Editor’s Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Garth.”
I’ve been in the medical field since 1984. I’ve been a Nurses Aid/private-duty caretaker for a disabled patient since 2009. It took me three years to realize exhibits all the traits of being a sociopath.
I came across your site and plan to get your book. Your site and short videos really helped me see him for who he is. I am still with him but I am no longer stressed about it. I stay my distance and only care for him in short periods through the day. I don’t know how his wife has dealt with him so long.
I feel suckered that my patient seduced me into his illness and plays these emotional games with his wife and I. “Roy”, (a pseudo name I’ll use for him), is a 75% disabled, 80-year-old man that has several health issues.
Here are traits that he has:
1. He tries to control wife, me and others.
2. Roy uses lies, makes threats (verbal and sometimes physical) to get money from his wife to spend on nonsense things. He lies to his doctors.
3. He fakes illness, injury: so he can get what he wants — more medications get attention, get out of home therapy, etc. Sometimes I don’t know if his pain, or his feeling bad, is real.
4. He has to buy something when I take him out for a drive. He has no concept of money but guards and lies about his allowance.
5. He steals small items – magazines, coins, inexpensive gifts.
6. Jekyll and Hyde traits: one minute he will be nice to me, others and turn on a dime if he doesn’t get what he wants — in public or at home.
7. He has no friends. He was a police officer, a dentist and been in same town 30 years yet no one visits him
8. Charmer: a good charmer and a flirt. He will charm, hug someone and within 10 minutes has no problem yelling at them.
9. He has periods of lucid conversations.
10. Entitled: he feels entitled to ask, say what he feels at the moment.
11. Fascination with guns.
12. Stories: will tell you a good tale when we all know it’s a lie. When I question him, he gets angry then get quiet, only to recount another story the next day.
13. Harm: he has no shame, conscience that he would harm me, wife etc. I’ve witnessed it several times. I’ve had to call the police to protect myself
14. Lies: great master of deceit. He’s told me countless lies and thinks its normal everyday routine to him.
15. Cannot, and won’t, acknowledge he did something wrong. Has to be prompted, coached to apologize to me.
16. Had traumatic childhood.
17. He denies his abilities: At times, he thinks he can walk long distances. He will put himself in danger if not supervised and gets angry when told reasons why.
18. Illusions of grandeur: he thinks he can become a pilot again, sell real estate, drive a car again, swim in pool.
19. Plays head games with me and laughs at multiple demands he does on me.
20. He will back down with me since I am bigger than he is. But other men, or women, he won’t.
21. History of cheating on his wife and still thinks he’s a lady’s man. He will still attempt to seduce ladies in certain situations.
22. He has threatened me physically. I’ve had to call police. I told him I would have no problems to charge him with assault, battery, take him to court and get punitive damages if repeated. He has backed down so far.
23. He has no scruples, shame and feels entitled to talk, act a certain way.
24. Daughters have been, currently going through therapy.
25. He gets quiet sometimes when angry at me. I let him brood.
26. I feel conned by him. Suckered. Took me three years to really realize his non correctable behavior.
These are my experiences with Roy. It has taken a toll on me. A disabled sociopath will create havoc in his surroundings. I wish sociopathy would be out of the shadows and find its way to medicine, law enforcement, nursing homes, etc., so people can spot one.
Your info really helped me. I wish I could find more resources for caretakers and nurses who have to deal with disabled sociopaths.