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Archive for July, 2014

Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s Like

by Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly

Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly both married and divorced psychopaths. They both have children with these men and are therefore connected to them for life. Here, they share their experiences and advice.

Let’s start with a big, looming question. When and how did you figure out you were with a psychopath?

Q.P.
I had no idea I was married to a sociopath for most of my marriage. But the signs were there—for years, I battled depression, anxiety, feels of worthlessness, and all the classic symptoms of a spouse in an abusive relationship. However, I didn’t know what a sociopath was, nor did I understand that abuse could be anything other than physical; so I rationalized my life, made excuses for my spouse, tried to help my children, and believed I was suffering from depression and anxiety due to my own chemical make-up. It wasn’t until I started seeing a counselor who was well versed in abuse, PTSD, and sociopathy that I was given the pieces of the puzzle that were missing. Ironically, as I became healthy through counseling and a complete overhaul of my medication, my husband’s abusive behaviors escalated. Once I was clear minded and able to recognize the signs, I was stunned to realize how much of my life had been manipulated and controlled.

David McDermott: Know your vulnerabilities

David McDermottBy David McDermott, who works internationally

The idea of finding what vulnerabilities or weakness a victim has is an important issue and some further distinctions are useful, I think.

It is generally accepted by the experts in this field that working out why a person is caught by a psychopath is an important part of their recovery.

However, the first part of the recovery process should be an undoing of the negative effects of the mind control that the person has been subjected to. This allows the victim to make some sort of sense of the experience and the individual comes to an understanding of the extent of the control that the psychopath actually had on them.

Vulnerability leading to susceptibility

Only then is it appropriate to look at any potential vulnerabilities that the individual has that made them susceptible to the manipulation of the psychopath.

Will Connecticut men charged with sexually assaulting 9 boys be punished?

The Lovefraud reader Anne Stevenson writes about the case of George Harasz and Douglas Wirth. The men adopted nine boys — and were later charged with sexually assaulting them.

In a three-part series of articles, Stevenson says prosecutors “seem determined to let the defendants off the hook without any jail time or significant mark on their records.”

Read the articles on Community Digital News:

Glastonbury, CT prosecutors fail child sex abuse victims

GAL appointed in Glastonbury child rape shares mutual interests with defense

Judge in horrific Glastonbury child rape case tied to court corruption problems

 

Mary Ann Glynn: Deceit – the most destructive abuse

Mary Ann Glynn

By Mary Ann Glynn, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey

I have noticed that those who get involved with a sociopath, whether it’s for 30 years or three months, the relationship has the same devastating effect. I’ve heard some describe even a brief encounter with a sociopath as the most destructive relationship they’d ever been in, even if they had previously been in a physically abusive relationship. What makes this true?

Loss of value and power

Any abusive relationship is destructive. In order to survive it, a person has to sublimate their needs and their identity, and a loss of self is experienced over time. Self-esteem is battered. Ongoing exposure to physical or verbal degradation — from controlling over-correction to condescending criticism to demeaning words or tirades, and frequent angry tones — from controlled disdain to simmering rage to outright screaming, over time have a gradual eroding deconstructive effect. The violation of boundaries and disregard of personhood translates into the gradual loss of value and power, and the ultimate dehumanization of the victim.

21 psychopathic behaviors, illustrated by a sports profile

Mel Hall mug shot

Mel Hall mug shot

A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a link to an article on SBNation.com, a sports website. The article is an in-depth portrait of a psychopath, although that word is never used.

Here’s the article:

The many crimes of Mel Hall
He was a flamboyant player, a charismatic coach, and a sexual predator

Mel Hall was a professional baseball player for 13 years. He retired and capitalized on his status as a former pro player to get jobs coaching youth basketball and baseball.

Hall only coached young girls.

Some of them he molested.

After 20 years, in June 2009, Hall was convicted of one of those assaults. Then, at the sentencing hearing, it was revealed that Hall had either abused or had improper relations with at least seven underage girls. He was sentenced to 45 years in prison.

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: A tale of two sociopaths

Editor’s Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Thomas.”  Names have been changed.

The First Tale:
The girlfriend’s ex

Last we communicated I was interested in getting your advice on how to handle the ex-husband of my girlfriend and the terror he rained down upon her.

You may remember he was a lawyer who knew how to deal with the law and use it to his advantage as a shield enabling him to be even more effective as a sociopath. The threats, the lying, the manipulation and the poison that he spread was unconscionable and designed to hurt and ruin the lives of others unless they did what he wanted.

Charles Black’s failed attempt at murdering ex-wife lands him in jail instead of on easy street

blackCharles Black, 71, of Maine, tried to kill his then wife, Lisa Zahn, 55, to collect her 4 million inheritance and run off with his former high school sweetheart.

It didn’t work. Even though Black hit Zahn on the head repeatedly with a rock, grabbed her by the wrist, dragged her to the edge and pushed her over an 800 foot high cliff, she  lived to tell about it.

“It’s an absolute miracle that she’s alive,” said District Attorney Geoffrey Rushlau after the verdict in Knox County Superior Court, according to the Bangor Daily News.

Black was convicted of six felonies and faces up to 30 years in prison.

Former Maine man convicted of throwing wife over cliff for $4M inheritance, new life with ex-girlfriend, from NYDaily News.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Gerard Baden-Clay receives life in prison for murdering wife

 

Gerard Baden-Clay, 43, of Australia, was found guilty for the murder of his wife, Allison. The verdict closed a case about sex, lies and murder that gripped the city of Brisbane for two years.

Gerard and Allison had been married for 20 years, had three kids and ran a real estate business together. They looked fine on the outside, but behind closed doors they were nearly bankrupt and he was involved with another woman for many years.  Allison, who was trying to keep everything together, was found dead under a bridge.

Baden-Clay received a life sentence for the murder of his wife.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Gerard Baden-Clay given life sentence for murder of wife Allison, from ABC.com

Encore interviews with 21 relationship experts

Couple making heartDr. Monique Belton organized a series of interviews called “Heartache to Bliss.” She spoke with 21 relationship experts about overcoming romantic disappointments and betrayals and moving forward to find true love. In my interview, I explained the Red Flags of Love Fraud.

The entire series of 21 interviews, plus two bonus interviews, is available online for the next three days. To take advantage of this terrific information, click the link below:

Heartache to Bliss Telesummit

Mary Ann Glynn: Mind Warrior app helps you reclaim your lost self and heal from PTSD

Mary Ann Glynn ad

By Mary Ann Glynn, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey

In recent years technology has made it possible to study as never before how the brain works and what can effectively change and heal it. Neuroplasticity, the opening of new neural pathways in the brain, is the key factor.  I developed a therapeutic app to help this process, called Mind Warrior ™.

Survival mode

For those caught in a relationship with a sociopath, the brain’s response to the ongoing trauma puts us in “survival mode” and we can lose our grip on the ability to cope (choose positive and healthy ways of feeling).  Indeed, we can be stuck in the cycle of abuse and deception, which produces feelings of confusion, unsafety, self-doubt, and hyper vigilance, so that our ability to focus our attention on our needs or even be connected to ourselves fades.  Then we begin to break down, unravel, and lose ourselves.