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Men should be concerned about violence against women

Jackson Katz is author of The Macho Paradox—why some men hurt women and how all men can help. Last year he spoke at a TED conference. His basic message is that violence against women is not just a women’s issue—it is a men’s issue. After all, men are committing most of the violence.

I am glad to see a man speaking out on this issue towards men. Most of his presentation was terrific. However, about three-quarters of the way through, Katz makes the statement, “The typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted, he’s a normal guy in every other way.”

Is this true?

Abraham Maslow once said, “If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” So I wonder if, to paraphrase Maslow, “When you’ve experienced sociopaths, you tend to see all bad behavior as a personality disorder.”

Here are my questions to Lovefraud readers: Is there such thing as a man who is normal in every way, except he is violent towards women? Do you know of anyone who engages in violence against women who is not sociopathic, or does not have sociopathic traits?

Please express your views.



29 Comments on "Men should be concerned about violence against women"

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  1. TI-9136 – thank you for your perspective. Many Domestic violence organizations say that abusers have low self-esteem. Some experts say the same about sociopaths. However, Dr. Leedom argues that this isn’t true. Sociopaths, and abusers, have high self-esteem, even when they don’t deserve it. This is what feeds their sense of entitlement, and the sense that they have the right to exert power and control over others.



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    • fightforwhatsright says:

      Thank you, Donna, for more of your treasure trove of educational and statistical information.

      I have experienced the inordinate sense of privilege and high self esteem in most of the sociopaths I have experienced. All were abusive in some way…especially emotionally. I find that the first “stories” they tell involve what you have called the “pity play” where they say they were abused in some way as children. Then, when I investigate further, I find that they just had the same amount of dysfunction the average person has and they pick out a few examples of bad parenting looking for pity and acting as if their whole childhood was a nightmare. It wasn’t true. I do find that in some cases, their identities were denied them in different ways. However, they had very high self esteem and had developed personas that could charm whatever they wanted out of whomever they wanted…and they laugh while they’re doing it.



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    • gatitosmommy says:

      Well, there’s one “angle” from which I agree with Dr. Katz’s statement– while I personally would not consider such individuals or their behavior as ‘normal,’ people who were brought up in certain kinds of environments BELIEVE that abuse toward women IS normal.



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  2. fightforwhatsright says:

    Blossom and Tea Light: Great insight and helpful comments, as always. Both of your posts always help me.



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  3. Tea Light says:

    Don’t watch the Hitchcock late at night fight4 you’ll give yourself the heebie jeebies and we don’t want that.



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    • fightforwhatsright says:

      LOL! Thanks, Tea Light. I won’t. I am one of those people who can watch a movie many times every few years because I watch so many movies and have a terrible memory so forget most of them. I can’t remember “The Lodger,” but am pretty sure I’ve seen it.



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  4. Tl_9136 says:

    yes i did and thought i brought up some good points on comparing the two until this was made a bashing of some sort, anything that was related to the video was deemed irrelevant by tealight, show me some stats and facts that are more legitimate im open to being wrong are you? was sorry to see a great open discussion turned to scary movie5 Hitchcock is old school



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    • Tea Light says:

      TI I did not deem irrelevant ” anything related to the video” and in no way intend to make you feel your contributions are irrelevant. Fight4 and I began a conversation on another thread relating to her sociopath lodger and it continued on this thread, I apologise if it appears inappropriate here and out of context.



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      • fightforwhatsright says:

        Tea Light:

        I had forgotten about “Shadow of a Doubt” also. I love good old movies.

        I am getting ready to get back outside and enjoy my garden. I forgot to tell you that I have a really cool rock collection. I have a little bridge in between two crabapples and a little rock covered area with a Japanese Maple and a Red Bud. I have rocks of about every color in a little area with the trees.

        I also have a more private little area. I have a giant golden rock my ex-husband brought to me one day. He saw it when they were doing some digging to build a business close to his house. I don’t know what kind of rock it is, but it is really about as pretty a rock as you can find. It’s a yellowish gold and it is even shaped somewhat like a giant goldfish. I have a piece of driftwood we got at the lake right behind it. It is very Yin-Yang.

        Most of my rocks are gray and smaller river rocks around my little fountain.

        Do you have a private, peaceful area where you can be calm and reflect? I think everyone should have a quiet little garden…even if it is indoor plants and a table top fountain. It is just so peaceful. Thank you for visiting with me today. I am so isolated sometimes and I feel I have friends here.



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        • blossom4th says:

          fight,
          Your garden sounds so peaceful and beautiful! I wish I could enjoy the lovely flowers planted where I live;nowadays,I’m mostly stuck indoors with pain.But I did manage to hobble outside with my rollator today and feed the birds & squirrels…that always brings me happiness!



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  5. fightforwhatsright says:

    One thing I found helpful in this Katz video was when he wrote down how the a phrase like John beat Mary can devolve into a phrase like Mary is an abused woman – essentially making Mary the only person mentioned and labeling her instead of her abuser. It reminds me of when people say, “She got herself pregnant,” or how our statistics will state how many “unwed, pregnant teens” there are, but no solid statistics on the male teens involved. Words mean a lot and Katz makes it very clear that blaming the victim occurs just in the way words are used to describe what a perpetrator did to them. I realize that hopefully the majority of teen mothers are not victims…but they become victimized by being selected and studied and often shamed when they need help while the boys are never discussed in the system.



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    • blossom4th says:

      fight,
      I do agree there is a double standard!



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      • fightforwhatsright says:

        Blossom:

        Yes, there is a double standard and gender bias and I liked the simple way Katz demonstrated this….just by the way people change words around to blame the victim.

        Good men should always be willing to speak up when they witness abuse. Men can help in ways women can’t. I like that he makes that point very well. The children suffer so much and if good men began to see this as something that affects society as a whole, it could make a difference.



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