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Another court-ordered visitation, another tragically dead child

Jonathan James died of dehydration in 2011. He was allegedly deprived of water as punishment for bedwetting.

Tina Alberson admits she withheld water from stepson Jonathan James, who died from dehydration, on HuffingtonPost.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.



19 Comments on "Another court-ordered visitation, another tragically dead child"

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  1. sharing the journey says:

    20 years

    I was in the same position as you. When the mask came off (after 22 years) and I threw him out after being pyschologically, emotionally and physically decimated I had no idea how to respond.

    I googled like crazy trying to get a handle on what had hit me and two pieces of advice jumped out at me. These two pieces of advice were NC (no contact) and don’t say anything bad against him to the kids as you will come off as the crazy one.

    I was twirling in the wind but I hung on to these even though I wanted to scream from rooftops what he had done.

    As it turned out, he did what I was advised not to do. He smeared me to the kids in his rage at me getting away and the kids were turning against me.

    I firmly told the kids that it was between me and him and that he shouldn’t be involving them and that I said nothing about him to them.

    Although I was a confused mess, this piece of advice put me in the position of a responsible adult in charge and he looked like the crazy one.

    Five and half years later he has shown his true colours to the kids. My silence speaks volumes regarding him and I just validate my kids when they speak of his abandonment of them.

    They now see the truth but it was a heartbreaking road to get here. For both my kids and I.

    Kids can be very resliant when they have one good parent. They are doing well and very rarely mention him.

    But I am so glad I followed those two pieces of advice regarding him when I was a mess. I had nothing else to hold on to as I had never encountered anything as evil as this in my life.

    xxx



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  2. Truthspeak says:

    SharingTheJourney, 100% spot-on.

    Spaths divide and conquer, and when children are involved, it’s the worst abuse imaginable. Victims of spaths are painted as being crazy, bitter, vengeful, etc., and it’s a VERY difficult challenge for a person who is attempting to co-parent (ROFL) with a spath ex to keep those two priceless pieces of advice in context.

    The victims-now-survivors feel the need for validation and they (me, included) will speak to anyone who will listen about what they experienced. Well…..when push comes to shove, very few people really WANT to know what happened, and even fewer really care.

    So, keeping the children OUT of the spath loop is vital. I used to tell my sons, “These are issues between your father and me, and they are NOT open for discussion.” And, I stuck to that.

    Glad you’re recovering well, Sharing!

    Brightest blessings



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  3. Ox Drover says:

    Yea, Truthy, you did right iin that approach, but you still have one kid who IS a P and another one who is under the influence of that P older brother. The thing is that even WEN WE DO RIGHT we don’t always get the result we desire.

    I was not a perfect parent by any means, but I ended up with a full blown violent criminal P for one son and another whose moral compass, though he is not a psychopath, I would not and do not want him as a friend. I’m not afraid of him, and I do LOVE him, but I sure as heck don’t like or trust him to keep his word. He’s not a thief or a murderer and he’s a good employee for whoever he works for, but he is financially irresponsible, and lies when it suits him rather than man up and tell the truth. So he’s a mixture of good traits and bad, but I can’t and won’t tolerate the lies, so essentially we are “not close” and that’s a shame. But I do NOT blame myself for what he chose to become any more than I do for what his brother became.

    I think, depending on the circumstances it may be appropriate too tell the kids (depending on age etc) what the sperm donor has done. Not judgmentally, but just FACTUALLY.

    Kids have a hard time even then, knowing that daddy robbed a bank, beat mom into a coma, or burned down the house,—- but I know he loves me.

    But hiding some of those things especially from older kids I don’t think is fair either.



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  4. lovingthem says:

    There’s another little boy who went missing (and is probably dead) during court ordered visitation with his father. His name is Dylan Redwine. I pray they find him, but it doesn’t look good. He vanished less than a day after arriving at his father’s house.



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  5. Ox Drover says:

    Loving them, yea I read about that, another sad case. It is amazing when you start to look for them in the news how many parents kill their kids.



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  6. lovingthem says:

    He looks like a wonderful boy. I wish they could have found him. I feel so bad for that boy and his family.



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  7. Babs94540 says:

    I now believe that my (now deceased) mother who had been formally diagnosed with borderline pd, also had narcissistic pd and some traits of psychopathy, deliberately withheld water from me when I was not yet 1 year old.

    My suspicions were confirmed when I read my mother’s therapy journal after her death; she admitted there her paranoid delusion that I (her infant) had hated her and rejected her as a mother, she admitted that she’d resented my birth (she felt I trapped in an unhappy marriage) and hated the realities of having a child (having virtually no free time, changing diapers, the mess, the smell, the noise, the expense, etc.) and that she viewed me as (or, had assigned me the role of) her much-hated older sibling.

    Without enough liquids, I became so dehydrated that I couldn’t pass stool easily, and wound up literally busting my gut and needed emergency surgery at about 11 months old. A follow-up surgery was required several months later to reinforce the muscles on the other side of my pelvic floor.

    I wish there was some way to screen people to see if they’re at least minimally mentally healthy enough to be left alone with their baby, responsible enough and empathetic enough to be raising children.

    Maybe in the future, these new brain-scanning tests that appear to be able to show a “signature” brain-wave pattern for psychopathy (and the Cluster B pds, too, possibly) can be run on new or prospective parents, so at least they can be red-flagged for needing a LOT of monitoring and supervision as parents.



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  8. lost everything says:

    A new meaning to the phrase ‘not divorcing for the sake of the child’. A sociopath and a child is a bad combination. A sociopath with a child, he never wanted and only acknowledged when it suited him, is something I refused to let happen.



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