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Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity

con manEditor’s Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader DonnaC. Other names in this letter have been changed.

Below is a letter my former husband wrote shortly after I had told him that our marriage was over. He spent two weeks trying to convince me to give him time to ‘once again’ prove he could be the man he was meant to be.

When we married 11 years earlier he was handsome, successful and fun. We met after my loveless first marriage. I was a happy outgoing person but he knew about my withdrawn ex husband and so it was easy to ‘love bomb’ me. I found his confidence, energy and zest for life intoxicating.

There were the expected adjustments to our new married life, and on occasion I saw a different side to him that I didn’t see during our 1 ½ year courtship, and when I did it unnerved me. While we dated, we had just one argument, a few weeks before the wedding. That was it. He was someone with a big personality, with an ego to match. When something did not meet his expectation – he made it known. I pushed my concerns aside and attributed his demeanor to a strong sense of self and an intact backbone. That was rather refreshing as my first husband had low self esteem and was frustratingly wishy washy. Nate was his complete opposite and he convincingly addressed any concerns I had.

He wore his mask well

I attributed any uneasiness about marrying him more towards having a new man in my kids’ lives. We envisioned the same kind of future together. He painted a beautiful scene and I believed him. We were financially comfortable for several years with investments and multiple rental properties. But one by one they had to be liquidated.

We did have many good times though and he enjoyed putting his energies into his step-kids, taking them to their sporting events and socializing with my extended family.

The good was great – but the weird stuff made me want to vomit

Over time I saw aspects to his behavior that had me baffled, unsettled and the mistrust was beginning to grow. It was not about fidelity. It was financial and how he treated people. That gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that something wasn’t right. He could say the right things but seemed insincere. His actions spoke volumes. I saw love as a verb and he made many false promises. When he’d say something inappropriate at social gatherings, I would point it out; he’d thank me lovingly and promise to work on his behavior, as he hated being so ‘misunderstood.’ All to no avail.

Mounting debts

When his successes were waning, he would squelch my concern and tell me the next business deal was just around the corner. The debts mounted (from every direction) and I stopped answering the phone as the credit cards maxed out. I still saw glimmers of good in him and he repeatedly told me he would never give up. I had to believe he could pull off another successful venture to dig us out of the financial pit he had put us in or else I knew they would take our house away.

However, I was beginning to be sickened by the thought that perhaps I had no real idea of who this person really was. I came to question his ‘truths ’and his double talk and elusive answers made me think I was losing my mind. He later told me he was ‘protecting’ me. With each failing business his thinking became more grandiose, delusional. Others who invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in his ventures were about to get a rude awakening.

Treating people badly

I grew to despise him. When things started to go sideways, I heard him treating people badly, with disrespect once they started to question his motives. He was condescending. That started to seep into more of his personal relationships as well. He could be mean to me and others.

I felt anger not only towards him but myself as well for still being in this marriage. I was betraying myself, my inner core. I knew I could no longer share my life with someone who appeared to lack a conscience, without integrity and who bullied those who tried to hold him accountable. I would lay awake at night practically hyperventilating with anxiety while he would sleep peacefully. I just couldn’t figure out what made him tick. His behavior was foreign to me. He could be so sweet, yet something very dark lurked behind those intense eyes.

Plotting to leave

I stayed long enough for my kids to finish high school. Although he had been mostly good to them, my boys and their friends saw that Nate was socially awkward and at times caused them much embarrassment. But my kids didn’t know the scope of my disdain for him or just how bad our financial situation really was. My eldest told me later he knew that I could not honestly love a man who behaved like that.

I knew I had to leave the marriage but I needed more time to figure out how to get out without total financial ruin. Was bankruptcy my only option? I was always active and upbeat but the stress had zapped my energy as well as dealing with my beloved father’s unexpected death and family issues that followed. I had to secretly save up enough cash to figure out a way to make a new start for myself. He constantly told me how much he ‘loved’ and ‘adored me.’ but I believed once I told him I would no longer be his wife, he would walk away and leave me to handle the ugly mess. And I was right.

House foreclosed

The bank forced us to sell our house and the timing was perfect to tell him we were done. I went out of town to a friend’s place to catch my breath and prayed that once I returned he would have moved out. When I got back and told him there was no chance that I would change my mind, he left a day later citing that I was abusing him. Later, I found this letter on my computer that he wrote while I was away, but since I wouldn’t go back on my decision I never received it.

“The tenderness is returning. Once again we are talking as we always should have. We are suddenly a team, if only to end our tenure as one.

How to be in peace with you and we are splitting up. And this and our new found inter-dependency are why I am certain, more than ever before, that we are so right for each other. Not only just right, but ‘so right.’

I know you are impressed with how I have handled this (your wanting a divorce) of how I have championed us and reacted in such a here and now way. Of how present I am in the moment, though sometimes showing signs of duress but only occasionally. For the most part just very on the ball and I will always stay that way.

My desires are five-fold going forward:

One: To tell everyone that there is still a chance for us, as there is and I know this in my heart of hearts.

Two: to spend time talking to a third party who can be nonjudgmental. To help you understand what happened to me in our marriage and for us to get on the same page for a chance to make it though this time and still grow old together. I have asked Dave                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          if he will and he was very willing.

Three: To make sure we make time for each other even after we split. Remember when we talked at night for hours while we were dating? Remember how good it was? That is still in us!

Four: To make love so you can see that love making between us CAN be good again. And I know it can, because I know how I feel and I ‘feel’ you.

Five: to stay married.

Ultimately I have to prove to you that you can feel inner peace with me. Not only with me but living with me and I have two months to do that portion of this five-fold plan before the house closes.

Everything from improved personal hygiene to kindness all must be displayed so you know when leaving that what happened to us was a culmination of bad feelings which lead to bad habits and not the way either of us should live.

Living in peace is not just finances. It is how we treat others too. Most need to feel warmed by us (not everyone can) and this is easy to achieve. The reason why it is so easy is that we both care about others and once the personal issues are out the way this can shine through as it has at times in the past.

Ultimately I need to be respected – this is just me I am talking about – to function properly. I have not felt this from you in years and now I feel it again. And I am overjoyed because I know you can treat me well. That is part of what was making me upside down for so long. And at times when you said “I don’t know if I can treat you that way” I went into wait mode instead of pushing the panic button and getting a third party involved (counseling) this was my error – I take full responsibility for it.

Lastly for everything you have done to me I forgive you 100%. Now I forgive you 1000% (ten times 100%) If you will simply forgive me I can then rebuild the feelings between us from my end.

Forgiveness means that you have to let go of this notion that I stole our nest egg money from the house. At no time did I ever feel awkward about that because I helped pay for the house twice in our marriage and I knew I could do it a third time. What I did not foresee was two business issues in a row.

But the way it all worked out with the bank and lawyers was better, if we had the money to pay off the mortgage we would still be together but we would not have solved the issues between us.

Now the issues between us can get rectified and give us a chance to live together in peace after a brief year apart. If you really think about it, what had to happen has happened and it is for good.

The promise that was made in our vows is still alive. We both have to change to be happy and we will and we can, live in total peace.

I will go on to create some of the most energy efficient example homes in the world. I will prove out new ideas and new technology. This will lead to very stable finances and well above average income. And I will build you a dream house. Just give me a year and you will see you will move into a great house that my team will build to your own specifications!

If for any reason this ‘dream’ does not work out, the house will still be yours.

I love you, I remain yours forever,

Nate

Delusional and self-serving

I am sharing this letter so that the Lovefraud readers can see how delusional and self serving a sociopath’s thinking can be. There was no ‘tenderness’ and I was never ‘impressed’ with anything he did after I made my decision. His ‘team’ that was going to build me a dream house consisted of one guy. Once he knew I had figured him out as a (sociopath) I knew he would not come around again.

He moved out of town with barely a few dollars to his name and slept on his sister’s couch. Shortly after he found a new customer to do some renovations for, then sweet talked his way into her home and life. Last I heard he was hiding from the tax man, ministry of transportation, suppliers and upset customers. NO ONE from our past wants anything to do with him.

Yet he still presents himself as someone who has it all together. Of course.

There has been no contact since the house closed. It took a few incredibly difficult months to sort out the financial mess then I proceeded with the divorce on my own.

Emotionally abundant

But I saw the light!

The last 18 months of my life have been incredibly freeing. Financially there is much less. Emotionally I have never felt more abundant. I never had to ‘heal’ after the split as I felt like I had escaped a kind of prison. I have found joy again and my sons say they have never seen me happier.

Please listen to your inner voice and do whatever you have to do to get away and stay away from the person that brought crazy into your life. They do not change. I give immeasurable thanks for Donna Andersen and Lovefraud. This site had it all make sense. And now we move forward. Most importantly we forgive ourselves, because sometimes there is no better feeling than knowing, we are not alone.

DonnaC



12 Comments on "Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity"

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  1. slimone says:

    DonnaC,

    Thank-you for sharing his letter! Reading it made me laugh and shake my head in amazement. It is so clear, now that I have some considerable distance, how much narcissism and delusion are operating in this person. Of course I understand this person has caused you considerable anxiety and pain. And, I am empathetic of your loss and difficulty, but also happy and excited for you to be free of him. It took me some time to feel it, but when I finally got to the point of understanding what I had escaped, I was SO happy to finally GET IT. I understand feeling like you finally were released from jail.

    I just cannot help but be amused by the total absurdity of his ‘logic’, his ‘love’, his attempt at expressing ‘togetherness’. It is not shocking, really, but still baffles me to see the levels of egotism these types display. How they blow their little horns, blame us for not understanding them, then declare THEY forgive US? Promise us the moon, but deliver nothing more than the words.

    I also really relate to what you say about your first husband being wishy-washy, making the over-the-top behavior of the sociopath seem like strength. I felt this way too. It felt like I finally met someone who knew EXACTLY what they wanted, and how to get it. This felt awesome, especially since I was part of the ‘big plan’. It felt like being with a ‘real man’.

    I can also relate to the high levels of anxiety. That was a real kicker for me. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or enjoy much of anything near the end. I was totally focused on him, our relationship, and in a complete FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). And, like you, it was the outside falling apart that made me look at what I was FEELING on the inside.

    I got a final letter too. I didn’t read mine, however. I sent it to a friend and she read it. She told me it was full of ‘arrows’, buried in descriptions of his grandiosity. She burned that letter and told me never to contact him. She said the letter made her feel ashamed FOR him.

    He, like your ex, felt absolutely no shame.

    Though my experience differs greatly in surface details, the end result was the same. It is always, from reading here, the same: the illusion falls to pieces and we see the man behind the curtain (or woman).

    I love that you felt freed, and didn’t feel like there was a protracted healing process you had to go through. Everyone comes to this place from different life experiences. Some of us with lots of baggage to unpack, and some with a lighter load.

    I hope you and your boys continue to prosper and thrive. Thank-you, again, for sharing your experience.

    Slim



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    • DonnaC says:

      Slim – thanks so much for your feedback and good wishes for me and my sweet fellas. They have been incredibly supportive and loving through all of the changes in our lives (they are 22 and 25 now)
      I love that your friend burned that letter. I am planning on having a roaring bonfire myself one of these days!
      Best,
      Donna



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  2. HopingToHeal says:

    Thank you for sharing DonnaC,

    With every story of manipulation, deceit and fraudulent love that I read, the fortress around my soul grows stronger. I’m so glad that you and Slimone are away from your abuser and that you once again feel like your life is on tract. What encouragement!



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  3. overthehump says:

    Thank you for sharing this DonnaC and agreed on this wonderful site. I can totally empathise with your jail comment, I feel just the same.

    These stories are incredible because they are just so familiar. Everytime I read something on this site it further endorses my decisions and helps me to understand that I’m not alone in being fooled.

    Just like your ex, mine continually ‘lost’ money. It took me years to realise but I suddenly remember thinking some years ago (long before our split) – how comes, with me earning a reasonable wage and my ex working (he was a self employed builder by this time but had regular work) – why are we struggling? Why does he always seem to have no money to pay the bills, amounting terrible debts so that we end up having to re-mortgage again or use all my annual bonus to pay off debts? I had friends on smaller joint salaries than ours and yet they managed to keep up with all the bills, take annual holidays and enjoy life. It just didn’t make sense. I felt so out of control for so many years because you couldn’t challenge or even question him. It wasn’t worth the tirade or abuse. It was always someone elses’ fault after all.

    Like your ex, once mine realised there was no going back, he never tried to change the result but unlike yours, he faught and faught to make it as difficult as possible. Even now, we are finally divorced (after 2 years) and have finally sold the house and just moved (4 March), he is still fighting, refusing to pay back his half of the bills that he had agreed to pay in our consent order! Kicking and screaming till the very end.

    Like your ex, he has already moved on to his next victim. I heard he was seeing a ‘very nice lady’, she is a recently widowed business woman and what really made my blood run cold was when a neighbour said to me “yes, I’d heard he was seeing someone, a woman from Cambridge – apparently she’s absolutely loaded!” He had no other information than where she lived and that she was rich. Every hair stood up on my body when I heard that. My friend who had previously told me about her had heard that she was very nice, sweet, seemed pretty savvy and was a widow and my ex was the first guy she’d seen since she lost her other half. My understanding is she has a place in Spain (I had a family apartment in Mallorca at the time I met my ex) and has several holidays a year – which is all just perfect for him. He portrays himself as something special, a pillar of the community and if she allows him – which sadly, she probably will – he will very soon be marching around as if the place in Spain and everything else that is good, is his. Should I warn her? I don’t suppose she would listen. I wouldn’t have done in the early years.

    Let’s hope she has a little more insight than I did!



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    • DonnaC says:

      Dear Over,
      Wow – such similar stories and frustrations. We sure burned up a lot of energy over those years trying to have it make sense – which was of course never going to happen.
      Mine did make things difficult for awhile but then he just slithered away.
      The only thing we can do for the next women in these guys lives – is to hope they will not get in as deep as we did. It really is an awful spot to be in as we know what they could be in for- but you’re right – we can’t say anything – for our own safety among other things. Our focus now is to put our energies into better futures for ourselves.



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  4. Delores says:

    Thank you for sharing your letter and your experience. I have a couple I saved to remember his insane thought patterns. This is so like my experience. By the time he finally left, I was just plain relieved. Unfortunately I agreed to try again and opened the door for him to come in with a moving van while I was at work and take what he wanted. He then moved in with a woman he met while we were separated. The woman he told me was just “a slut and a whore who slept with him on the first date”. He thought nothing even of his two children. The children and I came home to a home that had been violated and they were terrified. He even cut off the phone.

    I was shocked but again, glad to have him gone…even glad he had another woman. He was no longer my problem. Life was good until his third divorce when he targeted our adult daughter to be his minion. He now has her brainwashed with his lies that have taken over the family.

    Their damage is unfathomable. Fortunately I have support from my husband of 30 years, my son and his wife and a few good friends. My daughter has alienated herself from me and taken away the grandchildren. He does not want them, he just does not want me to have them. That is what they are.



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    • DonnaC says:

      Wow Delores – that is a tough one when there are kids involved who have been misled by their disordered parent. I am sorry you are missing out on your grandchildren as a result. There are high prices to pay in varying degrees and many things suffer(financial, health, relationships) when we cross our lives with a sociopaths.



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  5. Stargazer says:

    Chilling ending to that letter: “I remain yours forever.” You can almost hear the implied second half of that statement…. “Until you cross me – then I will destroy you.” They really do live in a delusional world, and they can be very persuasive when they want something. I have learned the hard way that when a person’s words do not match the behaviors, look at the behaviors. That is a true sign of the person’s character.



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  6. tryingtoheal says:

    I am not a new reader to LoveFraud having had dealings with a sociopath myself about 6 years ago.
    I have a friend, she’s 30 very sweet and Russian, I have met up with her about half a dozen times last year. I met her and her boyfriend a couple of times, at their place and out to dinner. The last time I met her she was happy, she told me she was pregnant, but her visa was due to expire so she would have to go back to Russia. Her husband stayed in London. I was away on holiday at the time they married, he is 27 and English, so I missed their wedding.

    In January she messaged me on FB to ask if I knew of anyone who could put her husband up for one week, she said the place he was going to move into had fallen through and she didn’t want him to be out on the street. As I live here alone and had the room I said he could come.
    He arrived and told me that his contract at work had ended that day and he wouldn’t have any money for 3 days, at which time he bought some online groceries. For the next 2 weeks he cooked experimenting with much of the nice things in my cupboards and left the kitchen in a terrible mess, he didn’t wash up, instead he either watched TV, played with his phone for eternity or spent quite a time upstairs. He would usually be up watching TV until the early hours, sleeping downstairs in my lounge until gone midday, some times until 3-4 in the afternoon. He would do the dishes the, but only after I had asked him, and only when he was ready to do them.
    He didn’t actively look for a job in that time but then he started to look and said he had a few interviews. As he had no money I lent him my pass to travel. He had used it for a week and got caught. He came back telling me he had a job. This lasted 3 days as he told me his boss told him that the previousbar manager had stolen from her and she couldn’t afford to keep him on. Well he got another job, went out every day and came home late.
    He seemed to choose the hours he worked and had 2 days off a week, I looked online and found the pub and asked him if this was the place, he said it was. I asked him about when he would be paid and also asked if he got the money from the first job, he said he hadn’t yet but he would do. I told him if he didn’t go in there they probably wouldn’t bother, I told him that he should, he said he called them and he would deal with it. I was paying for all his food, etc. He told me he would get paid at the end of the month, then he was going to Russia to see his wife and the birth of his child – due between the 10th and 19th of this current month.
    While he was here one evening he started telling me he was adopted and had had a very abusive childhood with filled every abuse imaginable. He told me that he had seen an uncle beat his brother to death in front of him, his father was in prison and has been for years, he had done a burglary and murdered the woman.

    He also told me he had had therapy and 4 years ago was diagnosed as a High Functioning Sociopath, that he didn’t feel empathy like other people and the High Functioning bit was high intelligence.

    He stayed out most weekends and some evenings saying he slept in the office/on a sofa in the bar. He also went to help a friend on Saturday nights at his club. Anyway he was usually gone from Friday until Monday. He would speak by text to his wife and speak on Skype. They often had arguments, she wanted all new clothes for the baby and he said he thought she should use second hand ones! He was meant to pay for her storage and she messaged me a few times saying he was ignoring her, she was worried because her things would be out on the street and she was about to give birth any day, she told me she couldn’t sleep, she felt she couldn’t trust him, asked where he was all night, etc. Said he always told he he couldn’t speak to her while he was at work, etc.

    Anyway he had worked a month and had waited anxiously for his invitation to arrive for him to go to Russia for 2 weeks. His wife thought they could get a family visa and they could live here, but it isn’t that easy here in the UK. He also told me he planned to go in training as he had been accepted into the policeforce and had beaten all other applicants.
    His last day at work and he told me he hadn’t been paid, the money hadn’t gone into his account, he needed a visa in a hurry and was getting stressed, he also needed to book a flight. He told me he had called his boss (which he did upstairs) and was told his boss hadn’t his bank details but would leave a cheque at the bar.

    I tried calling and texting him all that day and over the following few days, so did his wife – he was ignoring us both. He never came back here and it got to 6 days later. Hos wife told me she had text him for a divorce – why did she need a husband if he was going to ignore her needs and worries?

    I message him on FB and he replied instantly. I kept what I had found out to myself that he hadn’t had any job, I called the pub and they hadn’t employed him. I told him as he had obviously chosen to live somewhere else he needed to come and pay me for living expenses/food costs. I got a nasty message calling me selfish, why hadn’t I asked how he was, why wasn’t I worried, instead telling him he had 7 days to collect his things and pay me, that he would never do that. He also said – if it was anyone else that had said just about his things and the money he would have ”pulled them apart and destroyed them!”
    He told me that he had been in lying in hospital with a serious head injury and was waiting for the doctor to sign him out. He told his wife this too.

    I checked the hospitals (I asked him where he was) and no ome had heard of him. I knew then that he had lied and told him so, he denied it and his messages were far from pleasant. I told his wife what I knew. First she believed me, she said she thought he thought her parents were rich, I told her what I knew and that he hadn’t paid me and she went into denial, asked he hadn’t I ever lied, that all he needed was love and why was I angry when he had told me about his awful childhood, that I hadn’t any compassion, that she wouldn’t be asking for her guest to tell her their personal boundaries and I shouldn’t have checked up on his job, etc. said I was expecting him to be compassionate but I hadn’t any myself because she was pregnant! Her husband ended up staying with me for 2 Months and hadn’t paid me anything in that time other than initially when he bought the groceries.

    He wanted to get his things he had here, I told him that I expected him to pay me. He got quite nasty telling me he would pay me only if I hadn’t damaged his things like he said he expected me to.
    I called the police and arranged a day and a time for them to come to see his messages. I also arranged for him to collect his things when the police were present the following day, but he argued, he said No, he needed his things, he was going to go to Russia. I told him he could have his things after he paid me, and it went on like that. He drove me mad. He asked me to let him have a few things because He needed them, that he would pay me when he came back for the rest. I said No.

    He came the day He wanted to come and police told me he would be here soon. He had no money to pay me so I told him he wouldn’t have his things – this was done through the police. He went off looking dejected. I still don’t know if he is in Russia. I got a message from my friend (his wife of 6 months) telling me she would text me on the 10th April, which I thought rather odd.

    His things are still here in my house.

    I found his adopted mother on FB, she told me he had done this before, that this situation wasn’t new to her and she was sorry I had been through it.

    How do I get my friend to believe this about her husband and divorce him? He won’t be any good to her. She told me when they shared a flat he always paid the rent. She told me she knew when he was lying to her but she understands him. She also knows he hasn’t paid for her clothes that were in storage, but she thinks he did have a job, that he must have worked in a different place, etc. She says anyone can be labelled with anything, that they (psychiatrists) look for things to label us with and we all must have something wrong with us.

    He called Me a liar, said he did have a job, just that I had the wrong pub! That he did have a serious head injury, that he could prove it, he could prove both with the payslip and appointment to go back. He is still telling me he had a job, etc and I know he was lying. He denies it. He would probably get a fake hospital card and a fake payslip or, he just said it and had no intentions of showing me anything. I really don’t care, I know he lies, he was just so convincing. My friends all said I should have told him to leave, but I wasn’t sure if he would leave without paying me, and I couldn’t throw him out on the street penniless in bad weather. He told me he would pay me, in fact he was very sociable and I liked him, he was attractive and had intelligence, went to private school and was well spoken, etc..but I still in the back of my mind couldn’t relax, I had this feeling.. and couldn’t put my finger on it.. and I couldn’t be sure. I’m in my early 60’s btw and divorced. When he arrived he told me to ”use him”, meaning that if I needed any help he would, he said he would re-organise my kitchen, I kept asking him and he said yes, but he did nothing, apart from use Me. As I packed his things away I noticed a pile of open letters from creditors all wanting bills paid..

    I find it strange I haven’t heard from his wife, even to tell me she had had the baby and, if he was there. I suspeect he either isn’t there or has borrowed the money as his child has been born, but no word from her at all, and she has read my FB messages..



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  7. HopingToHeal says:

    Tryingtoheal,

    I’m so sorry to hear of how your generous heart was taken advantage of. I’m always saddened and shock by these stories of abuse even though they are so common and I’ve experienced it myself.

    While I know you want to protect your friend, I don’t believe that you will be able to get through to her. In reading your story, I can see that even you were scammed by this man. If you think back over the events of your story, you will probably see that intuitively, you knew something was very off about his behavior. You continued to believe the best and afford him all kinds of considerations and allowances. And you are just a friend.

    Imagine the fear and disbelief his wife faces as she gives birth to their child. From the descriptions you relay, her intuition is also alerted, but she is in a very vulnerable situation. My heart breaks for the life she faces should she stay with him. However, I do not think she can be convinced. In your story, you share that she became defensive of him at one point. She’s scared and will not allow herself to see him as he truly is. I can understand that. If you push her, she will probably take his side and make you the enemy.

    One option could be that you allow her time to absorb his behavior while you actively help her come up with solutions to handle her and her child’s future alone. She does have options, but she may be too frightened to even consider taking this on by herself. Helping her see that there I hope ahead could allow her to release her fear and see him clearly. I know this tactic has helped me.

    Most importantly, pray for her. I can’t imagine becoming a parent and facing a Spath at the same time. She needs a lot of support. You are a dear friend to offer so much assistance and to still be so concerned for her.



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    • tryingtoheal says:

      Dear Hopingtoheal,

      Thank you for relying to me, the whole thing has been ghastly, it’s very recent and I was in shock for a few days, as you are with sociopaths, trying to piece it altogether. Yes, I didn’t really relax when he was here, I tried to but in the back of my mind I knew something wasn’t right, what made it all the more confusing was that I liked him and he was company for me, I rarely went to bed early though because of the hours he kept – we always ended up eating late. All in all it has taken a lot out of me and I feel exhausted.

      What I felt was his entitlement, I also sensed his anger beneath the surface but he was sociable and friendly, it would have been so much better had I not had the feeling inside me that all wasn’t right.

      I could hardly believe it when my friend went from saying she didn’t trust him, etc then turning on me, I think you’re right, she’s in denial, vulnerable and reticent to see anything wrong with him, being pregnant about to give birth didn’t help and yes, it floored me when I was trying to make her see. It was frustrating; I knew she did see, but she was standing up for him.

      I think I am going to have to wait until the 10th of April, though precisely why that date, I don’t know. Something made me think it wasn’t her writing that message to me, because also I message back straightaway and she never responded, I just asked about her and the baby. You’re right, she IS very vulnerable now and I wouldn’t want to trade places with her for anything.

      All she kept say is, ”You will get your money!!!!!” as if that was all I was upset about. it was very hurtful considering she knew I had kept him for 2 months, though she said inbetween defending him that they both appreciated it! ”Both” made me want to pull my hair out!

      Her parents were another concern for her, she said they knew something was wrong but didn’t know what it was. They kept asking her if he had got his visa..

      She is a lovely girl and I wish this had never happened to her. Like me she is very trusting, moreso than I am having already been bitten before with a Spath from New York 6 years ago straight after I lost both my parents and my uncle.. they seem to home in on vulnerability.

      Thanks again for taking the care and trouble to reply to me 🙂



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