Editor’s note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Nicolette.” Names have been changed.
I met “Jackson” online. I wasn’t looking for a relationship exactly, just checking to see what was out there. He was the very first person to message me and he was exactly my type. We became Facebook friends and chatted for a couple days he seemed to have all the same interests – art, music, travel, etc. He seemed to have lived an interesting life as a touring musician in some well known bands.
Now, he had just moved back to Florida, bought a house, and was building a recording studio in his home. That was his big new venture and he was confident with his connections and talents he would succeed.
Stood up for the first date
He actually stood me up the first time we were going to meet. I should have run then, but he apologized profusely made excuses and I agreed to go out with him. On the second date he was just going on about himself and I felt like he wasn’t making good eye contact so I up and left him. He was shocked I’d do that, apologized and begged me to see him again. We had a great time and saw each other frequently for about two weeks.
Then one night he just closed down and asked me to leave his house for no reason. I felt confused and tried to talk to him and he just walked away and asked me to leave. I did not hear from him for another two weeks. He would not respond to phone calls or texts.
He did contact me and again he apologized profusely and convinced me it was because he was so stressed out from the studio being built that he was letting that get in the way of us. We began to see each other a few times per week everything seemed great, except occasionally he would just shut down or accuse me of being too needy.
I lent him money
All I wanted was to spend time with him and I was very supportive of what he was doing. He kept blaming money problems. He was supposed to have investment money from a property coming in, but it was taking a bit longer. That is when I first offered to help if he paid me back. So I lent him money.
Right away he began to say we are partners in this venture, this studio and started talking about our future. I was going away to Amsterdam and Switzerland for work, and I invited him to join me. I paid for it. The studio still needed some work and he was broke, so I gave him more money, with the promise that I would get a percentage of the studio once it was up and running.
Met the parents
Time passed. We had what seemed like a great relationship. I met his parents who loved me, and I became close with his mother. Except every once in awhile he’d retreat and need space, and somehow make me feel like I was smothering him.
Then he would apologize and come back with another excuse about stress or anxiety and money issues. Maybe that time it was a need for a new laptop, or headphones, or whatever. I just kept buying whatever he needed. He never came out and asked for it, but he knew at this point if he mentioned it, I would take care of it.
Tweets and Facebook
A mutual friend told me that he had tweeted that he was having beers with his ex. I don’t have Twitter so I wouldn’t have seen it. When I asked him about it he said it was an ex band mate and that he was appalled that I’d think he was stupid enough to post something like that online. So I let it go.
After a while I wanted to have our Facebook statuses say we were in a relationship, which he was hesitant about but eventually did. But only made it visible to me and his parents. I know this now.
Building a future together
We loved Amsterdam so I took us back again. This is when he professed his love to me, and when we started talking about moving in and a future. He met my daughter and she loved him. He wanted to start introducing her into his life slowly because he’s not a kid person, but said he loved me and wanted to love her too.
Next, he needed a car but had no credit, so he convinced me to sign for it and promised he’d pay for it. So we bought him a car. He never made one payment.
As time went on he needed more money for bills and what not. He was always stressed about money and work, and said if he could just make more money we could spend more time together. He even had me pay off clients so he didn’t have to do their albums. He has never finished one that I know of. There was always some excuse why; someone else did something etc.
Now, if you recall that tweet I mentioned, I was really suspicious about that so I contacted his ex-girlfriend. She not only confirmed they met, she also sent me screen shots of him trying to get back with her. He convinced me they were Photoshopped. Even his mom got involved and said I was out of line to believe his ex, because she was crazy.
I never believed they were Photoshopped. But I did forgive him, because that’s when he asked me to marry him. He seemed genuinely upset and in love, and said when he thought I was leaving, it felt like all his love and comfort were leaving too.
His father is a preacher and he asked him to marry us in Key West in March. His mom cried. I felt like it was so genuine.
A week later he decided he didn’t want to be a family man and broke up with me. He dropped off the car at my apartment and didn’t talk to me for a week, despite my pleas.
Eventually he did talk to me, and said that it was me that was doing this and I was so lucky he loved me and would put up with it. He said I was awful to him, and he had never been spoken to by anyone the way I spoke to him.
Well, I was pissed and not so nice. Mostly I told him I was worth more than the way he was treating me and he was a jerk, which is really how I felt because clearly he was backing out of every promise he had made to me.
We got back together but it seemed like every week he would need space, and when I’d question it he’d shut down and tell me he needed time to cool off and if I loved him I’d give him time.
So like a little kid I got put in time out and had to suffer as he took the time he needed. Then he’d come back and say he’d give me another chance because he loved me and I was so lucky because no one else would have given me so many chances. He’d say we want the same things — the promise of a future life together, being partners, and parents to my daughter. We started looking for houses together, convincing me to spend money as an investment in “us.”
Texting other women
There were some shady text messages to him that I saw. One from a girl that said, “Oh I see how you really feel about me if you can’t text me back.” He’d make up an excuse like, “she got jumped, and is pissed because I didn’t want to get into the drama. She’s just a friend.”
There was another girl who texted him that he claimed was a former friend and crazy who still wanted him. He said he’d tell her to stop right in front of me. When he did she wrote back but he immediately erased it so I couldn’t see it. I don’t know what it said, but it doesn’t matter; it was obviously something he did not want me to see.
I started moving all my stuff into his house and then one day I found a compact in his room. I asked him about it and he tried to say it was mine and it clearly wasn’t.
A few days before some girl tagged him in a post on Facebook, saying something like, “I love my babies.” I was suspicious so I contacted her. She denied anything, but she told him I contacted her and then he dumped me on my BIRTHDAY, which was the next day.
He said he needed a couple days so AGAIN, like I always did, I gave him a few days, then I contacted him. He said if I can’t give him the time he needs to forget the horrible way I treat him then we have to call it quits. Then it quickly spiraled into I hate you. I don’t love you, etc. I was so confused. He dropped off all my stuff in the car in the middle of the night and dropped my art off on my porch, too cowardly to see me.
I had been having some pain so I went to the doctor and they confirmed I had chlamydia. I had only been with him over the ten months we were together. We never used protection. Before that I was with my ex husband of 10 years.
He blocked me from everything — email, phone, Facebook — but I felt a moral obligation to tell him. So I made a new email and told him about the STD (sexually transmitted disease).
He said he was suspicious that I was cheating on him, so he had gone to get checked and he doesn’t have anything. He said I must have gotten it from somewhere else, which is crap, because I loved him with all my heart and soul and would never cheat.
So I know he was lying about getting checked because he clearly has it. I obviously was treated and it’s gone, but he’s out there spreading it around. He said he was 99.9% sure I cheated during one of my “Jackson is bad” moments, which is laughable.
He has a way of turning everything on me and saying “YOU did this.” I always questioned whether I really was the awful monster he said I was.
Lying. Cheating. Using. Over!
He also told me he spoke with his ex, and found out I was lying about a whole bunch of things, but he wouldn’t tell me what. I knew that couldn’t be true because I never lied to him. I loved him and supported him financially and emotionally … all while he was lying to me, cheating on me and using me.