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What should she do about a violent stalker?

Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader:

Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now.

One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole.  After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him.

I am considering calling his probation officer to file a complaint and possibly get him put back in prison.  I am scared though. I am worried that if he doesn’t get put back in, or gets out that I will be retaliated against. Do you think I should tell the probation officer to prevent any other innocent women from being victimized, or should I just maintain the no contact policy and play it safe?

I wanted to clarify what the person said — was this man really convicted of murder? Here is her reply:

Yes, he was convicted and served time and is now out. It seems as though he was convicted twice for murder, both times were supposedly a result of a fight with men who he ended up killing, once with a gun.

What I really want is for him to just stop calling. He leaves messages saying he loves me. It’s sick and disgusting to me. Yesterday after ignoring 15 of his calls, he sent me texts of pictures of him with other women. I feel bad for these girls and am worried he will con them too.

I told him I would call his probation officer if I received even one more call. I am thinking of waiting to see if that works. I have had him call blocked and text blocked for weeks, but he is still able to leave voicemails and send pictures.

He was never violent towards me or directly threatened me, but he has made disturbing comments in the past like “we’ll see how tough you really are.”

I am just wondering if I should try to save others from the harm he can cause by making this complaint or just wait and see if he leaves me alone and not worry about what happens to him or anyone else.

This is a really difficult situation. First of all, this man is dangerous.  He has twice been convicted of murder. Although he hasn’t been violent with the woman, he is certainly capable of violence, and it could be directed towards her.

The reader’s first priority is to keep herself safe. But what is the best way to do that? She has implemented No Contact, yet he keeps trying. So, will he eventually lose interest and leave her alone?

If she reports what is happening to the man’s probation officer, one of two things will happen: The guy will be let go with nothing but a “talking to,” or he will be locked up. Either way, he will have gotten what he wants—a reaction from her. Then, he will be angry. If he’s let go, he may come after her. If he’s locked up, he may plot revenge after he gets out again.

Then again, if he is locked up, the guy can’t harm the woman. And, he won’t be able to harm other women, because he’s obviously looking for his next target. Although our reader’s first priority is herself, she, like all of us, doesn’t want to see the guy victimize someone else.

I don’t see an easy answer to this situation. What do you think? Do you have advice for this reader?



13 Comments on "What should she do about a violent stalker?"

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  1. rgc112063 says:

    My wife got herself a no contact provision written into the cons provisions. of course he violated it continually and showed up at her work. she simply sent the letters to the parole dept. along with the other info as to dates and times he showed up. they ended up throwing him in jail for 90 days. then after he violated again for three months, and after she provided more evidence of it, they threw him back in prison for 20 months. she said “that isnt very long” . she had to go and sit down with his parole officer at least twice though. i have also had numerous conversations with the parole folks. dont expect them to really know in depth what they are dealing with. as professionals, they tend to think they know, and someone off the street coming in and telling them may be more than their professional ego can take. if you are reading here, you may know more than they do. be prepared for this.



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  2. Truthspeak says:

    Excellent responses, everyone – not a lot more to add except that the worst action that could possibly be taken is to DO NOTHING. Any action is better than NO action, and we’re talking about someone who has already taken someone else’s life, regardless of the legal semantics. Manslaughter, vehicular homicide, this degree, THAT degree…..none of that matters when it comes to someone who is comfortable in snuffing out the life of another human being.

    Take action, no matter WHAT it is. And, I can’t remember who posted it, but CELL PHONES are pretty much Lojacks. Today’s cell phones are equipped with programming and applications that clearly identify your current location and they can even be devices used to monitor their owners’ movements and conversations when the dammed thing isn’t even being used!

    Yes. Action. Take action.

    Brightest blessings



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  3. Ox Drover says:

    Unfortunately some cops and police departments and parole departments are UNable to send a con in violation of a “technical” provision of a probation or parole requirement…others enforce the letter of the laws….

    With new technology there are all kinds of ways they can find you, such as tagging your car with a GPS unit…or tracking the built in GPS unit on your phone.

    I know one woman who rented a posti office box, put her phone in it turned off (doesn’t matter if it is on or off for this great trick) then set the phone to FORWARD calls to a “go phone” which she kept in her pocket.

    She has made every effort to prevent him from finding her and her son, and is in her state on one of the OFFICIAL stalker victim’s protected address group…and STILL he finds her. Shse has had to move again.

    My response was to buy a recreational vehicle and park it on a friend’s land about 35 miles away from my house and I had NO electric or other utilities in my name for it, I registered the trailer’s purchase address and license under an initial of my name and so there was no reason for anyone to search for those initials and that county for a vehicle registered there.

    I used my home that I owned to register all rolling stock vehicles, car insurance and utilities and made sure I was NOT followed and there was no unsupervised access to my vehicles.

    The problem comes with some people who are being stalked is that the stalker is the other parent of their child and the court makes them allow visitation.

    Even though court says “WE REALIZE you’re in danger from this person and they might kill you, THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO PARENT YOUR CHILD AND JUST BECAUSE THEY MIGHT KILL YOU, THEY WOULD BE A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON YOUR CHILD.”

    And the left hand shall not know what the right hand doeth—or care



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  4. Truthspeak says:

    OxD, you are so spot-on. I was talking to someone about this, yesterday, that the Courts will acknowledge domestic violence against one adult and grant a restraining order, and IN THE SAME FARKING BREATH insist that the abuser has it in for the adult victim and that the child(ren) isn’t the focus of the abuse. W….T….F?!

    Yes, the only way to “un-Lojack” a cell phone is to remove the battery. OxD, you have such incredible insight in how to protect one’s self, you should really consider giving seminars. I’m not joking. I know that I couldn’t think of one proactive step to take when I was being stalked and harassed. The climate of fear is so overwhelming that I was utterly focused on every sound and coincidence that could be attributed to “someone” being outside or in my vicinity that intended to harm me. Reading about your techniques and tactics just makes so much SENSE, and there is no sensibility when one’s being stalked and harassed.

    Brightest blessings



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