Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader:
Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now.
One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole. After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him.
I am considering calling his probation officer to file a complaint and possibly get him put back in prison. I am scared though. I am worried that if he doesn’t get put back in, or gets out that I will be retaliated against. Do you think I should tell the probation officer to prevent any other innocent women from being victimized, or should I just maintain the no contact policy and play it safe?
I wanted to clarify what the person said — was this man really convicted of murder? Here is her reply:
Yes, he was convicted and served time and is now out. It seems as though he was convicted twice for murder, both times were supposedly a result of a fight with men who he ended up killing, once with a gun.
What I really want is for him to just stop calling. He leaves messages saying he loves me. It’s sick and disgusting to me. Yesterday after ignoring 15 of his calls, he sent me texts of pictures of him with other women. I feel bad for these girls and am worried he will con them too.
I told him I would call his probation officer if I received even one more call. I am thinking of waiting to see if that works. I have had him call blocked and text blocked for weeks, but he is still able to leave voicemails and send pictures.
He was never violent towards me or directly threatened me, but he has made disturbing comments in the past like “we’ll see how tough you really are.”
I am just wondering if I should try to save others from the harm he can cause by making this complaint or just wait and see if he leaves me alone and not worry about what happens to him or anyone else.
This is a really difficult situation. First of all, this man is dangerous. He has twice been convicted of murder. Although he hasn’t been violent with the woman, he is certainly capable of violence, and it could be directed towards her.
The reader’s first priority is to keep herself safe. But what is the best way to do that? She has implemented No Contact, yet he keeps trying. So, will he eventually lose interest and leave her alone?
If she reports what is happening to the man’s probation officer, one of two things will happen: The guy will be let go with nothing but a “talking to,” or he will be locked up. Either way, he will have gotten what he wants—a reaction from her. Then, he will be angry. If he’s let go, he may come after her. If he’s locked up, he may plot revenge after he gets out again.
Then again, if he is locked up, the guy can’t harm the woman. And, he won’t be able to harm other women, because he’s obviously looking for his next target. Although our reader’s first priority is herself, she, like all of us, doesn’t want to see the guy victimize someone else.
I don’t see an easy answer to this situation. What do you think? Do you have advice for this reader?