relationship some good may come

woma thinking4While torturing herself by rehashing the details of her second broken marriage over and over again, Jill Gross heard amidst the noise a gentler voice inside her whisper, “Be patient. The most painful relationships can be the best teachers.”

After she heard that voice, she began to let herself consider that, just maybe, this heinous experience was serving a benevolent purpose she had yet to discover. And that’s when the learning began.

How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers, from tiny Buddha.

Link supplied by Mary Ann Glynn.

 

 

 

The eyes of a sociopath

Socipathic eyesSociopaths are hiding in all segments of society. They can be male, female, all races, all religions, all ethnic groups, old, young, rich, poor, good-looking, homely. Only one aspect of their appearance may hint at their personality disorder:

The eyes.

If you’ve had any type of involvement with a sociopath, you may have noticed some weirdness about the person’s eyes. You may see this in one or more ways, such as:

Intense eye contact

In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud one of the 10 warning signs is intense eye contact. To gather information for the book, I conducted the Lovefraud Romantic Partners Survey. Of the 1,352 survey respondents, 59% of them reported that their sociopathic partner engaged in intense eye contact.

Here’s how one woman described the moment she met the sociopath:

Posted in: Donna Andersen

How could Darren Vann, suspected in multiple Indiana murders, have been considered ‘low risk’?

Darren Vann

Darren Vann

Not one, but two likely serial killers have been in the news recently.

First there was Jesse Matthew, charged in the abduction of Virginia student Hannah Graham, whose body has now been identified. Police have linked Matthew to at least one other crime, and are examining cases of more dead and missing women in Virginia.

Then there is Darren Vann, of Gary, Indiana.

Vann was arrested in the killing of 19-year-old Afrikka Hardy, whose body was found in a Motel 6 in Hammond, Indiana. Vann confessed to the crime, and led police to the bodies of six other women.

All seven of these murders took place after Vann was released from a Texas prison on July 5, 2013. There may be more. Prior to being jailed in Texas, however, Vann:

• Was kicked out of the Marines after less than two years of service with an “other than honorable” discharge.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

‘Expert’ explaining psychopath vs. sociopath reveals the truth: He’s clueless

Angry man 72dpi 250x150jpgA Lovefraud reader sent me a link to the following article that appeared on Huffington Post last month:

Psychopath Vs. Sociopath: What’s the difference?

It was written by Robert Siciliano, a speaker on personal security and identity theft, and a corporate media consultant. He’s also the author of four books, including 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Your Identity Was Stolen.

I hope Siciliano knows more about identity theft than he knows about psychopaths and sociopaths. Because he knows nothing about these personality disorders. What he has written does more to spread misinformation than educate people.

What’s wrong with the story? Let me count the errors:

1. “Sociopathy and psychopathy share a propensity for violence”

This is one of the first statements Siciliano made, and it’s wrong. Yes, some of these individuals are violent. But many, many of them are not, so it is not appropriate to list violence as a defining characteristic. Just ask all the people who are emotionally, psychologically and financially abused by these individuals, but not physically assaulted.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Research reveals men in domestic violence suffer similar effects as women

Although most reported domestic abuse is committed by men against women, a growing body of research has picked up on the prevalence and significance of domestic violence perpetrated against men, says research published in  Psychology of Men & Masculinity.

Men who are abused by their female partners can suffer significant psychological trauma, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and suicidal thoughts, according to two papers published by the American Psychological Association.

British researcher Anna Randle, PsyD, lead author of a paper summarizing two decades of research says that a lack of reliable data has led to some confusion in literature on domestic violence effects on men.  More rigorous research focusing specifically on male victims is suggested.

Male victims of ‘intimate terrorism’ can experience damaging psychological effects, from Science Daily.

Posted in: Scientific research

My ex-husband and his mother both have narcissistic personality disorder

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Mary Agnes.”

I married a Narcissist and am SO glad we are not together anymore!

It took stupid love-blind me a few years to work out what my Narcissist-ex husband was doing. In short, he was stealing money from my family wealth over the years and giving it to his mother to spend on first class travel, cars, paintings, clothes, etc.

I spoke to a psychologist who informed me that it was likely that his mother and he were both narcissistic personality disorders, plus he was co-dependent on his mother.

He stole to feed his mother, both of them without empathy. In fact, his mother was really nasty to me the whole time she was getting him to steal from us.

At last, a man sentenced for hiding money to avoid child support and alimony

Lovefraud reader Anne Stevenson alerted Lovefraud to a story we missed.

A Sacramento businessman was prosecuted, convicted and sentenced for faking bankruptcy to hide millions of dollars. Steven K. Zinnel tried to get the FBI to investigate his wife. Instead, they investigated him.

Zinnel was ordered to forfeit $2.8 million to the government, and pay restitution to his ex-wife and sons.

Man who avoided child support by faking bankruptcy gets 17 years, on Time.com.

Businessman sentenced to more than 17 years for bankruptcy fraud and money laundering, on FBI.gov.