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My narcissistic father made it no secret that he preferred my siblings over me

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH story was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Isis2014”

My father displays behaviors that are consistent with narcissistic personality disorder. He was emotionally abusive and neglectful to my mother, my siblings and me.

He and my mother were married for 28 years.

Months before their 28th anniversary, my mother discovered that my father had a 25 year old daughter. She is three weeks younger than my parent’s second child. He hid his daughter’s existence for 25 years. No one knew about her, not even his own parents.

My father exploits people, especially ones who are shy and quiet. He has exploited all of his children and continues to exploit my brother to this day.

My sister broke away from him shortly before my parents were officially divorced.

My relationship with my father has been strained since childhood.

I didn’t know it back then, but I was picking up on his narcissistic behaviors. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know how to explain it. I have a personality type that is assertive and questioning and he tried to break me down.

He made it no secret that he preferred my siblings over me.

He had me make a cassette tape for a friend of his. Later I found out that the “friend of his” was the woman he was having an affair with. I’ve been introduced, by him, to at least three women he had affairs with.

One of those women worked at the same place he and I worked at. During that time he and I worked at the same company. He would lie to my mother that he was having lunch with me, when he was really having lunch with women he had affairs with from our job.

I didn’t even realize he had been using me as an alibi until my mom talked later.

He fought my mother once but she fought back.

My father is extremely controlling but he’s subtle.

Very few people ever believe that he is capable of this behavior. He’s arrogant and jealous.

He used to isolate my mother. He didn’t want her to work or go to school.

He loves to be admired. The only thing he cares about is his image.

That is the only reason I believe in my heart that he didn’t try to physically harm my mother during the divorce. He knew that he would have been a suspect, and he can’t bear anyone to see him behind bars. It doesn’t fit his image of perfect husband and father.

His behaviors tend to be subtle which is what made it so hard to figure out and why people didn’t believe.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.



4 Comments on "My narcissistic father made it no secret that he preferred my siblings over me"

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  1. Isis2014 – so many Lovefraud readers have come to the realization that their parents were disordered. The subtle ones may be the worst, exactly for the reason you state – no one believes what is really happening. children, therefore, feel invalidated, and also begin to question their sense of reality.

    It sounds like you’re away from him – good for you.



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  2. flicka says:

    Yet another major trait of the psychotic…playing “favorites” as a means of intimidation to further alienate the victim from his/her family and friends.



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  3. Barb says:

    I cannot reach my older sister. I called her yesterday, almost against my own will. It was another ‘please her’ call. Keep it at a safe level. My younger sister, an artist who lives the furthest away, is no help either.

    They hear me, yet they don’t. It is aggravating. My father sounds A LOT like this description of your father. He also kept my mother from working or even socializing beyond a point. He was always intimidating and controlling.

    A part of me loves him…maybe it is actually pity? I feel so sorry for him, even after he is gone.



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  4. isis says:

    I’m isis2014. I have more to add to the story. My father is rumored to have recently married the mother of the child he hid for 25 years. I say rumored because I haven’t spoken to him in 2 years and I heard this information from my brother. Another reason I say rumored is because my dad is known to lie and I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about being married. He’s also been telling my brother that he regrets the way he’s treated us but I believe he is not capable of that kind of emotion. Hopefully my brother doesn’t fall for it.

    @ Donna Andersen, Fortunately, I have gotten away from. Originally, I tried to work hard to “fix” the relationship but it was one-sided. Then I tried to maintain minimal contact, which wasn’t easy because I lived in his house. When he left the family home for good, I decided no contact was best. My life has been so peaceful since I made that decision.

    @ flicka, You could say I was the scapegoat to a point because of the subtlety of my dad’s behavior. Fortunately for me, I’m stubborn and a little rebellious so there was a point in my teens where I wasn’t afraid of him anymore.

    @ Barb, I’m sorry about the situation with your sisters. It’s amazing how people can grow up together and be so different. I feel pity for my father too and I struggled with that whenever I was angry at him. Ultimately, I feel sorry for him but I can’t trust him.



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