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I am getting more imprisoned daily

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This Spath story was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Tina-Marie.”

I was married to a Cluster B – sociopath, psychopath, narcissist.

He left the children and me six years ago. He created a smear campaign against us before he left unbeknownst to us.

This was so he would have a posse of people who would feel sorry for him.

He took all the money and borrowed against our jointly owned home without my knowledge or consent. Since he left he has denied the payment of our daughter’s school, while he pays for the son.

He had our son kicked out of his beloved chorus where he sang for seven years. The dad floated a big check for the expulsion.

He has hacked into my emails having had them all sent to wireless phone numbers.

My bank accounts have been hacked into.

Most of the horrible acts towards me have been AFTER the divorce and it is has recently escalated in the past year.

Each day is filled with horror.

Sadly, the son who he was the most brutal too has aligned himself with the dad – because the dad is playing the victim and the now 14-year-old wants a father.

His father has changed the child’s personality, has isolated him from family and friends and even had the child suspended from school last spring, with the gift of taking him to a professional baseball game as a reward!

The child was given the coveted honor and integrity award the previous four years!

The dad is trying to damage the child to torture me since I have protective orders in place for him to stop harassing me. He did so for three years via email daily. Now he can’t, so he does it through the son.

Our son gives my ex every bit of information he wants. The police, the courts, my family and friends, the banks, the internet and phone all see it and we can’t stop him.

He has also abducted my son on several occasions and the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children have assigned a case number to my file.

This is about as bad as it gets as I am getting more imprisoned daily.

 



8 Comments on "I am getting more imprisoned daily"

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  1. Tina-Marie – I am so sorry for what you and your family are experiencing. These are the most painful stories – the ones in which the sociopath tries to turn children against the rest of the family. If your son hasn’t inherited his father’s disorder, there’s a chance he will eventually see the truth – that he is being used by his father.



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  2. jm_short says:

    Tina-Marie-

    Having a child with a psychopath is a brutal heartache. Unfortunately, fear of abandonment by the father, and other manipulation that the child feels at their core, can cause them to behave in bizarre ways….. even turning on the parent who has been a constant source of love and support in their life.

    If your child is a minor, you still have some control. You could have them read material on the subject and you could take him to a therapist whose specialty is treating children of psychopaths. A book I’d recommend to you is Dr. Liane Leedom’s “Just Like His Father.” Also, it would help for your child to read about psychopaths and there are many books, some which are listed on Donna’s site.

    Don’t ignore the problem you see developing. Psychopaths will turn at least one child into a “Golden Child.” It looks like your ex is working on your son to fit that role.

    It is best if you not get into any discussion with your son that denigrates his father. And that you embody the role of “loving” parent to your child. His father will make him a pawn between you over basic structures that you assume any caring parent would do the responsible thing. They will make responsible discipline look like cruelty at the blink of an eye. You need a specialist to help you navigate the very dark and destructive waters of parenting with a character disordered co-parent.

    Joyce



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  3. AnnettePK says:

    What a nightmare. So much is beyond your control. It sounds like you are doing all that you can do given your circumstances. I would like to ask, since your ex has done a number of illegal things like hacking into your email and bank accounts, and abducting your son, are there any legal ramifications? It seems like he should be in jail, or lose visitation of the children.
    I understand about your son needing a male role model, father figure. You might consider if you can facilitate your son spending time with a good man who can fulfill his needs and model real manhood – perhaps an uncle, family friend, or Big Brother program.

    As your son grows up things will change. The teen years are so difficult, so it may be that things will change and work out for the better over the next few years.



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    • chickenlittle says:

      I agree with Annette. You need to be strategic minded at this point where things have evolved… Please remember that your X gets satisfaction( duping pleasure) where he can upset or move you. Please google the “180 psychopath ” site ( a site that can help you. and read how “grey rock” affects them. You need to fight this battle with the weapons that undermine his power..It is a whole new language. I know this is hard but you need to seem indifferent when your X is trying to maliciously affect you. It feeds his insatiable desire to bleed you. I know as I have lived with one for 35 years. You also need to use wisdom when dealing with your son. He sounds like one of mine.. Time and truth will have to play out with him. So you may need to keep certain information close to your vest while he is being swayed by your X. He may be a pawn for now with the X but keep praying for him. Over time after he sees life with a mature eye, things could be different. And lastly please focus on your positive abilities as that has a way of empowering you. Hope this helps.



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  4. chickenlittle says:

    So much of your story relates to mine that I have to add what has helped me.. Remember these type of people want to make you feel isolated as if you have no help. That is their strategy. But if you can find a job that has lots of people in it like walmart or sams club or something like that.. (there is power in numbers!)
    Don’t believe their lies for a minute. Believe in yourself, and get connected to sites that validate your reality.. You will get through this. I am going to assume that you have some belief in God in all of this as I do. I want you to check out a site that has immensely helped me with understanding why the majority of the evangelical churches are blinded to the evil of these perpetrators.. It is very interesting and empowering to know. Jeff Crippen (an ex police officer/ now pastor who has a voice for the downtrodden, oppressed and weary. People like you and me. He is busy exposing the dark side of this insidious monster that sits sanctimoniously in the churches abroad. He has written a book called A cry for Justice.. Basically calling the church leaders and pastors to wake up to this destructive force called abuse that exists and thrives on destroying everything that a true marriage should be based on. He is the “victims advocate” and exposes the blind guides” within the church, that wrongly council a spouse to stay in this type of institutional marriage. To council this way in an abusive marriage is to ultimately enable the perpetrator to continue the abuse. He also has a site to encourage the downtrodden and many others that are trying to find truth in their lives so they can see clearly. it is a cryforjustice.com. Hope this helps. Get a new g-mail account that no one but you know so you can’t be tracked, and have someone show you how to do internet private browsing for the same reason.



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  5. FLGirl says:

    I married when I was a teenager to a man I now know is a sociopath. I didn’t know what that word meant, until I started the process of getting away from him. It felt like an almost impossible thing to do. I stayed in it for over 20 years and had children with him. We are now divorced.

    Through the divorce process it was like Jekyll and Hyde. I saw a side of him that was far worse than the bad side I had endured for so long. He saw that I could no longer be of “use” to him, so he set out to finish me off. He and his girlfriend lied and said I hit him and he got an injunction against me. I’ve never been in trouble in my life, nor did I hit him. But he has this new woman following him blindly. I just want to be left alone. The divorce cost me a lot financially and even more emotionally, since he started making veiled threats and harassing me almost nonstop. My dog disappeared, he busted my window, damaged my car and poisoned the trees in my front yard. These are just a few examples.

    The kids aren’t 18 yet, so I haven’t been able to make a “clean” break. This has become a nightmare. He is now targeting one of the children, because this child is easily manipulated. He wants this child to live with him and his new “family.” There is no real “reason” other than for him to control me via this new avenue. I am a good mother, a fit mother and I deserve to have the court ordered time with my children. He didn’t get full custody (which is what he wanted), so he is trying to do it another way. He is evil if evil ever walked this Earth. He almost destroyed me emotionally, but that never seems good “enough.” I don’t know how to combat this “no contact” rule, since we have kids. We basically don’t talk. I try to avoid him like the plague, but some things come up with kids and I have to, at least, email or text. He is ALWAYS on the opposite side of me, regardless if it will hurt the kids. I pray about this every day. I have tried so hard to have a peaceful life after more than two decades of being under someone’s thumb and being demeaned at every turn. I care more deeply for the kids (he can’t make a deep connection, because he is a sociopath). Yet I’m afraid his manipulation of them will only result in him leading them down the wrong path and ruining their lives. He doesn’t care. He truly doesn’t. And he’ll lose interest as soon as they’re both 18. They’re simply tools. But what can I do in the meantime? The courts aren’t equipped to deal with someone like this. And I’m trying to hang on to my own sanity. I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year before I filed for divorce. I am still not 100% recovered, but I struggle to be because he keeps bothering me. He has tried to take everything I love from me, all in a quest to be in “control.” I welcome your suggestions.



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    • Jan7 says:

      Hi FLGIRL, I am so sorry for what you have endured at the hands of this pure evil sociopath…my ex h did the same exact thing…he twisted everything in the court and the court believe his pathological lies despite his first lawyer who quite working from him because he realized he was dealing with a con man. I just gave up because I was also emotionally so broken down and my ex kept at it to break me down further with all his gas lighting abuse etc in court papers. I think one of the hardest things about the divorce is the victim is dealing with PTSD from the marriage and needs to heal that before going to battle in court but at the same time you want to get away as quickly as possible from the abuser…it’s a nightmare either way.

      For your health look into Adrenal Fatigue (an issue with PTSD that can be heal) see sites like adrenalfatigue.org take the quiz/see the symptoms list/read, DrLam.com see the symptoms list/read, Mialundin.com READ her book it’s a must read for anyone coming out of a abusive relationship. Find a good hormonal specialist by googling “compounding pharmacy” with your city name then call them for a list of doctors and/or ask friends for a recommendation. Get tested for hormonal imbalance, vitamin/mineral deficiency including all B’s, D, C, magnesium and cortisol levels (see adrenalfatigue.org for cortisol test info) All of these things are PTSD issues once you get the correct hormonal balancing (most likely progesterone) and adrenal vitamins with a good clean diet you will see a huge difference with in days with your depression and anxiety level.

      For more support regarding the courts see Onemomsbattle.com and the facebook page also. If you dont/do have a facebook page already open a new fake email account then a fake facebook acct that way you can chat without your ex seeing what you are saying/asking for advise or his friends/family.

      Play a game back with him…if you know he will go the complete opposite way with regards to your kids throw out the opposite of what you want for your kids to him ie if your kids want to join a after school sport and you think it’s a good idea tell your ex that you dont think it’s a good idea that way he will sport it (tell your kids after words what you had to do to get your dad to approve something because you dont want your ex to twisted it around to make you the bad person)…that way in the end you will get your way with out him knowing you played his own game on him. You can not play “nice” with a sociopath, you have to beat them at their own game, as much as you hate games this is what it will be like until your kids are 18.

      Follow the “low contact rule” (google) with kids…no phone calls or text with him or personal conversations only emails so that you have a record for court. Keep your response short ie you can pick the kids up at 2 pm, Never answer his email the same day that way you can collect your thoughts and leave out your emotions (he wants to push your buttons with every email so don’t take his bait) and NEVER answer a ranting email just completely ignore the email and never try to “co parent” with him…when the kids are at your home its your rules when they go to his home as much as you hate his rules just let it be unless your kids come home upset then talk with them about their fathers dysfunctional behavior and explain this was the very reason why you had to leave their father. You can not control their fathers chaos so dont even waste your energy any more….Know that you can not “co parent” with a sociopath so don’t waste your time trying this either…you have to make all the decisions (or at least 98%) with out your ex. Once you start making all the decisions without your ex plus the low contact you will have find peace.

      If your kids are teenagers teach them about narcissism and sociopath and how to spot one…you dont have to say “your father is a socioapth” they will figure that out on their own but you not only have given them info about dealing with their father but also how to survive in this world full of narcissist and sociopath/psychopaths. Something we all wish are parents would have been educated on and passed this info to us as it would have saved us from hell. Some books to help educate your kids (you can read them together) The sociopath next door by Dr Martha Stout (you can listen to it on you tube for free), Life Code by Phil McGraw (Dr Phil) and Donna Anderson’s books as well as bring your kids here to this site or if you dont want to bring them to lovefraud so they dont read your post then you can cut and paste info from the top of this site for your kids to read. Your kids need to know who the “bullies” in school are, how to deal with them and also that these bullies will grown up to bully their own family and it is not acceptable behavior and the best thing to do is cut these people out of their life (no contact rule).

      Glad you vented here today. Wishing you and your kids all the best!



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  6. jm_short says:

    FLGirl-

    I have a couple of recommendations for you. Raising a child with a psychopathic parent is a mine field. I’ve been in your shoes and can look back with the clarity of 20/20 hindsight.

    It’s best that your children begin to understand what a psychopath is, but not a good idea for you to say anything negative about the other parent. The way around this conundrum is to purchase books that explain psychopathy and cover its impact on children. “Just Like His Father” and “The Sociopath Next Door” are two good choices.

    If you can afford to do so, and frankly, it’s one of those things you’ll wish you’d done if you don’t, take your kids to a therapist who is familiar with parenting with a character disordered co-parent.

    Regarding speaking to your soon-to-be ex, have all communication go through your attorney, no voicemail, text or email unless there is a medical emergency with the children while they are in his care.

    Hope your road to recovery is swift and productive.

    Best-
    Joyce



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