Editor’s Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Thomas.” Names have been changed.
The First Tale:
The girlfriend’s ex
Last we communicated I was interested in getting your advice on how to handle the ex-husband of my girlfriend and the terror he rained down upon her.
You may remember he was a lawyer who knew how to deal with the law and use it to his advantage as a shield enabling him to be even more effective as a sociopath. The threats, the lying, the manipulation and the poison that he spread was unconscionable and designed to hurt and ruin the lives of others unless they did what he wanted.
I was so taken aback by his unrelenting aggression toward his ex-wife that I had to do something about it. One thing I know is that a sociopath cannot stand to be seen for who they really are. And when you truly describe that person — who, when, what they are — skillfully, they become even more enraged. The more and more he threatened his ex-wife and the more he caused her terror 24/7, the more she deteriorated to the point she had to go to a rehab facility because of a nervous breakdown. So I taught her how to fight back based upon all I have read, learned, seen, and experienced personally.
As a result of the continued and relentless onslaught from her ex-husband, “Trent,” I wrote a series of texts and gave them to Janet to send to him as though they were from her so he would get off her back. Because she had told me of his history I connected that history with the characteristics of a sociopath. What I had written but please understand that it was very effective because it was the truth and he could not stand it.
Having this sociopathic seventh sense, he quickly realized that my writing skill was different than hers and assumed that I was the one helping her. So, he switched his focus to me for a while instead of her and finally started picking on someone his own size.
I told Janet that sooner or later he would make a mistake because of his rage and his bigger than life sense that he had of himself — and he did.
Every single day he drives to the train station and takes a commuter train into a large city for work. Apparently, according to his wife, somebody scratched his car, and from what I understand it was a brand-new Lexus.
The next thing I know I received in the mail a letter that I must appear at a probable cause hearing and you got it — it was Trent trying to connect me with the person who keyed his car. I had to get myself a criminal lawyer and spent $1,500 in doing so.
When it came time for him to provide proof or discovery, of course he couldn’t do it, so he got his daughter to break into her mother’s phone and send texts of conversations between Janet and myself. Of course there was nothing in those texts to connect me to any wrongdoing, other then responding to her complaints about him. So the day of the probable cause hearing, I attended with my attorney and he never showed up. The case was dismissed as I expected it would be.
Threat of contempt of court
Janet finally grew some confidence and decided to send her ex-husband a letter stating that if he didn’t immediately deposit all monies that he deducted from her alimony payments, she would file contempt of court. This guy decided that he shouldn’t have to pay her the amount ordered by the court, came up with all kinds of reasons and then threatened to ruin the relationship between her and her daughters even more than he has.
Within 24 hours the money was deposited into her account.
Probable cause…NOT! take two
So, in thinking that he is right, he decides to resurrect the probable cause hearing and said that he never received notice because he recently moved. This was an out right lie. In addition to a prefabricated case, he now lied to the court about moving and never receiving his notice of the hearing.
The second hearing date was scheduled. Once again I gladly appeared with my attorney, and again, Trent never showed and the case was permanently dismissed.
My attorney advised me that it is now my choice to file for financial recovery for the amount I had to pay him and then some. Additionally, he advised that if I so choose I can file a complaint against him for misconduct, misuse of the process, and harassment, and I was advised I would win because he is an attorney who knows better.
I am now at a choice point before I make my decision as to how I proceed.
The Second Tale:
The sociopath boss, her husband and me
On another note, the reason I am even in contact with you is because of my own personal experience with a woman who is absolutely a sociopath and diagnosed as one.
To make a long story short she was the president and founder of the company and 51% shareholder. Her husband was the chief operations officer and a 49% shareholder.
After six months of me being with the company, she came on very strong to me. We had an incredible chemistry and developed a great working relationship, accomplishing a lot of wonderful things. Although we had the most incredible chemistry in every way possible, it was my job, my career, my income for my children, at risk.
Chemistry turned into full pursuit
For the next two months, she tried really hard to corner me, seduce me, spend time with me and convince me that, because of what we had in terms of this magical chemistry, we should be together. I told her for over two months that under no circumstances would I even entertain it, because her husband works within the business and there is nothing good or positive that can come out of the situation.
During those two months — almost three — she conducted a full-court press on convincing me that there was no marriage between them.
She told me they were separated and living in separate bedrooms for over year even before I came to the company. She told me they were talking about a divorce and planning a separation where they would live in two different places, once they valued the business and came up with a solution as to how they were going to conduct themselves. She told me that their marriage is nonexistent, and they both go their own ways. She even had the company accountant on the phone on six different occasions over three month, asking him how to value the business when a couple owns and then get separated and divorced.
Over these two months she introduced me to her parents, her sister, and her children when they came to visit the company. She told me she asked them to come over just to meet me.
The sociopath boss
She was the power of the company. She was the one that made the decisions and he seemed to follow whatever she said. She told me she had told her husband that she was in love with me, and said that he didn’t seem to care.
I told her that I was not interested in her unless they were living in two separate residences and I was convinced that there was no way anything would happen to my career, income, and reputation. Again she did everything she could to reinforce that there was no marriage, she couldn’t stand him, and that he would not be in the company within the next six months to a year, and reinforced this once again by talking to her attorney, over the phone, with me in the room.
I later found out that this attorney was one that she just randomly selected but told me she had a working relationship with him for years and that she went to school with him.
Meanwhile, back at my ranch
Never realizing it, my wife at the time was interested in separation, and we have been discussing one for quite some time. I did anything and would’ve done anything to keep my marriage intact really, because of my children, but I was fed up with my ex-wife and her abuse of our finances and overindulgent behavior constantly. It’s as though she just didn’t value how hard I worked or what I accomplished because she felt owed anything she wanted. With extreme sadness I realized divorce was imminent.
Chemistry and manipulation intensified
I believe this woman sensed and heard everything I was going through and used it to her advantage to continue to manipulate me into a relationship with her. And yes, I was the idiot that fell for this woman, trusting everything she said and it seemed as though there was such an incredible chemistry that I actually trusted her, loved her, and allowed her into my soul.
The chemistry included humor, intelligence, work ethic, business accomplishments, sex, intimacy, and anything else you can think of that makes a relationship seem to work. The amazing thing is that she was able to get away with spending the amount of time she did with me and everyone seemed to know and no one hid it.
The husband even made comments like “Cassandra even loves you more than me. It’s obvious and I expect the both of you to end up together.” Then he smiled and laughed. Other comments were made in front of him and from him and everything seemed so real and right.
To make a long story short, she had him just as manipulated because she was in a just as intimate and intense relationship with him as the one she manipulated me into.
She had the most amazing ability to lie so that any time I ever questioned things that did not make sense or add up, she always had a very credible answer for it. The last nine months of our relationship while I was at the company was scary, hostile, and I knew I had been had.
I don’t want to get into the horror of what I had to endure, however, he finally caught up with what she was doing, and filed the lawsuit and filed for divorce against her. She got so upset and so nervous that she made a deal with him: If he withdrew the divorce and the lawsuit she would agree to let me go from the company.
The devastation I felt as a result of this, especially after building her company from $5,000,000 to $18,000,000, was more than I could take. It so affected my children, my income, my reputation, and everything else that went along with it.
Recovery took almost a year or more. I read everything I could about sociopaths. I did everything I could to gain strength and to heal. The part that I could not let go of is that she even used my children as part of her manipulation and that is what made me angry and filled with the determination that I needed to make her pay.
I cornered her into believing I had an incredibly strong case against her, forcing her to have to sign an agreement for a six-month severance which included medical coverage and provided me with my car free and clear of any encumbrances. In exchange I had a non-compete contract that I had to honor for a year.
Someday I will tell you what she tried to do to me during that year after I was let go from the company and it is the basis of the book that I am writing, which is unbelievably fascinating and riveting.
Paybacks are a …
Once my non-compete concluded, a company about seven times the size of them found me. They said to me,”We want you to do the same for us as you did for your old company.” I began to work hard and put together a team of people and we started succeeding quickly.
One of the things that I did was go after my old company’s biggest account, who is the first client she ever had which put her into business and allowed her to grow. That was her baby, her jewel, her claim to fame.
It turns out after I was gone from the company over year and a half ago, the place deteriorated rapidly and they lost a lot of business. Most of the people in the company I hired, trained, loved and assisted in their success. So, my leaving affected them all deeply, especially the big producers. One by one they began to leave, and to this day about 15 of them are in contact with me approximately once or twice per month.
Anyway I took this $1.5 million account from her, crippled her and now they are haunted because I have taken three more accounts since then and all her people are afraid of me, because I hired them and they know my capabilities.
Fuel to my fire
By the way, earlier I stated the only reason I went after her was because of what she had done to my children. She had two young children herself, and during one summer she invited me along with my children to the beach for about five days.
I, of course, stayed at a hotel, however she insisted upon inviting my kids to sleep over at her beach house. When my children did, she told them how much she loved their father, how much she wanted to be their stepmother, and how it was all going to happen in her mind and heart very soon.
By this time they loved her and her children and they got along very well. During this four or five day period, we spent two of those days at her mother’s house, swimming in the bay, fishing, having lunch, dinner, and it was great. Again it was obvious things were moving in the right direction, because we are at her mother’s beach house with, her father and family, and she’s being very affectionate towards me.
By this time she had me convinced that her husband was living in a different house, and so on and so forth. As it turns out, her husband was only away for his annual college reunion. I was astounded that her two children never even asked why I was around with my children, why she was so affectionate, nor did they mention their father one time. In retrospect, I was amazed at what she must have said when he would call a couple of times a day to talk with the children.
Reconciling with the experience
Anyway, the nightmare is over and I have definitely healed and I will admit I still have a few things I must reconcile.
One of the things that makes me feel better is that I had the ability to foil the diabolical plan of a sociopath who is used to ruining someone else’s life, so they can prevail and win. I also now sit holding the cards for Trent’s future as well.
And with regard to Trent, I have already put the detective at the local police station on alert so that once I move forward legally against Trent, any retaliation whatsoever will be anticipated and guarded against.
Thank you so much for all your help. I hope someone else can benefit from this as an example that you can get back your self-respect and make a sociopath think before they act.