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By September 27, 2014 4 Comments Read More →

I am now the enemy, and I’ve never witnessed such coldness from the person I used to call my wife

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This Spath tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who uses the name “Wiserfromit.”

I believe I was married to a sociopath for over ten years.

She was an old date from high school and had recently run into my friend and gotten my email address.

We started talking via email for a couple months (we lived about eight hour’s  drive from each other). We agreed to meet near her and on our first meeting, she said I love you. I went along with it because it felt too good to be true.

We went looking for rings soon after and got engaged about five months after our initial contact. I had proposed to her when she was visiting me in my town and the next day, she was on the phone crying and saying her four year-old daughter missed her too much.

She returned home and then I couldn’t get a hold of her.

Her dad then contacted me to inform me she was in jail. She claimed she had used her mother’s credit card fraudulently and her mother couldn’t drop the charges.

I believed her and stuck with her.

When she got out, they moved into my house and her controlling nature was soon seen. She would get upset if I was watching TV shows with bikinis or women she considered better looking and she made me alienate any of my friends that were girls.

I went along with it again as I blamed it on her low self esteem.

There are so many things that happened over the next ten years that its hard to list it chronologically. So I will try to summarize.

We agreed that I would cover the mortgage, she would cover the bills however the bills wouldn’t get paid and I would have to help her out so services didn’t get disconnected.

She would buy my Xmas gifts using my credit card and I would only find out later.

The biggest kicker is that she found good jobs and then would embezzle money from them, getting caught until the latest incident.

She worked for a home builder in the office here in town and stole about $20,000. She was fired and was charged.

I then had a job offer in another town further away and she said it was okay to leave. She eventually got a job with a construction safety network and ended up stealing about $30,000 from them, which I was forced to pay with proceeds from the sale of our house.

I also learned that she was not allowed to leave her hometown, which she said she was, thus she breached her conditions. Her charges were still before the court when she stole a third time working as a legal assistant. This time was about $14,000.

She finally ended up being sentenced for a year for all the crimes and I remember the day. It was her birthday and after the judge laid out her sentence, she turned to me crying and begging me not to leave her. And I didn’t, being the schmuck that I am.

She served about three months in jail and four months in a halfway house. We eventually moved, thinking the worst was behind us. Well, now I have learned differently.

First off was the catalyst. She ended up having an affair with her best friend’s husband after they separated, which I believe she helped precipitate. Why? Because she envied her friends life, stay at home mom and her husband paying for everything and giving her a couple thousand a month to spend on herself.

Well, once we separated, friends that had disappeared came forward to tell me their storied about how she had been caught lying to them and how they wouldn’t stand for it.

My ex had told me a different story about why her friends weren’t hanging out anymore. And prior to this, I was always cognizant of the fact my ex had no long term friends like I did. They seem to come and go quite often.

Well, now I’ve learned that my wife had been fired from jobs that she told me she had quit, and the last one was because she was using clients credit cards for her own purchases, as well as product and petty cash going missing.

The owner of the business as well as the credit card owners went to the police but as of this point, no charges have been laid. Probably because she charmed or slept with the investigating officer!

lol

Note that she runs her own fitness classes (as she can’t get a job in the town we live in as the rumors about her past crimes have spread throughout the business community) and is a popular Zumba and boot camp teacher.

Her participants love her because she is good looking and very charming and bubbly. However, I know she has lied to them about personal details and even held charity events where the money didn’t go to charity.

She very much lies just to lie where it is really unnecessary.

Well, within the span of two months, she has moved in with her new lover, made the house her own, quit her current job, which she only had for three months, and claims she found her soulmate and they are in love.

They are apparently inseparable, never leaving each other’s side.

I am now the enemy, and I’ve never witnessed such coldness from the person I used to call my wife.

She can’t wait to get her hands on the house money as I am selling the house.

Did I mention she still denies to me it is an affair and that he is just a friend, although they post couple’s stuff on Facebook (they think just because I’m blocked that my friends won’t look? haha).

I have also learned of recent infidelities in the last six months, although I have suspected flings before, as she would tell me she was a certain place, and I would drive by and she wouldn’t be there and wouldn’t answer her phone. When she eventually did, she would make up a story and then get mad because she didn’t believe she didn’t need her phone attached to her hip when she went out.

She would get a hold of me when she had time.

And I love the rage she would exhibit (although it wasn’t very often) when I would catch her in an obvious lie. She would yell and scream and sometimes throw things thinking that the harder she yelled, it would make it more true.

Ha!

Anyway, that is the surface of my story. I can’t type everything, but you got the major details. Thanks for listening.



4 Comments on "I am now the enemy, and I’ve never witnessed such coldness from the person I used to call my wife"

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  1. pricer says:

    Yes very cold indeed. My spath, upon divorce attempted to alienate me from my children and then replace me with her new husband (who she became pregnant by 6 months after our divorce and married 8 months after our divorce). Every attempt to contact my children letters, call etc were intercepted by her and it wasn’t until I went back to court TWICE that I finally was able to get in touch with my children on a daily basis. Lies and stories are told behind my back that are not true and I usually find out about these through extended family or friends. It is amazing how people like this even exist as I only thought they existed on TV shows and soaps at one point in my life. Now I know better.



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  2. wiserfromit says:

    If the number one trait of sociopaths is lying then the number two is laziness. In the training of correction officers they are taught a course called “games that inmates play.” The ultimate goal in all the inmates games is to create a “mule,” that is a slave. The inmate wants someone to visit him, send him money and books, and magazines. I see in my experiences with spaths that they want a mule also. Someone to provide financial support, a place to live, and someone to use for sexual needs.In creating the slave the spaths are very nice in the recruitment and training phase but once the master/slave relationship has been established the spath becomes very demanding and even cruel. The spath does not give the slave their freedom willingly and seperation with no contact is necessary to break the chains that bind. I am no longer a slave/victim as I have learned from my harsh experiences. Today I can say no to any request without feeling any guilt (I can spot a guilt trip a mile away.) I have learned to recognize very quickly people who have no boundaries and who also have no respect for the boundaries of others and reject them without feeling any guilt. On my current job I have to deal with a bully of a coworker who wants everything to his advantage; I am to do all the work while he gets all the pay. I have been successful in putting him back into his place by bringing in higher authority to set things right. This is whats the boss says and this is what I am going to do. The boss was amazed at how easily I handled him and I told him “this is child’s play after dealing with the ex wife (who is a spath)”. I know what signs to look for, what to expect, and how to counter and resist the spath tactics an prevent them from getting an unfair advantage. I have made myself stronger from dealing with spaths and hope that others can grow stronger as well.



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  3. Wiserfromit – The idea of creating a “mule” is a really interesting observation. Since many people in prison are sociopaths, I wonder if they are just switching their normal exploitative behavior to another venue.

    Anyway, I’m glad that the skills you learned dealing with your ex-wife have proven to be helpful.



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  4. bluejay says:

    wiserfromit,

    Your response (to pricer) is very helpful, having learned how to better deal with exploitative people (in all areas of life). Thanks. I am so glad that you figured out what kind of person your ex-wife is – knowledge is power.



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