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By November 28, 2012 5 Comments Read More →

New Endings

Sitting here in my kitchen in France, I am pondering what may now lie ahead. The past fewmonths have been, it’s fair to say, a pretty strange ride even by my book – a case of fact being far stranger than fiction. But here I am now, facing another ending. This time it’s the ending of what has been a good and healthy relationship, but one that has now run it’s course. It’s time to move on. I don’t know what the future may hold, but I’m hoping that one day I will once again feel sunshine in my heart.

My time with Patrice has given me the opportunity to feel genuine love. To share. To honour boundaries. To be real. To trust feelings. To be open. To appreciate the humanness of two souls who came together and, I hope, gave and will continue to give enrichment to both our lives. From the very beginning we recognised that there were many differences between us – but through those differences we somehow found a middle ground where we both thrived.

Was it too much to expect it could last for ever? Well, perhaps. And perhaps I have had my rose tinted glasses on for much of the time – or perhaps not. I don’t know. And you know what? It doesn’t matter.

I do know that right from the start we have both been honest with each other, even though sometimes the honesty has not been easy. We have always said that we hoped we would both grow from this experience together. For me I know I have learned through this relationship that there are indeed ‘good men’ in this world – something that, perhaps, only now I can fully appreciate. Perhaps the scars from my ex had indeed run deeper than I had chosen to acknowledge – even to myself. For that was a relationship that (for me at least) seemed to be perfect, but turned out to be just a sham. Abandoned, betrayed and ashamed, there were many times I thought I’d never be able to pull through. But I did. And with Patrice I found the courage to once again open my heart – to him and to myself.

But unlike the sudden finish of my marriage, this is a new kind of ending. Because this is a mutual (if painful) acknowledgement that our relationship has run it’s course. We’ve come to the place where over recent weeks there has been more angst than peace, and more heaviness than light. Life is worth more than that – for both of us. So it’s time to be honest and face the tough reality that it’s time to move on. And so we’re talking. We’re crying. We’re sharing. And we’re working through the next steps. We’ll support each other, and we will both find a better world.

It isn’t easy. But it’s honest. And it’s real. And I know that I’ll carry with me all the happy memories of the good times we’ve had together for the rest of my life. In the words of Edith Piaf “Je ne regrette rien”

Thank you, Patrice, with all of my heart.



5 Comments on "New Endings"

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  1. Truthspeak says:

    Mel, thank you for this article and I’m sorry that this relationship is coming to an end. Perhaps, it’s one of those experiences that you “needed” to have precisely when you needed to have it. I don’t know. What I DO know is that I can identify with the depth of the scars that we all carry.

    I love Edith Piaf – I was raised hearing that powerful and painful voice with my father singing along in his off-key baritone. Both tiny people, but each having above-average strength and courage.

    May this “new” ending (what an apt reference) be one of peace and wisdom for you. And, thank you so much for sharing your insight.

    Brightest blessings to you

  2. hilary says:

    Thanks for sharing this story, Mel. It’s incredible how different it feels when a “real” relationship ends. I hope that even this break-up gives you a renewed sense of peace and healing.

  3. slimone says:

    Ahh Mel,

    This is the real meaning of ‘love hurts’.

    Not that awful mind crushing betrayal and soul-death we experience with a spath.

    I am glad you have your heart, and can feel this kind of love and pain for Patrice, and yourself. This is SO great!

  4. Ox Drover says:

    Yea, mel, what slim says is so true…real love doesn’t always mean that the two of you “stay together” forever, but it can be for a SEASON.

    Betrayal is a whole nuther ball game! Not the same kind of ending at all.

    I wish you and your friend both peace in this change in your relationship and in your two lives. PEACE.

  5. Mel – Sometimes we find a person who is a bridge, a stepping stone to an even more wonderful future. This happened to me – there was a nice man between the sociopath and the man who became my husband. It was sad when it ended, but the relationship was only meant to be a transition. So because you we’re able to part in a caring way, all is well.

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