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A Lovefraud reader’s happy ending

More than a year ago, Lovefraud heard from a reader whom we called “Rochelle.” After 30 years, she’d reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. It felt like her chance to finally have the love she always wanted.

Except that the boy, now a man, was a sociopath, and the love was a mirage. Rochelle knew he was disordered, but still she pined for him. She asked, “When does it get to the point where he stops taking up space in my brain?”

Here’s her story:

Getting the sociopath out of your head

She later wrote a Letter to Lovefraud detailing her experience:

How sociopaths twist words and actions

Well, I just received another letter from Rochelle, and she has good news.

Dear Donna–

I was married to a sociopath, and had written to you when I was devastated by the aftermath of my divorce.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer the same day my divorce became final.  I read your books, followed the rules.  I had slipped once and we had started ‘dating.’  That did not last long and I wrote him off completely.  I kept reading your books and logging into Love Fraud.  As time went on, I began dating, but I wasn’t really thrilled.

One night, I went with a girlfriend to listen to music at a local club.  It was a band I had seen before (with the ex) that I really enjoyed.  My ex was a former singer and wanted to join this band.  When they wanted nothing to do with him, we stopped going to see them, but I enjoyed their music.  My girlfriend kept pointing out the saxophone player to me (she did it 4 times during the course of the evening!).  I did something VERY uncharacteristic of my normal behavior.  After the show, I approached him and told him how much I enjoyed his music.  We started talking, and I gave him my business card.  I was very cautious, and a little optimistic.   We met for drinks during the following week, and talked about a lot of things.  He was recently divorced after over 30 years of marriage.  We swapped stories, and as time went on, we began dating and got closer.  Slowly, I began to trust.  We fell in love and have been together ever since.

I’ve learned so much from you and everything I’ve read.  I studied the Red Flags.  I looked for signs; there were none.  I can tell you this relationship is…well….easy.  No stress, no drama, no arguing or fighting.  We compromise.  We have a great time together….so much so that we moved in together.  I kept my apartment for 6 months after moving in with him and finally moved in officially.  He literally took the pieces of me and helped to put me back together.  I feel whole again, physically and emotionally.  You played a big role in that and I just wanted to thank you.

“Rochelle”

I asked Rochelle for permission to post her letter. Her story is evidence that yes, when you focus on recovery, there can be life, joy, happiness and love after the sociopath.



3 Comments on "A Lovefraud reader’s happy ending"

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  1. aotearoaangel says:

    Oh I am SO pleased to read this. How utterly lovely, a happy- well not ending but beginning really. NICE :-).



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  2. Vision says:

    Dear Rochelle,

    Yes, there is hope in finding a normal human being out there….As I read your story I couldn’t help but think as I read how you described your new relationship as “easy”…I was so accustomed to the drama, trauma, the roller coaster rides, the merry go rounds, and the magic shows, that it doesn’t seem a sharing, easy relationship is the “norm”….

    Most of my affairs and my two marriages were anything but normal. Sps, and narcissists….then 15 years of bi polar and borderline kid…so my little grandson came along and it the sweetest most loving child I have ever known…and he has brought me sanity, love and joy in this worn out heart of mine.

    My daughter has threatened to move away with him and her new boyfriend of three months who she just let move right in to her place.

    I know I can meet someone as kind, loving and drama free as you have. However, I need some basic training LOL

    But it is true. Some out there might miss those traits. My ex sent my heart racing and it was exciting at times. I realize I can be excited by a true blue nice guy just the same in other ways. and not in a cruel game of hide and seek…..

    All the best, and one day this ole gal will be writing to Donna about my wonderful guy…..

    PS: If I live my life without finding the love of a special man, I love my life right now. I am fulfilled and joyous despite the remaining hardships. I love myself and that is the greatest love I learned, as the song goes…!!

    Vision



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  3. Barb says:

    It is not as easy to get over a parent. My mother is actually driving me crazy even though she is gone.
    Flashbacks

    It is really sad to remember just how abusive she was. I plan to read certain books (saw them on Amazon) about daughters of narcissistic mothers (and one in particular): ‘Why Your Mother Cannot Love You’



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