This past weekend, I learned some terribly difficult lessons. I learned first hand how dangerous a Psychopathic parent can be during a medical emergency. I also learned another reason that “co-parenting” with a psychopath is not possible (because they have no intention to co-parent and have a reckless disregard for the law and, in turn, will disrespect Custody Orders).
During my ex spath Luc’s second unsupervised visitation with my baby boy, the supervisor for the exchanges called me about ten minutes before we were supposed to pick up baby boy from the visit and said, “Don’t freak out, but I just received a call from the hospital telling me that Luc brought baby boy in after baby boy had a seizure.” Time seemed to stop as I sat there in complete shock.
The Beginning of Craziness:
I immediately stepped sped out of the parking lot where I had been waited and headed out on the 50 mile drive to rescue my son. As I sat in hellish traffic, I called the hospital attempting to get more information. As I spoke with the nurse, it became clear that before I was notified of the emergency Luc spent a significant amount of time spinning a web of lies with the hospital staff. When I told the staff that I wanted Luc escorted from the hospital well before my arrival, they refused stating that Luc had indicated that he was baby boy’s legal guardian. My concerns about the Luc’s history of domestic violence and child abuse were completely dismissed as the nurses stated, “he has told us all about YOUR situation and he has done all the right things by taking the child to the hospital.”
The lesson I learned from this situation about myself is that I need to somehow find it inside of me not to have a physical reaction when I witness the aftermath of Luc’s incredible story telling. I tell people everyday how important it is to remain calm and not show a psychopath your emotions and not to react to their insane behavior. Unfortunately, this weekend pushed my buttons like they have never been pushed before. The Mama Bear inside of me came out to protect my little baby bear cub. Insane acting Cappuccino Queen came out on the hospital and, sadly, I played right into his negative description of me.
How Luc put baby boy in danger:
Thankfully, by the grace of God, Luc was savvy enough to call 911 when he witnessed baby boy having a seizure; however, 911 was called an hour before I was ever notified that baby boy was having a medical crisis. Luc called 911, took the trip in the ambulance, arrived at the hospital, completed the medical examination questions and intake paperwork and never thought to mention my name to the medical personnel or the important fact that I am baby boy’s sole legal custodian. It was as if I had died and Luc was the sole surviving parent.
When I arrived at the hospital, I was told that baby boy was ready to be dismissed and the hospital staff was not interested in asking additional questions about baby boy’s true medical history. Baby boy was released from the hospital without a blood test and while he still had a fever. Luc completed paperwork stating that he was the legal guardian and that baby boy did not have health insurance (which is a lie because baby boy is on my health insurance). He also lied to the hospital staff about baby boy’s medical history and answered questions inaccurately (knowing that he didn’t know the answer).
Round Two – Post initial hospital visit
After being rushed through hospital discharge, I realized that something still appeared “off” with baby boy. He was still feverish and appeared to be struggling to walk. Though Luc didn’t notice this as odd behavior (or maybe didn’t really care), I noticed as I see baby boy on a daily basis and know what is normal for him. I was not satisfied with his treatment at the first hospital (as it was clear Luc had been running the show and lying to the staff), son I brought baby boy to a hospital closer to my house.
At first, I felt like maybe I was being a little paranoid but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had been missed. Low and behold, about 30 minutes after baby boy was admitted into the second hospital, his fever spiked and he proceeded to have two more seizures. The hospital near my home indicated that the first hospital had been negligent in their care of baby boy as they had not ordered additional testing to identify the true cause of the seizures.
I have heard a lot about Parental Alienation through this Custody War and it seems as though at every turn my lawyers are warning me not to come across as negative toward Luc. I have always thought that Parental Alienation would be extremely hard to prove as it is a lot of hearsay. I have also known that as soon as baby boy can understand and communicate, Luc will begin his attempts to poison my son against me.
What happened this weekend, in my humble opinion, is a clear example of Parental Alienation. When baby boy had a medical emergency, Luc refused to acknowledge my existence and he denied baby boy access to the safety and security of his mother (and legal custodian). For the time period he was with Luc, he didn’t believe it was important tell medical professionals the truth about his status as a parent.
After two days of no word from Luc, the supervisor called him to ask him if he intended on taking his visit this week with baby boy. At this time she notified him that baby boy had had several follow on seizures. She also scolded Luc for his untimely reporting and told him that he violated the Custody Order by not providing accurate information to the hospital – particularly the fact that he did not have legal custody and is not legally allowed to make medical decisions for baby boy. Luc told her that he didn’t agree that he did anything wrong and that he did not believe he was responsible to give my information to the hospital in a medical crisis. Clearly Luc misunderstood the meaning of Legal Custody or maybe this is just yet another example of his reckless disregard for the law.
After nearly 48 hours of no sleep and emotional turmoil over what was happening with my son, I took all the information I obtained (through hospital records) to my attorney’s. I was sure that they would agree with me that this was grounds to change the Custody Order. I believed it was clear that Luc put my son’s life in danger when he chose to deny that he wasn’t the legal custodian in order to protect his ego and or reputation at the hospital.
Unfortunately, I owe my attorney’s several thousand dollars. While I wrote up the Emergency Order and brought it to them to file, I was met with sneering faces and judgement that I did not expect. My attorney’s proceeded to accuse me of trying to block Luc from baby boy’s life and “nit pick” in order to find something wrong. After about five minutes in their office, I walked out in tears knowing that my relationship with that law firm had come to an end.
It was clear that even after the past year of learning WHAT Luc is, they still didn’t understand the true threat this man poses to my son. That was clear with the following statements:
1) Don’t you understand what positive things Luc can offer your son? He is great at manipulation!
2) Your son deserves the right to love his father.
3) Luc probably killed people, do you think he is going to care about following some small detail in this Custody Order? (Yes, I know…they actually said this after points one and two with a straight face. It was clear at this point I was being mocked)
4) Maybe you need to provide your insurance information to Luc and you two should go to family counseling. (I guess we will just hope that Luc decides not to carry a weapon that day and end my life as he promised)
Anyone who has followed my story knows how incredibly ridiculous these statements are.
Next Steps – What does this mean moving forward?
Seven months ago this week, I was awarded sole physical and legal custody of my son. When this occurred, I remember feeling a sense of relief knowing that at least I would be legally allowed to make important decisions about my son without the psychopath Luc trying to control us at every turn. It was my understanding that when a judge awards legal custody to one parent over the other, he/she does this for an important reason. In my case, the judge made it clear to Luc that he did not trust his judgement and that he was not the “mature parent”.
This weekend was one of the scariest weekends of my life and I learned a tough lesson – legal custody doesn’t mean much when the non-custodial parent refuses to acknowledge the law. When the judge specified that I had legal custody and that Luc was irresponsible and immature, Luc must have teleported out of the court room and disappeared for that part. He seemed to misunderstand what Legal Custody really meant.
Since the final Custody Order was submitted, I have weighed my options. I have to consider the following things moving forward:
1) As the only person financially responsible for baby boy, I cannot go into financial ruin in this custody war.
2) I have to protect my son at all cost.
3) Continuing to fight Luc, will also encourage him to fight back. More time in court means more contact with this blood sucking monster.
Unfortunately, It is likely that my son will have another medical emergency of this nature. In the event that this occurs, he deserves to have the comfort of his mother and the security of something as simple as HEALTH INSURANCE. While it is impossible to change Luc’s psychosis and tendency to disregard the law, I can push for consequences to this behavior and raise it to the attention of the court.
After taking several days to calm down, I realized that I need to think smart. No matter what I suggest, Luc will continue to disrespect the Court Order at the expense of my son. This week, however, I will be drafting an emergency plan which includes an emergency card for him to hand to the hospital upon his arrival. I will also draft a letter to his attorney reminding him that since I am the legal custodian, I am required to make medical decisions. After making rational suggestions and citing medical advise, I am flipping this script on him. Instead of making me look “nit picky” and “irrational”, I am going to look like the cooperative parent. When he does this again, I will return to court with the proper ammunition and nail his boots to the ground and hold his accountable.
In the sea of chaos this past weekend, I had to fight long and hard not to go down the rabbit hole of crazy. In the end, I realize that I need to stay one step ahead of Luc. He is dangerous, but predictable. While I have sole legal and physical custody, the Custody War is clearly not over. Despite my lawyer’s negative comments, I will NEVER stop fighting for my baby boy. Period.