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Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”

Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic.

If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much “no contact” as is possible my child’s psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These people don’t necessarily have a personality disorder themselves, but they have their own personal motivations to keep the psychopath’s drama train on the tracks and headed right toward their victim.In the past year, I have learned many hard (and expensive) lessons. I wish I had known about these “Psychopath drama fuelers” before getting into my custody war with Luc because I would have tried to avoid them (at least to the degree that I could).

Psychopaths keep lawyers, police, judges, social workers, etc employed because custody cases involving psychopaths seem to never end. Even if there isn’t a child in the mix, people with severe personality disorders always end up needing lawyers and coming into contact with police. In addition to financial predators, there are also those people who surround themselves by this drama because they, too, get some sort of sick pleasure out of watching us suffer at the hands of the psychopath.I am sure that for every example I give, many of you who are also recovering from a relationship with a psychopath could come up with several of your own. I never noticed these people before I met Luc, but after I found myself laying on the train tracks of chaos with a psychopath headed right for me – tons of people came out of the woodwork to support Luc to make sure he continued on his path of destruction. These people seem to be everywhere and always willing to help the psychopath by fueling his delusions and lying to support his stories (even folks who are supposed to be neutral). While it is sometimes impossible to control those the psychopath brings to court, you can identify those predators who will surround you in order to exploit your pain for financial gain and/or push your buttons in order to incite further drama. Here are the two categories of Psychopath drama fuelers I have been able to identify:

Those who fuel for entertainment: (Supervised Visitation “Professional”)

At the conclusion of the first custody trial, Luc was ordered supervised visitation for a few months (until an access review hearing). Not knowing better, I suggested that we just go with the woman who had been recommended by the court evaluator. She had been supervising visits for eight years and she was a retired police officer.

Looking back on it, I should have questioned what type of person enters into this sort of “side job” and made sure I got references from families vice just the court. While some people might do it for the extra cash or for some actual altruistic reason, I now suspect that our supervisor took this side job for entertainment value. Over the course of the supervised visitation period, it appeared as though this woman enjoyed chaos and would often attempt to make me feel worse about the situation (while trying to appear sympathetic). At first I didn’t want to accept that she could be playing both sides, but now I understand that its best to limit my interaction with this woman.

The first clue that she couldn’t be trusted was when she would lie about what occurred on the visits (we had a third party watching). The baby would cry the entire time and Luc would sometimes fall asleep on the ground in the play area while he was supposed to be watching the baby. After these visits, the supervisor would say things like, “he did a great job today. I know this is hard for you to take. He is very charming.” Even though the supervisor mentioned her concerns about how he made his money (had hundreds in his wallet each week) and the fact that she believed he was delusional (based on his outlandish stories that were not based in reality), she got on the stand during the trial and told the court she had no concerns about Luc. As she got off the stand, she turned to me and winked. I felt like she had stabbed me.

When Luc was awarded unsupervised visits, the supervisor called me and said she couldn’t believe the court would do such a thing given all the terrible things he had done. I wanted to jump through the phone and punch her, but instead I continued to listen. She went on to tell me that she was concerned that Luc would kill me someday and how she worried he would take off with the baby and never come back. The week of the first visit, she actually had the nerve to ask me if I thought Luc would kill baby boy for a life insurance policy. I finally asked her why in hell she didn’t mention these concerns on the stand. Her response was, “well I don’t have any solid proof.”

So why does she say these things to me and then clam up on the stand? Well, she enjoys seeing me freak out. She feels better about herself to watch someone in such a terrible position. I have stopped sharing information with her and I no longer fall into her drama traps. While the supervisor’s comments may not have been outside the realm of possibility, they served no purpose other than to upset me as she was not willing to say them on the stand.

Those who fuel for financial benefit:

I have gone through three different law firms in the past year. My theory is that lawyers can smell a woman (or man) who is devastated and in desperate need of protection against a psychopath (for herself and most importantly her child). When there is a child involved, they act like vultures swooping down on fresh roadkill. They all want a piece of the meat and they want to take you for all you have. Lawyers also love these cases because they know that you are likely to be a cash cow. Custody wars with psychopaths are like gushing wounds that never stop bleeding. I have learned that with lawyers they will fuel this fight on and on until you can no longer pay – then they will disappear fat and happy (only to resurface again when they think they can get more out of you). Even if its in the child’s best interest to have no contact with the psychopath parent, its my belief that many of these lawyers fight to keep you in a situation where you can be a continuous cash cow. They are not interested in setting precedent and doing what is right – they just want your money.

How to avoid these people (or how to treat them if you are stuck with them):

To a certain extent, I realize that I was bound to come into contact with these people at some point in my custody war with Luc. Knowing that they exist, however, is half the battle. My best advice is to try and identify the motivation behind a person’s actions and pay close attention to these actions in relation to what they are telling you.

With an entertainment seeking Psycho drama fueler, limit your exposure to this person. In my case with the supervisor (she is doing the visitation exchanges now), I treat her just as I would treat the psychopath himself – no contact. Someone else interfaces with her and I limit my communication to only what is necessary. I don’t let Luc send messages through her beyond voicing when he is going to cancel a visit. If I don’t play into her attempts to draw me into conversation, she won’t have the ability to provoke me. Each visit, she is met with another member of my family and it appears as though she is less vocal with her provocations when I am not there.

As far as lawyers are concerned, be your own advocate. These people are only worried about their finances. You are just a client to them. If you discover a way to make litigation less expensive or you want them to push for something in particular – do not take no for an answer. Consider searching for a law firm experienced in fighting for the rights of victims of domestic abuse. Even though Luc never slapped me or punched me in the face, I was still abused and I now realize that I deserved for my case to be presented to the court this way.

You are your child’s best defense against the psychopath. As soon as we identify these Psychopath drama fuelers, it is easier to turn the tables and get them to work for us instead of against us.



114 Comments on "Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”"

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  1. imlivingithelp says:

    how about explaing it to school whats going on…. tell them your story..tell the princ..school counselor…??? make calls..

  2. caringaunt says:

    Hi imlivingithelp, Thanks for your feedback and your compassion for my niece. This situation is not so easy, if I were to call the police or talk to the school principal, I need guaranteed results. If things do not go right I will lose my privileges to visit my niece… Even with anonymous reporting, SIL will know it is me. She could easily have her kid lie for her and make everyone doubt my credibility! She has turned my brother against his own kid, (he used to love her so much), then SIL is capable of anything. As Oxy has pointed out with the dog cage example… Although I feel helpless, talking this out with everyone here does really help! I thank you all!!!

  3. The psychopath drama fueler reared her ugly head again this morning during a visitation exchange. I am really not sure what is up with this woman, but she seems to have forgotten that we PAY her for supervising exchanges.

    Last night, my son had a fever and I was trying to assess whether or not it was safe to continue with the visit as scheduled. Instead of leaving me alone to care for my sick child, she harassed me via text about how she didn’t want to offer a substitute for a visit she cannot make. Instead, I am being asked to give up my long weekend in November so that Luc can have a make up visit.

    When I told her I was unavailable for the ONE day she offered as a make up, her response was, “ok just be aware that I will have to inform Luc that you are in violation of the court order by not being available on the day I provide for a make up visit.” WTH? I know that the custodial parent always needs to appear as if he/she is going out of their way to make things easier and ensure visits happen (in order to not get into trouble with the courts), but this is getting insane. Is it just me or was her comment threatening? Sometimes I need a sanity check on these things so I would appreciate any advice you all could offer me. Thanks

  4. Eralyn says:

    Cappaccinoqueen,

    It’s INSANE. They controlled my life and actually took our lives away for 3 and a half years at spaths demand.

    The drama fueler is typical government/family court puke! They don’t care about your life. They don’t look at anything through your eyes. It’s a court order and she’s a F”ng robot getting PAID but she believes you are under her
    CONTROL and she doesn’t owe you a service for your money. You are COURT ORDERED.

    I never felt so helpless for a marathon mental beating in my life. They are all friggin sick. Let her let Luc know. Our drama fueler just wrote letters to the judge about me and cost me tens of thousands of dollars. Keep documentation of what was happening and why. That’s all you can do. My drama fueler wrote 8 or 9 letters full of lies and explanable truths. I never got to speak and that’s when I got sanctioned.

    If you ever see an opening to get rid of her, start getting your feelers out for people who know which court appointees are kind, so you can have an option if needed.

    It was my saving grace and my childs getting rid of that drama fueler. Here, I found the REAL court appointees that were good, drove average conservative vehicles and the ones to watch out for were driving flashy cars. Even that 78 year old hag, drama fueler who wanted to ride off with bio hazard on his harley into the sunset.

    Just an observation in my area….$$$$$$$

  5. Yea, she has a nice car. She also just got plastic surgery. Which…no offense to people who do that…I think shows a lot about a person’s true character. I look forward to aging gracefully and showing my son the beauty of natural. (I digress)

    The thing that is funny is that even though she is the court ordered person making the exchanges…the only reason she exists is because I suggested her into the arrangement. I took the suggestion of the courts, which clearly was my first mistake.

    When we went back to court after Luc had supervised visitation with her for four months (several hrs a week to charm her), he suggested she continue on as the person for safe exchanges. I should have known to protest that and at least ensure we could decide on a replacement.

    She is passing on Luc’s terror and abuse. Interestingly, today I brought a male friend of mine who just came to be my witness and moral support). I intentionally didn’t introduce him to her because I see her as an extension of Luc. She actually shoved her neck through the backseat of the car to talk to him and see who he was. I am guessing that she went back to Luc and reported that as well as if it is any of his business.

  6. MiLo says:

    Yes, the comment sounded threatening. While it might be her responsibility to inform Luc that the visitation would be cancelled and that you were not available on _____ day for a make-up visit, her tellling him “you are in violation of the court order” IS NOT her responsibility and totally out of line. IMO, she has absolutely no authority to act as a Judge/Magistrate and make such a determination.

    I believe you mentioned that you have health insurance so may I suggest that you take the baby to the pediatrician EVERYTIME there is indication of a fever and get a medical record established for the reason of the cancellation. I think you could explain the situation to a caring pediatrician and although normally an appointment may not be totally necessary, it may be invaluable to you down the road.

  7. Eralyn says:

    CappQ,

    Our drama fueler was in our case for a year and a half. It was abusive. My daughter had never had an adult treat her this way. The woman literally almost cost me custody! We got a new judge and he wasn’t familiar with the case and of course it’s a chess game which I had never played before. They stacked the case against me and I took a mental/legal beat down in the stairwell of the courthouse when I had everything to go to trial except a lawyer with BALLS. I have to say, I believe when we finally did go before the judge, he knew he made a mistake. I had the courtroom filled on my side. Nobody was there for psycho. I couldn’t hide that I was ANGRY and I looked like a POW who gave it her best shot to look good. The judge even said “I’ll remember this case. It has been very litigious so why don’t you attorneys just call me if you need something” HUH? Then he found in my favor on EVERYTHING else but it wasn’t the important stuff! Next time a paper came across his desk where psycho made a request, he just filed it and IGNORED HIM!! I want to send the judge a X-mas card but I can’t…Even had me pay less than I offered for the weekly child court ordered child abuse. Judges never liked psycho when he got in front of them. He cleans up real well but looking at the file, he sounds like he would have horns and crap and I seem like I would look like a hooker in a straight jacket. So imagine the judges surprise (my name throws people off too lol)

    Your drama fuelers loyalty is with that court. The plastic surgery is whole other “HOLY CRAP” observation of RUN.

    It’s all about money to those creeps.

    Since she isn’t writing letters against you but “attempting” to push your buttons, try to roll with it. If she sends a letter to the judge about it, here you have a few days to object and get a hearing. (I know it’s not that easy)

  8. Yes, I have done this. I took him to the doctor yesterday. They noted that they believed the fever was related to the MMR shot he received last week. I honestly thought the fever was over and I was being so bullied that I agreed to have the visit knowing that the fever could possibly come back.

    Right now, I feel like a terrible mother. I felt so bad for baby boy because it was obvious he wasn’t feeling 100 percent when I dropped him out this morning. He didn’t wake up with a fever, but the fever literally spiked as I was taking him out of the car for the visit.

    Baby boy has been fighting sickness for the last two months. One of the reasons I just went ahead with the visit today is that I wanted to reserve cancellations for days when I know he can’t handle the visit because he is too sick. I am not sure how else to handle it because if I cancel for two months straight…he is going to just use it against me and could end up with more access than he already has. It is really sad that during caring for my baby I have to think about these issues.

  9. Eralyn says:

    Milo,

    It’s not right but mine said whatever she felt. I was illegally forced into what was equivalent to couples counseling which is illegal when there’s been domestic violence in the case. Psycho was PROUD I was ORDERED to meet with him after years of NO CONTACT! When I walked out, they both yelled I was in contempt of court! I said, “tell it to the judge! I want to see him!” So that was another letter to him. I got in her face before I left and said “YOU ARE SICK!” and I saw her eyes flash! SHE KNEW. She didn’t write that in her letter, did she? NOPE.

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