Archive for October, 2012

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath

Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Adelade.”

Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year.

Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. “Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship.” Well, if the spath isn’t engaging in withhold/reward, they’re engaging in situational love bombing. If we are pliable to what the spath wants, the children will have presents to open, family members will be invited to celebrate, friends will be allowed to visit, and all will be well with the world. We only have to bargain with the spath to achieve a peaceful, loving, and happy Season.

Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear

By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW

[Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.]

You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot tolerate. You find yourself accommodating his wishes more and more to stop his negative reactions. You keep trying to figure out ways to get through to him, make him happy, save the relationship. You no longer feel safe and cared about. You don’t feel good about yourself anymore. You may feel victimized often. You probably feel anxious a lot, and perhaps even think you are paranoid about things that don’t seem quite right.

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He told me he loved me and would someday marry me

Lovefraud received the following email from a young lady whom we’ll call “Suzette.”

I’m only twenty years old & I feel like my soul has been snatched out of me. I met him in my neighborhood; we’d been acquainted for a year. He contacted me out of the blue about how hurt he was that his girlfriend cheated (Lie#1). We hung out, I was charmed & wooed and he told me he loved me, & would someday marry me because I was the one. He just didn’t know if he could handle jumping into something serious. I settled for taking it slow. He claimed he fell on hard times (Lie#2), couldn’t find a job (actually wasn’t looking) and needed a place to stay. I have a giving heart and so I felt sorry for him. He lived with me for two months, and destroyed my life. He stole from me, told people I was obsessed with him & he didn’t like me behind my back. I lost my job, & I have twenty dollars to my name behind him. While posing to be broke and homeless, he had money & somewhere to live. I finally put him out because my family began threatening to harm him. I feel numb and lost. I haven’t been outdoors in almost a month because my life is nothing anymore. I used to be a college student, but got dismissed for missing days due to my life being so disturbed. I snapped & lost my job. I no longer have any friends. I sleep most of the day. I’m in a state of shock & I don’t know how I let this happen. I feel helpless.

Donna Andersen on the Ricki Lake Show Mon. Oct. 29

Two weeks ago, a producer from the Ricki Lake Show contacted me—they were doing an episode on Love Scams, and invited me to Los Angeles to be on the show.

They were also looking for another guest, and of course, Lovefraud has many people who have been scammed. I suggested several people, and they contacted Heidi Lehman, who lives near the studio.

The show airs Monday, Oct. 29. Four of us talk about our experiences with con artists—one of whom was a murderer. Ricki Lake describes her own experience with a scammer, and then some audience members talk about what they went through.

Predators are everywhere. I am so happy that Ricki Lake wanted to do this show—it’s bringing awareness to the fact that millions of sociopaths live among us.

The Ricki Lake Show: Monday – Love Scams.

British comedian convicted of harassment

Justin Lee Collins, a British comedian and TV star, has been convicted of harassing his ex-girlfriend, Anna Larke. Media reports paint Collins as exceptionally controlling, and Lovefraud readers will recognize the abusive behavior. He was sentenced to 140 hours of community service. Larke says he should have been jailed.

‘His bullying turned me into an exhausted husk of a woman:’ Ex-girlfriend harassed by TV star Justin Lee Collins warns others about keeping silent on domestic abuse, on DailyMail.co.uk.

Justin Lee Collins should have been jailed, says ex on BBC.co.uk.

Justin Lee Collins: Trial highlights ‘invisible’ abuse, on BBC.co.uk.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades

Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric — and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades.

Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk.

‘If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing’: Savile’s abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives’ silence, on DailyMail.co.uk.

Britain’s Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com.

Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Media sociopaths

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name “DamselflyNOTdistressed.”

OCTOBER 24, 2012 – Today is the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the “nervous breakdown” that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful.

It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an emerging and prolifically talented artist. Though my third time participating in such an exquisite spectacle, it was still a peak experience, and I was stimulated to the max by my NYC life full of performance and activism. I was fulfilled and happy, but unknowingly vulnerable to his charming overtures because of the undercurrent of loneliness that haunted me.

Mothers of boys accused of murder

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Sometimes I have felt like I was totally alone in having a son (child) who was capable of horrible things. Sometimes I have felt like I was alone in turning my son in to police for the crimes he committed. Though the crime I turned my son in for was for theft, I still felt alone in doing so, and was criticized by people, even family members, for doing it.

However, two recent stories have ripped my heart out. I had been following the case of the missing 12 year old New Jersey girl, but the alleged murderers were caught and charged. Their mother turned them in to police. Here is the most recent news:

Teens accused of killing Clayton 12-year-old Autumn Pasquale showed two sides to town residents, on PressOfAtanticCity.com.

And then there’s the awful case from Colorado of the missing girl whose body was found dismembered:

Local news: murder of a 12-year-old and sex slavery

This morning I was greeted by two horrible local stories on the front page of the Atlantic City Press.

Autumn Pasquale, age 12, disappeared Saturday while riding her BMX bike in the next county. Police have charged two teenage neighbors with luring her with the promise of bike parts and then murdering her.

Police charge teenage boys in slaying of Clayton girl, 12, after getting tip from their mother

The town of Ventnor is only a few blocks away from me — the idea that a man was engaging in human trafficking there is just mind-boggling.

Ventnor male prostitution arrest puts focus on human trafficking

Rest In Peace Baby Boy – The Courts Failed Us

On October 21, 2012 at 8:38pm my baby boy was officially pronounced dead.  I sit here typing and I am still in complete shock.  I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to write about, but tonight as I sit here I realize that baby boy needs me to tell his story – our story.  It is a tragic story.  It is a story about a guardian angel and his mama.  It is a story about the day I lost my little angel, my soul, and my reason to keep living.

8:30am Friday October 19th:

Baby boy had been running a fever and the night before his fever had spiked again causing another seizure.  I called the ambulance, per usual, and again was told that baby boy was fine and that Febrile Seizure are benign and that I should just take him into the doctors in the morning.

Posted in: Cappuccino Queen