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He does not know how to tell the truth — he lies just to lie

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name of “Lauren2014.”

I opened my home, soul and heart to someone who had a ”past.” He was able to pull at my heartstrings and tell me horrific stories of his childhood and terrible accounts of his upbringing so that I would feel sorry for him.

I was willing to overlook his “past” and the bad decisions he made as an adult because I felt it was attributed to his childhood. (Most of which are lies.) I thought every word he told me was the truth.

I would later find out he does not know how to tell the truth. He lies just to lie.

There were so many red flags in the beginning and I still ignored them.

He was so good at manipulating me and making me believe he had only true intentions. On the outside looking in, it appeared I was happy in love … he made sure of that. I was fooled into thinking that we were genuinely in love.

He wanted to spend all his time with me in the beginning (red flag), shared my same interests, extremely helpful and useful around the house, showered me with attention and flattery, and he constantly told me he loved me.

When there were problems, I was too embarrassed to share. I should have known better when he started keeping his cell phone on “lock down” after the honeymoon phase.

Always hiding something … everything.

One thing that I am so embarrassed to even mention, I google-searched phone numbers from phone bills which turned up to be transvestite prostitutes. His response, “I just needed attention; I’m not having sex with them”.

YEAH RIGHT.

I know now that this man lacks a sexual identity which is common among sociopaths.

As a Registered Nurse, even after a year, I still was unable to recognize the symptoms of being played by a sociopath. There was always something that I could not put my finger on (outside of the cheating, mistrust and conning) when I finally did some research of my own and all of my questions were answered…

I stumbled on a great site: Lovefraud.com. To my horror, I realized who the hell was sharing my bed. This man stole from me, denied that he did it and told me I was making it up… I was crazy and paranoid.

Sociopaths create chaos/drama in the home when they get bored. He enjoyed playing psychological games with me. I know he found and old card from an ex-boyfriend, went out and bought me a card and wrote inside the card in MY EX-BOY FRIENDS HANDWRITING!!

One day I came home from work, opened the pantry and my heart sunk. He rearranged the pantry like it was a supermarket with all the labels facing out–reminded me of Sleeping with the Enemy.

Whenever something like this happened he would turn his good deed into me devaluing him. And when HE created the drama in my home, he blamed it on me, “You just love drama, don’t you girl?”

What was so frustrating is that while he was telling me all his friends loved me and he only spoke positive words about me, behind my back he would tell them I was crazy.

Sociopaths cannot be cured.

They lack a conscience and only mirror behavior/feelings that they have been shown. He frequently goes to AA meetings. Not to hear the message, but to prey on other weak people and cause terror in their life or figure out a way how he can benefit/profit from others. That is also his starting point when he is kicked out of homes when his girlfriends or guyfriends have figured his game out.

In the end, when I took an inanimate object away from him that DID NOT belong to him nor did he purchase, he became physically aggressive and abusive to me. Within days of the assault, in true classic sociopath form, he called my employer to attempt to smear my reputation.

I have learned through my own investigation that he has conspiratorial confidants that were in place before he met me. My story is not unique. And unfortunately, there will be another girl … and another who will have to go through what I did.

I wish I could warn her but I can’t. She will have to find out for herself … just like I did. I will be just another “crazy ex” just like he said all his other exes were. In the end, to confirm what I already know, I called his adoptive mother who told me that the man I was living with for a year was diagnosed with conduct disorder at five years old.

As an adult, protective orders were put in place by his parents because of his erratic behavior.

This man has four children and has married three times. His first marriage ended on his honeymoon when he took off with wedding gifts and cash!

Further history includes jumping from woman to woman, using them for money and shelter until boredom occurs, the money dries up or she figures his game out.

I am currently in the court process for the assault. He of course knows how to work the system (playing the victim as well) and I am on my second continuance.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and was hospitalized for 5 days for suicidal ideation. I am currently on antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds and I am feeling fabulous. My home is at peace now and I am thankful for that. I am in the process of healing. I have been affected emotionally and psychologically from this empty shell of a soul and it will take me a long time to trust another person again.

I have been in and out of court with my sociopathic ex-boyfriend for the assault.

He knows how to play the system. He has continued his case multiple times, obtained an attorney at the last minute and absolutely plays the victim role.

When I arrived in court last month on my birthday, I thought it was going to be the last time I would have to see his face. Wrong. Because of a clerical error, I was never served a subpoena for an assault! He took out assault charges against me six weeks after the event.

Everyone in the court including the deputy, a detective who helped me retrieve my car he stole from me, and the witness protection advocate knew exactly what he was doing. I was in tears. I felt victimized all over again.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Unfortunately, they could not proceed with my case. Thankfully, they did not handcuff me. The same officer who responded to my 911 call walked me in to a back door and I was able to sign and leave.

I am hopeful that next month when I go to court with my attorney that it will be the last time I see this Lost Soul.

“Lauren2014”

PS: I am hopeful that next month when I go to court with my attorney that it will be the last time I see this Lost Soul.

 



29 Comments on "He does not know how to tell the truth — he lies just to lie"

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  1. Diane111 says:

    Great post and comments!! I know I’m married to a sociopath and have made all the well-known mistakes … going back is the major one! Mine has never physically abused me, however, the mental abuse, gas-lighting and lies are far more worse than any physical bruise he could have caused. He also steals, from his employer, and feels he is “entitled” to the items. He has also stolen from restaurants when he feels justified in doing so, i.e. bad service, etc. Empathy? Remorse? Forget it! Icandothis … yes, the laughter and sincere happiness at someone’s misfortune, even his own family members. UGH!!! And undertheradar … I did the exact same thing … waited until I knew he wasn’t going to be home for ten hours or so and moved my belongings out. I had bought a house. All on my own and in secret. Before the end of that day, I was feeling extremely guilty about leaving and without his knowing. Second-guessing myself. I was there when he got home. We talked. Mistake. He pulled me right in with the gas-lighting. I believed he was sorry. I believed we could make the marriage work. He was the “perfect” husband/person for the past six months. The past month and half, not so. He’s reverting back to his “real” self. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t last. I still have the house I bought and never moved any of belongings back in. All I really need to do is to pack up the rest of my things and walk out. The “no contact” is the ONLY way to survive. I’ve been seeing a psychologist since my decision to stay … felt like I was the crazing one, i.e. overreacting, jumping to conclusions, being overly-sensitive. I felt like I needed to be more understanding. She’s been a God-send to me. It’s just a matter of time … short time … until I move out … and stay out. This site is awesome! Thank you to everyone who is on here and comments. Extremely helpful. One does not feel so alone.



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    • Lauren2014 says:

      Its been a year and a half since I ended my relationship with my sociopathic ex. I’m in a much better place mentally and emotionally. Sharing my story here on Lovefraud.com was therapeutic for me. Anyone who would like to private message me for support is welcome =).
      A message to everyone who has lived the nightmare… Keep your chin up, hood your ground and push forward! You can do it!



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  2. healingsoule says:

    I married a liar who was on marines.com he told me he was in fallujah and belonged to 3/5 dark horse. I had recently moved to Texas and recently divorced after 22 years of marriage. My son is a marine which is why I was on the site. We married quickly I didn’t question it. It started to unravel quickly as he is alcoholic. He never served a day in his life. He attended my son’s wedding hung out with young marines shared stories which were all lies. He isolated me hated my friends went to rehab 3 times tried to commit suicide was abusive stole my id and debit card scratched my car and made out as if it was all my fault. He wrecked his truck left me homeless and I am only now finally accepting that he is incapable of love has no remorse and continues to deflect everything on me. He even went online and filled out on the government website to get a dd214. I left him had to ask my father for help to move into my own place. At age 55 how did I not see this. I have been beating myself up. How did I not know I feel like let my son down my daughter. I need to divorce him as the final hurdle and regain my inner soul. I am tired of the constant txts it heads nowhere. I need help I feel like I am in a dark abyss. Thanks for listening



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  3. kittylover says:

    this is my first Friday… and only my second night without my “boyfriend” in three months. Dateline is canceled! Nooooo! I am lost as I love that show.

    this is so sad.



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  4. stronginthecity says:

    I’m right there with you. Enjoy the quiet and think only about you. Go get a manicure and pedicure. Shave your legs. Just for incredible you.



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  5. kittylover says:

    Can any of relate to being so bullied… yes .. he bullied me…
    so teased. So deliberately emotion manipulated NY these evil people . That in the midst of one their cruelty sess7… in my case. .. his putting all his things in trash bags after he’d talked marriage and never hurting me just that morning…
    I was so shocked… scared… I start screaming and crying.. and begging him to not abandon me. He laughed at me!!– i…. a woman who practices yoga.. and im very gentle… I slapped him in the face. He said… ” See you are crazy. ” he is 6 feet 5… 240 pounds. I’m 110 pounds . He has told people I attacked him!!!! Omg. He was purposely pushing my buttons.
    On fone. Pardon typos



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