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My Psychopath Sperm Donor Used My Child to Trap Me- It Backfired!

I grew up believing that no matter what happened – a woman’s role was to keep her Family together.  I believed that having a mother AND a father in the home together was the best scenario no matter what.  Clearly, this was before I met pure evil – my son’s sperm donor “Luc”.  While my family growing up was not perfect, the problems we suffered now seem as if they were “minor league” and life with Luc was like “major league” problems.  While I was in it, however, I remember fighting like hell, turning the other cheek, and making excuses in an attempt to convince myself that it was still possible for me to keep this “family” together so that my son could have two parents.

The handcuffs I created (and he exploited):

Looking back on things, Luc picked a great target in me.  I am honest, educated, have a great job, and I am loyal to those I love.  Once I was pregnant, he knew that I would suffer through horrible abuse and hang on for dear life despite the “signals” he was dropping along the way.  He knew how important family was to me and he used this as a weapon against me.  As time went by and I felt my son kicking inside of me, I clung to the idea that I needed to keep my family together for my son.  I remember feeling as if leaving wasn’t an option.  It was as if my own misplaced loyalty had become invisible handcuffs that were keeping me in a situation that was headed straight toward disaster.

After the baby, Luc turns up the fire:

When I first learned I was pregnant, I was terrified.  From the beginning, I was terrified that I would end up a single mother.  Clearly there were things that already felt wrong that I wasn’t allowing myself to fully accept.  When Luc learned of the pregnancy, his first reaction was anger (as if I impregnated myself).  Almost as immediately as the rage appeared, Luc made it disappear when he realized my shock and confusion.  Though briefly, the mask had fallen.  While there had been a few red flags before the baby news, Luc turned up the fire of chaos after I became pregnant.  If I didn’t know better, I would wonder if he had planned the pregnancy as a way to turn up my loyalty and keep me in chains.  Before Luc, I had always been extremely careful about using protection to avoid pregnancy, but his bullying and rages had worn me down and I had given in to his insistence on not using protection.

I still have trouble with the idea that Luc had been able to take me from a strong woman and talk me into a vulnerable situation from which I would never recover while in his reach.  I used to be that person who would judge women for staying in abusive situations – now I am one who is judged for “choosing” to have a child with a monster.

Though it was years ago, it seems like just yesterday when I was crying alone in the bedroom after Luc shut off the heat in the house (in the middle of winter) in order to get me to pay more of his bills.  (Note:  I was already paying his entire mortgage in addition to my own.)  While me and his older son froze, Luc escaped to the basement where he turned on the heat and waited until I agreed to pay the bills.  I remember realizing that night that no matter how hard I tried, this situation wasn’t going to last.  That night, however, I stayed through the abuse.  I told myself that even though Luc was mean, he hadn’t hit me.

The more pregnant I became, the meaner Luc got.  Each month, the chaos fire appeared to be getting hotter and Luc kept pushing me further as if to test the limits of my loyalty.  What started with “temperature abuse” (yep, I just created that term) turned into emotional abuse and sexual manipulation.  During my pregnancy was when Luc dropped the bomb on me that he expected me to have sex with other men.  When I refused to have sex with the gardener in order to obtain free lawn services for Luc, he told me that he was no longer attracted to me.  Still, I didn’t consider this abuse as I never ended up with a black eye.

The flaw in his grand plan:

By the time I gave birth, it was clear that Luc believed there was nothing he couldn’t get away with doing to me.  He knew that I was loyal and that because we shared a child, I would go to the end of the earth for him regardless of whether he deserved it.  He knew that I wanted to believe he was a good person so bad that I was ignoring obvious red flags.  What he did not anticipate, however, was that my love for my son would force me to have a life saving “come to Jesus” moment.

A week before my son’s birth, my doctor suggested we induce labor because I had symptoms of elevated liver enzymes.  Luc, however, had other plans.  He kicked and screamed and had his usual toddler style fit.  He wanted baby boy to be born on a specific date and didn’t care that his life could be in danger.  After listening to the verbal abuse on the phone from Luc, something snapped inside of me.  While I had spent the last few months walking on egg shells around what Luc wanted to do, I made the decision without him to induce labor in order to save my son.

The moment my son was born and his little eyes locked with mine, I knew that it was my responsibility to protect him.  This reality wore on me for the weeks I remained in Luc’s house after my son’s birth.  Though it took only a couple of weeks after my son was born to finally leave (in addition to a terrible and unimaginable action by Luc), I still have moments every day where I feel ashamed I didn’t leave sooner.  My “come to Jesus” moment came in the form of maternal instinct.  My son’s life was more important than keeping together this dangerously flawed family.

My new normal:

The hell I lived through with Luc has taught me many difficult lessons.  One of the hardest lessons I have learned is what in my own childhood led me straight into the arms of Luc.  While I won’t get into painful details of my childhood, some of the behavior that would have sent many other people running for the hills appeared normal to me (or at least seemed tolerable).  It shouldn’t have taken my strong maternal instincts to realize that I deserved to be treated better than Luc was capable of treating me.

Some people reading this might wonder if Luc’s plan had really backfired or not.  Sure, I have been fighting him in the last year through our Custody War; however, I have ALWAYS been free since the day I fled his house.  What I am going through now is no picnic, but I thank God every day that I was strong enough to walk out and leave that life behind.  Luc expected me to stay and continue allowing him to be a parasitic vampire who sucked the life out of me.  Instead, he sealed his fate as that angry little toddler whom I complain about in blog posts.

Having a child forced me to fast forward in my mind to a day when I would have a heart to heart conversation with baby boy.  What would I tell him about the choices I had made?  What would I want him to understand about this situation?  In the face of a terrifying discovery of what Luc really was, I knew that I couldn’t be the kind of mother I wanted for baby boy and stay.

During that “future” conversation with my son, I imagine telling my son how important he is to me and how thankful I am for him.  I also imagine telling him about how hard it was for me to make the decision to raise him by myself, but how I would do it again in a heart beat because it was the only way I knew how to protect him.  I want my son to see my new normal.  The normal where people love, respect, and trust each other.  My new normal is psychopath free.



16 Comments on "My Psychopath Sperm Donor Used My Child to Trap Me- It Backfired!"

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  1. I have thought a lot about whether or not a child was part of his plan. It is possible his initial anger was his way of trying to throw me off and make me think it was not his intension.

    What is interesting is that my ex has at least three other children (other than my son and the son he has custody of – by default as the mother of that child was murdered) He knows for sure about the oldest (now an adult) and he denied that he fathered the two born in between my son and the kid he has custody of.

    Now, if I am going with the theory that he intensionally got me pregnant…what made him run from the other children? Or was it more about me as a target having money. Maybe those other women didn’t have anything he wanted?

    Interestingly, I do remember Luc asking me very early on when we would start having children. I remember telling him that I didn’t understand why he would ask that question when we weren’t even married since I didn’t even consider pregnancy before marriage. I guess that might indicate that he had other plans.

    Do anyone else sometimes feel like they are going down the rabbit hole of crazy even trying to figure out what the spath’s sick plan was? It’s hard because every so often I have to stop myself and say, “Rabbit Hole, CQ…..Rabbit hole” as a reminder that I can’t possibly figure out crazy without being crazy myself. I have even started to stop my family from speculating about some of Luc’s sick plans by saying, “Rabbit hole”.



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  2. Louise says:

    Exactly. Don’t even go there because our minds don’t work like their minds. We will NEVER be able to figure out what was in their heads. I have made myself nuts trying and when I find myself doing it now, I just say STOP and try to focus on something else. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

    I think mine wanted me in some sort of sick way to get pregnant, too. I won’t go into details, but it seems like he was thinking it. The OW also told me that he told her he wanted to have nothing less than twins with her! HA! They were both married at the time…HA!…him with two kids already in their teens and her with a little girl of only five years old. What a pity.

    It’s completely about power. They love to spread their seed. It’s like “look what I can do…I created another human.” Whatever. Makes me sick.



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  3. Eralyn says:

    Mine said at one point, “how come you never got pregnant?” I said, “I was on the pill for 14 years (and with the same other spath for 18 years off and on since high school). I got off the pill for health reasons and I wasn’t sexually active but when long term spath came back into the picture I didn’t bother with the pill but took precautions most of the time and never got pregnant during the oops times. Long term spath got checked and was found to have a very low sperm count. I got checked and it showed I had the working parts but a painful test would have to be done and unless I was intending to get pregnant, not to bother. So I told new (boy toy short term) spath I didn’t believe I could get pregnant but we still used protection for STD protection as we were up front about this being a short term holiday affair type thing (at least I meant it). Very out of character for me but I was in a very lonely place. He asked if I got pregnant would I have an abortion and I said I didn’t think I could. The fact he asked if I’d keep the baby and I wasn’t falling for him, I believe he came up with the impulsive decision to get me pregnant and close the deal and live happily ever after.

    After I found out I was pregnant by fluke, his first words were, “well then we have to get married”. I was stunned. I said “no we don’t”. Deflation of a spath is dangerous. Suddenly the permanency of his impulsive actions set in and the outcome wasn’t what he planned so the next thing was panic and unraveling and calling a crisis line (while I had no idea what was happening and this is all based on 20/20 hindsight vision). He told the crisis line he had auditory hallucinations of the devil who has tried to take him down since childhood and is telling him to cut the baby out of my stomach and kill us all. I was in the house getting ready for work still thinking we would figure out how to co-parent and have the baby. The SWAT team and helicopters at my house really blew my mind.

    They act on impulse. They think they know at that moment how it will all go and then Ka Pow! Nope and backpeddle at all cost.

    At the ultrasound I made him attend to find out the babys sex in hopes to help him bond with the baby (I still thought he was freaked about being a father only) when the woman said “it looks like you’re having a healthy baby girl!” I was elated. He said, “there’s always adoption”!!! We both looked at him in shock and disgust. So he said “we can try again”. This is when I realized “girls” were not a good thing to him. I was appalled and said in the most horrible tone I could muster, “we weren’t trying this time”…….

    I found out later his father had his mother under complete control when she left and remarried through the kids so I think this is where he learned this trick I was unaware of.

    The rest is wreckage. So yes they premeditatedly impregnate their targets. Especially professional women with assets.



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  4. darwinsmom says:

    Their pregnancy focus, from very early on, is a huge red flag to me.

    Louise, spath mentioned twins running in his family too. He wanted a girl though, Eralyn. It really surprised me when he hadn’t told me about his son, born while he was in Belgium with me. He told me he had wanted the Nica girl of 19 to abort the child (not legal in Nicaragua). His mother housed the girl as well as his son, and basically financed and raised him. But they sure gave him no rights to the son. He could visit, but not be alone.

    It was really strange: on the one hand he villified the girl for not aborting the mistake and being after his parents’ money, and his parents for not allowing him to raise is his son.



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  5. Truthspeak says:

    CappuccionoQueen, he ran from his other obligations because he simply could. In the World Of Spath, children are not vessels for souls – they are devices that are disposable and replaceable. They are simply tools to destroy. I think it was Darwinsmom (I could be wong, here) that made the correlation between spath parasites inflicting the ultimate “parasite” upon their source targets in the forms of preganancy. This is not to say that I feel that a child is a parasite, but that I agree that spaths view the unborn as such.

    Darwinsmom, I agree that focus on pregnancy, reproduction, and so forth are HUGE “red flags.” And, as a counter to that, the exspath often said that he did NOT want children because he was “too selfish” to commit to raising a child. There’s 2 ends of the spectrum and spaths don’t fall anywhere in between.

    Brightest blessings



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  6. Truthspeak says:

    To clarify how the unborn and offspring are used as tools to destroy:
    How much time, money, energy, and focus is sacrificed in protecting our children from spaths? If paying attorneys and spending ridiculous amounts of time at hearings and submitting to psychological evaluations and submitting to Social Services interrogation isn’t a destruction of lives, I don’t know what would be.



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  7. finallyfree20 says:

    I wish I would have read this post 20 years ago. So, busy trying to build a life, saw the signs and never bothered to do the research. The internet makes it so much easier to discreetly inform ourselves and make better decisions. Although a little disappointed I am glad to finally be free.



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