lf1

Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent

After being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by sociopathic parents, I often wondered when the trauma would stop.

Would it get better as they aged?

Or would I be relentlessly tormented until they passed away?

The answer:  neither.  After their passing, their legacy continued to haunt me.

My father was the violent, malevolent sociopath.  Yet, my mother caused by far more pain.  You see, my mother was a master of deceit.   If you offended her (or worse, threatened to expose her), she would effortlessly spin webs of lies around you.  Incite her anger, and suddenly you are Alice in Wonderland – sucked into her rabbit hole where nothing is at it seems, wondering what just happened to you.

Sadly, many people experienced her wrath.  I used to get phone calls from some of her targets who feared losing their jobs because of her lies.  “What did we do wrong?”, they would ask me.

No one understood that helpless feeling better than those of us at ground zero:  her children.

Out of all five of us kids, I was probably tormented the most.  This is because my older siblings detached from her early on.  As adults, they protected themselves by setting up strict boundaries with her.

I, however, was the “softie.”  Sociopaths LOVE compassionate people.  They FEED off of them.  I didn’t know this then.

Perhaps the biggest wake-up call for me came after mom passed away.

The senior center where mom lived had a luncheon in her “honor.”  My siblings, feeling very guarded, declined to attend.  Then there was me.  The Softie.  I will go, I said.  I also brought beverages and offered to help serve.

Again, my siblings were rightfully wary.  Unbeknownst to me, mom had convinced her “friends” that her kids – especially me – were evil and abusive to her.  Her “friends” took turns at the microphone  expressing their admiration for her after “all her kids put her through.”  The stories that came out of their mouths would’ve made Stephen King proud.

I calmly went to the bathroom, sat in the stall, and silently cried my eyes out.  I then composed myself and went to the kitchen to help serve the people who just slandered my siblings and I.  At best, I received cold stares.  At worst, I received comments like “I hope you’re happy now – your mom is dead.”

Why did I stay?  Because if I’d walked out (or given them a piece of my mind), mom would win again.  It was almost as if she was still there, taunting me:  Do it!  Get angry!  Show them what a rotten little daughter you are…..

That was easily one of the most painful days of my life.  Public humiliation and mom’s evilness aside, I still mourned.  I mourned the loss of the lady who gave birth to me.  And I mourned the fact that, on that day, I realized that I never really had a mom at all.

 

 

 



59 Comments on "Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent"

Trackback | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Imara says:

    Thank You Viewpoint!!!
    I especially LOVE the task you asked your son to accomplish….
    I will use that for myself too!!! You are wise. And accurate in your advise to stay clear of wickedness.



    Report this comment

  2. NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

    To the children of sociopaths:
    I am so sorry for what you have endured. My father was a pedo and my mother was a raging sadist… what I have concluded was a borderline. Sometimes early death of parents is a blessing. Mine died relatively young.

    What I want to know, if it’s not too harming, is… if your parent wanted to make up for mistakes, is there anything that could make a difference for you, so you’d want her in your life?

    I Love my grown adult daughter, but she has been excluding me out of her important life events all though her adolescent years, and had said horrid untrue accusations about me. When I wouldn’t agree that her accusations were true (she said her birthdays were ignored, that she had to raise herself, that she had to work for food, had to pay for her cell, her clothes, her car/gas,insurance/school expenses, etc. …things I can prove are not true. I have photos and the receipts… when I left my husband, I took all the bookkeeping records), she said I am toxic and she must go n/c with me. I am so heartsick to lose her out of my life, not just b/c I want to be connected to her, but also b/c I think, “what if she NEEDS me, and is in danger, and can’t find a way to contact me”. I worry about her and not knowing if she’s okay is excruciating. I know everyone’s experience is different and I know something must have happened that I don’t know about and that she won’t tell me. Otherwise, I can’t imagine the reason for her rage and anger, which seems to be getting worse over the years.

    I had TERRIBLE parents and I didn’t treat them the way she is treating me. There MUST be a reason for her rejection, and if I could find a way for her to hear me, then maybe I could fix our disconnect. I cry and cry and maybe it sounds selfish but I thought if I did stuff with her, that she wouldn’t feel unwanted, easy to do because I loved her so. My mother was my anti-model. Whatever she did to make me feel “less than”, I did the opposite with my daughter. But seems she sees me as being like my awful parents, even though I never did to her what was done to me, and until my daughter is honest with me, I am unable to do anything about it. I don’t know what’s in her head, I can only guess b/c I don’t see that I did anything so bad, and certainly I NEVER did what she accuses me.



    Report this comment

    • Taketheredpill says:

      Stop invalidating her. Show respect. Get a mediator (whom you BOTH agree on).



      Report this comment

      • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

        Taketheredpill
        THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
        I read your reply and at first, I felt so sad. I love my baby. Her experience is her experience. I have never argued that, nor invalidated her experiences. That would be disrespectful to her as a human, and I would not do that.

        Then I looked up the term of your name, what it meant. And that led to an epiphany and a link to solid advice to help my daughter. I want to shout joy, it’s something worth trying instead of crying and crying and feeling helpless. Thank you so much.



        Report this comment

        • HopingToHeal says:

          Notwhathesaidtome,

          I admire your ability to look at your life through the perspective of others, consider their advice and to seek additional knowledge and to grow.

          You really are doing well. I can hear the hope in your words. 🙂



          Report this comment

      • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

        Taketheredpill
        Am update for you:
        I found out my daughter is in serious trouble. There is a saying, ‘don’t cut off your nose to spite your face’.

        She has smeared me so much to others that now, even though she is in trouble, there is no one to help her. They believe what she has said about me, and won’t tell me what I need to know to help her, and they don’t care about her so she is ALONE in a terrible world of addiction and bipolar disorder, in another country, where she is not one of them.

        I was never disrespecting of her. She did that to herself. I was not invalidating. I honored her demands and that was the wrong thing to do. She used my honor for her against me.

        That’s the thing about sociopaths. They set you up to harm yourself. It’s what my ex did to her. That’s his greatest “WIN”, to get his victim to sabotage themselves, and cut away all people who would care and support them.



        Report this comment

    • arbirdie says:

      Just wondering maybe your daugjter is also a spath, sounds like she makes it up since its not true. Do they run in families if so its how she gets HER WAY i know one thing you can fool ppl but attention. From ppl and hurys you because she cant use you for something. Spaths do that they widdle at your spirit till they get their way



      Report this comment

    • DoneWithThat2 says:

      My story is your story. Here is what i have learned: sociopathy or narcissism is set by the age of 3-4 years old. It is part of the “painbody” that gets created by the ego in order to feel important and in control of the life. You only mention that you left your husband, but I would bet good money he was as awful as your parents, (in a combined sort of way. A mix of the two of them). Trust your suffering. It really has a purpose. It is leading you to enlightenment. I know that sounds crazy, but it is. The best you tube video to describe this is Eckhart Tolle, the Secret of the Universe. But there are many others. All enlightened teachers are saying the same thing. The thing that I like about Eckhart Tolle, is how simple and digestible he made it. Maybe I was ready, but I got it right away. And my suffering, my psychological suffering, has stopped, (well, I do have to keep reminding myself to stay in the now, but I can shift when I want to!). Our suffering is a pathway to becoming enlightened. The ironic thing is that the people who suffer the most, the people who have been harmed by the very unconscious on the planet, are actually those that are on the leading edge. You don’t know that because no one told you! But it is true! Keep going! Keep looking for answers! Keep asking why????! The energy will build on itself and you will break free of your psychological suffering. There are many ways up the up the mountain. You have to find your way by keep asking why and looking for answers. Don’t give up. By figuring out about the patterns of narcissism and sociopathy, you are almost there. You now can see that most of humanity, the narcissists and sociopaths, suffer greatly and live in their own personal hell. Their treatment of us, the kind and the compassionate, asks that we join them there. Let it go. As long as you focus on the pain and the past, you make it your present moment. Acceptance is the key. Acceptance of all the truths, the unimaginable ugliness. Just accept that it is. In this moment. And it will set you free.



      Report this comment

    • Natural Healer says:

      You INDEED need to stop invalidating your daughter. You clearly have made some egregious errors in her life. In fact, you ought not even discuss her need to go NC with you on here, please get counseling, please get help and respect her boundaries.



      Report this comment

      • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

        Natural Healer
        Thank you for renewing this thread. It gives me a chance to update.

        I don’t know who Natural Healer is speaking to because those particular accusations don’t belong to me, (except for the egregious error of being conned by a sociopath, but then… I had no awareness about sociopaths so it is not MY doing and not my shame but HIS DOING/HIS SHAME and it took me years to accept what he was and that nothing I did made him that way.)

        But my convo about my past heartache is all around this post from Natural Healer so I am happy to share this. It is validation that healing from a devastating life with a sociopath, even for our vulnerable children, is possible.

        Since the days when I lamented the pain of watching my daughter in pain and being impotent to help her, she has gotten help. I don’t know the details, that is her personal journey. But I do know she is back to the wonderful personality that is kind, caring, loving, appreciative, repsective of herself and others. WHEW!

        I was so worried that the trauma that my sociopath ex did to her had stamped out her ability to discern appropriate/inappropriate. The acting out was out of control. But now, she is not self isolating, not on drugs (not sure this was ever the case, it just appeared that way), not drinking out of control, no longer suffering PTSD, is pursuing another degree, has a steady long term HEALTHY relationship, loves others, and speaks to me with good cheer and fun conversations, EVERY time. She is beautiful inside and out and I am so very pleased for her and so proud of her continued accomplishments.

        YAY HAY!



        Report this comment

      • Jan7 says:

        Natural Healer, I find your words extremely harsh & unjust. Notwhathesaidofme is healing here at LF and LF is a support site not a “tear a person down” site. Please be kind.



        Report this comment

        • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

          Thank You Jan7, your words mean so much to me.

          Although Natural Healer’s post does not apply to me, it did wound me because it was aimed right at my core pain in this sociopath saga… that I didn’t protect my precious vulnerable daughter from a sociopath and she suffered.

          When I first married my ex, I let my daughter visit his mom. Because my own mom was an abuser, I was happy for my baby to finally have a grandma. But then the evil started. Unbeknownst to me, My MIL was yammering to my daughter, telling her terrible untrue things about me. My daughter acted out and finally told on her grandmother. My ex refused to tell his mom to stop. His mom did this behavior with all the children about their moms. Since my ex refused to take action and tell him mom to stop smearing me to my daughter, I stopped allowing his mom access to my daughter. I had NO CLUE that my ex was going behind my back and delivering my vulnerable to his mom anyway to continue her abuse unabated. NO CLUE BECAUSE I EXPECTED my husband to honor my decision about my daughter. I did NOT KNOW ABOUT SOCIOPATHS and their behaviors.

          This is just one tiny example of how a SOCIOPATH and HIS SOCIOPATH mother/father/brother/and brother’s wife… ALL A NEST OF VIPERS… banded together to destroy me and do much damage to me by tearing apart my daughter’s emotional well being. They knew the way to hurt me the most was to harm my daughter, it’s the ultimate pain to a mom… to see our children hurt and be helpless to make it better. And because I didn’t know about SOCIOPATHS, I thought I just needed to improve my communication with my husband and all would be resolved. IF my marriage was normal with a normal man, that would have been true. But… as I found out too late, HE WAS A SOCIOPATH.

          THESE SOCIOPATHS enlisted their many minions to do their destructive smear and emotional terrorism of me and my child. And then, of course, blame me.

          The ONLY blame I have is 1) NOT KNOWING ABOUT SOCIOPATHS and 2) Trusting the conman who pretended to be a family man and a beloved community member. He was NEITHER. He rarely volunteered in the community and when he did, it was not to give, it was self-serving.

          My daughter dealt with the sociopath hijacking of her world by shutting down, by attacking me. My therapist explained. She felt safe attacking the one person she knew would always love and forgive her. She did not feel safe attacking a SOCIOPATH and His SOCIOPATH mother/brother/and brother’s wife – his dad was actually a narcissist, not a sociopath….(but if the townspeople knew about a sociopath, they’d recognize their fire/gas marriage between a narcissist and a sociopath).

          Natural Healer is a troll. I know that. I also know not to accept what a troll says. I will admit the words were wounding… However….

          I can always call my daughter, have a cheery chat, and then call one of my many friends and go enjoy a meal out, sharing fun that has NOTHING to do with sociopathy and everything to do with decent respectable funny smart caring intelligent terrific women… kinda like all the decent respectable funny smart caring intelligent terrific women that I find here on LF.

          Again, thank you Jan7.
          Best regards,
          NWHSOM,
          ps. and nope, not what Natural Healer said of me either.



          Report this comment

          • stronginthecity says:

            NotWhatHeSaidofMe,
            I apologize, I do not mean to disrespect your conversation with Jan7.
            I was searching for her and that post was the first one I found.
            There is a new woman here and I know she has been very helpful to the new posts here.
            SITC

          • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

            SITC
            You’re right about Jan7. No apology ever needed for being your kind compassionate self. See? You recognize in others what exists in you.

          • stronginthecity says:

            NWHSOM,
            I have experienced the same treatment from my daughter.
            Your statement from your therapist about your daughter feeling safe attacking you because she knew it was safe to do so unfortunately applies here too.
            Her dad, my ex husband not the spath I have been writing about here just lost a 7 year struggle with the C monster and his last days were gut wrenching to watch.
            Anyway we had been divorced since 2002 and became friends again, turns out he was a much better friend than husband because he did abuse me physically in front of my baby girl and was an alcoholic.
            His family and mine are all crazy spaths, narcissists and all around crazies and as soon as this memorial service is over I plan to never see many of them ever again.
            I have excused my daughters rude behavior towards me in the past because watching her daddy die(she was also one of his main care takers in the end) was enough horrifying events to last a life time but she and I will go into therapy when this is over if I have to drag her there myself.
            The crazy train stop now.
            I see her repeating some of my own bad behavior that I learned from mommy dearest that need to stop before she has children.
            Her husband, married for one year is the most patient, kind, loyal, trustworthy and hard working man I have ever met.
            Till the end, her dad died at home, her husband went to help the hospice people move and clean him when he was in terrible pain.
            My daughter could not bear to see her daddy like that so her husband did it for her.
            I know I am rambling here, he just passed Friday.
            I certainly understand where you are coming from.
            Wish we could have lunch!
            Hugs to you,
            Stronginthecity

          • stronginthecity says:

            NWHSOM,
            P.S.
            Not one of my family members has reached out to me to since my daughters dad died.
            My sister who is a NURSE and makes 6 figures just a couple of weeks ago text my daughter in the evening when she was most likely drunk about a sewing machine she borrowed to her 5 years ago that never worked.
            Mind you she, my sister,mother and father have not once ever called me or my daughter to see if she could possibly need a break or some family support.
            NEVER.
            My daughter replied to her that she would look for it and she was sorry she did not return it as she has moved 3 times and is taking care of her dying father.
            My sister, who I was kinda ok with actually sent her a nasty text back and when I saw that I called her and told her that if she needs anything right now to go through me.
            Her response, “I will never bother her again”…ok.
            SITC

          • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

            SITC
            About your family, my family is awful. I “divorced” them when my daughter was very young. They were too willing to abuse her and expected her to just take it. One family member actually physically abused her and when I found out, I nearly went ballistic. The only thing that stopped me was that my daughter needed me. That was it for me, no more trying with my family… who are a bunch of low lifes… they don’t work, they just suck off the government dole, laughing at the rest of us for being so dumb as to give them money. Like my sister said, if they are dumb enough to give it, it would be stupid not to.

            The sociopath that married also has a nest, a family with severe predators.

            It’s either genetic or it’s drummed into them by sociopath parent. Either way, they are dangerous and to be intimately involved with them is to lose your soul.

            I was lucky. I found my soul again, after years of limbo and nearly being murdered. That incident showed me that this soft spoken, charming, handsome, funny, intelligent man was capable of the ultimate evil, to deprive my child of more than a mother/daughter bond, but he would also end her mother’s life… not because of anything I did, but because he’d told others some lies and he had to cover himself or else they’d find out the truth about him. Above all my husband maintained his “IMAGE”. IMAGE was ALL to him. It represented what a WINNER he was.

            Sidenote: I found friends who have become my family, they are my “sisters”, my kindred spirits and we are bonded. You can’t chose your family but you can find a better one.

            Take good care of YOU, SITC, ALWAYS.

        • stronginthecity says:

          Jan7,
          Hello there.
          Can you please reach out to md23?
          She posted under the lies and drama thread and I am scared for her.
          You always offer such helpful and calming posts.
          She is new here.
          Thank you in advance.
          Hugs to you,
          SITC



          Report this comment

      • CKC1977 says:

        Exactly. NotWhatHeSaidOfMe does what all sociopaths do: take zero responsibility. Not once has she lamented her catering of her daughter- only her daughter being horrible for wanting to go NC. PLEASE. The only downside to this site are the sociopaths who tell better stories than the victims. However, they show themselves in their comments.



        Report this comment

        • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

          CKC1977
          Everything you wrote is of assumptions that were opposite of events.

          My daughter was not horrible for wanting to go NC. Rather, how heartbreaking to me that she felt so unable to resolve our disconnect, heartbreaking b/c I wanted to fix things for her but I didn’t have the power. Yes, I contributed to her dysfunction b/c one thing I did was I took full responsibility for her bad behaviors… I did so b/c I’m the one who brought the monster into our lives, to mess with her head, to expose her to his toxic family who also helped him perpetrate parental alienation of affection. But telling her she wasn’t to blame for her choices did nothing to help her stop making those bad choices. I was enabling her, not helping at all, my guilt and feeling bad was crippling her. Excusing her was NOT healing her.

          However, this past mistake has been rectified.
          When I stopped taking responsibility for the choices she made, and there was a period of time where she participated in therapy, she started contacting me over a year ago and little bit by little bit, she matured so that now I have my daughter back, the personality who is so joyfilled and expressive and funny and brilliant. She’s so insightful about the tricks of sociopaths and their minions, and boy does she have a very good handle on the quirks of my ex and his family that took over our lives during those years we lived with my ex. She calls it for what it is.

          She’s gone back to school, getting her masters, and bought a beautiful home with her sweetheart and adopted a couple of rescue dogs. They are living a life that every parent wants for their beloved child. Her sweetheart is a really great guy, emotionally healthy and FUN, just like she is. They make a great couple.

          Life is SO wonderful!!! ….to know that my beautiful daughter has regained her sense of self, just as I had to, after those years in the valley of the shadow of death. B/c her life is healthy and loving and she’s excited about the future she is creating for herself, I am released from the angst, the guilt and pain of knowing I subjected my daughter to a monster and that she was emotionally trapped and I couldn’t find a way to get her out. Just like ME, she had to learn that a monster can damage us, but WE are responsible for healing what HE did to us.

          CKC1977, I don’t know you and obviously from the awful assumptions you write, you don’t know me, but… if you are in a similar sociopath’s trap that she found herself in, I hope you find your way out of that nightmare, just as she and I did. When we all find our way THROUGH that dark place, JOY is on the other side. So much Joy that of course we wish the same JOY for everyone.



          Report this comment

  3. tdpprocessing1 says:

    My goodness, this is almost my story as well. However, the slander was SO under-handed, like with her smearing me behind my back to parents of my friends that I grew up with, I just felt like I was this person held in complete contempt. My GOD….they play the victim ALWAYS, while they are the evil tormentors. At my mom’s funeral, it was amazing to notice some of the stares and loathe of me by her circle of duped counterparts. I didn’t know at the time what my mother was, I was just always just hoping and wanting her love. Then there were the lies about everything to her accomplishments, to her love for her children, spoken by people she had conned every step of the way. Oh, and I was the only child of hers that attended the funeral, because I was a “softie” as well.

    I think that beyond the grave, it is the final “F” you by them. The arrogance, the lies, the final wearing of the mask so well is BAFFLING to say the least. How is it that these people are not hunted down like the rabid dogs that they are and put out of their miseries? Looking back at her funeral and listening to the complete BS about what a wonderful mother and person she was, I am completely appalled to say the least.

    Thank you for sharing. 1LOVE.



    Report this comment

    • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

      I Agree tdprocessing1. I would have been SO happy if my mother had ever said “I love you”. She never said it, not once. I was told I was the one kid she never wanted. It was like wearing a kick me sign my whole childhood. I mean, what was so bad about me that my mom would lead a convo with the neighborhood ladies by saying that. I could feel them look at me, watching to see proof of my deficiencies. She died, and instead of being angry, I was sad that there would NEVER be a chance for her to hug me, or say she cared. In fact, I was kinda scared she’d come back from the grave and get me, like in a horror movie, vengeance because I lived.



      Report this comment

      • arbirdie says:

        My mom abused me always even in dementa but good old cindy sofie was right there for her to say your parents never wanted you so i took you in. And now i wished i never did.before deminta it was if i knew of abortion i would of got one i never wanted a baby.your father raped me



        Report this comment

        • NotWhatHeSaidofMe says:

          arbirdie,
          I’m sorry for you that was your mother. By now you know, it’s not you. They are filled with poison. You were darling and their captive sweet faced scapegoat.

          I was only able to have one child. If she didn’t want you, I sure did.

          I LOVE kids.

          I guess because I didn’t have a nice mom, I learned to be naturally nurturing because I took care of my siblings/mom. I could never do enough to please them but…

          It’s fun to teach and show and watch kids. Fun to give them surprises and watch the happiness shine on their faces. Fun to read stories to and watch their minds twitch with curiosity, they love that story over and over. “I do not like that Sam-I-am”… thirty years gone and I still remember my daughters favorites verbatim. I LOVED being a mom. I hurt because my daughter doesn’t feel how much I love her. My ex has poisoned her mind. I remember the day that he was so strange, telling me that I did too much for her. I thought it was just a little jealousy. And I said, “she only has a few years, then she’ll be gone and we will miss doing these things for her”. My ex, who never lets a slight go unpunished, simply swamped her with “love” and painted me the mean mommy. He was VERY talented at instigating conflict between people and then he’d sit back and enjoy the “show”.

          I can not seem to find the words to open my daughter’s eyes to HOW he manipulated her. Now she does many of the same mindtricks, she is controlling and doesn’t understand that those mindtricks do not lead to feeling love and connection with others.

          Arbirdie, it’s not too late for you to give yourself the LOVE and tenderness you should have had. In fact, it is IMPORTANT for you to do so. You MUST give, and start with yourself.



          Report this comment

  4. Jan7 says:

    This article was posted today’s Daily Mail: “ONE IN A HUNDRED CHILDREN ARE ‘PSYCHOPATHIC,’ WARN RESEARCHERS ”

    “Could a test reveal whether your newborn will grow up to be a PSYCHOPATH? Scientists claim that unemotional traits in babies can hint at future personality

    Scientists at King’s College London, the University of Manchester and the University of Liverpool studied babies’ reactions to faces and objects

    Found that an infant’s preference for a person’s face is associated with lower levels of callous and unemotional (CU) behaviours in toddlerhood

    Children with CU traits are defined as showing impaired emotion recognition, reduced responsiveness to others’ distress and a lack of guilt

    Study does not show that babies with CU traits grow up to be psychopaths
    By SARAH GRIFFITHS FOR MAILONLINE
    PUBLISHED: 10:15 EST, 7 September 2015 | UPDATED: 12:31 EST, 7 September 2015

    It’s possible to predict whether tiny babies will develop unemotional traits, which may be a precursor to adult psychopathy, researchers have claimed.

    For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop callous-unemotional (CU) traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, or an inanimate object, such as a ball.

    Children with CU traits are defined as showing impaired emotion recognition, reduced responsiveness to others’ distress and a lack of guilt or empathy.

    For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop CU traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, an inanimate object, such as a ball. A stock image of an infant playing with a ball is shown

    For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop CU traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, an inanimate object, such as a ball. A stock image of an infant playing with a ball is shown

    They also found that in girls at least, babies can be turned away from developing callous unemotional behaviour as toddlers by particularly sensitive mothering.

    Limbs-in-the-Loch murderer William Beggs, the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ‘extreme’ examples.

    For the study, researchers from King’s College London, the University of Manchester and the University of Liverpool recorded the responses of a random sample of 213 mothers and babies, drawn from a population-based sample of 1,233 first-time mothers.

    Infants’ preferential face tracking at five weeks and maternal sensitivity at 29 weeks were used as predictors of CU traits at two-and-a-half years.
    Limbs in the Loch murderer William Beggs (pictured), the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ‘extreme’ examples

    Limbs in the Loch murderer William Beggs, the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik (pictured), are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ‘extreme’ examples

    Limbs-in-the-Loch murderer William Beggs (pictured left), the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik (right), are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ‘extreme’ examples

    THE STUDY IN BRIEF
    Psychiatrists looked at whether 213 five-week-old babies spent longer tracking a person’s face compared to an inanimate object – a red ball.

    They showed that greater tracking of the face relative to the ball was linked to lower callous unemotional behaviours measured using questionnaires when children were two and a half years old.
    The study also showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler.

    The researchers explored whether babies preferred to look at a human face or a red ball and found that babies who preferred the ball were more likely to display CU traits.

    Lead author of the paper, Dr Rachael Bedford of the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, London, said: ’We found that increased preference for a person’s face -rather than a ball – at just five-weeks of age was associated with lower callous unemotional traits.

    ‘We also found that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler.

    ‘We are the first to find this and others will need to confirm it before it can inform how we support families.’
    The study is published in the journal Biological Psychiatry and Dr Bedford said: ‘It is very important to emphasise that this study assessed these traits in young children.

    ‘We do not yet know about the stability of these behaviours i.e, whether high callous unemotional traits measured in toddlerhood remain high into adolescence and beyond, nor do we know how strongly early callous unemotional traits predict later behaviours.’

    The study showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler. A stock image of a mother and baby is shown

    The study showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler. A stock image of a mother and baby is shown

    Asked whether the study offered hope that children displaying callous unemotional traits could be helped so they did not follow in the footsteps of Thomas Hamilton, William Beggs and Anders Breivik, co-author of the study Professor Jonathan Hill said they were ‘extreme’ examples.
    Professor Hill of the University of Manchester added: ‘Callous unemotional behaviours in children are known to be associated with an increased emotional burden on families as well as later criminality and antisocial behaviour.

    ‘This study takes us a step further in understanding the earliest origins of callous and unemotional behaviours.

    ‘However the examples are very extreme and unusual and are likely to be different from the more common types of antisocial problems that we are aiming to understand.’

    The researchers say an important area for future research will be to extend the current approach by assessing the overlap with co-occurring disorders – such as ADHD – and disorders with shared symptoms such as autism spectrum disorder, which is characterised by social interaction difficulties including atypical attention to faces.

    ONE IN A HUNDRED CHILDREN ARE ‘PSYCHOPATHIC,’ WARN RESEARCHERS
    Around one per cent of children could be inherently psychopathic, with parents unable to turn around their behaviour, according to researchers said in August 2012.
    Psychologists at University College London (UCL) carried out two studies that showed traits are largely genetic.

    The researchers said such children, which they describe as ‘callous-unemotional’, form a distinct sub-group of badly behaved youngsters.
    They predicted between a quarter and half of children with conduct problems could fall into this category, equating to around one per cent of all children in the UK.
    Lead researcher Professor Essi Viding said that although children who had anti-social behavioural tendencies were more likely to be the product of poor parenting, this was not the case for children with psychopathic tendencies.

    She said: ‘For the group which has callous-unemotional traits, there’s a strong genetic vulnerability.
    ‘This does not mean these children are born anti-social or are destined to become anti-social.
    ‘But in the same way that some of us are more susceptible to heart disease, these children are people who are more vulnerable to environmental influences that trigger the anti-social outcome.’



    Report this comment

  5. stronginthecity says:

    Jan7,
    I am writing here regarding md.
    I am fearful that if she does not get that man out of her house that the state may want to step in.
    She posted the abuse here.
    Is there anything to do?
    She is going through enough already..
    SITC



    Report this comment

    • Jan7 says:

      Strong, it’s best to give md23 some breathing room. She is in a very stressful situation still being with her abuser and has just learned that she is dating a sociopath. This is a shock to anyones system.

      The best thing to do is to give her some space & wait for her to come back to ask questions & to vent her emotions out. Remember sociopaths brain wash their victims so her mind is slowly opening up to the out side world and this is scary. We have guided her to the domestic abuse hotline & center and let her know that we are here for her. When you are still in the sociopath’s tornado of hell you can only take small steps each day.

      Just be patient and she will be back to express her experience on her time line.

      Hugs to you for being so concerned for her.



      Report this comment

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.