Editor’s note: The following article is by the Lovefraud reader NewLife43.
RE: The Love Fraud article Back in Control of the Panic Buttons by “Adelade,” posted January 13, 2013.
This article rang so true for me. In fact, this one triggered the most physical reaction that I’ve had in a long time. Not just crying, I was literally feeling panic and upset in my gut, my chest, my shoulders. I was such a mess I felt myself losing my grip on reality! So much of what she wrote about the money situations and the birthday/holiday things in her life rang like the loud bongs of church bells inside my head. The noise was deafening!
It brought back all those feelings of “being pushed and rushed into things” so that I wouldn’t have time to think. So that he could control me and get what he wanted without considering what it would do to me. Without considering how badly his choices were affecting me physically, emotionally and financially. He never did.
Trouble is, neither did I! Someone on here posted once, “I was in WTF mode all the time!” Truer words were never spoken.
But, when I was going into full-fledged panic mode while reading her article, I just started tapping (using EFT and TAT) and I kept using the techniques until it stopped. That took all of five minutes. Then, I was calm again and resting in the knowledge that all the triggers she described were neutralized…NEVER to bother me again.
How to face the pain
This is not to say that I won’t read another article written by someone else and have it happen again, about another subject that describes what he did to me. And I may go into that spiral of fear and panic again, because the devastation he caused in my life is like the layers of an onion, and forcing myself to read LoveFraud is peeling them away one by one.
Sounds almost masochistic when I describe it that way, but I have two tools that I can use to effectively and permanently deal with the trauma I’ve suffered. And I use LoveFraud to uncover those traumas, one by one, article by article. In fact, I HOPE I get triggered like that again, because it obliges me to face those terrible feelings inside of me that I may be unaware of or can’t put a name to and change them into nothingness.
That’s right, I said nothingness. The sky is blue, the grass is green, oh yeah, the spath did that, no big deal. It is what it is, moving on now. Who cares. My mind is clear and I can deal with the problems I am facing so much better. Whew!! I am light years ahead of where I was six months ago when I first initiated No Contact with the Spath. (Ahh, impatience is my middle name).
So, this is what the scope of this article is about. It is killing me to read about the grief and devastation that others are going through, especially the ones who are still suffering so much even YEARS later. I want to reach through the computer to them and hug them and tell them I understand EXACTLY what you are going through and that I care. I truly care about them and the problems they are facing as a result of their relationshits with their sociopaths. That I pray that God will send the help they need to resolve their problems in the best way possible, both for them and their loved ones (especially their children). If only I could give them more practical and immediate help and I’m trying to do that by writing this article.
EFT and TAT work
“Who cares”…is that even possible? And in our lifetimes? Yes, because EFT and TAT work. Simple as that. The benefits: anyone can do it, takes about three minutes to learn how, it’s free to learn, you can find it all over YouTube and other websites on the internet, more and more counselors are using the techniques. Once an issue is gone, it’s gone and won’t bother you again, you can be alone in the middle of the night and use it effectively, etc. Many issues are complex, however, much like a forest of a hundred trees and each individual “tree” has to be dealt with, that’s why I like LoveFraud so much, to bring up these various issues. The best part is, it works EVEN if you don’t believe it will! And tapping while reading a LoveFraud article is just what the doctor ordered for me. Who else but the posters on this website understand what we are going through … not family, not really our friends, not even some counselors.
We may not be able to stop the spaths, any more than we can stop a tsunami, but we can effectively render them powerless against us, when they are still living inside of our heads and sometimes, while they are still living in our homes and we need the clarity to escape from them. And almost all the posters on this site have gone through some form of trauma that I also experienced and explain it so well … so I use the information to track what happened to me and face it. It would be too frightening to me without having some way to deal with it. I’m not afraid anymore to look at the pain. He was the Kryptonite to my Superwoman… EFT and TAT are my lead shields.
Please. Please. Please. Look into these techniques. If I can help even just one person who is suffering like I suffered (for instance, from PTSD or flashbacks), then I will have accomplished my goal of helping another. I care about each and every one of you. God bless you all. And thank you, Donna, for all that you do for us. You save our lives. Every. Single. Day.
Here’s more information:
Note from Donna Andersen: I use a variation of EFT and it works.