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By June 17, 2013 Read More →

The sociopathic perspective

Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.

The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:

I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don’t allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you are so proud and concerned and attached to your emotions why not allow someone to make you feel like a queen for something as worldly as money? We give you what you are missing just as all of the world ecosystem has since the beginning of time. It’s funny how we have been so easily classified and even now as I attempt to alter myself in order to become unparallel to descriptions of us, I find it very difficult to even perceive. I would like to boast of my strategic victories over hearts but I would fear you making another video and making this game more difficult, of course it would make it much more challenging and pleasurable when enjoying the hunt.

This email is a great example of the sociopathic perspective, whether or not individual sociopaths are aware of it. Lest we forget, here is how sociopaths view themselves, the rest of us, and the world:

1. Sociopaths are superior beings, and everyone else is a mark.

2. If marks are dumb enough to be conned, they get what they deserve.

3. Marks deserve to be targeted because of their stupid emotions and consciences.

4. Emotions and consciences are useful in marks, because they can be exploited.

5. Exploitation is a perfectly reasonable way for sociopaths to get what they want.

This is why there is no rehabilitation for sociopaths. They do not feel that they have a disorder; rather, sociopaths believe they have an evolutionary competitive advantage.

Or, for those sociopaths who don’t have the intelligence or education to analyze their place in the world, they’re simply content the way they are and see no need for change.

 



230 Comments on "The sociopathic perspective"

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  1. Barb says:

    Renee

    Male privilege is everywhere. I grew up in an extremely patriarchal family and in the ‘middle’ of three boys. One sister was the oldest and the other the youngest…a safe distance from the ‘male pack’. It was a shitty and relentless situation for me. My father was not the ‘great Dad’ we and all the neighbors thought he was and he perpetuated the situation. Mom was an NPD.

    So I agree about the leniency in the way males are brought up and think it is unforgivable. I read somewhere that “rape is a national pastime’. Not to mention other things but males clearly have way too much power.

    • imhope says:

      Barb~
      That’s not really what i meant. I was referring to as teenaged girls we are taught to expect men to lie to us to “get in our pants”. For the most part, i think we have all experienced that. If you grow up with men lying to you constantly, when do you ever learn the difference. That attitude, that they are gonna do it so just get used to it, gives them a license to lie. It just becomes inherant.
      R

  2. blossom4th says:

    imhope,
    I’m really concerned anytime parents or religious teachers teach the young girls that they have to “watch out for” the boys or men!
    It’s one thing to let them know that SOME guys are that way,and you don’t want to get involved with them.But giving children the idea that there’s a double standard for the sexes is definitely gonna create confusion and frustration—and yes,the guys will feel like they have a license to “do as they please”.

    But teach both sexes morality and to resist temptation (and what the consequences of not doing so are) and while it doesn’t work perfectly….you got a “better shot”!

    As for adults trying to learn the difference between those who lie constantly…let them tell you who they are and what they stand for before you ever tell them anything.Beware of a fast talker.Then think of small ways to test their sincerity.

  3. Barb says:

    The thing that infuriates me is that the Women’s Movement got virtually nowhere…it died out. What is NOW up to anyway? You never hear from them.

    And look at the War on Women (notice I initial capped this). These men (Rick Perry…grrrr…) don’t really believe in their so-called religion and use that as a facade to hide the real truth: they hate and fear women and want to keep us down…way down…as in ‘barefoot and pregnant’. They see the progress women have made and
    Rick Perry is probably shaking in his boots about the thought of a woman president.

    You may think this is not appropriate here as a post…but it relates to the ‘male issue’ they you discuss here…that very delicate and easily bruised ‘male ego’. I don’t mean any of you men here in Love Fraud because you are open and honest enough to share your true feelings with us.
    Thank God for honest and good men like you.

    In case you are unfamiliar: Texas (Rick Perry, governor) and now North Carolina are hell-bent and determined to pass anti-abortion legislation that would close all abortion and planned parenthood clinics in their respective states. And that could encourage other religious zealots and Tea Partiers to push for it across this land. Women would lose access to healthcare they desperately need; and if they did decide on an abortion (their right), the right wing legislation would demand intra-vaginal probes to determine the ‘age’ of the fetus (when it starts to feel pain…which has been lowered from 20 weeks to 16 weeks in some states).

    I live in central Massachusetts, home of the brightest and most forward thinking minds in medicine and science. One of my best friends is the manager of a lab at the UMass Medical School/Center and he is appalled at politicians, who nothing about biology, making decisions based on irrational thinking and “quotes from the Bible” (which are open to individual interpretation).

    • fightforwhatsright says:

      Hi Barb,

      Coming from MA, you would be surprised at what the actual people believe in the many states. You have heard some I’m sure, but unless you have lived amongst them, you can not imagine the mindset and brainwashing that goes on from birth.

      I still get letters and surveys from NOW every once in a while, but with Congress literally taken over by a majority of people who think that half the people in America should be on the streets, that women can be “legitimately” raped, etc., it is an uphill battle for people of depth in thought.

      I am disappointed some when members of my party have made gender biased statements as well. I agree that more women in office would mean less war, less antics with prostitutes, less good ol’ boy shady dealings, and more empathy for the most part. We do have some men here on the site that are very deep and thoughtful and have been devastated by female sociopaths.

      I agree that access to birth control as well as federally legal abortions is important. Since the state’s have been eroding federal laws, it does make it difficult in the most impoverished and ignorant states. Perry is also a racist which is why he lost his bid for the Presidency. Racism and gender inequality have remained the cornerstones in certain regions of the country for years. For those of us who move here and try to change things, it is nearly impossible. Unfortunately, the women will vote against their own best interests because of the way they are programmed through belief systems handed down since before the Civil War. THAT is what makes it so difficult. When I was younger and would venture out and have conversations with women in my area of the South, THEY would actually be more antagonistic about female politicians, reproduction rights, etc.

      The girls and boys often turn to other types of sex rather than the only kind that will cause pregnancy because they are taught abstinence instead of reality and not given birth control options or discussions about why they would want to make informed decisions about sexual choices. When I moved to the South as a teen, a teacher actually gave a speech in his classroom about having a “different” kind of sex in order not to get pregnant! It was devastating to me. My parents talked to me about my choices and told me that they would be disappointed if I wasn’t thoughtful in making those choices. But, in the South, the parents force their kids to read a book where slavery, concubines, polygamy, etc. are part of the stories. I am not sure if the alternative sexual relations are taught to the kids by the parents or if the kids have just come up with it through the decades. The girls will proudly proclaim they are “virgins” because they have done everything except the type of sex that gets one pregnant.

      One of my favorite tea party signs was the one at a fox rally that stated, “Keep the Government Out of MY Social Security!” It doesn’t get much more ignorant than that! But, ignorance can only be fought with education and education is frowned upon here by many people. When in college, students would walk out of classrooms afraid if an instructor brought up any other belief than the fairy tales they had been brought up with and the students were truly scared looking. I never minded being taught new things in college and I was never afraid even if I disagreed with something. Fear mongering is easy when people add religion to politics. Most religious beliefs keep women as second class citizens and many people believe if they don’t follow their religion, they will live in torment on a certain “day” yet to be determined.

      While I think we both agree that this kind of magical thinking and reliance upon fables is not helping change the fate of many women in our country, and that many of the leaders that perpetuate this fear and ignorance are taking advantage of it, the people in these states are the ones who allow it. They vote for a stated belief system now that has nothing to do with equality. And, believe me, they will abuse anyone who tries to even discuss it.

      I agree that many of our political leaders have fit into the sociopath spectrum. But, those sociopaths charm the folks back home and that keeps a political sociopath chain going that is bad for mostly women, children, and all minority populations. Even some Presidents with whom we might agree concerning progressive political beliefs about the equality of women in the boardroom have lowered their standards in the bedroom.

      We do have more women in the US Congress than ever before and I believe that trend will continue as women and minorities see groups of white haired white men making their decisions for them. And, I think most people here can see that there are sociopaths in leadership positions everywhere, most people on lovefraud tend to share more about their personal experiences and don’t see the big picture you are describing where political clout could change their personal situations.

      I agree with your statements and you are right. MA is one of the most progressive states in the union when it comes to helping women, the impoverished, the sick, and children. But, there are also sociopaths there devastating people.

      I just want to remind you to protect yourself emotionally here and everywhere. If you have been dealing with a sociopath, reading the articles, reading elsewhere about abusers and sociopaths, etc. will help you. Also, volunteering for any of the progressive groups in your area would be a great contribution and help you feel more personal power as you try to live with, or work through, the devastation sociopaths have caused you.

    • lost everything says:

      Barb, Margaret Chase Smith was Republican congresswoman from Maine 1940 to 1949 then senator from 1949 to 1973; a strong and independent woman. The Republican party supported the woman’s right to vote and equal pay. Senator Sargent from California proposed the 19th amendment. Britain’s Thatcher was a Conservative and a very strong woman. Not every Republican is anti woman.

      You have every right to your own political beliefs, just as I do to mine, just as everyone here has to theirs. I am just saying that blanket statements are wrong.

      Being a “Gloria Steinem” or a “June Cleaver” does not prevent you from becoming a victim, nor does either prevent you from being a sociopath. Nothing can prepare anyone for the intrusion or devastation of a spath, except knowledge. I didn’t even know what a sociopath was until 2 or so years ago. I just knew that the latespath, was ‘crazy’ and hurtful.

      The latespath, had zero interest in politics, voted exactly twice in his life and never worked on a campaign. If I had to make a call, he was more liberal than conservative, based on his hair, clothes, music, reading and telling me to have an abortion, as well as his choice never to go to church.

      Politics do not make a diagnosable sociopath. One psychologist that studied the latespath told me that his using ‘my parents are divorced, I never met my father’ as a way to wheedle comic book choices out of other 8 year olds could be taken as a sign of early sociopathism in conjunction with his flaunting his academic brilliance. At 8, no one has a true political leaning.

      2 other people the latespath ‘conned’ were a Christian, male, stock broker and a Jewish, female, psychoanalyst; both well educated and in their professions over 30/35 years. Just saying there is no typical victim of a spath either.

      • fightforwhatsright says:

        Hi Lost:

        I just looked up some information about Senator Chase Smith. She was an interesting woman. She fought Joseph McCarthy which was brave. It looks like she also ran for President in 1964 making her the first woman to run for President from one of the two major parties. She came in 5th in the Presidential primaries and when Goldwater was nominated, she rallied for him, especially their shared beliefs about SSDI…not beliefs I share, but she was a woman who broke through some political barriers more than 50 years ago and I respect that.

        I agree that not every member of any particular party shows signs of being sociopaths. My very favorite member of the Senate right now is an Independent. I think both parties have their share of human beings who seem to show various sociopath traits.

        I mainly see differences between the two major party “platforms” and I truly wish the platforms were both much more compassionate and kind…especially in trying to understand the plight of many children, disabled (including disabled children), impoverished, and disenfranchised.

        I live in a very, very poor region where many more children go hungry every day than the national average. And I wish our children being fed and cared for was a top priority for both parties.

        I saw a special once on the food channel where famous chefs had to try to find all free food to feed 100 people. They went to farms, orchards, higher end butchers, etc. and found all kinds of free and nutritious foods for free that people were going to throw out because it was bruised or not the best cut, etc. One unbelievable thing they said is that an astronomical number of eggs get thrown out because they aren’t the right size to fit in a carton. Just the “wrong” sized eggs could feed so many kids and they just get thrown away. I would like to see political leaders introduce bills to use that imperfect food to get it to the schools and food banks for poor people. I think the empathy for people as human beings tends to get lost in unimportant philosophical debates that get “hype.”

        I want to try to support people here whom have been kind to me and you have. I am hoping we can continue to talk about our personal stories. I agree that unless someone shows himself/herself to be uncaring and without any compassion, we can only know what we are seeing or hearing from them. No one should be personally attacked for any philosophical or political belief. Statements of personal belief are acceptable from my understanding of the guidelines.

        I like to share with others and like to read what they share as they speak for themselves without demanding answers of others or any of the other guidelines being ignored here.

        I know that I am suffering at home. A spath in the House will get there by many votes out of my control. A spath in my personal homes makes me sick. My spath has been making me very tired and ill the last few days and I know yours continues to wreak havoc after death. I don’t mind sharing my beliefs and I don’t mind if others share theirs…on any subject…as long as they don’t direct any demands or abuses directly towards me which you never have done. I like the kind suggestions I have received here and have tried to run from the unkind ones.

        I think sometimes people just need to blow off steam and I do understand missing the need for more supportive legislation for women and minorities. But, I would rather read the articles here and receive the scientific research and victims sharing about sociopaths whom have affected their lives. I think we agree on that as we try to continue to share and care about our personal stories.

        Sorry if this is too long. I write as I think as if it is a conversation even though it isn’t quite that. Thank you, Lost, for your many supportive posts. I think about you a lot and the terrible surprises that came your way after a very cruel spath caused major nightmares to you and your mother. I can see that your personal shares here have been helpful to you and my personal shares with the kind people like you have been very helpful to me. Lifesaving actually.

        • mandie says:

          I’ve been reading here since 2008. And I’m outta here as well–at present this site is not healthy. One person dominating the space with passive-aggressive attacks and pseudo-sly innuendo…no. And, FWIW, I was born, raised and still reside in California and do not identify as Christian, and lean far-left. Take care all.

  4. Redwald says:

    Well, I don’t like all these zealots trying to restrict or ban abortion either. However, I’m also tired of all this unjustified MALE-blaming. It is NOT MEN’S fault that there’s so much opposition to abortion. Anyone concerned with that issue should check their facts. Opinion polls have repeatedly shown that just as many WOMEN as men are opposed to abortion, and in some cases it’s WOMEN who are more opposed. For instance, slightly MORE WOMEN than men held the extremist position that abortion should be “illegal in all circumstances.” There’s a recent summary here:

    Do Men and Women View Abortion Differently?

    There may be more men than women in governorships and other positions of political leadership, but we mustn’t forget it’s the VOTERS who put them there. And more WOMEN than men vote.

    The notion of any broad-based “male privilege” is a myth perpetuated by academic feminists. Fair enough, there are and have been other cultures—Islamic, for instance—with genuine “male privilege,” but it’s hardly true of modern Western society. For anyone interested in that notion, I’d suggest reading Warren Farrell’s classic The MYTH of Male Power.

    As for what happened to the NOW, I thought it went moribund a couple of decades ago when women started deserting it in droves, declaring that “NOW doesn’t speak for me.” I don’t believe that was about any single issue. If it was, it may have been about opposition to the idea that it was women’s duty to turn themselves into imitation men, instead of having the freedom to pursue their own life choices—for instance, to be stay-at-home mothers if they wished.

    But that wasn’t all. There were other factors. Political cycles played one part. Looking back at history, America—and all the Western world, for that matter—made a big leftward lurch in the 1960s. That suited the Marxist leanings of a great many academic feminists in subsequent years. But a generation later, by the mid 1990s the swing here in the U.S. was in the opposite direction (despite the Clinton presidency). That wasn’t about “gender”; it was about crime, taxes, and issues across the board. Still, that changing political climate no longer fitted so well with the leftist leanings of the NOW.

    Apart from that, starting in the 1990s I think more people were getting wise to the lies and distortions spread by too many people in the “women’s movement,” always trying to make out how dreadful women’s lives supposedly were, and all the vicious male-blaming. Then too, ever since the radicals kicked the late Betty Friedan out of the leadership of the organization she founded, the movement has always been infested with a number of extremist crackpots, from Andrea (“All-Sex-Is-Rape”) Dworkin to Susan (“All-Men-Are-Rapists”) Brownmiller, which the movement as a whole has never definitively disowned. No doubt many ordinary people preferred to distance themselves from nuttiness of that kind.

    However, if there was one overriding reason women lost interest in the NOW, I’d guess it was because the major goals of the broad-based women’s movement—the realistic goals, that is—had been achieved. Women have had equal opportunities at jobs, education, credit and so forth for a long time now. They’ve been given help in areas that men have not been given, and in many ways today it’s men more than women who are in need of help: not enough male teachers, more boys falling behind in school, more women than men graduating with college degrees, and so on. So I imagine many women no longer felt the need for any broad-based activism. If somebody today wants to campaign for abortion rights, they’re more likely to join an organization focused on that specific issue, rather than the NOW.

  5. toknowimok says:

    Donna this is an eye opener, and I may have said so on a past article. Before I could fully understand what sociopathy is, the list you provided is almost exactly what I thought his perspective was of me when all was said and done. I’m definitely not a mindreader, but I’m from the school of “actions speak louder than words” so I had a lot to draw from. I can’t help but feel justified, validated, etc after reading this. Of course the scars will always be there, but knowing this is how the majority of their minds operate, it’s a good step for me, education, self protection, becoming more immune to being vulnerable. Thank you so much!

    • fightforwhatsright says:

      toknowimok:

      Agreed. The articles here are truly a treasure trove.

    • toknowimok – I am very glad that Lovefraud is helping you. It is amazing how similar they are, once people start comparing notes. They make us think that we’re imagining all the bad behavior, when our perceptions have been accurate all along.

      • fightforwhatsright says:

        Donna: That is so true. They do “make make us think that we’re imagining all the bad behavior, when our perceptions have been accurate all along.”

        You have helped me today more than you know and I truly appreciate the things you know about them and the articles here that confirm what they do to us.

  6. Tea Light says:

    Blossom, you have already apologised to this person for any unintended injury to their feelings.

    I’m taking a long break. Love to you Blossom. If you want to contact me by email please do, just ask Donna for the address.

  7. 4Light2shine says:

    Tea and Blossom, I don’t have time right now, but am beginning to feel the need to make some clarifications and to shine a little light on some of the incessant, obsessive, deluded, hypocritical, and aggressive posturing which I had hoped as you did would taper down and end. Remember for now the NC rules when dealing with cluster B’s and if it is too stressful to read the posts of those who have shown an entrenched pattern of exhibiting toxic personality traits, just stay away from there. This site has truly benefitted from your presence, both of you, IMO . Btw sorry if I ‘ abused you ‘ in this post by ‘ attacking’ ‘ your thoughts and forcing you to change your ideas insinuating that my beliefs were the only way to see it. SERENITY NOW !

  8. Lovefraud readers: There have been disruptive influences on the blog in recent days. The situation has been handled.