Editor’s note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader “Speakout.”
Have you ever wondered what happens when your sociopath goes to the office?
Where to start … I should begin by saying that my experience included getting to know his ex-wife after I was fired, reading the transcripts and emails of their seemingly endless divorce. She is the one who opened my eyes. I reacted poorly to her when she first told me about her experiences with him; I sat there in stunned silence. I had to let it sink in. She told me later that my response confused her. I had no idea such creatures as him existed. I’m a girl geek — I’m not good with feelings and people.
Some highlights that demonstrate his true self, I’m sure most readers can infer the fuller story:
He always had a victim. There was always someone in the company that he would gang up on and try to entice others into the same behaviour. He was a new employee in a very senior position.
Bragged about being a member of Mensa. Even put it on his resume. Who does that?
Giving jobs to friends. Holding a position open for 6 months. Giving jobs to people that weren’t qualified, thus making them indebted to him.
Badmouthing and the pity play in tandem. Talking about his bitch of an ex-wife and her bitch lawyer in the office, to his staff. Often.
At one point he told me that his ex’s bitch lawyer was trying to get copies of his expenses. At the time I said to him “smart lawyer” and laughed. His eyes turned cold and dead.
Charging more expenses in six months employment than his predecessor had in two years of employment. I know this because he bragged about it. (I eventually contacted his ex-wife to tell her about this and to look into his expenses as a source of income)
Charging cases of wine, items shipped to his home, taking staff out to lunch, drinks in the afternoon and/or drinks after work and appetizers. Who drinks bottles of wine at bars with staff during the workday? I think he charged every meal — breakfast, lunch and dinner — to the company.
Badmouthing a subordinate who was going through a horrible personal tragedy, got the employee fired in the long run. I had to clean out his desk and I found notes about the life insurance the company had for employees and the suicide clause.
Reusing work product stolen from a previous employer (file properties revealed that). When I asked him about it he was as proud as a peacock. Told me to change the information in the properties and to make it look like other company docs.
Lying about two impressive degrees on his resume. A resume that didn’t have any gaps long enough to earn those degrees. I sent human resources the court transcripts where he confesses to the lies on his resume and nothing happened.
I half ‘volunteered’ him for some presentation to the new owners — it would be a very good opportunity to showcase his department. His eyes narrowed and he was silent.
Mirroring. I am an avid cyclist, one Saturday when we were at work he brought in some old 10 speed and an ill-fitting helmet. Gave me the creeps riding home behind me (we lived close to each other) so I stopped and said I had to leave him and go to the grocery. He was huffing and puffing and sweating profusely.
Coming into work wrinkled, unshaven and smelling. “Working all night.” Pfft.
Monitors on his desk that a visitor could not see. I shudder to think what he was doing.
Pictures of his two children facing visitor chairs, not him.
Kept pressing me to tell him what I wanted. I kept replying that I wanted more experience. “Not money??” I gave the answer that he couldn’t use to entrap me in his web.
He was eventually fired for accessing confidential client financial records (those records had nothing to do with his job).
To this day there are people at that company who will vouch for him. That he got a raw deal.
I will never understand how he got away with all this, why human resources never became involved. The constant hiring and firing should have been a tip off if nothing else.
Happily I can get a new job and move on, wiser and more wary. I’m sorry for the pain inflicted on spouses and children who can’t move on or heal as quickly. I hope this helps in some way.