Editor’s Note: The Lovefraud reader “bodicasway” recently sent in the following note. It’s a message she wishes she could send to the former partner of the sociopath that she was involved with.
I have been thinking lately about the woman who puts up with this spath because they have a child together, because she let him move back into property next door to her, because she sees what he’s up to all the time … because I was involved with him as were countless other women. Right under her nose.
I know that you’ve seen countless women come and go right under your window, right outside the door of your own home. I can only imagine how that must feel for you, how that must rake you over the coals, how your love and all you have to offer have been battered and discarded by your ex for such a long time.
As a mother myself, I imagine that you try to focus on the son you’ve had together…put yourself together again and again, trying to make a brave face for his sake. Trying to protect him from the inevitable seperations that your ex facilitates again and again. Reeling them in, giving them that same sense of love and potential for a long lasting happy relationship … then easily throwing them away when they longer interest him, or transgress in some way.
I know you watched me on the day that I came into the picture, you probably shook your head and felt disgusted with me for falling into his trap, his scheme. You probably wanted me to feel the sting of the inevitable rejection, and separation.
You’ve probably witnessed him doing this to dozens of women before after and during your relationship with him. You may feel immune to his games, feel a little thrill of vindication watching the others get burned.
I don’t know you, but I wish I did, I think you would probably LIKE to compare notes, talk about what you learned, talk about how he has hurt you, and try to heal from it.
My heart goes out to you, and to all the others who fell for him, and even for him.
He is just misdirected, twisted, damaged…
I’m a genuinely good person, if I had been accepted as a partner, I would have treated you as a friend, I would have cared for you and would have helped to make your life easier in little ways, if you would have allowed me too. I would have been a trustworthy co-parent…but, this was never to be. He never lets anyone in his life for the purpose of creating a healthy relationship.
It’s all about power and dominance, it’s all about control.
As it has been said, “Destruction defines renewal, death defines life, DESIRE defines HATRED…” his actions were about hatred, not love.
I’m sorry you have to put up with this stuff right under your nose, I’m sorry you have to deal with these things over and over.
I admire your strength of character, I admire your resilience… Somehow, I wish I could make it better for you…maybe I can, just by acknowledging your struggle, and your determination to try and do what is right for you.
I honestly wish you well, and that good things will come for you even out of all of this.
One of the other, other, other women